elaine mia: Doesn't anyone have something to say to me!!! I need help(ADVICE) plssss!

Smilenw:
Answer to your question is a big no. Where there is a will, there is a way. There are millions of women who work full-time and yet have happy homes with husband n kids. In your case, I'd say you shouldve planned your life before you started baby making. Children are a gift from God. Please never consider them as a hindrance to your goals or dream. You say you could've worked if they were not there. Probably. But do u think ur life would have been complete with just a few hundred thousands without any offspring?
After reading your post, I have just some questions for you-what exactly is your dream and goal? How old are your kids? Didn't you discuss your plans to work before marriage with your hubby? I feel you just need a source of income and you don't have any particular job interest in mind. Since your area of expertise is computer science, why don't you try to work from home ? Content writing, transcription etc etc ..It won't take you away from home whilst giving you the financial independence you need.

elaine mia: Hi,
Maybe if I didn't have the kids(not that I do not love them and thank God for giving them to me) I would have been working now.

chaircover:
One thing I want you to remember is that kids are young for very little time & before you know it, you will have your life back. Kids grow very very fast and if you had them young, there is still plenty of time to pick up your career if that is what you want to do. So please please please enjoy your kids now.

elaine mia: Hi,
I'm a married woman with kids(3),and sometimes I feel like marriage and kids are like holding down my dreams n goals in life from coming to fruition.I have an OND in computer science, tried looking for a job, it wasn't easy even considering the fact that it was OND qualification I was making use of,finally I got one as a receptionist. The pay... 30,000k but I had to get a nanny for my kids. Now the nanny was demanding a salary of 20,000k, from where I stay to where I have to work I will spend at least 12,000k on transport! How much was I being payed?! Due to this and my kids...I cudnt leave them without anyone to take care of them I had to forfeit the job. Maybe if I didn't have the kids(not that I do not love them and thank God for giving them to me) I would have been working now. The main issue now is my hubby,if I get some job,he is like no I don't want you to work there if I bring up a business idea he is like no not that kind of business. Recently, I decided to acquire a skill, the 3 I have my eyes on are being a makeup artist, fashion designer or hairstylist cos I work very well with my hands but getting the money to register and learn out of him is a problem. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to sit at home though he doesn't admit to it. I am tired of being at home year in year out. Pleaseeee I need some candid advice on what to do. Thanks in anticipation.

elaine mia: Hi,
I'm a married woman with kids(3),and sometimes I feel like marriage and kids are like holding down my dreams n goals in life from coming to fruition.I have an OND in computer science, tried looking for a job, it wasn't easy even considering the fact that it was OND qualification I was making use of,finally I got one as a receptionist. The pay... 30,000k but I had to get a nanny for my kids. Now the nanny was demanding a salary of 20,000k, from where I stay to where I have to work I will spend at least 12,000k on transport! How much was I being payed?! Due to this and my kids...I cudnt leave them without anyone to take care of them I had to forfeit the job. Maybe if I didn't have the kids(not that I do not love them and thank God for giving them to me) I would have been working now. The main issue now is my hubby,if I get some job,he is like no I don't want you to work there if I bring up a business idea he is like no not that kind of business. Recently, I decided to acquire a skill, the 3 I have my eyes on are being a makeup artist, fashion designer or hairstylist cos I work very well with my hands but getting the money to register and learn out of him is a problem. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to sit at home though he doesn't admit to it. I am tired of being at home year in year out. Pleaseeee I need some candid advice on what to do. Thanks in anticipation.

Tgirl4real:

lol.

The post will start pouring in soon.

Well, sometimes we sacrifice a lot for the things we love. I wont like you to see your kids as a stumbling block to your progress. Even without them, you may still be where you are. So, please don't regret. Moreover, there are plenty people out there seeking God's face for a family.

