I hv this friend of mine who is a kind of afraid bc of alot of stories about d attitude of some motherinlaws.The gist is dt the mother inlaw is d way 2 lagos 2moro 2 stay wt them since d fatherinlaw just died n was buried january, every effort 2 convince d husband 2 let mama wait a little 4 her 2 finish nursing b4 her coming so dt she can start work just be going out since she has nt worked bc of babies or get someone 2 help proved abortic hence he is d only son.Though she has not stayed wt her for a long time except on festive period like Dec when travelled home n dt 4 few days or weeks.The fact is she is nursing a baby of 3mnts now with 2 other small kids,though d mother inlaw has not been coming 2 omugwo due 2 d condition of fatherinlaw except during d wedding in 2007.ppl hv said she is a difficult person though she showed little of dt during d wedding she said d food served her was leftover food bc d girls in d kitchen were d lady's sister's who were making sure everything is moving fine since d man's relatives were just there not doing anything but after it was found out dt d food is not a leftover.Another time was when they were travelling home bc they stopped by n drink water wt driver since d lady's house is along d way she started coplaining about it.Another occation was when they travelled home as d lady picked one of d sisters(nt small girl undergraduate) 2 help her d motherinlaw was always on her(the motherinlaw 'l invites all her relation n their kids n expect d lady 2 be in d kitchen doing d cooking n serving of all even d young small girls) since d lady stayed clear 4r her as much as possible but position d sister who was always crying 4r d kitchen telling d lady not 2 come closer let her receive all d wahala instead of her, d senior sister.The lady's husband provides everything in abundant 4 mama hence she enjoys at home and never lack even 2 d extent helping mama's relatvs sometimes but is no problem,but what worries this lady is dt d man has no investment not even a house of his own but rather spent a lot renovating n modernising d father's house few yrs ago.In as much as she want mama 2 come(for her 2 c how she has been managing,trying 2 make d man c d future still and....) but she don't want anybody 2 destroy her home bc her husband listens 2 d mother n anything she says is law including his only sister who is married, who personaly went 2 bring d mum 4r home 2 her place in Enugu today where she'l be coming 4r 2moro wt one of her daughters.sorry 4 any incoherency, pls need ur candid advice on how she can be follwd 4 peace.

Please could you repeat this in English?

zeefever: Please could you repeat this in English?

Am choking on myself right now.

@OP,

Wetin she wan do na dan to wait till d mama show. She shouldn't let people's judgement of the MIL cloud her eyes. She should make up her mind to be in her best and to see that MIL is comfy. Like that, If the MIL is truly troublesome, it will be easy for her to make a case before her hubby.

Your friend needs to hire a housegirl that will see to mama's needs while she's around. She can't possible take care of 3 kids (incl. a 3mth old baby), the husband and a needy, demanding MIL at the same time or she's going to go crazy. I honestly don't know what to say because it looks like a really tough situation and the easiest way out is to get some help around the house to ease the stress (hopefully, she'll get a job soon and clear-out of the way of this MIL).

U are right Moremi, she sure needs a help.

zeefever: Please could you repeat this in English?

. I won't even try to read the post before I end up with migraine.

Tgirl can you please summarize ?

jennykadry:
. I won't even try to read the post before I end up with migraine.

Tgirl can you please summarize ?

Hehehe

Wife is nursing a 3 months old baby. Presumed troublesome MIL wants to visit. MIL hadn't been coning for omougor cos FIL had been ill. Now dat FIL is dead, she wants to come over. Wife is pleading with hubby to give her sometym till baby grows older and she starts working. She's also thinking of d stress of running d home, taking care of baby and pleasing troublesome MIL. What can she do?

Thanks tgirl

@poster
If it was your own mother that wanted to visit, would you tell your hubby the same thing? The woman wants to come for omugwo and you are here giving excuses of how much work you will end up doing? When did it become a crime for a MIL to visit her grand kids? If you don't want them in your house why did you get pregnant? You are selfish. You sould be happy that you might be getting more help, sleeping well at night and someone helping you to carry your child.This woman's husband is dead and is probably lonely, she wants to come visit you and her grand kids maybe they will help take her mind off her husbands death and you are giving useless and selfish excuses? Tell your own mother or sisters that when they want to come visit.

Nonsense. This is the dumbest excuse I have seen so far

Tgirl left out some details. MIL is not sweet or innocent. From the little I can comprehend, she has given the lady trouble in the past and apparently uses her like a housegirl anytime they go back to the East.

PS - WTF is Omugwo?

Tgirl4real:



Am choking on myself right now.

