Gaggi: This is a potential divorcee in d making. U would relocate even if ur husband doesn't approve. U shld have remained single. Marriage is for those who knw what it entails.

But the man who is being selfish is not a divorcee in the making.Don 't worry, women will soon start showing men pepper!!!!Its a selfish man that knows what marriage is.People and their wacked up mentality.

@t.girl

so u sef b wobia

view my profile n get ur own share of d cake.( d cake no gree upload here so put am for my profile)

All these yeye Oyinbo mentality covering most of u in d brain.....

My ex Fiancee used to work in the bank...you knw how naija banks can drain you silly on a daily basis so whenever I land Naija, the little time I spend in Lag before going to Kano was always hurting for me cos I hardly see her....she closes late nd goes back to that cage very early.

For that I gave her a choice to quit the job nd run ma company for me since am not much arroun. Even though I'm to pay her far better, she refused my offer nd I simply cut her loose....broke up that relationship nd moved on with my life.....

Sink it into your brains that we are Africans nd we need the loving nd tender care of our wives in a maximum stretch then when kids show-up, they need u with them....how would u do that as a career woman.....?

Please spear me that crap....I also don't wanna think of going to jail cos if I can't see ma wife regularly, nd I find something fishy out.....I'm sure ya'll knw d rest.....gbam.....

al-ahamad:
All these yeye Oyinbo mentality covering most of u in d brain.....

My ex Fiancee used to work in the bank...you knw how naija banks can drain you silly on a daily basis so whenever I land Naija, the little time I spend in Lag before going to Kano was always hurting for me cos I hardly see her....she closes late nd goes back to that cage very early.

For that I gave her a choice to quit the job nd run ma company for me since am not much arroun. Even though I'm to pay her far better, she refused my offer nd I simply cut her loose....broke up that relationship nd moved on with my life.....

Sink it into your brains that we are Africans nd we need the loving nd tender care of our wives in a maximum stretch then when kids show-up, they need u with them....how would u do that as a career woman.....?

Please spear me that crap....I also don't wanna think of going to jail cos if I can't see ma wife regularly, nd I find something fishy out.....I'm sure ya'll knw d rest.....gbam.....

Spoken like a true illiterate aboki! It's only bloody illiterates that equate rational thinking with "Oyinbo" mentality. First, you weren't married to this woman; and she was smart not to quit her job until your married her. Second, even if you were married, in your particular situation, the best thing for the FAMILY would be for her to quit her bank job (it's a win-win for her because she would have made more money running your company with flexible work hours). Your story is not a particularly relevant one and does absolutely nothing to support your "oyinbo" mentality claims.

There is no cut and dried answer for issues like this because every situation is different. Both the wife and the husband must put heads together as ONE to figure out what's best for the family as a whole. There is nothing "Oyinbo" about sacrificing your manly ego to do what is best for your family.

@ the highlighted,

You don't leave certainty for uncertainty. You don't know what the future holds. So, hubby leaving his job to follow a career wife isn't right to me. If hubby doesn't get anything doing soon, what happens? The wife becomes the bread winner.

IMO, the woman should be the one moving with the man, except in a situation where it is clear that the wife's finances is very important, then the man should be flexible.

If your hubby says "if you go, you are on your own", you better think twice if you still want that marriage.

1.) Uncertainty is sometimes opportunity disguising itself and only faith can prove this.
2.) In marriage ain't nothing like you and I ....its WE ...what is the potential of this for US and the kids.
3.) Any hubby that answers a decision with if you go you are on your own....should be woman-less....is it his daughter he is talking to....you sit down together and every party brings their thot and if they cannot agree then the husband (hopefully his head is correct and not selfish) who is head will take a decision that will favour the family not himself o .
4.) The worst thing a man can do is to hurt his neck because his head will not be able to function properly....same with undermining his helper , his woman, his no 1 soldier, she will start hiding her progress from him and because she needs a supportive man ..she will turn to boss, father, uncle, family friend and na so affair they start.
5.) Again its 2012 a wife is not a daughter, she is a helpmate , a cunning one for that matter ...better she is on your side than not

If you think I am lying ask Madam Oteh( or ruth, delilah or even Eve).....never try a woman

eastman11: I leave in a building where two of my neighbours one a married woman whose husband is abroad and comes once a yr and the other a man who lost his wife early last yr have been fucking hell out of themselves for some months now.
If you don't want your wife to be a public property keep her close to you, women are all the same, easy to convince when you use the right formula.