About your husband not wanting you to work. Since he hasn't put his foot down, then don't give up searching for a job. I don't know what kind of extended family you got. When you find one, you could arrange for them to stay with a family member. But I must warn you ahead of time. Once you start working, you miss the freedom and the time you have to care for your kids.

And if it's the skill acquisition, I will suggest you start saving up from the little pocket money (I hope he gives you that)you get from him. Once you have enough, you can seek his approval.

Smilenw:
Answer to your question is a big no. Where there is a will, there is a way. There are millions of women who work full-time and yet have happy homes with husband n kids. In your case, I'd say you shouldve planned your life before you started baby making. Children are a gift from God. Please never consider them as a hindrance to your goals or dream. You say you could've worked if they were not there. Probably. But do u think ur life would have been complete with just a few hundred thousands without any offspring?
After reading your post, I have just some questions for you-what exactly is your dream and goal? How old are your kids? Didn't you discuss your plans to work before marriage with your hubby? I feel you just need a source of income and you don't have any particular job interest in mind. Since your area of expertise is computer science, why don't you try to work from home ? Content writing, transcription etc etc ..It won't take you away from home whilst giving you the financial independence you need.

TheShopKeeper: Your children are the best gift given to you by God, please do everything to take good care of them.
With time the necessary idea and inspiration you need will start flooding in and even your husband can't stop that dream from happening.
Have an open and explore areas how you can add value to your life right now.
If you are patient and you have space, you can start a mini creche to look after your kids and other peoples kids thereby making some money.

Busy_body:



You come across as someone who married young, was rushed into having too many children too soon and now you feel life has passed you by and wished you were on the other side of the fence. But listen up dearie, you cannot have it all, something's gotta give. [b]Even career ladies in the Western World struggle to strive a balance between work and raising children, so you are not alone. So get that thought out of your head that these people God has blessed you with her stumbling blocks in your life. [/b]If anything, its just that you married a controlling guy, but since you are in it now, there is no need resenting the dude, so all you can do is pray God soften his heart . . .

I am glad to see that you have not lost hope yet and have weighed your strength and weaknesses and are quite good with your hands. Thumbs up for this entrepreneurial spirit of yours and please keep the fire burning, it is the way forward, and if you set your heart to it, the sky is your limit and you would even find yourself employing Graduates to work on your payroll.


(((A massive hug to you)))

elaine mia: [/quote]

naijababe:


What I would give to be a stay at home mom, an arm and a leg perhaps! Anyhoo poster, life often appear greener on the other side, trust me it aint all that rosy. I love my job and career die but recently been co
contemplating packing it all in just so I can be around my children more.

Nigeria isn't kind to people who get their certs after a certain age so going back to school may not necessarily provide you with a way out, my candid opinion to you is sit your hubby down and ask him exactly what kind of skilled trade he does not have a problem with since you say you are good with your hands.

I'm actually in school.I'm 27 and I'm doing a part time program I lasu.I have one year left to go but u knw naija and hw the system is.I'm supposed to have written my 400l 2nd semester exams in jan but its may and still we haven't due to some problems they say they have.moreover I've been at home for almost 5 years doing nothing

victorian: dear op, first youve made the decision of getting married ontime and having kids, which is a blessing. As for me, i would have been married last yr and even this yr, but i have laid out plans , i want to achieve b4 bearing kids and doing the full wifey work at home. Children and the homefront , takes a huge amount of dedication and attachment, which am not capable of giving right now. Likewise my fiance. I and my fiance, came up with this idea that we should postpone our wedding until a certain date, which we both agree to accomplish and hopefuly complete our dreams to a certain degree and also be prepared mentally to be parents and happily married. But to your question, you need to convince your husband especially on his happy moments that u have to better yourself , which will inreturn be good for the family. Let him know, what truly makes you happy and how you to achieve it, with his help involved. Talk to him continously and do some reasearch on how to go about your next step in career. Give him details of what u have found out and how good it will affect your lives with the kids involved. I bet, if he truly listens, he will support you, cause u cant do it alone as you are married with kids. Best of luck and always pray about it.