@OP,

Wetin she wan do na dan to wait till d mama show. She shouldn't let people's judgement of the MIL cloud her eyes. She should make up her mind to be in her best and to see that MIL is comfy. Like that, If the MIL is truly troublesome, it will be easy for her to make a case before her hubby.

very well said

OP,

Hopefully your daughter in law would deny you entry into your sons house in the next 30yrs

Did I hear an AMEN?

dayokanu: OP,

Hopefully your daughter in law would deny you entry into your sons house in the next 30yrs

Did I hear an AMEN?

dayo don kill me with laff ooo.

Hopefully your daughter in law would deny you entry into your sons house in the next 30yrs

Did I hear an AMEN?


Pls, ppl shld try as much as possible to read n understand any post befor answering, so dt one will not hv wrong conclusion or .If u find it difficult 2 understand don't say anything.The woman in question is not against d mil coming but want 2 avoid problems due 2 what has happend in d past n with her condition 4 now , she wanted mil 2 wait a little time let her finish nursing as 2 give her attention to avoid her saying d dil is nt taken care of her.


Moremi tnx for reading and understanding d situation, u really said well.

Which woman in questiom? U are d woman in question since u have so much details. U are seeing trouble where there is none. U are selfish and self centered. Imagine asking a man who lost his father recently to stop his grieving mother from coming to spend time with him and her grandkid.
What u shld be asking us is how u can get to know ur mum in law better and how to make sure she has a pleasant stay.
Like someone said, ur daughter in law will do same to u. Now say . . .Amen.

moremi2008: Tgirl left out some details. MIL is not sweet or innocent. From the little I can comprehend, she has given the lady trouble in the past and apparently uses her like a housegirl anytime they go back to the East.

PS - WTF is Omugwo?

Does't matter. Her husband just passed away, his mother is grieving, her husband must be grieving. Come onnn

moremi2008: Tgirl left out some details. MIL is not sweet or innocent. From the little I can comprehend, she has given the lady trouble in the past and apparently uses her like a housegirl anytime they go back to the East.

PS - WTF is Omugwo?

Sowwy o. I couldn't finish reading it with d way it was typed and was sleepy already. D main part I left out is dat she had 2 kids already.

Somehow, I think I get d woman's fear. But she shouldn't panic. Some of our mothers are are not so pleasant and we know it yet we don't throw them out. Rather, we learn to live with them. D woman just need to make some adjustments.

Moremi, omugwu is when MIL comes to take care of baby after delivery.

Tgirl4real:

Sowwy o. I couldn't finish reading it with d way it was typed and was sleepy already. D main part I left out is dat she had 2 kids already.

Somehow, I think I get d woman's fear. But she shouldn't panic. Some of our mothers are are not so pleasant and we know it yet we don't throw them out. Rather, we learn to live with them. D woman just need to make some adjustments.

Moremi, omugwu is when MIL comes to take care of baby after delivery.

Thanks for explaining omugwu. I agree with your advice to the lady not to panic. There's really nothing she can do about it. What she needs to demand from her husband is some outside help.

Pretty4ril: Pls, ppl shld try as much as possible to read n understand any post befor answering, so dt one will not hv wrong conclusion or .If u find it difficult 2 understand don't say anything.The woman in question is not against d mil coming but want 2 avoid problems due 2 what has happend in d past n with her condition 4 now , she wanted mil 2 wait a little time let her finish nursing as 2 give her attention to avoid her saying d dil is nt taken care of her.


Moremi tnx for reading and understanding d situation, u really said well.

Its the same thing we are saying.

When you lose your husband in many years to come and you want to go stay with your son and his family May Amadioha let your Daughter In law bounce you and give you a time table of when you would come to visit And may she give you the excuse to wait till she is done nursing the baby

So that you can return to your husband house lonely and depressed while your DIL finish nursing her baby

SOMEBODY SAY AMEN

The mother can visit her son whenever she likes, the lady in question should get a help, who will assist her in doing house chores so that the wife can concentrate on taking care of the baby and her MIL, it is not that she will be nursing the MIL too, cook, and serve her, that is the wife's responsiblity. Tell your friend to get a help, because dwelling on this type of issue will start unnecessary wahala in the home.

^^ Exactly,

Thats the point many women miss, they already see trouble before the MIL even came in. Soon the MIL would come and she would be complaining that she sings too much, Her footsteps is too loud, She eats too much laughs too much, the MIL smells etc

Maybe they have forgotten that they would be MIL someday and what you give out, may you receive

I have heard girls who pray for the MIL to die

One even said she prays she doesnt marry a guy whose mom is still alive.