Ha ha ha ha. A real life example for y'all. Same applys to men by the way. I've never really understood families that live apart. Me and my fiancee miss each other when we are apart and do count down to the day we will see again. Its not like school boy/girl love cause we've been together for almost four years and have seen warts and all.

moremi2008:

Spoken like a true illiterate aboki! It's only bloody illiterates that equate rational thinking with "Oyinbo" mentality. First, you weren't married to this woman; and she was smart not to quit her job until your married her. Second, even if you were married, in your particular situation, the best thing for the FAMILY would be for her to quit her bank job (it's a win-win for her because she would have made more money running your company with flexible work hours). Your story is not a particularly relevant one and does absolutely nothing to support your "oyinbo" mentality claims.

There is no cut and dried answer for issues like this because every situation is different. Both the wife and the husband must put heads together as ONE to figure out what's best for the family as a whole. There is nothing "Oyinbo" about sacrificing your manly ego to do what is best for your family.

In your quest to label him an 'illiterate aboki' you failed to apply your exalted reasoning skills to full use. He clearly stated she was his fiancee, did you for a second consider that in a bid to get married he probably told her of his intentions and the need to move to his company. But in her quest to assert herself, she refused, so he promptly cuts off the relationship knowing that they won't be compatible.
@OP, It would be difficult or rather impossible for me to move without tying a job first in the new place.

moremi2008:

Spoken like a true illiterate aboki! It's only bloody illiterates that equate rational thinking with "Oyinbo" mentality. First, you weren't married to this woman; and she was smart not to quit her job until your married her. Second, even if you were married, in your particular situation, the best thing for the FAMILY would be for her to quit her bank job (it's a win-win for her because she would have made more money running your company with flexible work hours). Your story is not a particularly relevant one and does absolutely nothing to support your "oyinbo" mentality claims.

There is no cut and dried answer for issues like this because every situation is different. Both the wife and the husband must put heads together as ONE to figure out what's best for the family as a whole. There is nothing "Oyinbo" about sacrificing your manly ego to do what is best for your family.

If I were an illiterate, don't fink I'll be here composing words for u to understand right?....so check ur brain properly before spewing ur stup.idity in public.......I don't blame u cos cheating to peeps like you is an everyday thing nd the fear of God is far from you.

For your info, she nd her entire family ar begging I take her back but I don't vomit nd look at it twice cos the hurt nd pain is ther since forever nd I wonder when I'll fully heal.....

Without seeming pathetic, Now to the topic.....we all have our perspective views on issues nd my reason for using the "Oyinbo" pinch was to clarify that whites of these days don't value religion neither do they believe in making sacrifices for the good of their offsprings.

With-respect to the Oyibo mentality, How will one stand at the alter in front of a reverend with a bible in hand, take vows to hold each other for beter for worse nd then only to end up enriching a divorce lawyer......??

Even if she were to be sturborn nd leave the husband, of what good is all the money without her family being intact....

I could go on nd on but hey....I have stated my reason earlier so if u decide insulting me again cos in my take, there's no better joy than a loving family living intact.........

However, feel free....take ur best shot nd knock-urself out.......h

When a man makes money he takes it as family money. When a woman makes money she takes it has her money even when she is contributing. Women tend to disrespect their husband when they are doing well, it will take d man to ensure that chicken grows teeth for her to greatly respect him.
I wil advice dat d husband have somthing solid to do which will make him nt to thnk of wat d wif is makn. because by d time he starts thinkn abt d wifs money, insult go rain one day o.
My opinion

Daresh:

There is no laying down the law. We all have choices to make in life and if I decide that is the choice for me I expect him to understand. If he doesn't want to come then I will go without him. Case closed!

I hope u hubby is nt reading this as well. U just clearly stated his opinion does nt matter, no need to discuss with him cos here, you r saying 'if he doesn't' wc means ur mind is made up and u are ready to av d world in place of him. With or without him, smh, our maker clearly define your place in any union.

He's meant to love and provide for u while ur outmost duty is to be submissive.

al-ahamad:



If I were an illiterate, don't fink I'll be here composing words for u to understand right?....so check ur brain properly before spewing ur stup.idity in public.......I don't blame u cos cheating to peeps like you is an everyday thing nd the fear of God is far from you.

For your info, she nd her entire family ar begging I take her back but I don't vomit nd look at it twice cos the hurt nd pain is ther since forever nd I wonder when I'll fully heal.....

Without seeming pathetic, Now to the topic.....we all have our perspective views on issues nd my reason for using the "Oyinbo" pinch was to clarify that whites of these days don't value religion neither do they believe in making sacrifices for the good of their offsprings.

