Acidosis:


You mean your mother works in a top management position in a big firm and she had all the time to clean, cook, do market runs, babysit two kids all by her sex without spending a kobo on house assistants, etc?

Well, I like to believe you; that's why I am wishing you luck in finding a woman like your mother in a digital age.

Working in a top management position isn't even the issue. My grandmother no go school but she had assistant at different phases in her life. By all means reduce your workload. Stress is not a flex.

Lets not make your mom a centre of this discussion tho. Op's issue is mainly about sex. I believe you would be responsible enough to not involve your mom in such discussions.

Logically speaking there are thousands of women better than my mom, they own corporations (so what is working a top mgt position) and still have their marriage. Anyways I am also responsible enough not to mention your mother.

Back to the point at hand, every smart woman knows what it takes to “keep her marriage”.

For some men, it’s their wife cooking (even if he is a billionaire and can afford 10 house maids), for some its sex. There is always a requirement because men would be men irrespective of if the woman is a billionaire.

You saying it like its one thing or the other, like she can’t work in a multi-national and give her husband amazing sex or keep her marriage. Which is a lie cuz their are millions of amazing women doing that and more.

What makes many women outstanding is their ability to balance many priorities. If she chooses to ignore it, in most cases the truth would be that she doesn’t care about you.

Haba, you see me for dream?
Who gave him a lovely wife and kids including the good job he has?
If no be God, then tell me?
Abeg, read in between the lines before you make comments.......

Kobojunkie:
Which God gave him what? Stop using the mentions of God to lie to him abeg!

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

As commented by many below are my takes/observations:
1- You said she avoid sex! Are you sure you are fucking her well to the extend she will scream? Girls yarns for good sex 2sec noodle discourage girls to yarn for sex.
2-100k for upkeep monthly is damn too small especially in present Jagaban leadership everything has skyrocketed and also doing house chores get a help please

Harddiskng:


Logically speaking there are thousands of women better than my mom, they own corporations (so what is working a top mgt position) and still have their marriage. Anyways I am also responsible enough not to mention your mother.

Back to the point at hand, every smart woman knows what it takes to “keep her marriage”.

For some men, it’s their wife cooking (even if he is a billionaire and can afford 10 house maids), for some its sex. There is always a requirement because men would be men irrespective of if the woman is a billionaire.

You saying it like its one thing or the other, like she can’t work in a multi-national and give her husband amazing sex or keep her marriage. Which is a lie cuz their are millions of amazing women doing that and more.

What makes many women outstanding is their ability to balance many priorities. If she chooses to ignore it, in most cases the truth would be that she doesn’t care about you.

I like the fact that you understand and acknowledge what every smart woman would do "to keep their marriage," but somehow, you are yet to bring yourself to the reality of a woman who is faced with the harsh realities in her household that take her to the point of exhaustion. A top CEO with staff at her beck and call is a lifestyle everyone would choose. It only makes the marriage easier.

You have also found a way of citing examples of very hard-working women, but somehow you haven't been able to paint the exact picture, as I am 100% sure that the majority of these examples you cite 100% get assistance from spouses, live-in relatives, or paid services. When you are ready to face the realities of the typical Nigerian home, I believe we will come to a better understanding. I have a 70-year-old man in my neighbourhood who does his own laundry both for keeping fit and as a way of relieving the stress in his family.

Anyway, when the OP is ready to make his marriage work, I am sure he will do the right thing. Right now, it appears the woman is also not ready to kill herself in the name of "keeping her marriage."

Acidosis:


How is she lazy when the husband already mentioned her qualities (one being that she is a hardworking woman)?

I think it is disrespectful to relegate domestic duties because someone employed you to work for them. A very big disrespect to your partner or whoever you choose to pay to do these tasks. I imagine that you also think very low of your dry cleaners, cleaning companies, and caterers. May be I should send you a proposal to clean your apartment for a year (used to own a cleaning business btw). Then I would also send you my IG plug for food delivery. By the time you pay all year round, nobody will teach you how to appreciate your woman or those rendering the services to you FOC.

I would not disrespect nor think lowly of my partner if she carries out her domestic roles without complaining since that is her own contribution to the family. If she feels the domestic duties are too much for her, then she should enter the street with me and hustle for the family's finances, that way we can have enough funds to hire a maid.