Hopefully someone would pray the girls too die before their son gets married

dayokanu:

Its the same thing we are saying.

When you lose your husband in many years to come and you want to go stay with your son and his family May Amadioha let your Daughter In law bounce you and give you a time table of when you would come to visit And may she give you the excuse to wait till she is done nursing the baby

So that you can return to your husband house lonely and depressed while your DIL finish nursing her baby

SOMEBODY SAY AMEN

DAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

dayokanu: ^^ Exactly,

Thats the point many women miss, they already see trouble before the MIL even came in. Soon the MIL would come and she would be complaining that she sings too much, Her footsteps is too loud, She eats too much laughs too much, the MIL smells etc

Maybe they have forgotten that they would be MIL someday and what you give out, may you receive

I have heard girls who pray for the MIL to die

One even said she prays she doesnt marry a guy whose mom is still alive.

Hopefully someone would pray the girls too die before their son gets married

u av a very good point u know.
@op does ur frnd still av a moda?if she can tolorate n accomodate her own moda y cnt she just do d same with her mil. And besides even if at all her mil is troublesome,definately not wen she is mourning her husband. Does she av an idea wot it feels like to loose a loved one,not to tok of a spouse. Abeg ur frnd is not serous joor

ronkebp: The mother can visit her son whenever she likes, the lady in question should get a help, who will assist her in doing house chores so that the wife can concentrate on taking care of the baby and her MIL, it is not that she will be nursing the MIL too, cook, and serve her, that is the wife's responsiblity. Tell your friend to get a help, because dwelling on this type of issue will start unnecessary wahala in the home.

^^ Nice.
@ Poster, tell your friend to conduct herself well like everybody adviced especially ronkebp.I believe nobody will advice your friend to fight her MIL, try to forget about the past be nice to her and allow her help you with the kids. Please, let her shower MIL with love and you will see her sing her name forever Goodluck!

Ferya:

^^ Nice.
@ Poster, tell your friend to conduct herself well like everybody adviced especially ronkebp.I believe nobody will advice your friend to fight her MIL, try to forget about the past be nice to her and allow her help you with the kids. Please, let her shower MIL with love and you will see her sing her name forever Goodluck!

Thank u dear

Gaggi: Which woman in questiom? U are d woman in question since u have so much details. U are seeing trouble where there is none. U are selfish and self centered. Imagine asking a man who lost his father recently to stop his grieving mother from coming to spend time with him and her grandkid.
What u shld be asking us is how u can get to know ur mum in law better and how to make sure she has a pleasant stay.
Like someone said, ur daughter in law will do same to u. Now say . . .Amen.

To satisfy ur curiosity i'm not d one but but i listens 2 ppl when they hv concern n when confussed i seek advice,4r d few intelligent ppl in this forum, ppl who see things 4r different perspective.

dayokanu: OP,

Hopefully your daughter in law would deny you entry into your sons house in the next 30yrs

Did I hear an AMEN?

it has nt come 2 a that she only asked how to handle things 2 avoid what happened b4

Thanks 2 all who hv given advice n contribution afterall it was brought here 2 get ppls ideas, 2 help someone 2 avoid doing d wrong thing which d reason why ppl come 2 this forum,to learn,to teach,n solv problems.We don't hv to give advice only when there is problem but rather can advice on what do 2 avoid problems Pls we hv 2 try as much as possible 2 understand things 4r different angles.As for ppl who are placing curses,sure it has not come 2 that b/c d lady in qeustion is a good person.

^ good to hear that you got some good advice.
Please you need to improve on your writing skills. The use of shorthand even makes things worse, so get help in that area fast! All the best.

olamide123: ^ good to hear that you got some good advice.
Please you need to improve on your writing skills. The use of shorthand even makes things worse, so get help in that area fast! All the best.

Pls how can u be of help, be my shorthand teacher. lol

Pretty4ril:


Pls how can u be of help, be my shorthand teacher. lol

I can help you, but I need to see your picture and the lessons would be in my house at nights

Pls let's stop being hypocritical for once and be truthful. As much as I want to enjoy a MIL since I hv no mother, I wouldn't fail to agree that there are Monster Inlaws. Yes. I hv seen a MIL in front of elders tell her son that she wishes his child was aborted nd she means it till today cos she never liked d wife. In the family sec on NLD we have a recent post about a MIL who almost poisoned her son's wife.

