I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! - Family - Nairaland
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| I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by ReLearning(f): 4:01pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
I am a 35 year old single female from America. (Well, from Africa, but my ancestors were brought over years ago on a slave ship....okay, getting off course). I came across this forum last night while Googling some relationship advice and I really didn't know what Nairaland was. I thought it was a typical American thread site. I read a post that someone put up about her husband slapping her after something she said and he was mad at her for 3 days. Oh boy, so I started reading the comments. What I thought I was going to read were the typical comments such as: -girl, you need to leave him. He don't respect you. -you need to divorce him RIGHT NOW -you don't need to have your kids around that man because any man that will put his hands on you will hit your kids. -you deserve better than that low life. There are a thousand other men out here. -it doesn't matter what you said, he needs to learn how to control himself. Instead of those comments I was reading words of wisdom from women that were more forgiving, humble, focused on keeping a happy home, praying for her husband. I don't agree with a man hitting but the advice that I was reading nearly brought me to tears. I thought it was a joke at first. Seriously. I looked at my computer like what is Nairaland?? I found out it was Nigerian and it made sense to me. I started reading other threads and I can tell that the WOMENS FEMINIST MOVEMENT is starting to creep in and becoming popular there and I am here to give you my story first hand on what it causes. I am a fourth generation feminist child meaning the fight for women to be "equal to men" started before my grandmothers years. It didn't affect my grandmother as much as it affected my mother and aunts....and of course it has ruined my life. The feminist movement strips away every power that a woman has to be feminine, to support her husband, to build a solid home, to make her kids and hubby her main priority, to be humble, to be humble, to be humble. Women here DEMAND respect.....but we don't know how to get it without running our mouth, nagging, and all out stripping the man of everything he is in order to get our respect. We stress how WE AS WOMEN can work just like a man and do what men can do. We say we love him all day long but we don't respect him. And in doing all of this our marriages aren't lasting. Our children are being raised in day care and schools and being taught just whatever. We are a mess over here. And some women are slowly realizing that something isn't right but for the most part EVERYTHING around us is driven by this feminist movement. TV shows and commercials reinforce the same message. It show women who are pretty and look feminine that run the house, they tell there husbands what to do, they are THE BOSS....they don't respect him as being a man. And when I look at my life, I know that I'm lost. I know there is a reason that I'm 35 and single. It took me until now to stop blaming other people and look at me. My mother is a head strong woman. She has a beautiful heart and loves people but she runs the household. She tells her husband what to do. They bicker all the time. Any time she feels he's not doing something right, she begins nagging him. It's all about how she feels. She cooks for him when she feels like it. If he doesn't fix up the house or comes in from work and watch movies while home, she gets mad because he isn't working. Unfortunately I am the same way, probably worst. I don't nag as much because I saw my mother doing it and I hate it.....but I am head strong and have no self control. Meaning, I always make sure that I don't have to depend on a man. I make sure to make my own money and when it boils down to it, I can take care of myself. I have no self control over my mouth or actions. If I get really mad, I say disrespectful things and if it gets too bad and my feelings are really hurt I start hitting. I can lose respect for him in a second. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a pretty FOOL. If I was with an African guy, I would get worse than a slap. I probably wouldn't have any teeth. And to make matters worst, when you feel bad and you go and talk to your girlfriends here for advice, many if them laugh or don't see a problem with it because we all act like fools over here. It's all about us....and making sure we get respect. It's EVERYWHERE AROUND US. The other advice that you would get is what I listed above, when I thought this was an American site. (Girl, just leave him....it's so many other men out here.) I hate the way that I am. I don't want to be like this. You think this feminine crap is cool at first until all of these feminine women begin to really act like men. It's not cool. I'm so sick of it. I wish I could be like some of you women in this forum. I wish I grew up around the wisdom that you all give to your daughters, sisters, and friends. I'm thirsty for true guidance and to see how a NON FEMINIST operate. I'm determined to make a change in my life....no matter how hard. I want to learn self control, and compassion, and humility, and I guess I can start by reading some of your advice in this forum. Please give advice on -How you operate as a lady, wife, mother -how do you handle situation when you feel like your husband has disrespected you. -when your husband or boyfriend has done wrong by you....and what to do instead of yelling, cursing, trying to get him back, or hitting -how and what is being humble?? Give examples. -how to respect your husband and make him feel great as a man. -how to respect your husband even when he has disrespected you. Please help This may sound elementary but I'm starting over. If it takes me until I'm 45 to have a great, successful relationship, so be it. Signed, Your Feminist sister.....that's SICK of this feminist mess! Help. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 4:05pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Rotfl! Polymonikering tins.  So, one feminist thread was not enough for you today eh? 3 Likes |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Gallotti: 4:11pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
ileobatojo: Rotfl! Polymonikering tins.  4 Likes |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by DarqChild: 5:22pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
