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He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! - Family (6) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! (29350 Views)

My Girl Said She Can't Marry Me Yet While I Stay In Selfcon, Anything Wrong With / Don't Marry Me If You Won't Allow My Relations To Stay Or Visit Me. / You Must Marry Me - Lady Tells Married Man (2) (3) (4)

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Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by cococandy(f): 2:43pm On Oct 02, 2023
He will be abusive as hell

Someone you’re not betrothed to and he’s already policing you

Nengiraw:
Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by cococandy(f): 2:47pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
how can I like someone I’ve never met? I don’t like him. I’m just being open minded, hoping that if I see him in person, I could change my mind. His red flags right now are too much for me to handle
don’t do it

1 Like

Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by franchasofficia: 2:48pm On Oct 02, 2023
IconicR:
You sabi spend bdat or you think they love you? Don't be carried away sha

Laslas you'll reach everybody 😂😂😂

My sister them like me oh....maybe I am likable sha....cos right from when I was a small boy, older ladies like me a lot...I enter secondary school, girls were fighting to get close to me...and me no see any girl that time....I enter school, e come worst....I missed a lot of opportunities to enjoy girls while growing up lol.....I was still forming Saint Obi that wanted to go heaven alive like Prophet Elijah shocked shocked


My NYSC period was another mad period so many classy babes cherished me and wanted sth serious but inferiority complex, my extreme brokeness didn't let me commit to any girl.....so to the best of my knowledge, I am a ladies' man.....even my wife knows this and always make some funny remark like; them de think say u be innocent person grin cheesy


So I am trying to spoil small now before old age come na.....as for being generous, its in me...I am generous to both men, women, girls, boys, friends, relatives, employee....its a gift from God and also like my appreciation of God's blessing upon my life.....from rag to luxury without much stress.


Funny enough, I no even fine...... angry angry
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by cococandy(f): 2:49pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nonsense
shortgun:
Dear OP,
I've carefully read your post and it's unfortunate to see that all your conclusions about this man are drawn from subjective opinions and intuition.... it's all in your head

I strongly recommend you meet this man first in person before making any decisions that might lead to conflicts with your family.Dont listen to many commenter who want you to call your mother's bluff, I urge you not to dismiss the concerns and considerations of your family, particularly your mother. No mother would willingly lead her child into a life of suffering, especially a girl.

The age gap between you and this man should not be a cause for concern, there are countless happy couples with age gaps exceeding 30 years. An older man will bring tolerance, understanding, and experience in dealing with a women's emotions. Girls keep making this mistake of I am too young or he's too old until she becomes too old and he will still be eligible, the biological clock of a man and a woman is not the same.
At early 20 you are at your prime as a woman and the man is at his prime at 40.

It would be wise for you to give the man time to address any lingering issues with his first wife or baby mama. It's not uncommon for men to make bad choices driven by naivety and inexperience in their early relationships.
Furthermore, it's important you understand that time may not be as abundant as you believe or made to believe. You're not as young as you might think. Soon, you'll be approaching 30, and that age brings a different set of troubles and pressure, It's not unusual for girls as young as 17 to be managing households.
The path you want to tow or pushed to tow has played out countless times and the girls usually didn't come through as winners.
..........shortgun
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Urexcellency: 2:53pm On Oct 02, 2023
If you love yourself, just ignore what your family is saying concerning ur decision about him, because I don't know why they are so desperate about you marrying him.
That man is not faithful, he's just a normal womaniser as every unfaithful husband using his wife's behavior as an advantage to get through to you.
Just ignore him.

1 Like

Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Ladymillion(f): 2:54pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.
RUN O
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by frankson1(m): 2:56pm On Oct 02, 2023
Mcslize:


The problem is from you. Always listen to instructions. I stated it that I was only interested in correcting an old age impression. I was interested in only that and not the main subject of the matter.

You can't hold me accountable for being interested in only an aspect of the main topic. I don't want you and few other persons to make the same mistake of thinking a 25 yrs old lady is too young for an agile young man of 40 who can even marry a lady of 20.

Will you say that this Nolly wood actor called Bolanle Ninalowo who is 43yrs old is too old to marry a lady of 25 yrs if he was to re marry?

That's the impression I corrected in her write up and I wasn't interested in commenting in the main subject.



Yes Daddy, I will always listen to instructions but you don't CORRECT in this matter, you only state your OPINION. Your own view is very arguable.