That said POSTER, evil is not limited to MIlS, its found in DILs, SILs, FIL etc. Even ur friend can be a bad MIL cos d way she iss picking faults shows that she too can pick faults. My advise like some really honest and understanding posters have said is to be nice. In my place u never talk back at ur in-laws. When they come u put up ur best behaviour even if u don't want to. Remember that this is Africa and they have a string hold over your family. Its even worse that the hubby is an only son and thus has a specila bond with mom. This bond as a result of her husbands death with get stronger. Unfortunately whatever MIL does will be ok to son.

Poster when ur friend becomes a MIL tomorrow and starts picking faults in her DILs, I want u to refer to this thread for her. The reason I am saying this is that if all apprehensive DIL who talkd trash abt MIL were sincere then we won't hv MIL probs todays. Cos they will all become the Angel MILs they dreamed abt when they were DILs.

So let her ignore wateva Mama does. It will help her to accept Mama as her mother and even keep her close than her bio-mom. A friend whom I called mamas boy once told me something which I wld tell u. Watch how her son treats her, I mean every single bit and then plan a strategy. Treat her 5 times better than her son. In d case of difficult MIL, it has been proven time and time again that consistent true love always breaks them. If the son buys her gifts buy more and let the son be the one to present it most times. Thereby scoring points with son and mom simulteanously. If the son dey wash her clothes when he wss younger, don't even wait for her to remove it, tell her mama pls I am waiting for u to remove ur clothes make I wash am. Wash it, iron and keep for her. Let her room always be clean. Her fav dish etc.

Compliment her all the time, whether its real or not so real, your mouth no go break. Once she complain, apologize profusely. A yoruba sis inlaw I had wasn't accepted by the fmily at first. One of her tricks wey she tk win na to kneel down when greeting and apologizing. Let it come from ur friends heart. Even if mamashout from today till tomoro let ur friend not utter a word, sulk or frown. Instead let her always say Mama I am sorry, I have learnt, pls tell me what to do to make u happy. It looks stupid but this is the smartest way to fight for her home.

The fear of MIL is d beginning of wisdom. Na dem get the key, pls give them max respect and love with time you see them over shower u with love after all na pesin them be. If u r religious pls be very prayerful.

kitty kat: Pls let's stop being hypocritical for once and be truthful. As much as I want to enjoy a MIL since I hv no mother, I wouldn't fail to agree that there are Monster Inlaws. Yes. I hv seen a MIL in front of elders tell her son that she wishes his child was aborted nd she means it till today cos she never liked d wife. In the family sec on NLD we have a recent post about a MIL who almost poisoned her son's wife.

That said POSTER, evil is not limited to MIlS, its found in DILs, SILs, FIL etc. Even ur friend can be a bad MIL cos d way she iss picking faults shows that she too can pick faults. My advise like some really honest and understanding posters have said is to be nice. In my place u never talk back at ur in-laws. When they come u put up ur best behaviour even if u don't want to. Remember that this is Africa and they have a string hold over your family. Its even worse that the hubby is an only son and thus has a specila bond with mom. This bond as a result of her husbands death with get stronger. Unfortunately whatever MIL does will be ok to son.

Poster when ur friend becomes a MIL tomorrow and starts picking faults in her DILs, I want u to refer to this thread for her. The reason I am saying this is that if all apprehensive DIL who talkd trash abt MIL were sincere then we won't hv MIL probs todays. Cos they will all become the Angel MILs they dreamed abt when they were DILs.

So let her ignore wateva Mama doe. It will help her to accept Mama as her mother and even keep her close than her bio-mom. A friend whom I called mamas boy once told me something which I wld tell u. Watch how her son treats her, I mean every single bit and then plan a strategy. Treat her 5 times better than her son. In d case of difficult MIL, it has been proven time and time again that consistent true love always breaks them. If the son buys her gifts buy more and let the son be the one to present it most times. Thereby scoring points with son and mom simulteanously. If the son they wash her clothes when he wss younger, don't even wait for her to remove it, tell her mama pls I am waiting for u to remove ur clothes make I wash am. Wash it, iron and keep for her. Let her room always be clean.

Compliment her all the time, whether its real or not so real, your mouth no go break. Once she complain, apologize profusely. A yoruba sis inlaw I had wasn't accepted by the fmily previously one of her tricks wey she tk win na to kneel down when greeting and apologizing. Let it come from ur friends heart. Even if mamashout from today till tomoro let ur friend not utter a word, sulk or frown. Instead let her always say Mama I am sorry, I have learnt, pls tell me what to do to make u happy. It looks stupid but this is the smartest way to fight for her home.

The fear of MIL is d beginning of wisdom. Na dem get the key, pls give them max respect and love with time you see them over shower u with love after all na pesin them be. If u r religious pls be very prayerful.

LOL! I love you already!