Busy_body:



You come across as someone who married young, was rushed into having too many children too soon and now you feel life has passed you by and wished you were on the other side of the fence. But listen up dearie, you cannot have it all, something's gotta give. Even career ladies in the Western World struggle to strive a balance between work and raising children, so you are not alone. So get that thought out of your head that these people God has blessed you with her stumbling blocks in your life. If anything, its just that you married a controlling guy, but since you are in it now, there is no need resenting the dude, so all you can do is pray God soften his heart . . .

I am glad to see that you have not lost hope yet and have weighed your strength and weaknesses and are quite good with your hands. Thumbs up for this entrepreneurial spirit of yours and please keep the fire burning, it is the way forward, and if you set your heart to it, the sky is your limit and you would even find yourself employing Graduates to work on your payroll.


(((A massive hug to you)))

naijababe:

What I would give to be a stay at home mom, an arm and a leg perhaps! Anyhoo poster, life often appear greener on the other side, trust me it aint all that rosy. I love my job and career die but recently been contemplating packing it all in just so I can be around my children more.

Nigeria isn't kind to people who get their certs after a certain age so going back to school may not necessarily provide you with a way out, my candid opinion to you is sit your hubby down and ask him exactly what kind of skilled trade he does not have a problem with since you say you are good with your hands.

jennykadry: Wow kids, your own kids you call a stumbling block? Wow abi you are the stumbling block with your half certificate. People with bachelor degree, masters, PHD are still looking for correct work in Naija with good pay, it is now you with OND? My friend you are your own stumbling block. Go to school and get a Bsc before asking for better job with better pay

elaine mia:
Thanks Busy_Body. I really did feel your hug,it was reassuring. I got married at 22 and I had my kids quiye early and really close, and yeah I feel left behind career wise.I appreciate your post gives me so much courage and desire to push on and I will.

Busy_body:

Kudos to you wonderwomen holding the forte. I had to jack it in cos I was going loco ffrom stress and not being able to get a grip on time planning, wake up in the morning, check timetable for food, son, self, work. . . drop pickin off at breakfast club, head for work, frantically checking phone everytime incase I missed the dreaded phonecall from school to come pickin cos he is hurt or sick, whilst simultaneously grocery-buying and cooking the food for the whole week "in my head", as well as the many phone calls to sort out the bills, the car, household repairs, social clubs, arghhh. . .then come home, cook, clean, tidy up, feed, clear up, wash, put to bed, do laundry, crash into bed . . . Only to start the cycle the next day. . . Gosh I even used to dread food shopping and start cursing under my breath that I have to go home and cook all this, lol.

And the financial reward gets eaten up so fast, gosh, never again. Fingers crossed/touch wood/God willing. . .

Busy_body:

Kudos to you wonderwomen holding the forte. I had to jack it in cos I was going loco ffrom stress and not being able to get a grip on time planning, wake up in the morning, check timetable for food, son, self, work. . . drop pickin off at breakfast club, head for work, frantically checking phone everytime incase I missed the dreaded phonecall from school to come pickin cos he is hurt or sick, whilst simultaneously grocery-buying and cooking the food for the whole week "in my head", as well as the many phone calls to sort out the bills, the car, household repairs, social clubs, arghhh. . .then come home, cook, clean, tidy up, feed, clear up, wash, put to bed, do laundry, crash into bed . . . Only to start the cycle the next day. . . Gosh I even used to dread food shopping and start cursing under my breath that I have to go home and cook all this, lol.

And the financial reward gets eaten up so fast, gosh, never again. Fingers crossed/touch wood/God willing. . .

cotton101:

u just described my life. i'm in a constant state of tiredness. what i would give to work part time.

naijababe:

Wonderwoman sha?!my sister no be beans o, the only time I have to myself is loo time. I hope not to die before my time cause I keep wondering when it'll get better.

The bolded had me in fits