Kind Advisers - Family - Nairaland
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What Kind Of Husband Are You? / Advice: What Will You Do In This Kind Of Circumstance? / The Kind Of Husband I Have (2) (3) (4)
| Kind Advisers by copyright: 3:46pm On May 23, 2012 |
Hi, I'm a regular NDL, but using a new name for obvious reasons. Sorry for the long post, ignore if you can't read through Ok, here goes... I am pregnant but I have to stay with my parents due to the fact that my pregnancy is 'high risk' and I need to be monitored seriously. This is fine with my husband as he works on the island and is hardly ever at home. We have been married for a while after dealing with losses and infertility, so we are ready to give this all it will take. Anyways, My mum's maid helps me...quite mature. She cooks absolutely well, takes care of the house well and is very hardworking but is a big time prostitutee. She sleeps with the gateman (she has been caught severally), also with various men. What she wears around the house is absolutely ridiculus! Spaghetti with mini skirts, she goes bra-less numerous times. Omg! Its difficult when i look at her. Now, the problem is my mum loves her very much because she works as a maid for the house and doubles as a cook for my mums school. She enjoys this (as I said before, she LOVES cooking). This in turn saves my mum a lot of money. The day I insulted her she threatened to leave and my mum listed the implications of her leaving now to me ( I'm on strict bedrest, so can't stand up). This is an awful position to be trust me, but i'll do anything to go full term. Now I have tried getting a new maid but my mum is always too 'busy' to go and see them. My mum loves her too much, cos honestly the girl is absolutely hardworking. My husband obviously comes to see me a lot of times and he started complimenting the girls food. This girl serves him like a king (of course he's one), but my point is this girl knows how to treat a man. He feels she has been so helpful to me and is always very nice to her. So here I am, practically bedridden, and this girl wears bra-less in front of hubby, opens her cleavage and is generally seductive. I discussed this with him and he said we should just look at the big picture and I should ignore all her moves for peaces' sakes. The straw that broke the camels back was the last one she did. I was admitted at the hospital last week (normally my numerous admissions take minimum a week), but was surprisingly discharged a day after, on a Saturday. This girl was alone in the house. My husband picked me up from the hospital and took me back to my parents house. Now, he hold me to sit in the car while he shouted her name to come and open the door. She obviously thought he came alone and came down in only wrapper and let the wrapper fall as she opened thereby revealing her stark nudity to him. When I tried to shout, he ordered me to keep quiet because of my B.P. I knew it had gone up after I saw her. Now I reported to my mum, who didn't say a word for fear that the girl might decide to leave. I have been crying since Saturday because I just feel incapacitated and helpless. I want to ban hubby from coming to visit me but am scared it will push him out further. He's an absolutely perfect man, he comes straight from work. Am scared if I say he should stop coming he won't understand and might begin to feel somehow. Am just sooo sad. I don't have the right to send her away because she's my mums 'savior' but I just HATE her!! Please, am I over reacting? Is it pregnancy hormones? What should I do? I don't say a word to the useless girl again, but she goes around knowing the power she has all because I am on strict bedrest. P.S. hubby and I have not had sex since I got pregnant ( abt 6 month). I don't know the effect this has on men esp when someone is doing this to them.[/b][b] |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 3:51pm On May 23, 2012 |
WTF - u are not over reacting and i'm so angry right now I can't even respond properly. WTF!!!!!!! |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 3:52pm On May 23, 2012 |
cotton101: WTF - u are not over reacting and i'm so angry right now I can't even respond properly. Thank you! Am just crying now, I don't like this position at all. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by oluite(f): 4:12pm On May 23, 2012 |
Did you tell your mum about the very last incident which you witnessed yourself?Has her stance changed? |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 4:22pm On May 23, 2012 |
