◀╦Laff don burst⇆ M̶̲̥̅̊γ̥ t0♍my o0Oo╦▶
=))•´¨) 
¸.•´ ¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸¸.•´(=))¸.•´(¸.• =))♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª♒=)) •°˚˚˚kk

A dog asked the cat 'why do you hide yourself when
you have Sex?' the cat replied 'you want humans to
steal my style like they stole yours?

A guy from 9ja goes to China. While in China he has
unprotected sex.
He then returns to 9ja and after two weeks, he notices
bright green and purple spots on his penis.
He immediately goes to see a doctor. Doc says this is a
rare disease called Mongolian VD. I'm sorry but the
only cure is to amputate your penis.
Horrified he goes the following day to see a Chinese
doctor for another opinion. The doctor examines him
and say"Ah yes Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease"
The guy says "I know that, what should I do? My
nigerian doc says I must amputate my penis?"
Chinese doc laughs and says "stupid Nigerian doctas,
always want to opelate. They make more money that
way. No need to opelate" !
"Thank you" the guy replies
"Yes" says the Chinese doc
"You no worry!
Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"

An angry wife calls her
husband on his cellphone.
"Where the hell are you?" She
demands. " Darling, he says,
"u remember that jewellery
shop where you saw that
beautiful diamond necklace?
Remember i didn't have money
at the time and said it would
be yours one day?"
Immediately softening, his
wife says, yes, I remember
that, my love. "Well," her
husband says, "i'm at the bar
just next to that shop."

A man is strolling past the
mental hospital and suddenly
remembers an important
meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has
stopped, and he cannot tell if
he is late or not. Then, he
notices a patient similarly
strolling about within the
hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the
man says, "Pardon me, sir, but
do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One
moment!" and throws himself
upon the ground, pulling out a
short stick as he does. He
pushes the stick into the
ground, and, pulling out a
carpenter's level, assures
himself that the stick is
vertical.
With a compass, the patient
locates north and with a steel
ruler, measures the precise
length of the shadow cast by
the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from
his pocket, the patient
calculates rapidly, then swiftly
packs up all his tools and turns
back to the pedestrian, saying,
"It is now precisely 3:29 pm,
provided today is August 16th,
which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be
impressed by this
demonstration, and sets his
watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the
patient, "That was really quite
remarkable, but tell me, what
do you do on a cloudy day, or
at night, when the stick casts
no shadow?" The patient holds
up his wrist and says, "I
suppose I'd just look at this
my watch."

Presents for Mother
Three sons left home, went out
on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they
discussed the gifts they were
able to give their elderly
mother.
The first said, "I built a big
house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a
Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said,
"I've got you both beat. You
remember how mom enjoyed
reading the Bible? And you
know she can't see very well. So
I sent her a remarkable parrot
that recites the entire Bible. It
took elders in the church 12
years to teach him. He's one of
a kind. Mama just has to name
the chapter and verse, and the
parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out
her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son,
"The house you built is so huge.
I live in only one room, but I
have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another,
"I am too old to travel. I stay
most of the time at home, so I
rarely use the Mercedes. And
the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to
her third son, "You have the
good sense to know what your
mother likes. The chicken was
delicious."

A man from ndundori
returns a book to the
library, bangs it on table &
says:
"What a waste?! I read the
whole
book, too many characters, no
story at all"
Librarian: "So, you are the one
who
took the Telephone Directory!"

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.