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Skyfornia:
I would have said it is wrong to put up a low profile while searching for a good wife..but in Nigeria case, I think it is the right thing to do considering that a lot of nigerian girls are after material things. A girl that accepts you when you have nothing(material and financial things) to offer mostly likely have genuinely affection for you.

But we will also need to consider other things like age, is she getting old and desperate for marriage and child? Cause if she is desperate, she might accept any man whether poor or rich.

Anyways, marriage doesn't have any manual...choose what works for you.

LagosNissan:


Would it be okay is she said she finished or stopped schooling at primary six and pretends not be be able to write correct sentences.



Would that worry you?

All these are not something needed man. Don't just enter it show her you have d cash or the qualifications, just be normal. You might hide ur house from her as of now but be real about ur education and ur job, that will lit her hope a bit.

At least you sef need a moderate classic lady to company with you. No be say naw one typical village girl u dey find.

Go rewatch coming to america movie, the first one then you would understand better his point

LagosNissan:


Could you elucidate your point further?

Yes that's the best way to find a woman that truly loves and cares for you At your lowest point

Any man that wants to form "The Poor Prince" does so at his own risk.
Come as you are.

If you're well to do (rich), look for a well to do woman as well.

It is 100% right especially in Nigeria where dere is no true love but base on what they can get from you. In this country if you hv nothing to offer nobody will love or want to associate with you but if u find just 1 please never let go cos it is very rare in this Jungle. Family, Marriage, Friends, Church, Mosque, place of work. Na only person wey get money pastor dey know dere house

Peace of mind is the greatest asset love can give you. Life scenarios will place you were you will meet the right partner but also other connections can ruin that as well. I met someone when I was dead broke and they were kind and had money. Things changed for me business picked up they lost money and I was helping them everything we worked together for when things picked up the ran to others to register and copyright. I withdrew years later we reconnect they have money now but their flaunting it I’m like it’s cool we both have…

Later sha ….they needed help again I helped sacrificed and they mocked me with it that they always had. Ok cool so why pretend? You want someone to love you for you be yourself. Money comes and goes but loyalty when you have or don’t have is everything.

I don’t care how rich my husband is but if he is disloyal it will bring poverty.

No. Vulnerability is one of the true tests of compatibility and, by extension, a sign of a mutually healthy relationship. If you have a woman in your life, and vice versa, who, giving a chance, will take advantage of you/cannot stand firmly for you/treat you respectfully after seeing you in your vulnerable state, then she does not worth your closeness and trust - love and its benefits in general. Provided that you are coming from a conscientious position with a set standard in place, you can never get it wrong.

[quote author=LagosNissan post=104064290]Good day!


I want to know if it's right to hide one's achievements like educational, monetary etc because one wants to find true love.



Does it make any sense?


Would a woman be considered bad for rejecting you, if you said you squat with your brother whereas you own a house?

Or that you didn't attend a university whereas you did?

Or that you you didn't have a job whereas you did?

Note that all these are in a bid to test if she is a wife material.

Is it wrong for women to insist on certain things like wealth, educational background, etc?
I will say its not wrong but don't take the disguise to the extreme like pretending as not having anything at all.

Lucrativress:

I am a Southerner also and your jumping into assumptions doesn't really amuse me, it's normal.
I'm being practical,things you wrote up here iif you're being practical enough then you'll note that you won't smile wide teeth if your daughter or Sister beings her prospective spouse Home who has absolutely nothing.
I won't say you're thinking selfishly but think about the scenario I said
The Bible backs up my claim up there, it's been since time immemorial,if you have nothing continuously, you're living for nothing.
I'm not trying to make you like my point,if you'd rather live in denial of facts, that's up to you.

when you say a man has absolutely nothing, please what do you mean.

Lucrativress:

A good man without money and prospects isn't a man,he is just a living being,his goodness is worthless
Good won't buy 1,2,3 Baby's food and Cerelac you know
Everyone are after their future security, don't blame women soo much,blame the men going for leeches,but don't expect a good and ideal woman to settle for your Korean movie drama's,women are hypergamous in nature, it's naturally imbibed in them,so wake up Fairyman

You can imagine a daughter of Eve's perception. Gawd!

pansophist:


When you're hiding your sophistication from your potential partner,  Why would you think the other person is not discerning enough to see your game plan and play along? Also, what's the assurance that even if the person pass the virtue test and later realise you're rich for example, that their hibernated materialism will not be reactivated?