If she says the man is old for her, it's what she wants. I can't marry a lady who I'm 15 years older than and this is what I want. So you only state your reasons why you think it's okay for a 25/20 years old lady to marry a 40 years old and above agile man. You shouldn't make it SACROSANCT.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by deavicky(m): 2:56pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.
the fact that he is not a virgin, leaves him with no right to ask or expect to be with a virgin.
Secondly why is the question so annoying to you people?.
It's as simple as a b c tell him no if u are not. How may people are still virgin at 24 in Nigeria.
Above all tell him point blank that you don't want marry a divorcee or someone else's husband.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by donbenie(m): 2:56pm On Oct 02, 2023
Jewessgratitud3:
I won't advise anyone to have anything to do with a married man or divorcee for that matter because there are always so many things involved that you may not be able to chest as time goes on in the marriage. So cut him off completely.

Don't let your family decide or choose for you cos they won't be there when you start having issues.
So a Divorcee should never get married, because he or she committed a capital sin of being divorced?
You people will just open mouth and be vomiting trash..
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Nobody: 2:57pm On Oct 02, 2023
franchasofficia:
My sister them like me oh....maybe I am likable sha....cos right from when I was a small boy, older ladies like me a lot...I enter secondary school, girls were fighting to get close to me...and me no see any girl that time....I enter school, e come worst....I missed a lot of opportunities to enjoy girls while growing up lol.....I was still forming Saint Obi that wanted to go heaven alive like Prophet Elijah shocked shocked


My NYSC period was another mad period so many classy babes cherished me and wanted sth serious but inferiority complex, my extreme brokeness didn't let me commit to any girl.....so to the best of my knowledge, I am a ladies' man.....even my wife knows this and always make some funny remark like; them de think say u be innocent person grin cheesy


So I am trying to spoil small now before old age come na.....as for being generous, its in me...I am generous to both men, women, girls, boys, friends, relatives, employee....its a gift from God and also like my appreciation of God's blessing upon my life.....from rag to luxury without much stress.


Funny enough, I no even fine...... angry angry
I already know you spoil well well 😂 but with a good side that overshadows your weaknesses

Being a ladies' man has nothing to do with looks. I don't even give much importance to the looks of a man because I know what I want, na naive babes dy follow looks, just be ok physically and that's all.

So your own now is to make up for opportunities that you missed in the past and funny enough your wifey understand you and not complaining, give her some flowers from time to time, she deserve am.

You already know the secret of wealth and that's why you don't joke with being generous, you get wisdom.

1 Like

Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Nobody: 2:59pm On Oct 02, 2023
GO0DHardDick:


To avoid an expired damaged product who isn't a virgin?

Only an insane man will leave a fresh neat younger virgin for an old expired damaged evening newspaper like you.
😂😂😂 I don't even know why you are pained.

I don't take bants from your type seriously because outside here your breath will seize at the sight of me(no brags, just truth in it's pure form). Abeg carry your wahala away
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Bimpe29: 3:02pm On Oct 02, 2023
The red flags are instructive really. Just carefully define what you want in a marriage and deliberately stand by it.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Mikelangelo: 3:03pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it.
Well, I am also searching and in my early 30s. If you don't mind, we could link up.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by franchasofficia: 3:04pm On Oct 02, 2023
IconicR:
I already know you spoil well well 😂 but with a good side that overshadows your weaknesses

Being a ladies' man has nothing to do with looks. I don't even give much importance to the looks of a man because I know what I want, na naive babes dy follow looks, just be ok physically and that's all.

So your own now is to make up for opportunities that you missed in the past and funny enough your wifey understand you and not complaining, give her some flowers from time to time, she deserve am.

You already know the secret of wealth and that's why you don't joke with being generous, you get wisdom.
Lolz cheesy cheesy


My wife na wonderful woman....she don master my spec of girls....as soon as she see girl with killer shape and nice bombom, she go turn to me and say see your babes lol......she is very understanding and I respect her a lot and will never over step my boundary.


As for making up for my lost romantic opportunities when single.....honestly it seems like it lol.....I just love seeing beautiful, friendly and happy ladies around even though I won't do anything with them but having them around makes me happy and lively lol


The generosity must have been a trait I inherited from my mother.....that woman can be generous to a fault. My mother can please others to displease herself, and this always get my father mad then when we were growing up

1 Like

Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Wallade(m): 3:06pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and ......



........., “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

I don't think the "youandthismanship" will end well. You are gonna make a terrible mistake.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by saysoo: 3:07pm On Oct 02, 2023
Acidosis:
Your experience is one of the reasons to avoid dating older men. The generational gap is weird. Imagine the nonsense he is sending to you, a 40 year old man with many garbage, still virgin hunting while acting like a clueless toddler. He wants the Regina but can't be the Ned. Shame.

