Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Mcslize: 1:47pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
frankson1:
From her long post, it's only the age that's your problem ... I understand sha If you can read to understand, you should have known I stated it clearly that I don't have anything to comment about her plight but to correct one impression in her write up. Don't blame me for your inability to read and understand. Bravo! 1 Like |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Deogratiasfx: 1:48pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
What exactly is even there to analyse? You are just 25, leave the man alone. He would only tell u his side of the story. His wife has hers. You never marry and you don the get family problem. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by JADEK04: 1:51pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. his not your husband, he just want to taste your pot..you have empty your hand fist bf u engage another person. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by frankson1(m): 1:52pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
shortgun: Dear OP, I've carefully read your post and it's unfortunate to see that all your conclusions about this man are drawn from subjective opinions and intuition.... it's all in your head
I strongly recommend you meet this man first in person before making any decisions that might lead to conflicts with your family.Dont listen to many commenter who want you to call your mother's bluff, I urge you not to dismiss the concerns and considerations of your family, particularly your mother. No mother would willingly lead her child into a life of suffering, especially a girl.
The age gap between you and this man should not be a cause for concern, there are countless happy couples with age gaps exceeding 30 years. An older man will bring tolerance, understanding, and experience in dealing with a women's emotions. Girls keep making this mistake of I am too young or he's too old until she becomes too old and he will still be eligible, the biological clock of a man and a woman is not the same. At early 20 you are at your prime as a woman and the man is at his prime at 40.
It would be wise for you to give the man time to address any lingering issues with his first wife or baby mama. It's not uncommon for men to make bad choices driven by naivety and inexperience in their early relationships. Furthermore, it's important you understand that time may not be as abundant as you believe or made to believe. You're not as young as you might think. Soon, you'll be approaching 30, and that age brings a different set of troubles and pressure, It's not unusual for girls as young as 17 to be managing households. The path you want to tow or pushed to tow has played out countless times and the girls usually didn't come through as winners. ..........shortgun You better don't push people to untimely death with your advice. Relationship advice isn't for everyone. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by victorazyvictor(m): 1:52pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. Why you bring our matter here? |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Chvenigltd: 1:52pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Endtime signs |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by JADEK04: 1:52pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
JADEK04: his not your husband, he just want to taste your pot..you have to empty your hand fist bf u engage another person. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by cjudy(m): 1:54pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
OP quit if you can’t marry him or entertain him. I bet you 98% of people giving you advice here will marry the man if they find themselves in your shoe. The same people who firstly criticized Regina for Marrying Ned Nwoko and too small for him are the same people today who are hailing her and praying secretly to be like her. Live your life the way you want, don’t let people advice you before you marry, or people advice you to choose the kind of marriage you want, if e sup today, na only you go bear the loss. Drop the man’s number here and watch those people who advise you to quit will save the number and keep bombing the man with calls and seeking to marry him even if they will be 10th wife. No be women again? My friend here showed me a chat a girl was chatting with him all because he’s not in Nigeria, the girl is even telling the man she’s ready to be 3rd wife as long as the man will take care of her. If Ned Nwoko should put on advert today that he need another wife, before day 9am, his email will be fillled with applications. Don’t listen to anyone my dear, na only you go bear the consequences. If you know you can cope with it, go ahead, if you know you can’t cope, quit. Don’t let anyone to ask you to quit or accept. Be your own boss because Marriage is personal. 1 Like |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by aktolly54(m): 1:56pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. Did your family collect money from him already? Don't you have serious relationship at hand? Tell your family to give you 6-12 months to bring someone of your choice and during that time you humble yourself and give a trial for a relationship maybe you will see someone you actually like |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Greenfaces: 1:57pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. Don't feel pressured. 25 isn't old. My wife was 30 when I married her. We have two kids. Looking back, I think I can never have settled for any woman less than 30. I appreciate the maturity, experience in life and wisdom than just the age. And there are many men like me. All the things people threaten you with are in the hands of God. There are 18years old married ladies with no kids right? And there are 40 years old still conceiving. This is the main pawn put forward by people who want to query for age as a yardstick for marriage. Some are okay with the drama of 21 years old, some are more comfortable with the maturity, peace and wisdom of 30s. Its life. Its beautiful because we have these choices. There is really no deadline to finding a suitable partner because with marriage and familiarity, things can get really bad if the character and bond is not strong. It leads to frustration. He will get tired of your body one day, you will get tired of his charm and looks. What will keep you together after that is real values. And those values cannot be faked, pretended about or even wished away. You can be married and feel lonely, deppressed and sinking. Many people who are ordinarily faithful fall for the temptations of cheating because life can be very funny sometimes, you get to meet your ideal partner when you're already married to the person you just decided to cope with or manage because you're running out of time. And then you get stucked. You have rightly identified his lapses in discussing his partner in a bad light. Just as employers ask intending employers why they left their jobs, they sieve out those who left for bad reasons and talk badly of their former employers. There's really no good excuses for bad results in the real world. He dated and married her and suddenly she became a monster. He would even have been a better person if he told you he had bad traits and she couldn't put up with him, and for that reason he has learned his mistakes and is ready to right his wrongs. Make your choice but don't be under the influence that you're running late. Late to where? 1 Like |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by frankson1(m): 1:57pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Mcslize:
If you can read to understand, you should have known I stated it clearly that I don't have anything to comment about her plight but to correct one impression in her write up.
Don't blame me for your inability to read and understand. Bravo! You have a clear understanding but chose to pick out what I'd call, the list of the issues Her " PLIGHT" should have been more important to you than the age but it's obvious you don't even understand the word you used. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by pendragonbladgo(m): 2:01pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Hey listen, you can get an advice for your life from anywhere.