Don't compare commercial services to domestic chores because commercial laundry and catering services target large number of people while domestic ones are meant for just the man, his wife and a few kids (4 maximum in most modern homes).

Jman06:
And how much is the partner and co-owner of the family bringing to the table

Op gives 100k just for food o. Children' school fees and house rent is not included in that 100k! Besides, it appears you didn't read where op said he has a project at hand that will increase the family's finances when it matures or you just want to type jargon in order to be seen as woke by appealing to the selfish women in this forum?

Op is doing more than enough for his family already with that 100k he gives for food. Some of you who are against the op are not even doing half of what he's doing for his family!

I don't know about having a wife at home...

But I feel 100k a month should be okay for food for such a family, they're not much and the children are still small, haba mana. This is Nigeria, and the times are not favourable to those even earning as much as OP. The couple should be proud and work together towards their future ....

Let's see..

HALF A BAG OF RICE: 25K
FULL PIG: 40K (or you could sometimes go for a portion of a ram or cow or buy a full goat. It'll last that family for more than a month, with their almost always not at home schedule)
DRIED CATFISH: 20k (could be more now. The last I bought at Liverpool in Apapa is still at home)
CRAYFISH, STOCKFISH, EGUSI, OGBONO, HAUSA LONG PEPPER: 35K (All from Liverpool Apapa)
On top of all these, I sometimes get fresh catfish anytime I need Banga soup or peppersoup. (Note that all the others could last more than a month, stretching to even two and three). Well, it still depends...

Still..

All these are if you want to be extravagant. I only buy staples and meat like stated above(I'm greedy for meat). The rest can be measured and you'll last for more than 3months spending less than that 100k a month on food. Provided you buy pepper and tomatoes in baskets, grind and refrigerate them (you'll be shocked at how much you can save if you do that).

Maybe it's because I'm not always home or we don't really eat much like other families..but I'm sure my daughter would've complained if it's not always enough. These days, I've gone crazy with okra, and I'll always buy and make it myself to mix with whatever soup is made at home.

After the major foodstuffs are made available, it'll take another 2-3months before meat is exhausted but rice and some other staples could take more than 3months before we finish them. So before I spend up to 100k on foodstuffs again in a month, it'll take that long. (Note that I hardly eat outside, except drinking peppersoup and buying kpomo and that's only when I'm where I get my voltage high )

So, what are they eating that will be taking more than 100k each month? At least for a period of time, that should hold the house, plus their children are not even grown...


But ...
I'm sure the real issue the OP's concerned with is not all these.

The woman has denied him sex and he feels he's doing his duty as a man and husband and deserves more affection which prolly includes mind-blowing sex.

Now, I saw people making a list of all the stresses they perceived the woman must be going through.

I'll say, the man should check again and see what he could do to reduce it and that's after speaking with his woman. Number one on my list is, I can't stress any woman with me with laundry (Not when I have the means). So he should fix that and maybe spare a little more for cleaning the house. (But if the man has plans to increase the family earnings and this could affect that project negatively, Ii feel he should call his woman and speak with her to get her understanding and cooperation). Yet, it depends on many other factors too..
Let's not talk about cooking (cos I tend to have something with any good female cook. So if I'm ever married, my woman better be the one making my food, else... No one can blame me, I like good food and those who make them. )

Then if this continues, ah, baba has finally achieved agbako.

The iya no longer finds him attractive or someone else is thoroughly farming on that land.

Oga let me advise you, i am a married man of 10yrs and and this problem is similar to every home, women tends to lose interest in sex for the following reasons

1, workload
2, Low libido,
3, Depression
4, Trouble with some personal issues

Let me tell you that no 1 and 2 is what my wifey is going through, i understand with her sometimes i get really frustrated, but then what when i think of how good she is to me, i have to let go, sometimes she knows that i feel bad not getting it enough, she confess and tell me to be patient with her.

marriage is a compromise no one is perfect, even you as the man you are not perfect, learn to open a communication with her and know what her problems are. on the 100k i think she is ok cos if she is not she will complain, i don't earn half of your salary but i give 60k which i know is not enough, mind you i still do other things that will support the cash i give.

I help in house chores over the weekend as my work is Monday to Friday, i support her to ensure she is not over worked. let me tell you that your wife quality is same as mine in fact my wife can manage for Africa.

my suggestion
1. Take her out and spoil her you have the means
2. Get a holiday for her even if it is 2days.
3. Get gym for her and let her have evening workout
4. Praise her women like praise a lot.
5. Tell her that the future is bright for both of you.