@ OP, Its a beautiful thing that you have figured out your mistake and I really love your courage. In the world today the white man basically has turned into a shadow replica of what a real man should be and that's why America seems to have the highest rate of divorce and everywhere is in total chaos and you have high rate of homosexuality which is slowly creeping into the African continent. Really sad if you ask me. A man can't control and teach his kids simple manners because the law he created for himself restricts him from doing so. that's totally absurd and stupid. I'm not an expert in relationships but I think you should first start your research by reading up what the whole feminist propaganda is all about...understand it perfectly and then disassociate yourself from the ideology. As a Nigerian young 20 year old man I can deduce that when a man wants to get married/get in a serious relationship he looks for certain attributes in a potential wife/woman. i. A woman who respects him and loves him. A woman who he loves unconditionally too and whom he can trust. The whole idea of prenuptial came up in marriages with the introduction of the whole feminist bullcrap. When a man asks for a prenup before getting married that means he doesn't trust his wife and the love really isn't there and I can authoritatively say that he may wake up tomorrow and decide to call it quits. Thats the world we live in today and I myself will definitely get a prenup too not because I won't trust my wife....but to be on a safer side. The whole world is going crazy these days with stupid ideas flying around. How can you trust someone with your biggest secrets and your innermost heart desires if you can't trust her with something as fickle as material gain? How can a man really bring a woman he calls his wife closer to his heart if he doesn't trust her with his money? A woman should respect her man. ii. A woman who defers to him when it comes to decisions in the family and respects his finally decisions even though it may not be in accordance with hers and trusts that her husband will protect and provide for her. You should learn to let a man do his duty as a man. In the Igbo tribe where I come from the men go to war, do the most strenuous jobs in the family, are the bread winners literally, go to the farms and if he has a bigger farm then and only then does the wife support and stuff like that. I know this doesn't happen today in Igboland since everyone is educated and seems to take up office work but that is really the basics of the whole thing. Even when you earn better than your hubby you shouldn't rub it in on him. He is your husband for crying out loud and the man of the house. If you should start spewing insults at him and then start treating him like the woman thereby taking the pants from him a real man will break and if he is not careful he will be so shaken up in his core and definitely some day the whole bottled rage with spill someday. Defer to the male in the relationship because he is the head. Well frankly American men these days tend to prefer it when the women are in charge so I don't know how it works for you guys over there. But whenever I'm in a relationship with a woman even if she is older than me and I perceive any atom of condescending attitude from her I'll calmly call her to it and if she doesn't desist from repeating her actions she will find herself out of the door pronto and most real men are like that. A nagging wife is a headache. men don't like nagging women around them. iii. Know your duty as a wife/woman in the relationship and don't try to do his as the man unless he specifically asks you to help him and believe me, before a man would ever beg you to do his duty....a real man that is, then know something is really wrong. These are just a tip of the whole iceberg my dear beautiful sister and I hope other men around who know there onus and are much more experienced than I am will be able to help you out. HUMILITY and RESPECT is the watch word girl. With this being said I believe also that you are wise enough to know when wolves come in "men's" clothing claiming to be the real deal. Take care my Dear and once again, congratulations in advance on your successful endeavor. I wish you the best. 9 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by dinachi(m): 5:34pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Ileobatojo where are you? I know that any reasonable woman out there will not follow this nonsense feminist ideology. A woman can get all she wants without being a feminist. That is the first step to abandoning the feminist ideology. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 5:40pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
dinachi: Ileobatojo where are you? Missing me already? And I've barely been gone 5 minutes o.  So you decided to show up in your thread as your original moniker ba? Welcome. Oya tell us more about how feminism is going to make the world spontaneously combust. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by ReLearning(f): 5:42pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
@darqchild. You comment is priceless. You can't be 20. Those words come from elder men over here (who spent years like me trying to learn). I haven't read books on the origin of the feminist movement, but I can say I grew up in it and it has turned the world upside down. It's like sweet candy....at first it tastes so good....then after too much your teeth are rotting out. Question Do you have sisters? If so, how did you mom teach her to follow what you wrote. Have you been involved with a woman that did respect you and respect your role? How did she handle a situation when she felt,disrespected by you?....and how did you respond? |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by coogar: 5:50pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Re-Learning: at 35? i'm afraid, that ship has sailed. you should have joined this forum 7 years ago. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 5:56pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Which regular poster are you ? ? Don't worry, I know  . |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 5:57pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Frankly speaking, it seems like 50% of topics on Family Section these days are from newly registered people who just want to talk about feminism. Just beginning to take these with a pinch of salt. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by coogar: 5:58pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
byvan: Which regular poster are you ? ? Don't worry, I know you mean re-learning is an old poster? |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 6:01pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Yes!a poster with several monikers . |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by coogar: 6:02pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
byvan: Yes!a poster with several monikers who?? |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 6:04pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
;DI am very sure that Coogar of all people knows that I know that he knows who  . |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by coogar: 6:07pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
