| Politics / Re: Where Are The Subsidy Buses?????(safetrip) by dabrake(m): 11:47am On Jul 28, 2014 |
rozayx5: i see a lot of them parked off Lekki Epe in a park
the ones sent to Akwa Ibom ( hyundai ) are being used
Are you referring to the same Akwa Ibom state I dwell full time?
| Family / Re: 8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage! by dabrake(m): 8:43am On Jul 20, 2014 |
solazo: You’re smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can stillmake out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.
In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you’re the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I’ve been there. Let’s face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain’t always pretty.
That may sound grim. But here’s a secret: Sometimes it’s the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
Marriage truth #1
You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you’ll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn’t make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for.
Actually, it is. You just didn’t realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other’s faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that “for better and for worse” doesn’t kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That’s when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It’s not him. It’s just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You’re learning that marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that’s better than any fairy tale.
Marriage truth #2
You’ll work harder than you ever imagined
Early on, when people say, “Marriage takes work,” you assume “work” means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naiveté, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths — and from where he sits, you’re pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn’t mean you’re done — it just means you’ve advanced to graduate-level studies. That’s because every time you think you’ve mastered the material, he’ll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
“It’s like losing weight,” says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. “You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it’s a lifestyle. That’s marriage. The effort is a forever thing.” So don’t be too hard on yourself — or him — on those days when you feel like you’re struggling through remedial math.
Marriage truth #3
You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder)
Do you have a “never go to bed angry” pact with your partner?
Yes! We make a point to always resolve issues before bed.
Yes but we rarely follow it.
Nope, there’s no way that would work for us!
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds “Never go to bed angry” doesn’t know what it’s like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I’ve got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I’ve found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you’re angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you’re both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. “This was a huge lesson for me,” says Andrea. “As women we’ve been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I’d let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself — let the emotions settle a bit — and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day.”
Marriage truth #4
You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that’s okay
How often do you have sex?
Every single day!
3+ times per week
Once a week
Once a month
Rarely. And I mean, rarely.
There are few men in the Western world sexier than my husband. And I don’t say this because I know he may read this article. I’ve seen women checking him out when they think I’m not looking. (Honestly, ladies, you don’t have to sneak a peek. I don’t mind if you stare.) That said, there are times that I just don’t feel like having sex — often for reasons that have nothing to do with Genoveso. (See? Even his name is sexy.) I can’t lie and say this is always okay with him. But the fact is, there are also plenty of nights when he’s not in the mood. So maybe a few days go by when we don’t do it. And then a few more. And….
Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell isn’t a sign that you’ve lost your mojo or that you’ll never have sex again. It just means that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. (I don’t know about you, but between work, 3 a.m. feedings, the PTA, soccer, T-ball, and everything else, I sometimes crave sleep the way a pimply, hormonal adolescent longs to cop a feel.)
And don’t kid yourself; no one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you “should” be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. “I used to think, What’s happened to us? We always used to be in the mood,” says 35-year-old Kim Henderson of Oakland, CA, who’s been married for five years. “Now I know better. Life happens. My husband just started a new job. He has a long commute, and we have two small children. I think we’re good.”
The key is to make sure that even if you’re not doing “it,” you’re still doing something — touching, kissing, hugging. Personally, my heart gets warm and mushy when my husband rubs my feet after a long, tiring day. He may not be anywhere near my center of gravity, but that little bit of touch and attention keeps us connected even when we’re not having spine-tingling sex.
Marriage truth #5
Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It’s really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It’s just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more “right” I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he’s right most of the time (go figure!). So we’d lock horns — often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong — there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband’s. “I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage,” says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. “Now I see that I’m not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There’s more gray in life than I thought, and that’s taught me patience and the value of compromise.”