Lastly, you see if you follow this generation you will loss, from the many comments here on the post, there seems to be a general consensus that you should cheat, don't do that, if you are a Muslim just like me, you can take a second wife if you cant cope, but no to cheating, Divorce should be like the last resort after every ADR failed...13yrs of Marriage is not a joke, dont let devil use you....my own self wey be 10yrs i still dey work hard to improve our love.

Barakalahu fikh

Daddy's boy!

Weldone ooooo.. Rubbish and Nonsense..

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Acidosis:


I like the fact that you understand and acknowledge what every smart woman would do "to keep their marriage," but somehow, you are yet to bring yourself to the reality of a woman who is faced with the harsh realities in her household that take her to the point of exhaustion. A top CEO with staff at her beck and call is a lifestyle everyone would choose. It only makes the marriage easier.

You have also found a way of citing examples of very hard-working women, but somehow you haven't been able to paint the exact picture, as I am 100% sure that the majority of these examples you cite 100% get assistance from spouses, live-in relatives, or paid services. When you are ready to face the realities of the typical Nigerian home, I believe we will come to a better understanding. I have a 70-year-old man in my neighbourhood who does his own laundry both for keeping fit and as a way of relieving the stress in his family.

Anyway, when the OP is ready to make his marriage work, I am sure he will do the right thing. Right now, it appears the woman is also not ready to kill herself in the name of "keeping her marriage."

With your write-up, you had the missing ingredient at the tip of your finger but you still couldn’t point at it.

Can two walk together except they agree?. OP’s wife refuses him sex, what is he supposed to do? Force her? Threaten her? Beg her?

It is obvious she is not willing to do what is necessary to “keep her marriage”.

All these things are so little, I don’t know why you are viewing it as a great inconvenience.

I worked in multi-national then CEO (man), doesn’t like live-in house-help. He doesn’t like seeing anybody who is not his family living in his house. Chef, cleaner, driver, all come and go.

Imagine he wants a hot meal at night, according to your thinking it is too much for him to ask his wife to spend 10 mins cooking spag for him . Mind you his wife is also a top executive in another multinational.

Like i stated before the woman doesn’t just care or she is not smart, I won’t advise him to divorce but we all know what ought to be done. May we never end up with such a woman.

Men and women have to do things and sometimes make compromises for their marriage to work. In a case like this when one makes a decision the other can’t balance. The marriage is heading for a crash.

correctguy101:


I don't know about having a wife at home...

But I feel 100k a month should be okay for food for such a family, they're not much and the children are still small, haba mana. This is Nigeria, and the times are not favourable to those even earning as much as OP. The couple should be proud and work together towards their future ....

Let's see..

HALF A BAG OF RICE: 25K
FULL PIG: 40K (or you could sometimes go for a portion of a ram or cow or buy a full goat. It'll last that family for more than a month, with their almost always not at home schedule)
DRIED CATFISH: 20k (could be more now. The last I bought at Liverpool in Apapa is still at home)
CRAYFISH, STOCKFISH, EGUSI, OGBONO, HAUSA LONG PEPPER: 35K (All from Liverpool Apapa)
On top of all these, I sometimes get fresh catfish anytime I need Banga soup or peppersoup. (Note that all the others could last more than a month, stretching to even two and three). Well, it still depends...

Still..

All these are if you want to be extravagant. I only buy staples and meat like stated above(I'm greedy for meat). The rest can be measured and you'll last for more than 3months spending less than that 100k a month on food. Provided you buy pepper and tomatoes in baskets, grind and refrigerate them (you'll be shocked at how much you can save if you do that).

Maybe it's because I'm not always home or we don't really eat much like other families..but I'm sure my daughter would've complained if it's not always enough. These days, I've gone crazy with okra, and I'll always buy and make it myself to mix with whatever soup is made at home.

After the major foodstuffs are made available, it'll take another 2-3months before meat is exhausted but rice and some other staples could take more than 3months before we finish them. So before I spend up to 100k on foodstuffs again in a month, it'll take that long. (Note that I hardly eat outside, except drinking peppersoup and buying kpomo and that's only when I'm where I get my voltage high )

So, what are they eating that will be taking more than 100k each month? At least for a period of time, that should hold the house, plus their children are not even grown...


But ...
I'm sure the real issue the OP's concerned with is not all these.