Follow your mind and do what you think you can. Even if you marry a small boy, he can still wicked you.
My sister, you are not the only one in this cross road. I have lots of working class young ladies in their 20s too who are in the same problem.
Just know that even a Pastor or Church can not advise you. Your destiny is in your hands. 1 Like |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by yesloaded: 2:02pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it. Don't push yourself into what you will regret for the rest of your life Never let your family decide your fate for you, it's your life not theirs |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Kobojunkie: 2:02pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
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Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Bishop(m): 2:04pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. Don't mind your family ooo,I beg you,they won't be the one to live with you when casala burst oooo. Take your time to look for a good man that your heart settles with also put it in prayer.shalom 3 Likes |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by IgOga(m): 2:04pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. Don't let anyone cajole you into a loveless marriage. You don't trust this man...let him go....Your family just dey do shakara they will calm down. Marry when you are ready. If age is so important to you marry the person in your acceptable age range. This is the most important decision you can make...sharing your life with another person....be the only one who makes that decision |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by LONEWOLFJOHN: 2:07pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. everything we need to know is in first paragraph and the answer or the best advice is very clear, DUMP that man, don't bring problem to your life! Not because he's married before but because you already have Negative thought of him before anything. So backoff. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Kobojunkie: 2:07pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally, and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me) Please put marriage on the back burner until after your have sufficiently dealt with your trauma. No man or woman is ever worth you carrying around trauma for the sake of. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Father4all: 2:08pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Abeg, if you know you don't want him tell him plainly, there are many /girls/Ladies that want to be Mrs. What stops you from telling him you are not a virgin. Simple |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Zardex(m): 2:08pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Maintain your stance. Marriage no be by force. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Kajaard: 2:10pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
BRATISLAVA:
You're just 25. What do you need so much trauma for?
He's a 40 year old man full of baggage, baggage and more baggage. He's not divorced/separated/whatever he claims, and his attitude to his own child is enough to tell you who he is. He's not hiding it from you.
If you want him, go and be with him. But a man that age is a terrible mix for you. You would become his slave and babysitter for his other older children, something you will resent and use against them once you and him get a child together.
Return home while the party hasn't started yet. Or better still, ask his wife what's going on in their marriage. The boldfaced, truer words were never spoken. Longest time brati |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by KIDfurniture(m): 2:10pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
People still dey do arrangement ? Omo you go explain tire soon. You better look for fresh blood o. HarunaWest: . |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by ayoduyi: 2:10pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
My dear, you have taken the right decision. All I can see is that he is not an honest dude for him to have claimed to be a Doctor to your family and not telling u that he is married. The age gap is too wide apart as well. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by abuhusna1: 2:12pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. At the end its your life and your family won't be there when things goes south with him. Cut him off and any family member that is not supporting your stand cut them off too and go for what you want. Life is too short to live dmsomeobe else's life |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by pansophist(m): 2:12pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
He is too old for you. He is a married man. He is a father. He is not honest. He concealed his married and fatherly status from you. You don't love him. You are irritated by him.
You haven't met him before. He was arranged for you due to parental pressure. You are not attracted to him. You don't care about him. You listed no positive thing about him. Etc.
What's stopping you from aborting mission? As in, just cease response to him with immediate effect? If parents ask why you took such action, tell them to respect your wish? I see no issue here at all, unless you're a people pleaser. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by ObiaboAdoka(m): 2:15pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
GOFRONT:
An already married man giving his wife a bad image, want to quit his marriage to marry a young 25yrs virgin.
That man is a liar. If he can lie to be a doctor where he is actually a Nurse, then I doubt if his wife truely an abusive woman as he has potryaed her to.......That man nor just get Contentment for his diary sam sam!!!
The man is even stylishly trying to know about the Op's virginity status using Regina's motivational video......wallahi this reminds me about that other thread yesterday where that Nigerian man in the U.K was kicked out of the hostel by that U.k lady because he asked to know if the UK lady is a virgin and if she has ever got a deeq in her kitty. Did she tell u she is a Virgin? |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Levels1(m): 2:15pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Jewessgratitud3: I won't advise anyone to have anything to do with a married man or divorcee for that matter because there are always so many things involved that you may not be able to chest as time goes on in the marriage. So cut him off completely.
Don't let your family decide or choose for you cos they won't be there when you start having issues. Including baby mama right? |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Dshocker(m): 2:18pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
IconicR: Chop his money if he's rich and dust his hypocritical ass when you are done.
Zero pity on married men who don't allow single ladies to rest Typical mentality of a rascal; Chop his money. No wonder, you choose to support nonsense as your president. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Dynamicboss: 2:19pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw,
Why did you post this thread in the first place? You have seen the red signals and obviously won't marry him even if your parents pressurise you. |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by dawnomike(m): 2:20pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)
So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.
Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks. My sister, please flee now that you can in peace |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Nobody: 2:20pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Dshocker:
Typical mentality of a rascal; Chop his money.
No wonder, you choose to support nonsense as your president. Shut up |
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by GoodRocks: 2:20pm On Oct 02, 2023 |
Nengiraw: how can I like someone I’ve never met? I don’t like him. I’m just being open minded, hoping that if I see him in person, I could change my mind. His red flags right now are too much for me to handle What is your real moniker on nairaland? Are you jennyclay, Obembet ukaface or who exactly? Come out plainly and tell us your real nairaland account. No dey disguise again. Awon wannabe feminist! I thought we all agreed feminist don't need men? Why then are you talking about marriage? |