With-respect to the Oyibo mentality, How will one stand at the alter in front of a reverend with a bible in hand, take vows to hold each other for beter for worse nd then only to end up enriching a divorce lawyer......??

Even if she were to be sturborn nd leave the husband, of what good is all the money without her family being intact....

I could go on nd on but hey....I have stated my reason earlier so if u decide insulting me again cos in my take, there's no better joy than a loving family living intact.........

However, feel free....take ur best shot nd knock-urself out.......h

You have lost the thread of the argument. This has nothing to do with religion or divorce. "Oyinbo" mentality has nothing to do with not allowing male ego get in the way of family decision-making. That you write English doesn't make you smart, I am afraid.

Wow!
No matter what we say hear l which the two parties will make the most suitable choice thinking 2day4 2morow.

Dad was alwayz on transfer when we were younger, it got to a point then we looked like kidz of a single parent, now we're older Dad is retired and Mom is being on transfer 4 5yrs....

I'll make this decesion finkin much abf my future wit my woman and wat it holds 4 d kidz

al-ahamad:
All these yeye Oyinbo mentality covering most of u in d brain.....

My ex Fiancee used to work in the bank...you knw how naija banks can drain you silly on a daily basis so whenever I land Naija, the little time I spend in Lag before going to Kano was always hurting for me cos I hardly see her....she closes late nd goes back to that cage very early.

For that I gave her a choice to quit the job nd run ma company for me since am not much arroun. Even though I'm to pay her far better, she refused my offer nd I simply cut her loose....broke up that relationship nd moved on with my life.....

Sink it into your brains that we are Africans nd we need the loving nd tender care of our wives in a maximum stretch then when kids show-up, they need u with them....how would u do that as a career woman.....?

Please spear me that crap....I also don't wanna think of going to jail cos if I can't see ma wife regularly, nd I find something fishy out.....I'm sure ya'll knw d rest.....gbam.....

And hope as an african man you know your responsibilities, "to be the sole- provider" of the home. If the men knew what they are supposed to do in this time and age, there would be no issues on relocation at all. But they don't.

Daresh:

Let me explain this properly. I was watching a show last night and the lady had a dream job @ colombia university in Boston. Her husband is a highly respected surgeon dt had hospitals all over the country wanting him. My husband then said " is she planning to leave her husband?" And I said "y? He can just go with her I'm sure getting a job won't be a big deal for him." My husband said, " he can't just follow his wife" and I said "Y not? I'm sure she would do the same for him". He said "you don't seem to realise that he married her and not the other way round so it's on her to follow hin not him to follow her".
I spent the next 30mins explaining how flawed his thinking is and how such attitudes stop women from getting married. No one wants to be tied down because of marriage. He didn't answer again but I hope he heard cos if we get into such a situation and the offer is fantastic, only God knows what will happen.

1. I will never leave my Job, because my wife got a better Job elsewhere.

2. She can go,if she contributes her income for the family up-keep ,(What is the worth of her career if she doesn't contributes to the family.)

I think most people here are missing an important part of the OP's question, that is if the man has a flexible job which is always on demand. Let's say if I am married to a neurosurgeon, I doubt it should be a problem for him to resign and follow me, but if I am married to an engineer or a banker, I wouldn't ask him to do that cos in my search for better finances for the family things may end up being worse if hubby can't get a job.

When I see threads like this and how egoistic nigerian men post a lot of irrational thots on here, I get discourage on thinkin marriage. Persoanlly, I've taken marriage off myList. Yes, u can call me a blind mordern day feminist, I don't care.
You seriously expect me to be 'the ideal housewife' type of woman after all d stress goin thru skul to make a good career?
D idea of a 'perfect wife' dat keeps running thru our nigerian-minded men Is a robot hu says yes to every he decides, cooks, washes, cleans, and bleeps him silly. Women are help-meets , not slaves. If u would but only change ur mentality.
I don't see y a man shudnt be man-enough to make decisions on what wud profit d whole family even if it means movin out of his comfort zone.

My dad used to say it was an abomination to see a man in d kitchen wen der was a woman in d house. Well, dat worked wif my mum since shez was very soft (shez changed and she knws her worth nw). Ever since my mum left home for work, every man in d house had to learn to take turn in d kitchen. U don't av to wait upon a woman all d tym or expect her to do ur bidding.
M not sorry to say dis, but it was never written in d holy books dat a woman should slave to a man.
I lyk it wen a man (with good thinkn of course) takes control, I find it very sexy. But it becomes sumfngelse wen he thinks hez d only one allowed to make decisions.