byvan: ;DI am very sure that Coogar of all people knows that I know that he knows who i don't have a clue. the OP's style of writing is very good & kind of unique. i dunno anyone who write this way here but then i don't know many things. i don't even know kulyie's gender. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Chillis: 6:08pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Dinachi Linda20 Donjzzzy Danta... Are you this jobless  1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by damiso(f): 6:09pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
I like amebo abeg Byvan do pray tell @original post abeg all this feminism this, feminisim that is getting boring abeg.Haaan haan.Wetin  All causes e.g the Civil Rights movement, the Abolitionist, Feminist movement etc yielded results that we are all enjoying today so abeg chill out. I think this threads should go to culture sef.We no want gender wars on family section. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by ReLearning(f): 6:10pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
This is my first time on this site. I am 35 from America. I live North Carolina. I've been here most of my life. I found this site after googling a relationship topic. Feminist threads came up and I wanted to post my own experience. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by ReLearning(f): 6:22pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
damiso: Trust me, I know that the civil rights and abolitionist played a huge role in making the world a better place. I live in one of the most diverse cities over here that is still strung with racism. I went to a college that is known internationally for helping with the Sit-in movement. The same college Jessie Jackson came out of.....that Martin Luther King visited. I know that the women's movement was needed because women couldn't even own land here so if her husband died she was out of luck. But I also know that our government helped to amp this up bc during World War II, most men were out for war and they needed production to continue at home. They needed taxes to still come in so they helped to hype up this propaganda for women to fill the roles of men. And it has gone too far. And as a woman living here....who grew up here....I am finally seeing through 4 and 5 generations of smoke. And I want different. That's all 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Nobody: 6:23pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
@Damiso and cougar, add Faakay to chilis list and you ve got the poster. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by bukatyne(f): 6:27pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
@OP: I doubt feminism makes people rude and bitter and without feminism you could still be this way Since you have known your error and want to change, the following would help: Love your self, develop a healthy self esteem and be confident in yourself. Most rude people have low self esteem and have demons they are fighting within. Being confident will help you acknowledge the fact that you are not perfect and needs someone to complement you Learn how to be polite and humble to everyone no matter their station in life. Your character to random people matter a lot. I don't mean you should be a walk over: you can assert yourself without being rude When you get a man or if you have one, learn to treat him the way he treats you (I want to assume you would choose a resppnsible man). Learn to also study and understand him so that you can respond accordingly to him as an individual. Different things make different men tick so know what makes yoir own man tick. Also realize that there are some things he can do better than you; tap into it freely and vice versa. I am not talking of generic gender roles. Learn to make him feel loved and proud to be with you. Learn to talk to him respectfully and air your grievances with love Learn to be yourself without pretense and always put him in your shoes when relating with him. It is well 5 Likes |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Chillis: 6:28pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Lol, if you are not happy about the good life given to you, you can join the list of those suffering and smiling Things to do. Pray Pray Keep praying More to come |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by dinachi(m): 6:29pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Chillis: DinachiChillis Ileobatojo byvan damiso Are you this jobless ? @ chillis using several monikers does not change the obvious. Feminism is anti marriage. Feminism is okay as long as you want to remain a Lesbian or remain Unmarried or be a divorcee. Otherwise dump the ideology before you dump your marriage. A word is enough for the wise. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by bukatyne(f): 6:30pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Nashville: Frankly speaking, it seems like 50% of topics on Family Section these days are from newly registered people who just want to talk about feminism. Just beginning to take these with a pinch of salt. It is the new high See me thinking it was christmas season |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by ReLearning(f): 6:32pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
bukatyne: @OP: Love it! |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by Chillis: 6:33pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
dinachi: Says someone who is yet to be married and still interested in same sex. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by dinachi(m): 6:34pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Nashville: Frankly speaking, it seems like 50% of topics on Family Section these days are from newly registered people who just want to talk about feminism. Just beginning to take these with a pinch of salt. Why are you afraid to discuss the evil, negative effects of feminism? feminism bigots like you caused part of the OP's problem. try and be a little humble. it will do you good. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by coogar: 6:35pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
Re-Learning: i am starting to believe you. where in NC are you? durham, greensboro or charlotte? 1 Like |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by damiso(f): 6:35pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
dinachi: Ignoring the insult but please can you define feminism? I am not talking what you just spewed up there but from an academic point of view. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by dinachi(m): 6:37pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
bukatyne: @OP: |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by dinachi(m): 6:39pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
bukatyne: @OP:@ bolded is very correct. The rest of the post also makes sense. |
| Re: I'm An African American Woman That Grew Up In The FEMINIST Way Of Life- Help! by dinachi(m): 6:40pm On Dec 28, 2013 |
damiso: Google is your friend. |
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