Furthermore, the idea of downplaying your sophistication is a consequence of imbalalance in their respective social status, which to me, is not a good protocol. Generally, you should actually marry your class , because even if a woman/man married you after passing your so called test, the dynamics associated with a huge gap in social status between them is a deal breaker in most relationship.

I mean think about it, even if you pass my test, will your family pass it too? Will I not be guilt-tripped to pay for your grandma medical fees? Even if I'm capable, won't it periodically ring as exploitation in my head? If I refuse, won't it make our home toxic ? Different social status in many cases also implies different work ethics and view of the world, so how is this sustainable in the long term?

Your potential partner should be the kind that pushes you to be better, that their value in your eyes will call forth your best, making you spotlighting your uniqueness as a compelling force to secure their commitment.  Downplaying yourself also implies that they are not a challenge, same way you won't downplay yourself to an employer. It's a sub-optimal solution. People should date themselves, don't just jump into a committed relationship, talk more of marriage.

I was friend with my spouse for at least two years before we even started dating, and all through the friendship period, I already knew her kind of personality, so there was no need us to downplay or hide anything. Experience like they say, it's the best teacher. So for me, it's a big no. If securing your commitment doesn't call forth the best in me, doesn't make me calibrate, redact, enhance and spotlight all my sophistication to blow you mind, then you're probably not that worthy. This has been my formula and it works for me well.

Judging from personal experience in Nigerian dating culture, I disagree with you.

Things like marrying within your class isn't as simple as you put it. First of all, a lot of ladies never want to marry in their own class, they usually aim higher and when they do, they assume themselves into your class and there isn't any way you can find out except you do some diligent research about this person and ask the right questions. They can tell you they work in XYZ corporation, how do you find out? Some people don't even have an online profile.

Now in the process of asking the right questions, you can keep a decent low profile that is presentable until you actually know who they really are. Don't go on dinner dates talking about how much you have, how many cars you drive, what properties you have purchased or your actual earnings. The purpose of this is to allow her truthfully justify if she likes you or not, without money clouding her judgement in any way.

In Nigeria, if you don't shine your eyes, someone will shine it for you. Dating is crazy outchea.

pansophist:


When you're hiding your sophistication from your potential partner,  Why would you think the other person is not discerning enough to see your game plan and play along? Also, what's the assurance that even if the person pass the virtue test and later realise you're rich for example, that their hibernated materialism will not be reactivated?

Furthermore, the idea of downplaying your sophistication is a consequence of imbalalance in their respective social status, which to me, is not a good protocol. Generally, you should actually marry your class, because even if a woman/man married you after passing your so called test, the dynamics associated with a huge gap in social status between them is a deal breaker in most relationship.

I mean think about it, even if you pass my test, will your family pass it too? Will I not be guilt-tripped to pay for your grandma medical fees? Even if I'm capable, won't it periodically ring as exploitation in my head? If I refuse, won't it make our home toxic ? Different social status in many cases also implies different work ethics and view of the world, so how is this sustainable in the long term?

Your potential partner should be the kind that pushes you to be better, that their value in your eyes will call forth your best, making you spotlighting your uniqueness as a compelling force to secure their commitment.  Downplaying yourself also implies that they are not a challenge, same way you won't downplay yourself to an employer. It's a sub-optimal solution. People should date themselves, don't just jump into a committed relationship, talk more of marriage.

I was friend with my spouse for at least two years before we even started dating, and all through the friendship period, I already knew her kind of personality, so there was no need us to downplay or hide anything. Experience like they say, it's the best teacher. So for me, it's a big no. If securing your commitment doesn't call forth the best in me, doesn't make me calibrate, redact, enhance and spotlight all my sophistication to blow you mind, then you're probably not that worthy. This has been my formula and it works for me well.