The more I get to know and appreciate my husband for who he is, the more I respect his positions. That doesn’t mean I always agree with him. But I can see the value in striking a balance that satisfies us both. And instead of harping on how wrong he is, I can usually swallow the verbal vitriol and simply say something like, “I see your point” or “I hadn’t considered that.” After I sincerely acknowledge his view, it seems to become easier for him to hear mine. And because I know I’m being heard, most of the time now, I don’t even want to prove how right I am anymore. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
Marriage truth #6
A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it’s also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don’t just raise your voices; you raise real — sometimes buried — issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn’t give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won’t break us; they’ll only make us stronger.
Marriage truth #7
You’ll realize that you can only change yourself
Ever seen the ’80s sci-fi cult classic Making Mr. Right? When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich’s android character into her personal version of the ideal man — sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us — something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we’re doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man — stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies — is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you’re lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.
Here’s a perfect case in point: “I used to go off on my husband because he didn’t empty the sink trap when he cleaned the kitchen,” says Kimberly Seals Allers, 36, of Bay Shore, NY. “It got me nowhere; my rants only made him resentful. Now I come home and when the kitchen looks clean, I’m like, ‘Cool, now all I have to do is empty the sink trap.’”
Marriage truth #8
As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of
I’ve got issues. Trust issues. Control issues. And others, I’m sure, that I’ve yet to fully discover. I guess I’ve always known I wasn’t perfect. But in more than a decade of marriage, I’ve been smacked upside the head with the cold, hard evidence.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, “I’ll call you at 8.” Then, just to try to trip me up, he’d call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn’t figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me — really and truly — this stuff wouldn’t happen.
I’d like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I’ve come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I’ve had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
I still struggle as a work in progress. But I am completely clear in the knowledge that many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. That can be difficult to accept — after all, it’s so much more comforting to keep a running tab of your hubby’s deficits and tell yourself that his failings are the only thing standing between you and a better marriage. But if you let it, this bumpy journey toward self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed, long-term relationship — you’ll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate toward yourself, just as you’re learning to do with him.
That’s the strange beauty of marriage: It’s full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together — and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.
| Romance / Re: What Things In Common Do You Have With Your Partner? by dabrake(m): 6:08pm On Jul 08, 2014 |
I am Melancholy(dominant), Phlegmatic(recessive).
She is Phlegmatic(dominant), Melancholy(recessive).
| Sports / Re: New Pictures Of Akwa Ibom Stadium (2014) by dabrake(m): 10:06am On Jul 04, 2014 |
honeric01: We do not want any political rants on this board, stay on sport related matters or risk getting banned.
Omo, see vexing nah. LMAO
| Sports / Re: New Pictures Of Akwa Ibom Stadium (2014) by dabrake(m): 9:35am On Jul 04, 2014 |
Wow! Are you sure its september cos september is already at d corner. Wot percentage of completion hav day achieved yet? Sori, am just curious.
The governor is planning to commission it on the 23rd of September which coincides with the state's anniversary. It will be ready come September as the work is speedily in progress.
| Sports / Re: Keshi Resigns & Yobo Quit Super Eagles by dabrake(m): 6:42pm On Jul 01, 2014 |
Enoquin: LMAO...so, na with that kain belt you wan take deal with mikel?
Our wire aka nemesis don lost. Na that one I for use consume slOwBIe's destiny. I lost a bet of N5K last night.
| Sports / Re: Keshi Resigns & Yobo Quit Super Eagles by dabrake(m): 9:57pm On Jun 30, 2014 |
Patiently waiting for Mikel to arrive Nigeria.
| Politics / Re: ‘goodluck Nigeria,’ Says New York Post In Reply To President Jonathan by dabrake(m): 2:07pm On Jun 29, 2014 |
This useless man goofs all the time, he disgraces and embarrass Nigerians everyday, but unfortunately for Nigerians, he's spending their money to clean up his mess while at the same time making a fool of himself all over again.
Money and image laundering can not by competence, money can not not buy brains and good judgment, money can not stop or erase your corrupt ways like covering corruption, protecting and appointing corrupt people to work for you.
The silly editorial you wasted our money on wont stop you from goofing tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, it wont even bring back our girls.
