That man is full of baggages, you've seen lots of red flag, his a fool at 40, childish and a liar.

If you still wish to keep him close to verify more about him, then get contact of his ex wife, befriend her and ask her questions about her ex husband, why she left the marriage.

Am surprised that u are still in communication with him.

Stop picking your parents call for some time, they will get the message.

Reminderz:

you're likely a woman so I would rather save my energy...

Op is also a woman so this is basically women's
thread, next time go to men's only thread like the one in romance section where uninterrupted senselessness runs free.

Nengiraw:
Thank you. I have actually already blocked him, because for the life of me, my mental can’t deal with a lot of things surrounding him, even if I decide to marry him, I don’t know how the first wife will feel, cause I know that she will definitely still be in his life, because of their daughter, who still stays with the mother, and he has her on the weekend. He even started comparing me and the wife, saying that I look more attractive than her, so now she is ugly. I just felt it was childish of him, and I don’t want a man like that to be my husband

See how he is talking down on the woman.

Abeg don't allow anybody pressure you into doing something you will regret. Your family mean well, but many times the road of destruction is paved with good intentions.

Dear OP,
I've carefully read your post and it's unfortunate to see that all your conclusions about this man are drawn from subjective opinions and intuition.... it's all in your head

I strongly recommend you meet this man first in person before making any decisions that might lead to conflicts with your family.Dont listen to many commenter who want you to call your mother's bluff, I urge you not to dismiss the concerns and considerations of your family, particularly your mother. No mother would willingly lead her child into a life of suffering, especially a girl.

The age gap between you and this man should not be a cause for concern, there are countless happy couples with age gaps exceeding 30 years. An older man will bring tolerance, understanding, and experience in dealing with a women's emotions. Girls keep making this mistake of I am too young or he's too old until she becomes too old and he will still be eligible, the biological clock of a man and a woman is not the same.
At early 20 you are at your prime as a woman and the man is at his prime at 40.

It would be wise for you to give the man time to address any lingering issues with his first wife or baby mama. It's not uncommon for men to make bad choices driven by naivety and inexperience in their early relationships.
Furthermore, it's important you understand that time may not be as abundant as you believe or made to believe. You're not as young as you might think. Soon, you'll be approaching 30, and that age brings a different set of troubles and pressure, It's not unusual for girls as young as 17 to be managing households.
The path you want to tow or pushed to tow has played out countless times and the girls usually didn't come through as winners.
..........shortgun

JasonScoolari:
Rose, first time I will agree with you crackhead 😂

Na me go suffocate you for this forum 😂

IconicR:
Na me go suffocate you for this forum 😂

With your big breast abi wetin you get again? 😄

Run! I repeat, run!!!

He is a stupid man

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

I'm 30 years old, young, fresh and handsome guy in Nigeria with no baby, girlfriend or wife issues...

I'm interested in you.... Can we get married??

Biglittlelois:



Op is also a woman so this is basically women's
thread, next time go to men's only thread like the one in romance section where uninterrupted senselessness runs free.

Nawa!!

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

You're just 25. What do you need so much trauma for?

He's a 40 year old man full of baggage, baggage and more baggage. He's not divorced/separated/whatever he claims, and his attitude to his own child is enough to tell you who he is. He's not hiding it from you.

If you want him, go and be with him. But a man that age is a terrible mix for you. You would become his slave and babysitter for his other older children, something you will resent and use against them once you and him get a child together.

Return home while the party hasn't started yet. Or better still, ask his wife what's going on in their marriage.

JasonScoolari:
Rose, first time I will agree with you crackhead 😂

Married men are doing the most these days

These men are ready to cough out real money recklessly on single ladies, so any lady who needs the cash should chop the money and run away 😂😂😂😂

IconicR:
Married men are doing the most these days

These men are ready to cough out real money recklessly on single ladies, so any lady who needs the cash should chop the money and run away 😂😂😂😂

Good observation about some married men...



Nor forget say “awuf dey run belle”

tochez24:



I'm 30 years old, young, fresh and handsome guy in Nigeria with no baby, girlfriend or wife issues...