Calm down, you would find someone within your age group.
you for add 15yrs to her age so she would not be dissapointed if the new man does not come before her fortiet birthday.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by livebullet(m): 3:08pm On Oct 02, 2023
First thing I will ask you is why this kind of username. This is the beginning of your problem. If you want the second question, don't respond to the first.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by ozone0801(m): 3:09pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Thank you. I have actually already blocked him, because for the life of me, my mental can’t deal with a lot of things surrounding him, even if I decide to marry him, I don’t know how the first wife will feel, cause I know that she will definitely still be in his life, because of their daughter, who still stays with the mother, and he has her on the weekend. He even started comparing me and the wife, saying that I look more attractive than her, so now she is ugly. I just felt it was childish of him, and I don’t want a man like that to be my husband

I have a problem with you OP.
You have a terribly low self esteem. Even a teenager cannot be pushed around or dictated to, the way you're been shipped off to marriage by your family. Abi, you have deformities ni.
Why will you even consent to, talking to that kind of person with so much baggage. Is it that bad? Are you in your 40s ni?
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by franchasofficia: 3:09pm On Oct 02, 2023
Women's prime age = 22 - 29yrs, it can extend to 35yrs if she is a born hottie with rich family background or top career smiley

Men's prime age = 37 - 49yrs (with financial stability) it can extend to 65yrs with excess money shocked





Take note lipsrsealed

1 Like

Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by chris51(f): 3:10pm On Oct 02, 2023
My dear girl. Block the man completely. At your age, you will get a husband that has no baggage.
Imagine a married man with a child talking about virgin, he is a fool.
Do not allow anyone lure you into such a relationship.
Focus on your career or whatever you are doing and husband will come
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by chris51(f): 3:10pm On Oct 02, 2023
chris51:
My dear girl. Block the man completely. At your age, you will get a husband that has no baggage.
Imagine a married man with a child talking about virgin, he is a fool.
Do not allow anyone lure you into such a relationship.
Focus on your career or whatever you are doing and husband will come
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Dshocker(m): 3:11pm On Oct 02, 2023
IconicR:
Short man carry your wahala and go

Tinubu is your president and there's nothing you can do about it

Chronic masturbator...
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Nobody: 3:11pm On Oct 02, 2023
franchasofficia:
Lolz cheesy cheesy


My wife na wonderful woman....she don master my spec of girls....as soon as she see girl with killer shape and nice bombom, she go turn to me and say see your babes lol......she is very understanding and I respect her a lot and will never over step my boundary.


As for making up for my lost romantic opportunities when single.....honestly it seems like it lol.....I just love seeing beautiful, friendly and happy ladies around even though I won't do anything with them but having them around makes me happy and lively lol


The generosity must have been a trait I inherited from my mother.....that woman can be generous to a fault. My mother can please others to dis to displease herself, and this always get my father mad then when we were growing up
Boundaries hmmm I pray you won't ever meet a Judy Austin kind of woman because she'll try to come in by all means.

You don't condemn women unlike others here, they said I'm troublesome but we are always cool. I'm sure all redpillers are looking at you with bombastic side eyes 😂😂😂😂😂

More blessings on you, you be good man.

Take your flowers 🌺🌺🌺🌺

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Miracle2020: 3:20pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.
he asked you if you are a virgin? Is he mad? Is there virgins in Nigeria? No wonder the think pain you well well.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Gandrova: 3:21pm On Oct 02, 2023
Sister, you haven't gotten to your destination. Block the dude as quickly as possible.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by NemoDatQuod(m): 3:23pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengi.

If I may summarize what you've told us, you are saying that you woke up in the morning of a workday and you were told in the news that a Category 5 hurricane will make landfall at 9am that morning. You know what such category of hurricane does, right? Yet, you are still contemplating driving into work at 9am that day( I am 25 years old and it is time I have to marry or "my mother is after me to marry"wink. Then you came here to ask us what we think. No sane person will give you advise. All a sane person will do is to ask you how you want to be buried, that is if we are even able to recover your corpse. The man you described is a category 5 hurricane and he will do you in. It is not because he is 15 years older than you. It is because of his lies and deceit and his controlling behaviour even before you have set eyes on him.

The time right now for you is 8am in the morning. I'm afraid you will have to decide for yourself if you are going to drive into that hurricane and I think you already know that there will be no escaping once you make that drive.