The woman has denied him sex and he feels he's doing his duty as a man and husband and deserves more affection which prolly includes mind-blowing sex.

Now, I saw people making a list of all the stresses they perceived the woman must be going through.

I'll say, the man should check again and see what he could do to reduce it and that's after speaking with his woman. Number one on my list is, I can't stress any woman with me with laundry (Not when I have the means). So he should fix that and maybe spare a little more for cleaning the house. (But if the man has plans to increase the family earnings and this could affect that project negatively, Ii feel he should call his woman and speak with her to get her understanding and cooperation). Yet, it depends on many other factors too..
Let's not talk about cooking (cos I tend to have something with any good female cook. So if I'm ever married, my woman better be the one making my food, else... No one can blame me, I like good food and those who make them. )

Then if this continues, ah, baba has finally achieved agbako.

The iya no longer finds him attractive or someone else is thoroughly farming on that land.

Exactly! That 100k is more than enough for a month. I even have a feeling that the wife is saving part of the money.

Some of those castigating the op and making excuses for his wife are those who believe that it is okay for a woman to just relax at home doing nothing while the man works his butt off and still come home to do domestic chores. This is the reason most men die early while their wives live longer to enjoy his wealth and their children.

Jman06:
I would not disrespect nor think lowly of my partner if she carries out her domestic roles without complaining since that is her own contribution to the family. If she feels the domestic duties are too much for her, then she should enter the street with me and hustle for the family's finances, that way we can have enough funds to hire a maid.

Don't compare commercial services to domestic chores because commercial laundry and catering services target large number of people while domestic ones are meant for just the man, his wife and a few kids (4 maximum in most modern homes).

Exactly my point. How many people is she cooking for? Is it the whole community’s clothes, she is washing? If its not then it’s logically that its not everyday she does heavy cooking/washing/cleaning.

Is it even possible to work round the clock (8am - 8pm) every single day doing chores for a her nuclear family, what exactly is she doing

Are there not women also working for provide for their families and also helping around the house. I just don’t want to say it, but she might be getting the sex somewhere else hence her disinterest in her husband.

Acidosis Is making seem she is doing something nobody has done before hence the reason she was too tired to give her husband sex

Jman06:
I would not disrespect nor think lowly of my partner if she carries out her domestic roles without complaining since that is her own contribution to the family. If she feels the domestic duties are too much for her, then she should enter the street with me and hustle for the family's finances, that way we can have enough funds to hire a maid.

Don't compare commercial services to domestic chores because commercial laundry and catering services target large number of people while domestic ones are meant for just the man, his wife and a few kids (4 maximum in most modern homes).

Trust me, only a few women would be willing to sit down in the house for domestic duties. The reason is not farfetched seeing how you guys denigrate women and chores. The reality now is that many women would rather go out 7am everyday like you do to battle it out with 35k job than sit in the house cooking for you only to return in the evening and spread your legs like a newly coronated chief. They will rather contribute from the little or plenty they earn to run the home. You will have to create time and help out in the house or pay to get the job done.

Maybe when men begin to appreciate chores and "housewives" again, the reality will change. You may need to clearly avoid educated women to achieve this imagination of yours.

Harddiskng:



With your write-up, you had the missing ingredient at the tip of your finger but you still couldn’t point at it.

Can two walk together except they agree?. OP’s wife refuses him sex, what is he supposed to do? Force her? Threaten her? Beg her?

It is obvious she is not willing to do what is necessary to “keep her marriage”.

All these things are so little, I don’t know why you are viewing it as a great inconvenience.

I worked in multi-national then CEO (man), doesn’t like live-in house-help. He doesn’t like seeing anybody who is not his family living in his house. Chef, cleaner, driver, all come and go.

Imagine he wants a hot meal at night, according to your thinking it is too much for him to ask his wife to spend 10 mins cooking spag for him . Mind you his wife is also a top executive in another multinational.

Like i stated before the woman doesn’t just care or she is not smart, I won’t advise him to divorce but we all know what ought to be done. May we never end up with such a woman.

Men and women have to do things and sometimes make compromises for their marriage to work. In a case like this when one makes a decision the other can’t balance. The marriage is heading for a crash.

Ask the OP to state the efforts he has put in towards addressing his wife's exhaustion.

Bold of you to think that only the woman needs to keep her marriage.