*sigh*

taryour:

bb,if na for cake i be correct wobia of d highest order o,na joke u think say i dey do cake to make money ni, i dey bake correct correct,infact at d moment i get correct solid delicious cake on my kitchen table. Eida fluffy,dense,strong, brown,pink,e.t.c e.t.c cake,all na cake. Wait i dey come,make i blutooth cake reach ya side......

U don open ur mouth soo....

Lol, u nor gather rara

Oya drop Tgirl4real ya digit, I must use those cakes of yours to brush my teeth first thing in the morning and last thing at night biko. And please tell me you do small chops too

Busy_body:

Lol, u nor gather rara

Oya drop Tgirl4real ya digit, I must use those cakes of yours to brush my teeth first thing in the morning and last thing at night biko. And please tell me you do small chops too

yes o i do small chops,since dat na d only thing i look for at parties,but now dat i can do it,i no dey go parry again o. Fresh spring rolls n samosa dey my fridge,na to just defroze fry n chop,if u want ASUN join am sef. I tried sendin ur cake o but snc i no sabi computer well,d cake no apear were i wnt make hin apear. If u check my profile now u go see d cake. But no carry everytin oo, just cut ur own n leave d rest..

emiaby:


I hope u hubby is nt reading this as well. U just clearly stated his opinion does nt matter, no need to discuss with him cos here, you r saying 'if he doesn't' wc means ur mind is made up and u are ready to av d world in place of him. With or without him, smh, our maker clearly define your place in any union.

He's meant to love and provide for u while ur outmost duty is to be submissive.

Enough with the submissive already please!!! We are human beings not goats. If you cannot be reasonable why shd I have to suffer? Is my happiness not important to you too? If you have a movable job, why not move to make me happy? Or you want me to resent you for all eternity?

Daresh:

Enough with the submissive already please!!! We are human beings not goats. If you cannot be reasonable why shd I have to suffer? Is my happiness not important to you too? If you have a movable job, why not move to make me happy? Or you want me to resent you for all eternity?

What about his happiness,

What about the children happiness.

Should he dump his Job because you are relocating, or should the children change their school because you are relocating.

I faced the-same problem, i attended five primary schools and three secondary school in six states of Nigeria due to my parents Jobs.

Look, their is no flexible Job any-where, except you are a business man or woman.

The ideal thing, is for one of couple(either the hubby or wife) to stay within their comfortable locating while the other move around.

ronkebp:
And hope as an african man you know your responsibilities, "to be the sole- provider" of the home. If the men knew what they are supposed to do in this time and age, there would be no issues on relocation at all. But they don't.

Please, stop talking like you don't live in this same America where even two incomes are not enough to give your kids the best. Private schools cost $30k a year (houses cost $750k+ in good public school districts), college tuition for good universities is almost $40k... you do the math and let me know whether it makes sense to hold on to the idea that men should be the "sole-providers". I guess as long as you're ready to continuing living in the ghettos of Philly, rocking your husband's $80k a year salary, then nothing shele! It all depends on your standards and how deep your husband's pocket is. Just stop spouting this "sole-provider" nonsense because modern society rarely works like that anymore.

Daresh:

Enough with the submissive already please!!! We are human beings not goats. If you cannot be reasonable why shd I have to suffer? Is my happiness not important to you too? If you have a movable job, why not move to make me happy? Or you want me to resent you for all eternity?

i'm just wondering, what part of this issue makes you so angry? Are you sure you dont resent your husband already?

Your wife gets a very good job in another part of the country and career wise, it is the right move for her. You have a very flexible job and are in demand everywhere so getting another job wont be an issue for you. Would you move with her? Or tell her she can't go? Or maybe if she goes she's on her own? Really what would you do?

Since he's flexible, what's wrong with moving?

Why is this an issue?

Ileke-IdI:


Since he's flexible, what's wrong with moving?

Why is this an issue?

How "flexible" is flexible really? I read somewhere someone saying a neurosurgeon for example shld be flexible enough to move but not all hospitals have strong neurosurgery departments for an ambitious surgeon to thrive.

davidylan:

How "flexible" is flexible really? I read somewhere someone saying a neurosurgeon for example shld be flexible enough to move but not all hospitals have strong neurosurgery departments for an ambitious surgeon to thrive.

I cannot determine "how flexible" since the poster didn't really specify on what job her husband has.
But in general, flexible means that he's able to get employment easily with same salary. If the opening for that job is common in several locations.