I'm interested in you.... Can we get married??

She didn't say she wanted a gold digger.

JasonScoolari:
Good observation about some married men...



Nor forget say “awuf dey run belle”

Make e run am, we go take flagyl.

IconicR:
Make e run am, we go take flagyl.

Na your pussy go hear am 😂

Dey make mouth for their with your strong yansh 😤

JasonScoolari:
Na your pussy go hear am 😂

Dey make mouth for their with your strong yansh 😤

That's your imagination


I'm unavailable, them no dy see me.

I was in warri for almost one week, these una warri men with big stomach no dy take eyes see woman despite the fact that I was always on abaya

IconicR:
That's your imagination


I'm unavailable, them no dy see me.

I was in warri for almost one week, these una warri men with big stomach no dy take eyes see woman despite the fact that I was always on abaya

Hahahahaha!!! E be like say one of my Warri brother's don impregnate you, hence you came looking for him. 😂😂😂

Anytime you feel like coming back to Warri, let me know.

If he lied about his career, there might be many more lies about his person.

JasonScoolari:
Hahahahaha!!! E be like say one of my Warri brother's don impregnate you, hence you came looking for him. 😂😂😂

Anytime you feel like coming back to Warri, let me know.

Where your warri brothers wan take see me

I told you earlier I was in warri
This warri people are very funny especially their women, the funny hairstyles and dressing.
Though the women are very hardworking sha

IconicR:
Where your warri brothers wan take see me

I told you earlier I was in warri
This warri people are very funny especially their women, the funny hairstyles and dressing.
Though the women are very hardworking sha

Anytime you come to Warri, let me know so I can take you to beautiful places your boyfriend couldn't take you to last week.

JasonScoolari:
Anytime you come to Warri, let me know so I can take you to beautiful places your boyfriend couldn't take you to last week.

Have you forgotten olu of warri is my son? So I can't visit my son ehn, it has to be a boyfriend? Smh

IconicR:
Have you forgotten olu of warri is my son? So I can't visit my son ehn, it has to be a boyfriend? Smh

Thunder faya you there... 😤

No respect

JasonScoolari:
Thunder faya you there... 😤

No respect

He's my son, go and trace history.

Jovialjune1:



A very senseless comment, how exactly will a polygamous man get another wife if not by cheating on his first wife, or you think he will meet a woman today then marry her tomorrow? Did Op tell you she wants to be a 2nd or 3rd wife? Is Polygamy legal in the country they reside?

All this small boys that will come here and preach the dysfunctionality of their upbringing unto others, the man in the Op that is already using vulgar words to describe his wife, does that foolish man look like someone that can manage two women? nowhere has Polygamy favoured anybody, always rivalry and hatred because the man will definitely be fond of one than the other, yet this one dey preach trash to women to accept nonsense lifestyle, so that in future, children go dey hate themselves because of their parents mistake,

Op ignore this quoted comment with every fiber of your being.

... A very senseless and immature comment at that.

Jovialjune1:
To the Op, why do you still entertain his calls or any communication with him? Why will you even come here to seek advice on a married man in the first place? This is an open and close case, tell him straight up that you will never have anything to do his sorry aśs anymore then delete his number, firmly tell your family you will be the one to choose who you will spend the rest of your life with, not them.

..jovialjune, so you be no "sme-sme" person like this.. very Good! @ OP, you better follow this @jovialjune talk o. No allow one family member (s) rob you "yeye soap".

They are pressuring you!..Unto wetin na ? ... Because you can't make better decisions or what ?

IconicR:
He's my son, go and trace history.

When you come back to Warri, do let me know. ✌️

Nengiraw:
Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it.

Are you sure your family isn't owing him money?

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

Madam flee from married men.
Single guys dey

I can see that you are a good girl.Been good should not make you stupid.In clear language warn your parent and block that guy from contacking you.You will regret your decision if you continue to sit on the fence on serious issues about your life.

There are eligible men in Nigeria