No responsible man would demand hot spaghetti from a tired and exhausted wife in the middle of the night when there are readily available alternatives in the house.

Well, I have never mandated live-in aides. Money isn't even required to assist one's partner. All it takes is some time and efforts. So even the poorest of the poorest men do not have any excuse..

I done read the OP statement, but this is my issue with the OP, how come your prick still dey strong even after up to 10 Years in Marriage? Then I saw the area where you say, you dey earn like 700K and yet you dey pay like 100k for feeding monthly, I swear this is where the OP dey do the mistake. I nor accuse you ohh, but what I want to tell you is from my personal experience as a man and as a father and husband. 700KX12=8.4M. I think I make around that money yearly or double of that yearly, but my prick nor dey strong like OP own because building project when I task myself to do yearly is more than 18M, the 18M I nor get, but I set a TIME, for myself. Most times I set A YEAR, to complete a project of like 20M for myself, when you set A TIME, for your project OP, see make your wife OPEN PUSSY for you, your dick nor go stand, and if e stand, as you dey in action, your mind go carry you go remember say you never meet up with last month quoter for your project, you dick go fall.

The problem I see here is, OP you have less stress bothering you, so a quick format for you to use to drop your libido and match it with that of your wife, occupy yourself with heavy task, occupy yourself with a yearly task that the cost would double your yearly salary, eg your salary is 8.4M, mandate yourself to successfully complete a project that is like 15M yearly, naturally your libido go come down and match that of your wife. You earn a good salary, but person when dey earn that kind amount nor suppose to dey get high libido. Because I believe you do a Corporate Job.

And a serious note, if you earn 700k and your family feeding cost monthly is 100K, then I put it too you, you are underfeeding your family.

Acidosis:


Trust me, only a few women would be willing to sit down in the house for domestic duties. The reason is not farfetched seeing how you guys denigrate women and chores. The reality now is that many women would rather go out 7am everyday like you do to battle it out with 35k job than sit in the house cooking for you only to return in the evening and spread your legs like a newly coronated chief. They will rather contribute from the little or plenty they earn to run the home. You will have to create time and help out in the house or pay to get the job done.

Maybe when men begin to appreciate chores and "housewives" again, the reality will change. You may need to clearly avoid educated women to achieve this imagination of yours.

Lol. Well said!
Some women would be slugging it out on jobs that cannot even pay their transportation, just so they are not seen as liabilities. I would rather these women get a handwork and do it from home. Many jobs out there are not worth the stress only to return home and pound akpu again.

Make una understand the woman now, OP wife nor say she nor dey Bleep ohhh, she only say she can't match OP libido sikina. Not everybody has the strength for long sex, as e be for man, na so e be for woman. Open my only advice for you is, engage yourself more with task so your libido go drop... Don't spoil your marriage because of Bleep, when you reach OLD AGE, na this your same wife go take care of you ohh, she nor go say because you shit for body and your shit dey smell, she nor go clean you up ohh, she go still take good care of you. This is the reason while 9ja marriages nor fit survive for advance countries. OP remember tomorrow ohh, that your papa nor go dey to clean your shit ohh.

ADURA123:


I am not divorcing to remarry, I want to be alone and be free. Thank you

You think marriage is bondage?

Acidosis:


Trust me, only a few women would be willing to sit down in the house for domestic duties. The reason is not farfetched seeing how you guys denigrate women and chores. The reality now is that many women would rather go out 7am everyday like you do to battle it out with 35k job than sit in the house cooking for you only to return in the evening and spread your legs like a newly coronated chief. They will rather contribute from the little or plenty they earn to run the home. You will have to create time and help out in the house or pay to get the job done.

Maybe when men begin to appreciate chores and "housewives" again, the reality will change. You may need to clearly avoid educated women to achieve this imagination of yours.

I even prefer that both of us work and contribute equally to the family's finances and also share domestic chores. The problem is that most ladies would want to eat their cakes and still have it. They'll want the man to be the one shouldering the family's financial needs and at the same time help in domestic chores while they lazy about and gossip. They don't want marital responsibilities whilst they're the ones that enjoy the family most on the long run.

NoToPile:


According to the OP the wife stated he wants to kill her with sex, that should serve as a complaint so I believe a conversation would have led to that statement. We don't have the full details of conversation so we can't be specific.

The only thing glaring is that OP seems not to see anything wrong in his demand and sees everything wrong with his wife's complaint.