Seconded by

uote author=emmatok]

1. I will never leave my Job, because my wife got a better Job elsewhere.

2. She can go,if she contributes her income for the family up-keep ,(What is the worth of her career if she doesn't contributes to the family.)[/quote]

I wonder when nawadays ladies crying for marriage u said its not in ur list well wish u happy home

yinkaGreen: When I see threads like this and how egoistic nigerian men post a lot of irrational thots on here, I get discourage on thinkin marriage. Persoanlly, I've taken marriage off myList. Yes, u can call me a blind mordern day feminist, I don't care.
You seriously expect me to be 'the ideal housewife' type of woman after all d stress goin thru skul to make a good career?
D idea of a 'perfect wife' dat keeps running thru our nigerian-minded men Is a robot hu says yes to every he decides, cooks, washes, cleans, and bleeps him silly. Women are help-meets , not slaves. If u would but only change ur mentality.
I don't see y a man shudnt be man-enough to make decisions on what wud profit d whole family even if it means movin out of his comfort zone.

My dad used to say it was an abomination to see a man in d kitchen wen der was a woman in d house. Well, dat worked wif my mum since shez was very soft (shez changed and she knws her worth nw). Ever since my mum left home for work, every man in d house had to learn to take turn in d kitchen. U don't av to wait upon a woman all d tym or expect her to do ur bidding.
M not sorry to say dis, but it was never written in d holy books dat a woman should slave to a man.
I lyk it wen a man (with good thinkn of course) takes control, I find it very sexy. But it becomes sumfngelse wen he thinks hez d only one allowed to make decisions.

*sigh*

davidylan: Difference of opinion here but it depends on several situations.
1. If my wife is going for a very good job that will be financially rewarding for her and also advance her career-wise then its something worth thinking about.
2. If i know my job is easily transferable to a similar one where she will be going in terms of remuneration and career... then sure we will be moving together.
3. If we cant move together then let her move (she is yours, she isnt going to run away with another man), arrange to visit each other often then seek an opportunity much closer to her.

I agree it is a man's world and ideally it should be the other way round but these days a lot of women now have excellent careers, i should be her number 1 supporter not the one who gets in the way of what makes her happy. Marriage should not be a bondage simply because you've got a vagina.

U couldnt have said it better. I concur 100%

Tgirl4real:

Johndoe, do u have a family

same question came to mind

Daresh:

Enough with the submissive already please!!! We are human beings not goats. If you cannot be reasonable why shd I have to suffer? Is my happiness not important to you too? If you have a movable job, why not move to make me happy? Or you want me to resent you for all eternity?

Yes we are all human, and by no mean am I referring to u as a slave/goat.

Of course, y r we together in d first place...isn't it for us to be happy, find solace, comfort and progress together? So, ur happiness is my concern. But here we are talking abt us as a family not just u. Wc means u also have to consider you, me and d kids. Though there is no harm in discussing this together wv an open mind. Fine, if I wants to move with you , but if i don't maybe for some reasons or so...u av to let it go. We don't alwys have our way in life, and nothing to resent me for cos sometimes not all that glitter is gold. At d end of the day, it is just a job. You could alwys get a better one, and if I am good and loving hubby, y do want to leave me for just a pay raise(shell, nlng or watever)? Especially, if we r comfortable.

There r decisions that r made in marriages dat won't favour all but sometimes we have to be tolerant and move on. I still call d shot...though we av to deliberate and reason 2gether and come out wv d best way to address any issue.

davidylan:

i'm just wondering, what part of this issue makes you so angry? Are you sure you dont resent your husband already?

For the upteenth time this story is not about me or my family, it is a question based on a TV SHOW! I don't resent my husband at all. He provides all we need as a family and we have each others back.
But, if the time ever comes that I need to grow, I expect that he has my back on that too like I will always have his back and encourage him to be all that he can be in life. If he has a moveable job, I will need him to move so we can be a family together. If he holds me back, I am sure that I will resent him for not wanting me to grow to be all that I can be. Read me properly, IF he has a moveable job. IF! I don't want a jobless husband husband, no one does. Is my family important? Extremely! Contrary to what emmatok said, its not moving from place to place but to be together.
Ok what if something happens to him and I have to be the sole provider, how will that work if I had to turn down a great opportunity to soothe his fragile ego? Shey love will feed my children?

In an earlier post, I said that I won't move without tying down a job first. But if the job my wife got is a political appointment such as Minister for OYEL Resources, then I would be the one begging her 'Baby, pack your bags lets start moving'.