Who is the woman of the house? You? Your maid or your mom? Keep in mind, this is your house, [b]your [/b]home. This maid has been acting inappropriately and based on your write-up she knows what she's doing. It seems she has something up her sleeves because no maid in her right mind would go to someone's house and behave the way she does: parading around half-clothed in your home, sleeping with your gateman and intentionally showing up n.aked in front of your husband. Are you serious?! You have been letting her get away with it and she's continuing because she sees she can. Is there anyone else you can speak with - to help you find another maid, since you need one? Since your mom isn't cooperating, either because she isn't around the witness her manners or because she's benefiting from her staying. Or This's YOUR home. E4nd of story. Just because you're on bed-rest doesn't mean you cannot speak up, put your foot down and send her away, which's what you need to do. She has gotten away with nonsense in your home for far too long. Tell her to GTFO. NOW. It doesn't matter how well she cooks. If she cannot conduct herself properly IN YOUR HOME, she needs to go. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 4:23pm On May 23, 2012 |
oluite: Did you tell your mum about the very last incident which you witnessed yourself?Has her stance changed? copyright : |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 4:26pm On May 23, 2012 |
Yield: Who is the woman of the house? You? Your maid or your mom? Keep in mind, this is your house, [b]your [/b]home. This maid has been acting inappropriately and based on your write-up she knows what she's doing. It seems she has something up her sleeves because no maid in her right mind would go to someone's house and behave the way she does: parading around half-clothed in your home, sleeping with your gateman and intentionally showing up naked in front of your husband. Are you serious?! You have been letting her get away with it and she's continuing because she sees she can. Is there anyone else you can speak with - to help you find another maid, since you need one? Since your mom isn't cooperating. You've told your mom, but she doesn't want her to leave since she's benefiting from her staying. This's YOUR home. E4nd of story. Just because you're on bed-rest doesn't mean you cannot speak up, put your foot down and send her away, which's what you need to do. She has gotten away with nonsense in your home for far too long. Tell her to GTFO. NOW. It doesn't matter how well she cooks. If she cannot conduct herself properly IN YOUR HOME, she needs to go. It's my mums home.. My house is far from the hospital and I have had situations where I needed to be rushed to the clinic during the day. So my parents house is the best option for now... Sadly enough  |
| Re: Kind Advisers by SisiKill1: 4:26pm On May 23, 2012 |
If your mom loves her that much. . .more than her own daughter, why not move her into her own house? It is as if there is spell that keeps the girl attached to your house and if she leaves the house will turn to dust. I think you are still stuck in mommy's pikin role, that's why you are reacting the way a child would if their mama says they can't have something. its time for you to snap out of it and be the MISTRESS of your own home. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 4:29pm On May 23, 2012 |
copyright : Right, you're staying with your parents. But the maid still needs to go. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 4:29pm On May 23, 2012 |
Sisi_Kill: If your mom lives her that much. . .more than her own daughter, why not move her into her own house? It is as if there is spell that keeps the girl attached to your house and if she leaves the house will turn to dust. copyright : |
| Re: Kind Advisers by SisiKill1: 4:29pm On May 23, 2012 |
Wait a sec. . .does the girl live with you or your mom?  |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 4:31pm On May 23, 2012 |
Sisi_Kill: Wait a sec. . .does the girl live with you or your mom? She's my mums maid oh |
| Re: Kind Advisers by oluite(f): 4:34pm On May 23, 2012 |
copyright : Now I reported to my mum, who didn't say a word for fear that the girl might decide to leave. Which is better she leaves or she grabs your husband? You need to ask your mum. And get an answer too meanwhile stay healthy for your baby. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by oluite(f): 4:37pm On May 23, 2012 |
copyright : Just saw this. Why is she in your home? |
| Re: Kind Advisers by SisiKill1: 4:40pm On May 23, 2012 |