I honestly do not see it as blackmail, his Co-Men are telling him his demands need to be worked on.

It is him we can talk to, his wife is not here.

If madam is complaining about the frequency which is not out of place then he should also compromise, it's that simple

From the OP's tone, I doubt a conversation has been had. He insisted his wife is a good woman so this is not a case of 'give a dog a bad name and hang it'.

And this is about 5 to 7 years running. 'Don't kill me with sex' is not a conversation. If her boss or a team member complained about something for two months, she would engage them for clarity and feedback out of regard for them. She should extend same courtesy to her husband.

Hopefully, when he complains again, the wife would engage him like an adult and they reach a compromise.

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Divorce is the best option my brother. Since sex is the issue, you can fix it easily. Use love terms of her consistently, tell her is special, wonderful, cute & everything. That you count yourself blessed to be her husband. Tell her she is a special package,that if she could factor sex into her many duties to you she will become the complete package. Women are like babies, they are turned on by praises or compliments. Don't go for divorce my brother. This challenge will be over soon& you will enjoy your wife again.

Jman06:
Exactly! That 100k is more than enough for a month. I even have a feeling that the wife is saving part of the money.

Some of those castigating the op and making excuses for his wife are those who believe that it is okay for a woman to just relax at home doing nothing while the man works his butt off and still come home to do domestic chores. This is the reason most men die early while their wives live longer to enjoy his wealth and their children.

Brother no waste time dey vex too much. We're on a cyber space especially when this Emperor Seun's anonymous forum is concerned.

All the nonsense here could be converted to teaching an AI about us all and I fear for humans if the results got any AI to act like most Nairalanders... No mind me, I'm idle again today. ...

And don't get me wrong.

I'm one of the men who do not like their women working. Old school that I am. I personally see nothing wrong with it. My sisters has scolded me about it many times but my opinion is: I just don't need a woman to be working before I can like her. As long as she's in possession of what I like,she can relax and let me take care of her.

The woman I should've married those years wasn't doing anything and we were doing okay with all I had. I was even prepping for if I died before her. But she left before me....

That's why I always excuse any werey that believes they're in love... smh

Only that my baby then refused to accept any cleaner or cook. We had washing machine (I don't miss this as I'm lazy and I don't expect it from my woman as there are laundry businesses we could patronize).
So she's always the one taking care of all I had as I'm a careless person...

But I still recall that I do handle the washing machine sometimes and I sometimes clean the bathroom and toilets too, each time I handle the laundry.

So it's really nothing. The two people involved should just get their shiit straight. The secular emotionless world is crazy and I feel we Africans are already assimilating with it.

SMH

Acidosis:


Ask the OP to state the efforts he has put in towards addressing his wife's exhaustion.

Bold of you to think that only the woman needs to keep her marriage.

No responsible man would demand hot spaghetti from a tired and exhausted wife in the middle of the night when there are readily available alternatives in the house.

Well, I have never mandated live-in aides. Money isn't even required to assist one's partner. All it takes is some time and efforts. So even the poorest of the poorest men do not have any excuse..

Thank God the last paragraph of my post was there for you to read, you even quoted it. What men and women need to do things to make their marriage work.

Plus OP’s post didn’t say she was exhausted. It seem you are not reading or you are not understanding. It has to be one or the other or both, cuz how would OP’s wife be exhausted for the last 5 years. She just blatant refused to provide him with sex in recent years.

Again we have touched this issue of her being a house wife. It is not possible or logical to work 8am - 8pm every single day doing house chores for a nuclear family. What exactly is she doing as we speak the same woman could have her legs up a table watching TV. Only to still refuse her husband sex when he gets back from work.

Oga you have made no valid point, if there was no reason, she would have stated it herself in the last 5 years and the husband would have taken action to get a solution “All men are rational“. If she doesn’t want to do the duties of a wife, I support the OP in divorcing her.

Even the good book states it clearly - 1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again….

Oga Sometimes you just have to stop supporting or making excuse for nonsense.

ADURA123:


You dey M*D ni? did you not read the part I said I am investing on a project she is aware of? Does that not tell you it was our agreement to give her that?

Mod: This project is costing me over 7-8 by end of 2024 where the dividend will start flowing in?

You are simply a wicked man.

After tolling with you all these years on your stingy 100k monthly house keeping in Abuja you want to leave her for your side chick when your dividend starts coming in.

