armyofone: ummm,interesting thread. unu still dey here

eating this snail stew with lots of rodo/habanero pepper and hot rice.
reading with delight.

gal gotta eat. gal gotta eat.
where is my oyinbo ogogoro sef phew!

Omo you too like food....guess what?!! i paid for moin-moin...will be getting 50 wraps over the weekend, it is going to be me, gari and moin-moin this weekend? dancing alanta!!!

ronkebp:

Omo you too like food....guess what?!! i paid for moin-moin...will be getting 50 wraps over the weekend, it is going to be me, gari and moin-moin this weekend? dancing alanta!!!

50 wraps of moin moin? Only you
Blimey!

girl, my man will not suffer at all he will never be unhappy not when i wire him head with nice nigerian dishes.
food no go be his problem lai lai, kpesuing will not be his problem too

girl, you paid? you know you can buy my flight ticket from to Philly to do some nice cooking for you.
just got done cooking moi moi for mi myself and i

lots of pepper, tatashe, onion, crayfish and boiled eggs.

ronkebp:

Omo you too like food....guess what?!! i paid for moin-moin...will be getting 50 wraps over the weekend, it is going to be me, gari and moin-moin this weekend? dancing alanta!!!

help me ooo, that na real otolo

get clorox ready nwannem ronkelus

chamotex:

50 wraps of moin moin? Only you
Blimey!

Sagamite:

Why would you want to, and why does it make sense to, put the needs and happiness of someone else ahead of yours?

An interesting point you raised there,

The following is from this link http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/street/pl38/self.htm It attempts to throw some light on what other posters will readily call selfishness.

An explanation

'Greed and selfishness' are concepts much maligned in our society. So first lets define them properly with reference to the 1913 edition of Websters (a very thorough dictionary)

Greed: An eager desire or longing
Selfish: 1 Caring supremely or unduly for one's self, 2 Believing or teaching that the chief motives of human action are derived from love of self

Do those terms still sound so bad? Well the meanings have been changed by the way people have used it over time and greed is now taken to mean 'reprehensible acquisitiveness' (mirriam-webster) whilst the second meaning of selfish, given above, has been dropped from most dictionairies.

So I am going to explain how we can think of these terms, under the general heading "self interest", by illustrating it with a story (paraphrased from its source).

A successful business woman gave up her career to care for her seriously ill husband. An aquaintance commented 'oh how unselfish you are to make such a sacrifice'. Naturally and quite rightly the woman was furious with such an insult and answered "I love my husband, this is the most selfish thing I have ever done!".

Do you understand the meaning of that? She valued her husband higher than her career and therefore *she* chose the higher value. For her, being selfless and making sacrifices would have meant giving up her husband for the career. Its the same whenever anyone chooses one value over another - regardless of whats being chosen the person is chosing for and by themselves - essentially being 'selfish'. Look over the choices you make. Perhaps you volunteer some charity work? Because *you* choose to do it over the alternatives, you want to, you value it - you, you, you, self, self, self. Do you see what I am getting at? Most people just blank this out because they refuse to see it - but all people are selfish in this context and to call it evil is horribly wrong. A selfless or unselfish person would let their child die in order to mow the lawn, even though *they* value the child higher, or they would marry a person they hated rather than one they loved, or they would waste money on something they didn't like rather than trade it for something they wanted. Unselfish people are, in this sense, mad.

Renaming 'selfishness' as 'self interest' is playing with semantics and while that's important in itself the really important thing is to recognise that people to act from, and in accordance with, their own personal values and perceptions. The decisions they make reflect these values and perceptions.

When you understand this you are able to gain a clearer insight into people's behaviour including your own. Ironically, understanding that people act with regard to their own values, toward that which they consider to be good for themselves enables you have far more empathy with others than if you approached them with the assumption that they were being altruistic and selfless. It also allows you to spot confidence tricksters that much more readily! "beware Greeks bearing gifts" is an old phrase which warns that people don't act out of altruism, and to beware those who wish you to believe that they do.

Next time a politician, friend, colleague or associate tries to make out that he is doing something only for your benefit, or only has your good in his mind, then ask yourself what he has to gain by doing so. Remember that the key words in the sentence "I want to help you" is "I want". This is not to say that you should be paranoid about everyone. When someone says 'I want to take you to the cinema' they may want your company and friendship. It is the motivation that is important, make that your focus.

chamotex:

50 wraps of moin moin? Only you
Blimey!

it is going to be in my freezer.. bring it out and warm as i need it.my hubby can finish 5 wraps at a sitting

Sagamite:

Why would you want to, and why does it make sense to, put the needs and happiness of someone else ahead of yours?

Oh I get it, a leading question as a platform to show us how glaringly intelligent you are ! Or are you being rhetorical?