Do u know there are people who pretend to be sophisticated to click with other sophisticated people? Bt they are not really sophisticated. Why? because they only aquired these skills to catch a prospect not because it’s who they genuinely are or want to be either or with the best intentions. There Are Wolves!!!

2. Look at a man like dangote, or zuckerberg. He walks into a room and interacts like a nobody, dangote a naturally shy man just keeps quiet and minds his business, while enjoying the simple things. Don’t they have class? They sure do but it’s not in them to loud it. These are difference in personalities.

Why do u think zuckerberg married a Chinese and dangote dates low key American ladies who can’t immediately tell who he is??

Some people best attributes and values are sometimes not the ones they glorify or glamorously project to the world. A lot of people are private.

Lucrativress:

How remarkable that you're Abroad and you've chosen to know only one side of life.
Seems men cry more when they're jilted...
So what do you say about the good women who stayed with a man in nothing and he jilted her after he had something?
What will you say Sir?
And women who built with men, succumbed and all,good women and were still dumped?
Understand something,penury doesn't always determine loyalty.
Last last all a good woman has to do is use her brains,gold diggers are getting married every Saturday,seems like it's the good ladies crying more on Alters
Do you know why?
Cause of less practicalities..
Stop deceiving yourself,you can call me whatever you feel like,it won't remove anything from who I know I am, I'm not mincing my word's..

so now that I have a girlfriend who I no is fucking other men.and I chose to endure all this cos I don't have much and think I shouldn't even be in a serious relationship.so if I make money now should I marry her?the ans is never.i ll never marry Grace Ahmadu

Lucrativress:

A good man without money and prospects isn't a man,he is just a living being,his goodness is worthless
Good won't buy 1,2,3 Baby's food and Cerelac you know
Everyone are after their future security, don't blame women soo much,blame the men going for leeches,but don't expect a good and ideal woman to settle for your Korean movie drama's,women are hypergamous in nature, it's naturally imbibed in them,so wake up Fairyman

I actually agree with you to a large extent, It's always people telling me money doesn't make a man but then, how do I get a roof over my wife's head. I do agree a combination of things make a man but If you have all things without money, you are still worthless to the world, so what's the point.

A man can have money and still be useless, toxic or money miss road as they call it, but not having money at all wouldn't even qualify you to be a man.

Interesting discussion, I believe Oldie and Lucre are saying the same thing just in different ways. Truth is no reasonable person will see poverty and run into it. Even if the man is humble at least the lady will something that shows tomorrow will be better, meaning he must be promising. I believe disguising to have a wife is pure deciet. Be yourself, there's always someone for everyone, just like Lukre said, you must know what you want, you must be deliberate

A High Valued man should only seek the hand of a high valued woman in marriage. Compliment don’t berate

it is not bad to hide your achievements when finding a wife, but it wrong to hide your educational background because even you that is talking will not marry a hawker in the street that has no school cert.

Potatochips:
Wonderful topic. This issue actually happened to me. There's this lady introduced to me by my sister. She was supposed to be a nurse. But after interactions with her, she made me believe she was an auxiliary nurse. I was even willing to train her in nursing school (after marrying her though), before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges. There's no way I could see myself taking up both her family responsibilities and mine at the same time while training her in nursing school. After thinking about everything I decided to let go. After about a month, she wrote me on whatsapp saying she was very happy for not telling about her real status and all that, implying that I'm wicked. I was so disappointed in her. Why hide your true achievements and personality from me when I told you everything about myself?That's deceit. It seemed she had been watching too much nollywood.
Personally I actually don't believe in unconditional love especially when it comes to marriage. People love you most times because of your handsomeness / beauty, education, financial capabilities, intelligence, etc. It's part of life. It is normal. It doesn't necessarily mean they are gold diggers. The question you should ask yourself is, would you accept you if you didn't have any of those achievements? If people have some criteria that you have to meet before accepting you as part of their life, so be it, don't blame them for it, provided they meet yours, then you both should accept each other in the absence of any major red flag.
The problem is that we don't always want to tell ourselves the truth. Even that person that you feel loves you for you has a reason or reasons for loving you, you just don't know it yet. People can be intuitive.