Our military boys and girls are underpaid and ill equipped, but you refused to support and yield to their needs and instead you are spending tons of tax payers money to clean up what you really can not clean because you are naturally incompetent and corrupt.
You can not keep asking the world to see you in a different light while at the same time not doing what you are supposed to do.
It cost nothing for Nigerians and the world to see you in a good light, you don't even have to but their attention, your work and efforts is enough to buy all the good image on the surface of the earth.
In your Op-Ed, you said you are care and returning the girls to their parents is your immediate priority, but this is a lie not only because for weeks you refused to admit that the girls were missing, you refused to say a word or console Nigerians and instead went dancing in Kano, your own wife and the woman you sleep with not only didn't believe that the girls were missing, she used tax payers funded TV and media to ridicule and abuse them on National TV.
Why not let the world see your efforts?
Why not let the world see you showing bravery and leadership?
Why not rescue the girls first and let the world make up their own mind if you really are a caring man or not?
Why not let the world see you fight corruption with all the tools at your disposal?
Why not stop protecting and shielding the corrupt people you hang around with?
Why not stop making childish, idiotic, foolish and irresponsible statements like stealing is not corruption?
You can not buy goodwill with money, let your actions speak for you, let the world see you at work, let the world see you showing leadership, let the world see you bring back our girls, let the world see you fight corruption and put corrupt people in jail, let the world see you stop appointing and surrounding yourself with corrupt people.
All the above steps cost nothing so stop wasting taxpayers money on fools gold.
Jeez!!!!! You've TYSONIZED GEJ with this master piece micro-article of yours. If only one can 'like' a particular comment repeatedly . . .
| Business / Re: Smart/great Business Ideas This 2014 by dabrake(m): 10:34am On Jan 08, 2014 |
And ee no involve hard work abi? Na to just get to d destination, get into act and get paid.. cash and carry things.$
Something like that. More of smart work and intelligence work. There are some iota of hard work though.
| Business / Re: Smart/great Business Ideas This 2014 by dabrake(m): 4:16pm On Jan 07, 2014 |
| Nairaland / General / Re: Welcome To 2014 by dabrake(m): 12:23am On Jan 01, 2014 |
24 minutes already
This 2014 go fast pass Usain Bolt.
| Nairaland / General / Re: Welcome To 2014 by dabrake(m): 12:05am On Jan 01, 2014 |
Seun: Congratulations, everyone!!!
Go to bed.
| Nairaland / General / Re: Welcome To 2014 by dabrake(m): 12:04am On Jan 01, 2014 |
Na so you fast reach?
Happy new year to all nairalanders. Let the firework(s) begin.
| Education / Re: University Of Uyo(uniuyo) Students' Chat Room. Great Tuskites. by dabrake(m): 10:45pm On Dec 30, 2013 |
Happy new year in advance. I hope to meet some nairalanders here. when we resume come 6th.
1455 minutes before the curtains falls off.
| Romance / Re: The Worst Action Your Partner Took After A Breakup? by dabrake(m): 12:36pm On Dec 30, 2013 |
Well, I cheated on her and she called it quit. I begged her but she refused. I just went home, cried my heart out for over 4 months. Now I'm cool, we chat a lot and I help her with some financial/career/otherwise assistance. Thank God for the strike else, I for no near my project. I'm currently dating someone else. It was one of the lowest points of 2013. I regretted cheating on her, she was the best thing I ever had aside my family and my personal persons. I love her more than my current girl though but . . .