In life nature is not stupid, what goes around comes around too.

yemmit90:
■ In any decision in life, you scale the weight of damages that would be incurred if a particular step is taking. I weighted the options, and I see that divorcing a good woman because of her inability to match his sexual demand is far more damaging, hence my advise to him. I did not specifically asked him to take it, it was just a suggestion since sex is the only reason he wanted to divorce her. As cheap as sex is these days, it doesn't worth being use to throw away his family if he truly love them. From my little experience, women hardly bothered on what you do outside as long as you are a caring and responsible husband and keep it within yourself. I will say it again, divorcing a good woman because of sex is not really a solution. A real man in Nigeria context take a second wife or have a fling outside to keep his family.


There is what is called "necessary evil" every wise person or country use it at a particular point to achieve their aims or objectives. Not that they are evils or bad, just that is compulsory to do that to lesson or avoid further demanges.

1. You do realize how disconnected from reality your response remains, right?
● Op is currently unhappy in his marriage and cannot wait to be rid of it. Your advise is that he remain in that unhappy marriage, funding a woman that he probably sees as part of reason for his unhappiness and chained to her for life, all while he pays for sex outside of his marriage.
● Op's wife is also unhappy about the strain on the marriage and is probably aware of the distance that has formed between them as a couple. She is also aware that once he starts cheating on her --- getting his needs met outside of the marriage-- the gap between them will definitely grow.

You claim that women are hardly bothered by what their husbands do outside of the marriage. Did your research consider that the reason many Nigerian women turn themselves(commonsense included) upside down after marriage has to do with the mental trauma that is living in an adulterous marriage?.

OP's wife is definitely not happy with the situation in her marriage and is probably already considering joining other women in praying and fasting rituals. Worse, in her unhappiness she might fall prey to one of Nigeria's many conmen out there
● Kids benefit nothing from watching Daddy and mummy live like complete strangers in the house. Studies show that the damage that kind of setting does is about the same as that a terrible divorce wrecks on them. So let's not even use kids to blackmail people into staying together in uncomfortable and unhappy marriages.

How Staying in an Unhappy Marriage Can Affect Your Children

2. In all, who benefits from living in an unhappy marriage for Heaven's sake? For whose benefit is this "necessary evil" when the damage done to all involved is all but sure?

pocohantas:


Lol. Well said!
Some women would be slugging it out on jobs that cannot even pay their transportation, just so they are not seen as liabilities. I wouls rather these women get a handwork and do it from home. Many jobs out there are not worth the stress only to return home and pound akpu again.

You understand the situation so well... Many women do those odd jobs to fight back and prove a point.

Jman06:
I even prefer that both of us work and contribute equally to the family's finances and also share domestic chores. The problem is that most ladies would want to eat their cakes and still have it. They'll want the man to be the one shouldering the family's financial needs and at the same time help in domestic chores while they lazy about and gossip. They don't want marital responsibilities whilst they're the ones that enjoy the family most on the long run.

I don't think the idea of contributing equally will ever work. That already defiles the purpose of marriage.

Rather than contribute equally, then everyone should just fend for themselves na abi? When you return from your 700k job, you will make your food and change diapers for one child. Allow your woman manage herself and one kid. Trust me, a lot of women will wholeheartedly agree.

bukatyne:


From the OP's tone, I doubt a conversation has been had. He insisted his wife is a good woman so this is not a case of 'give a dog a bad name and hang it'.

And this is about 5 to 7 years running. 'Don't kill me with sex' is not a conversation. If her boss or a team member complained about something for two months, she would engage them for clarity and feedback out of regard for them. She should extend same courtesy to her husband.

Hopefully, when he complains again, the wife would engage him like an adult and they reach a compromise.

Hopefully they reach a compromise.

Harddiskng:


Thank God the last paragraph of my post was there for you to read, you even quoted it. What men and women need to do things to make their marriage work.

Plus OP’s post didn’t say she was exhausted. It seem you are not reading or you are not understanding. It has to be one or the other or both, cuz how would OP’s wife be exhausted for the last 5 years. She just blatant refused to provide him with sex in recent years.

Again we have touched this issue of her being a house wife. It is not possible or logical to work 8am - 8pm every single day doing house chores for a nuclear family. What exactly is she doing as we speak the same woman could have her legs up a table watching TV. Only to still refuse her husband sex when he gets back from work.