So what is her real status?

She is obviously a manipulative biatch.

You are lucky to have jumped and pass

[quote author=UcheforGod post=104141331][/quote] I feel it's totally unnecessary, everyone has a standard and taste except someone that doesn't know what he or she wants. Saying you are not what you are, means you'll get what you don't deserve. I believe being deliberate and being yourself you'll get what you deserve. That people are unfortunate doesn't mean you'l be.

Lucrativress:

And what's the difference between her and a man saying he has absolutely nothing and he wants to be seriously involved with a woman, what's the probability he won't keep being broke and end up being a liability on the long run.
Listen no prospects is what I have issues with here,why the hell will any woman want to be with a visionless man,a man that with his silly deceit can't chip in "but I'm working on something,I believe having you by my side will make those things come quick.. or more achievable through the peace you'd give"
If you want to go poetic please do,not being damn bland "though I have nothing,I can have you,take me as I am"

have u ever seen a visionless man?even a mad man has a vision.

I think it is safer to allow attraction come as you are then once a relationship is on, fake hard times to see if the other person isn't just a gold digger.

Whether you belittle or show who you are if it's been predestined for you to end up with a karishika you won't escape it

LagosNissan:


Could you elucidate your point further?

you never watch coming to America 1

Reminds me of one of the best literature books I read in secondary school, " She stoops to Conquer"

LagosNissan:


I think I agree with you on many areas.

I guess nollywood is to blame for this.

We all want people we will be proud of.

A daughter of a university professor may be expected to bring a man who went to uni as well or who has means.

It's a thing of pride for the family. I have heard mothers brag that my in law is so so so...

It's also a thing of pride for the bride among her friends.

Is there anything wrong to desire a multi millionaire, realistically speaking? I guess No.

Imagine that a fine educated woman has 3 suitors, all doing well:

If I was a multi millionaire and pretend to be a loafer, would she be wrong to discard me and concentrate on others?

Isn't that how we resign from or reject low paying jobs for better ones?



Pansophist the realist where are thou.

Ubunja martinezs, pocohantas,

At times we make life happenings shape us soo bad we stop thinking straight,it happened to Mr A,it happened to me before,so we set up standards that varies on probabilities,yet we take it as fact,so we stop thinking.
Please leave whoever will decide not to think but act irrationally and give himself unnecessary stress cause of past deeds..
Life isn't black and white

I think the question is rather funny.

There are basically three kinds of spinsters in the Nigerian marriage space

1. The girl who won't settle for less. She'd only consider you if you have something to offer. They spend so much to look damn good. Call her "runs girl" if you want, but she won't marry you if you are not rich

2. The girl who has achieved something in her life. She has a good paying job and can foot her bills. She just needs a partner. Most of them have certain achievements they expect their potential partner to have made. Don't expect them to fall for you when you pretend with a low profile, even though they may

3. Finally the girl who does not have much to show by way of career achievement. She's due for marriage and can feel the pressure on her shoulders since all her friends are already inviting her to their wedding. If you like claim say na you poor pass, once you can pay her bride price and can afford to take her in, she will say yes. For her, any man will do, after all, she will "learn to love" the man.

My point, pretending to be less than who you are does not in anyway guarantee that you'd find true love, it can only guarantee that you'd find someone who's comfortable/in love with that personality you have put forward

My humble submission

Anazp:
a good woman without money is also very worthless. You stuupiid

When people go vulgar,I only see someone who has nothing intelligent to say
So I pass
Thank you

oldienavie:

This is the kind of women we always tell a man to run away from, a woman who would say this has a very shallow mindset, very common amidst women from the Southern part of Nigeria.
They do not understand the concept of loyalty and sacrifice in marriage, they are very greedy and materialistic and only understand the language of money, such women are only loyal to a mans money and sell their body to the highest bidder if the man has financial challenges and that is why a man needs to be discreet and humble when looking for a spouse so as not to attract such women.

By the way I am a southerner but the truth has to be told.

Thank you. You have spoken my mind, most especially the southerner aspect. Abasi udiong.