My other one eh, . . . Her parents wanted her to marry a guy who just came back from abroad. We tried our best but it got to a point where it became obvious we were fighting a lost battle. Her uncle who was in the military service once threatened me to leave her. It was there I knew I had reached the end of the road. Surprisingly, it was this same parents of hers who usually refer to me as their son-in-law. I took me months to get over it but I finally did. (un)fortunately for me/her parents, the guy was one of these boys who went to Lagos to hustle, made some few cash by stealing millions from his Oga, changed the cash to dollars and was puffing around. Well, his Oga traced the man down to Uyo with heavy Aduma(operation JTF). . .
| Celebrities / Re: Maheeda Looking Classy In Music Video Shoot (SURPRISING PHOTOS) by dabrake(m): 1:02am On Dec 29, 2013 |
Click like if u think that dis gal is a replica of a dog
Hehehehehe. Beggy beggy. No likes yet?
| Education / Re: University Of Uyo(uniuyo) Students' Chat Room. Great Tuskites. by dabrake(m): 12:59am On Dec 29, 2013 |
Just out for a few days and I don miss boku.
| Education / Re: University Of Uyo(uniuyo) Students' Chat Room. Great Tuskites. by dabrake(m): 11:09pm On Dec 27, 2013 |
Thank God. The Nigerian Police can be very funny.
| European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) / Re: West Ham Vs Arsenal (1 - 3) On 26th December 2013 by dabrake(m): 9:48pm On Dec 26, 2013 |
Victoria Concordia Crescit.
| Foreign Affairs / Re: Michelle Obama Wants To Divorce Barack Obama - National Enquirer by dabrake(m): 12:45am On Dec 26, 2013 |
HoldenCaulfield: wait!do you mean the obama of america?
Nah. Obama of Malawi.
| Computers / Re: I Want To Buy A Laptop,any Help? by dabrake(m): 10:57pm On Dec 25, 2013 |
adesina abiodun: haaaaaahaaaaa are you intemidating the poor boy or what ? When some said he only budget for 60k and you are busy flaunting your 280k system or must everybody steal like you to buy a laptop
Use ur brain now
Read this again, especially the highlighted.
Doctor jay: My budget is 60000. I need one with webcam,core i3,good battery and good storage. Can i get a good new one with that budget?Oh!! i just saw this. I sincerely doubt you will get a brand new PC of your class/status for that amount. I suggest you go with 9japipper's recommendation.
And you knew so well I stole my PC? clap for yourself. I have no time for your callibre. Kids like you thinks taking advantage of a faceless forum to abuse others is cool.
| Computers / Re: I Want To Buy A Laptop,any Help? by dabrake(m): 2:31pm On Dec 25, 2013 |
searay: In other countries, your mate are the one manufacturing laptops. Nigerians youths are very laziness. I blame the governments for their act of incosinuatablidiasis
| Computers / Re: I Want To Buy A Laptop,any Help? by dabrake(m): 2:25pm On Dec 25, 2013 |
Ajani2010: i need advice on which to choose 4rm the offers
i av @hand 1. hp pavilion dv9000 @30k 2.hp
elitebook 2540p mini @37k 3. Dell d630 @28k
Damn!!!!!!! For real?
@Op, please discard this guy's market. Those PC's are too tight for the amount mentioned. Do not take actions based on desperation. Peace.
| Computers / Re: I Want To Buy A Laptop,any Help? by dabrake(m): 2:23pm On Dec 25, 2013 |
Doctor jay: My budget is 60000. I need one with webcam,core i3,good battery and good storage. Can i get a good new one with that budget?
Oh!! i just saw this. I sincerely doubt you will get a brand new PC of your class/status for that amount. I suggest you go with 9japipper's recommendation.
| Computers / Re: I Want To Buy A Laptop,any Help? by dabrake(m): 2:20pm On Dec 25, 2013 |
How much is it?
Got mine 280k
| Computers / Re: I Want To Buy A Laptop,any Help? by dabrake(m): 1:08pm On Dec 25, 2013 |
HP ENVY DV7. The PC is tight man. That's what I use.
| Celebrities / Re: Is Dandison Strongface Nigeria'S Sexiest Male Celebrity? by dabrake(m): 2:42am On Dec 25, 2013 |
Are you gay?
Why are so many men debating the veracity of this topic? Isn't this supposed to be for the ladies? One male poster was even talking about Strongace's member size? Wetin be dis?
Dude, that I model my body after that doesn't make me a gay. My love for the female hole will never make me deviate