- Not feelings, they change
- Not any evolutionary hogwash about the survival of the species
- Not necessary chivalry, as it cuts both ways

For me it's the "two become" one union. To love ones spouse is to love oneself. No difference. My commitment to houring my wife and putting her first regardless. And not just because it makes me feel good. Sometimes its a pain and downright inconvenient.

Oya, we await your postulations o sagacious one.

Best
TV

armyofone: girl, my man will not suffer at all he will never be unhappy not when i wire him head with nice nigerian dishes.
food no go be his problem lai lai, kpesuing will not be his problem too

girl, you paid? you know you can buy my flight ticket from to Philly to do some nice cooking for you.
just got done cooking moi moi for mi myself and i

lots of pepper, tatashe, onion, crayfish and boiled eggs.

My dear i had to, i don't have time to make that moin-moin...i am not ready to buy a new blender, it always spoilS my blender i have changed it 5 times now, so it is easier to just pay for it, that will save me time and money...

armyofone: help me ooo, that na real otolo

get clorox ready nwannem ronkelus

Really you gat jokes...see ya mouth

ronkebp:

it is going to be in my freezer.. bring it out and warm as i need it.my hubby can finish 5 wraps at a sitting

Abeg buy Febreeze air freshener ooo.

And I am not coming to visit your house this weekend.

The farting no go get part 2.

armyofone: girl, my man will not suffer at all he will never be unhappy not when i wire him head with nice nigerian dishes.
food no go be his problem lai lai, kpesuing will not be his problem too

My life don better. Omalicha lets marry tomorrow Saturday at the FT Worth Military base Chapel

dayokanu:


Abeg buy Febreeze air freshener ooo.

And I am not coming to visit your house this weekend.

The farting no go get part 2.

who says...i fart....i don't oooo?? i detox every two weeks....i am a lady-lady....real one oooo

TV01:

Oh I get it, a leading question as a platform to show us how glaringly intelligent you are ! Or are you being rhetorical?

- Not feelings, they change
- Not any evolutionary hogwash about the survival of the species
- Not necessary chivalry, as it cuts both ways

For me it's the "two become" one union. To love ones spouse is to love oneself. No difference. My commitment to houring my wife and putting her first regardless. And not just because it makes me feel good. Sometimes its a pain and downright inconvenient.

Oya, we await your postulations o sagacious one.

Best
TV

Honestly, TV, all these silly things they teach you guys in church preachings is not a good enough basis to have a logical debate.

To love one's spouse is to love oneself? Nigga, come on. Come off it.

As I said earlier, all these funky, sweet, real man statements might sound all good but when one thinks deeply and intellectually about them, they can see it is nonsense.

You entire statements have no logical foundation for me to bother addressing them.

@ Bawss, that is way too philosophical even though right.

lol, i knew Dayokanu go come like fly
how are you sha?
the mention of kpesu and food will always bring you
common Nwa oma's dowry you no fit pay, carry go

only prepared mind enjoys marriage...........

@ Sagamite: The logic behind it is that while hubby is putting wifey's needs ahead of his and wifey is putting hubby's ahead of hers, both will find happiness and fulfilment as well as demonstrate the true essence of love - sacrifice. (hope you don't think this is, how did you put it...nonsense)

Hey!what are u guys talking about men being unhappy?Well,my husband runs home everyday immediately he closes from work.He loves to chat with me and play with our kids.we do everthing we did while we were single including clubing.We still look fabulous since the marriage thing didn't change our look.we are young and happy.We have three kids.No major weird conflicts or confrontations.He is always urgIng his friend's to get married and enjoy what he is enjoying.Well maybe I married an exceptional man and me a wonderful wife****laughing*****.Marriage is a beautiful thing be tolerant,faithful,transparent,hardworking,loving,funny,witty,playful,the list can go on and but with these u ll love marriage.Marriage is not a bondage folks!!!!

And women too!
You just learn to manage.
If you were a happy person before marriage. . . .YOU CAN NEVER BE UNHAPPY EVEN IN MARRIAGE.
Reason: HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN ONLY. . . .!

Dame Gambrosia: And women too!
You just learn to manage.
If you were a happy person before marriage. . . .YOU CAN NEVER BE UNHAPPY EVEN IN MARRIAGE.
Reason: HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN ONLY. . . .!

One word: Rubbish!

Sagamite:

One word: Rubbish!

Mu he he he he he
Reality check!

Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when she hid an out of wedlock 10 year-old daughter somewhere and suddenly springs her up on you after you marry her!
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when she agrees to come to your country for you two to wed; she agrees that you'll set up home in your country after the wedding; she agrees that after wedding she would only be traveling outside your country just for short business trips; but a couple of months thereafter vows never to live in your country.
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when in her preferred 'paradise' of a country, she serially and literally walks from one trouble to another and you are compelled to go there to sort her out, and, then, get trapped in that foreign country in the sense of staying far longer than you had intended; so much so that by the time you manage to wriggle out of the situation and return to your own country, you discover that your property in your rented apartment are all gone; and, she is not even bothered one bit about that new reality.
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when you chose her because she said she is a Christian, your wedding was a Christian wedding done in a Bible-believing Church, and your home is a Christian home; yet she defies you and brings her younger sister who is a Muslim to stay with you fully aware of the possibility for tension that that kind of situation would generate.
Worst thing that could happen to a marriage is when she is married, but acts and flirts like a single!
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when the only person she listens to, the person who is her role-model is her US-based senior sister who, like her, also had a son out-of-wedlock before being married to an American who just recently divorced her!

Its not a gainsaying that many married men are unhappy,the foundation of every marriage is very important , this is a major source of sorrow,regrets and disdain in marriages.
I used to tell my colleagues in school that we are product of choices we make in life.Pastor Bimbo (of blessed memory),said that the choice of your life patner is a reflection of your intelligence.
Until people begin to lay aside frivolities to dwell on real virtues and enduring attributes which ultimately form the scaffolds on which a lasting marriage is built ,they should not expect to be happy in their marriage.
What kind of marriage do you hope to have when a well brought up fellow marries from a different faith,when you choose beauty over character,wealth over love,family choice over personal choice etc.
For already married people ,the deed is done but u can make it work if both can compromise ,for the singles out there, you can make a better choice.
I chose my hapiness and sanity over wealth ,eloquence and beauty.We can't just get enough of each other.

Drone007:
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when she hid an out of wedlock 10 year-old daughter somewhere and suddenly springs her up on you after you marry her!
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when she agrees to come to your country for you two to wed; she agrees that you'll set up home in your country after the wedding; she agrees that after wedding she would only be traveling outside your country just for short business trips; but a couple of months thereafter vows never to live in your country.
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when in her preferred 'paradise' of a country, she serially and literally walks from one trouble to another and you are compelled to go there to sort her out, and, then, get trapped in that foreign country in the sense of staying far longer than you had intended; so much so that by the time you manage to wriggle out of the situation and return to your own country, you discover that your property in your rented apartment are all gone; and, she is not even bothered one bit about that new reality.
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when you chose her because she said she is a Christian, your wedding was a Christian wedding done in a Bible-believing Church, and your home is a Christian home; yet she defies you and brings her younger sister who is a Muslim to stay with you fully aware of the possibility for tension that that kind of situation would generate.
Worst thing that could happen to a marriage is when she is married, but acts and flirts like a single!
Worst thing that can happen to a marriage is when the only person she listens to, the person who is her role-model is her US-based senior sister who, like her, also had a son out-of-wedlock before being married to an American who just recently divorced her!

na wa o. One chance marriage

MissIfe:
I find it sometimes annoying the way people blame everything on marriage. I wonder, would these same people be happy if they were single ? Serious matters aside (domestic violence etc.), I don't think so. Most people I know who are in healthy and happy marriages are healthy and happy people, and they were before meeting their spouses : financially independent and wise, good at maintaining cordial relationships with everyone, good at keeping close friends over long periods of time, having healthy relationships with their own family, having dreams and goals and working towards them and so on.

My point is, if you can't make yourself happy before getting married, there is no way marriage is going to make you happy. You need to stand on your own two feet (emotionally, financially etc.) before thinking of going there. I see many people going into marriage with huge personal issues : low self esteem, bad relationships with parents/siblings, character issues etc. Those are already bad conditions to meet a good partner, but if you carry all your burdens and problems and doubts into marriage hoping the union will solve them... and your partner does the same, no wonder marriage ends up being a big mess !

Marriage is what you put in it. You should know yourself enough to take care of yourself and preserve your other half from your flaws, and make sure you bring the best to the union. That's why we say marriage is hard work.

you've made a lot of sense here...
if you're not happy before marriage you can't expect to find it INSIDE married life...
marriage is what you PUT INSIDE...don't expect to take out ....
those points just makes your take perfect!
thanks.

Hey!what are u guys talking about men being unhappy?Well,my husband runs home everyday immediately he closes from work.He loves to chat with me and play with our kids.we do everthing we did while we were single including clubing.We still look fabulous since the marriage thing didn't change our look.we are young and happy.We have three kids.No major weird conflicts or confrontations.He is always urgIng his friend's to get married and enjoy what he is enjoying.Well maybe I married an exceptional man and me a wonderful wife****laughing*****.Marriage is a beautiful thing be tolerant,faithful,transparent,hardworking,loving,funny,witty,playful,the list can go on and but with these u ll love marriage.Marriage is not a bondage folks!!!!

I love reading pieces like this! keep it up!
I find happiness in my home too and wonder if I can live without my wife and kids!
keep it up my dear and your kids will learn the same and the cycle will continue. cheers