copyright : Ah! Okay now. . .that's another thing altogether. Not sure you can tell your mom how to run her home, one would just hope she has enough maternal love to put her daughter's welfare and marriage before her business. On the other hand, the girls nudefest and your mom's stance is secondary. The most important issue here is. . . has your husband given you any reason to doubt his fidelity? Now I know some people will say. .what kinda question is that, isn't a man? And as much as we all wanna carry the all men are dogs placard, the reality is there are still some very good men out there. . .is your husband one of them? I think this where you should start from. If you can't trust him not succumb to what the girl is offering, then. . . .... |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 4:41pm On May 23, 2012 |
oluite: I am not in my home. I stay at my parents ooooo |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 4:43pm On May 23, 2012 |
copyright : LOL. Everyone seems to overlook that part. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 4:46pm On May 23, 2012 |
Sisi_Kill: thank you soo much. no he has never given me a reason to doubt his fidelity. But should i ban him from coming to visit often? its just so irritating seeing her do all that. Even if he's so tempted, i doubt if he'll put all his dignity as stake... but then again, they say men are visual. putting in mind he's sexx starved. We tell each other everything, so i know of what he's going through without it for so long. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 4:55pm On May 23, 2012 |
Your case seems to be what many women re told when they have many failed pregnancies, complete bed rest. don't stress this, don't stress that.That you cook, or do a little work in the house will not remove your pregnancy. Your age will determine they likelihood of full pregnancy, staying with your mom ain't a guaranty. Get out of your mom home and be useful, in yours. I am a man , and i am speaking from experience, my wife underwent several miscarriges, i have to tell you that this situation is quite common There are available information overt the net, trusted site like webmd, cnnhealth etc |
| Re: Kind Advisers by recruitmnt: 5:10pm On May 23, 2012 |
I know what a high risk pregnancy entails. It drains you psychologically and emotionally. The fear nko? that if you cough, laugh, move anything can happen  . Hang in there sis. God will see you through. As per that your mum/ maid, hmmmmmn |
| Re: Kind Advisers by SisiKill1: 5:13pm On May 23, 2012 |
You want to ban your husband from coming to see you. . . in order to save your marriage? Aren't we treading on oxymoronic territory here? For goodness sakes woman. . . you are pregnant with his child. . .you wanna deny him the experience just because of one small girl? Why do you want to punish him for an offense he hasn't committed and probably won't commit? Look I can't tell you what to do. . I can only tell you what I would do. Instead of focusing on this girl. . .making her more important than she really is, I would focus on my husband and the family we are about to start. Besides, you don't wanna turn this girl into a "forbidden fruit". Your husband probably doesn't notice all her mechanization to get his attention but if you keep harping on it and even going to the extent of banning him, you run the risk of drawing his attention to her. All of a sudden she's irresistible to him. . . not because she is particularly good looking or anything but because he wants to have what he is been told he can't have. . . it's human nature. Another thing keep in mind is if he really wants to cheat, short of cutting off his abunnna and throwing it in a bottomless pit, there isn't much you can do to stop him. If its not your housemaid. . .it gonna be someone else. I say don't worry about the what might and focus on the what is. . .which is a husband who loves you and is excited about the birth of his first child. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 5:21pm On May 23, 2012 |
^^^ phew, thanks a lot. I'll ignore her, hard as it is. I feel better |
| Re: Kind Advisers by blank(f): 5:23pm On May 23, 2012 |
indigene: Your case seems to be what many women re told when they have many failed pregnancies, complete bed rest. don't stress this, don't stress that.That you cook, or do a little work in the house will not remove your pregnancy. There are situations in which the person has to have complete bedrest irrespective of her age e.g pre-eclampsia which i suspect is what the poster has. With that, she can't stress herself at all as she needs to manage her bp. Some hospitals even keep the person in the hospital till she delivers. Ur suggestion might just not be feasible. 1 Like |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 5:27pm On May 23, 2012 |
My dera, when your husband comes around, give him a mouth actio and stop worringn. Thank me later |
| Re: Kind Advisers by Nobody: 5:33pm On May 23, 2012 |