Oga you have made no valid point, if there was no reason, she would have stated it herself in the last 5 years and the husband would have taken action to get a solution “All men are rational“. If she doesn’t want to do the duties of a wife, I support the OP in divorcing her.

Even the good book states it clearly - 1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again….

Oga Sometimes you just have to stop supporting or making excuse for nonsense.

Now that you are assuming that it is impossible for a woman to work herself to exhaustion for 5 years, then I can also assume that it is impossible for a married woman to deny her husband sex and intimacy consistently for five years. The two exaggerations and lies can go hand in hand, don't you think?


Let the OP come here and swear with his 700k job that he has never moved close to his wife in the last 5 years.

Harddiskng:


Logically speaking there are thousands of women better than my mom, they own corporations (so what is working a top mgt position) and still have their marriage. Anyways I am also responsible enough not to mention your mother.

Back to the point at hand, every smart woman knows what it takes to “keep her marriage”.

For some men, it’s their wife cooking (even if he is a billionaire and can afford 10 house maids), for some its sex. There is always a requirement because men would be men irrespective of if the woman is a billionaire.

You saying it like its one thing or the other, like she can’t work in a multi-national and give her husband amazing sex or keep her marriage. Which is a lie cuz their are millions of amazing women doing that and more.

What makes many women outstanding is their ability to balance many priorities. If she chooses to ignore it, in most cases the truth would be that she doesn’t care about you.

Are you married with kids and a working wife with no house help?

correctguy101:


Brother no waste time dey vex too much. We're on a cyber space especially when this Emperor Seun's anonymous forum is concerned.

All the nonsense here could be converted to teaching an AI about us all and I fear for humans if the results got any AI to act like most Nairalanders... No mind me, I'm idle again today. ...

And don't get me wrong.

I'm one of the men who do not like their women working. Old school that I am. I personally see nothing wrong with it. My sisters has scolded me about it many times but my opinion is: I just don't need a woman to be working before I can like her. As long as she's in possession of what I like,she can relax and let me take care of her.

The woman I should've married those years wasn't doing anything and we were doing okay with all I had. I was even prepping for if I died before her. But she left before me....

That's why I always excuse any werey that believes they're in love... smh

Only that my baby then refused to accept any cleaner or cook. We had washing machine (I don't miss this as I'm lazy and I don't expect it from my woman as there are laundry businesses we could patronize).
So she's always the one taking care of all I had as I'm a careless person...

But I still recall that I do handle the washing machine sometimes and I sometimes clean the bathroom and toilets too, each time I handle the laundry.

So it's really nothing. The two people involved should just get their shiit straight. The secular emotionless world is crazy and I feel we Africans are already assimilating with it.

SMH

It has never been our culture for women to sit at home and lazy around while men work. Rather, women were involved in farming and worked in their husbands' farms. That was one of the reasons why men married many wives in those days. Women were also involved in trading. All these never stopped them from doing their wifely duties at home.

So, while your likes encourage women to be lazy by not allowing them work, just do it because you want to. Don't attribute such laziness in women to our culture because no parts of our culture encourages women to be lazy and not work.

Acidosis:



Now that you are assuming that it is impossible for a woman to work herself to exhaustion for 5 years, then I can also assume that it is impossible for a married woman to deny her husband sex and intimacy consistently for five years. The two exaggerations and lies can go hand in hand, don't you think?


Let the OP come here and swear with his 700k job that he has never moved close to his wife in the last 5 years.

There is no assumption, have you never cooked or cleaned or washed - if you have you know what each task entails. simple question: what does she do everyday from 8am - 8pm as a housewife for a nuclear family, Is it possible that she would cook clean wash every single day monday to Sunday, from 8am - 8pm? Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge, sometimes try common sense in your arguments.

Someone is saying for last 5 years …. You are still telling him to swear about what exactly. If it didn’t get to him enough, would he consider divorcing her or be here complaining about it.

You have stopped making sense long ago, you don’t listen to reason and you make very lowbrow arguments.

Acidosis:


I don't think the idea of contributing equally will ever work. That already defiles the purpose of marriage.

Rather than contribute equally, then everyone should just fend for themselves na abi? When you return from your 700k job, you will make your food and change diapers for one child. Allow your woman manage herself and one kid. Trust me, a lot of women will wholeheartedly agree.

And you think I have problems with changing my kids' diapers? I will wholeheartedly accept your suggestion too