At the risk of sounding crass,there are maaany things you can do to your hubby to stave off the s e x starvation..Bj,Hj... I bet they wont jeopardise your pregnancy.. he can come visit you,take him to a comfy room,buy a nice scented lubricant slather on him and finish him off(Look into durex products...tingle and strawberry).There's also edible body chocolate.I swear it works like magic.. You have internet,research on diff ways to do a Hj..(h for hand) Una pardon me for being trashy but a man shouldn't be walking around with a permanent b o ner.As someone has said bringing the maid into too many discussions might make him start noticing her jare.. Take ya man by the hand and make him verrryyy happy before he leaves  |
| Re: Kind Advisers by moremi2008(m): 5:37pm On May 23, 2012 |
I think you're seriously underestimating your husband's will power (i hope he isn't reading this or he might feel very insulted). Most decent men don't sleep with every girl that strips naked in front of them! That's just a common misconception. Sisi Kill has given you good advice. Don't give this girl power over you and your family. Just ignore her antics and put her in her place as the bloody maid! Above all, keep your eyes sharp! Insist your husband hang-out in your room throughout his visits and send the girl away once she serves the food. PS - If she continues to seduce your husband, tell your husband the girl has AIDS. That'll definitely remove all desire from his eyes! Joking!  |
| Re: Kind Advisers by 2mch(m): 5:50pm On May 23, 2012 |
Sorry to break it to you, but this babe might be servicing your mum too. I doesn't make any sense the way she is attached to the maid, even at the detriment of your own dad falling for this girl. If the girl was so secure in her cooking ability she would have found a job and left a long time ago. Maids don't have loyalty to anyone. It is very possible for your mum to find a replacement especially when the issue borders on your health which should come first. After all these I highly suspect the relationship between this maid and your mum. . Mum might be a lesbian and also in love with this jezebel. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by armyofone(m): 5:51pm On May 23, 2012 |
you heard right, that the husband is s.ex starved. don't play with a desperate girl and a s.ex starved guy. OP, honest fear i see. well, this is tough cuz mama refused to get involved. Can you send the girl a very long errand when you know your guy is coming? money is important to your mom, i wish she would have talk decency into the girl. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 5:54pm On May 23, 2012 |
moremi2008: I think you're seriously underestimating your husband's will power (i hope he isn't reading this or he might feel very insulted). Most decent men don't sleep with every girl that strips naked in front of them! That's just a common misconception. thank you soo much. I guess I was just feeling inferior cos of the situation. True, she's just a maid jare  . But you won't blame me na, if you see what this pregnancy has done to me ehn..lol. Just seeing her with her big bum and mini-skirts is too much to bear  I can't believe I spent days crying... Thank you nairalanders oh. He must never see this topic sha... If he does...baby I love you oh, but God will judge that girl!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you... My big problem has just been reduced to almost nothing! |
| Re: Kind Advisers by feminineA: 5:57pm On May 23, 2012 |
Its obvious your mum is trying to save money at the detriment of your marriage. But nevertheless you need your man with you as much as possible. Ignore all her advances. If you are in doubt discuss the situation with your husband so you can understand his feelings and all. But immediately you put to bed to ur tent o! Don't stay an extra day in that house. Go back to your home and try to make up for the lost times with your hubby. |
| Re: Kind Advisers by copyright: 6:04pm On May 23, 2012 |
feminine A: Its obvious your mum is trying to save money at the detriment of your marriage. But nevertheless you need your man with you as much as possible. Ignore all her advances. If you are in doubt discuss the situation with your husband so you can understand his feelings and all. But immediately you put to bed to ur tent o! Don't stay an extra day in that house. Go back to your home and try to make up for the lost times with your hubby. Before nko, choi.. You're telling me again... Serious make up  |
| Re: Kind Advisers by coogar: 6:05pm On May 23, 2012 |
copyright : much ado about nothing. your raging hormones should be blamed. don't you trust your husband? you really believe he would bang your housemaid because of some grotesque nudefest? i would be embarrassed if i were your husband and you harbour such thoughts about me. |
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