Finally, you should promise yourself that you will no longer listen to your mum or uncle or any other person about when you should marry. You should tell your mum that you will cut her off if she ever mentions marriage to you. It is not your mum who will live with the man you marry. It is you who will live with the consequences of that marriage. Most of us do not realise that the decision as to who we marry is the most singular decision of our lives, after the decision on which God we will worship.

Take a cursory look around you. This world is littered with millions of men and women who are deeply bitter at those friends and family members who used "you are getting old" to corral them into marriages that has left them with deep emotional and physical scars and children they are not able to take care of. The wounds remain for the rest of life and will hardly heal.

If your mother and uncle are desperate for marriage, advise them to go and marry a second husband or wife or however many they want to marry and leave you alone. This life is this one that you are living for now. There will be no do-over. You are also fortunate and privileged to be living far away from the madness that is Nigeria. If you are living in the developed world, you must be careful who your friends are so that no one will replicate the pressure in Nigeria by telling you such nonsense as "you are getting too old for marriage". There are millions upon millions of men and women in their late thirties, forties, fifties and sixties who are living their best lives while remaining single. When the time comes and you want a child who will grow up to love you like a good mother should be loved, there are millions of babies out there looking for women they can call their mother.

There is a saying that goes " We are each the authors of our own lives. There is no way to shift the blame and no one else to accept the accolade".

I hope you run from this and other hurricanes you will face in life in the form of men. I also hope you will call your family members to order or banish them until they come to their senses.

This applies to men as well.

I wish you well.







Nengiraw:

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by franchasofficia: 3:25pm On Oct 02, 2023
IconicR:
Boundaries hmmm I pray you won't ever meet a Judy Austin kind of woman because she'll try to come in by all means.

You don't condemn women unlike others here, they said I'm troublesome but we are always cool. I'm sure all redpillers are looking at you with bombastic side eyes 😂😂😂😂😂

More blessings on you, you be good man.

Take your flowers 🌺🌺🌺🌺
Hehehe cheesy cheesy thanks for the flowers kiss grin


I can play once in a while as a man cry....its every man's curse (both white, black, Indian, Chinese, Arab), but I will never over step my boundary; in my culture, your success is measured by how well you take care of your family (wife, kids, parents, siblings, relatives).


Any sexually active man that is not cheating must fall under one or two or all of the below categories:

1.) He is broke or poor or struggling financially
2.) He is highly carried spiritually and have the special grace and backing of God Almighty not gods
3.) He has too many responsibilities and possibly living in fear or too many worries about life and future
4.) He hasn't gotten the opportunity to cheat maybe because of political, religious, career, academic or leadership commitment


Any man that tells you that he doesn't cheat because he married a very beautiful wife or that because he loves his wife so much is a big LIAR!

Being married to the most beautiful woman on earth can never stop a man from cheating....every man gets so used to his wife at a point such that her unclothedness most times doesn't excite or move him.....this is one of the sexual curse of men.

What makes a man have sexual orgazzm during sex is not only how beautiful the woman is, but how the woman reacts to his touches and moves....how the woman makes noise, how she turns, how she responds to his touches, kisses, whispers, etc....which makes men crave to witness the reaction or response of as many women as they can get, sadly cry



It is only God's grace that can make a sexually active rich or financially successful man to be faithful to one woman. Any other reason na wash....I love my wife so much I cannot cheat on her, na wash....pure lies....my wife is so beautiful what else am I looking for in a girl? na confirm lies from the pit of hell fire shocked shocked cheesy cheesy


If your husband is not a committed born again and he keep telling you that why he doesn't cheat on you is because he loves you so much and he is not a committed born again, my sister he is deceiving you jareh shocked
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Desusi: 3:31pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.
What further witnesses do you want? Your God has revealed a lot of red flag to you about this man.why looking for wahala or tampering with sleeping dog.Now he is looking for a virgin today,tomorrow, he will be looking for a princess! I beg my little girl,run for your only one life.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by Nobody: 3:32pm On Oct 02, 2023
franchasofficia:
Hehehe cheesy cheesy thanks for the flowers kiss grin


I can play once in a while as a man cry....its every man's curse (both white, black, Indian, Chinese, Arab), but I will never over step my boundary; in my culture, your success is measured by how well you take care of your family (wife, kids, parents, siblings, relatives).


Any sexually active man that is not cheating must fall under one or two or all of the below categories:

1.) He is broke or poor or struggling financially
2.) He is highly carried spiritually and have the special grace and backing of God Almighty not gods
3.) He has too many responsibilities and possibly living in fear or too many worries about life and future
4.) He hasn't gotten the opportunity to cheat maybe because of political, religious, career, academic or leadership commitment


Any man that tells you that he doesn't cheat because he married a very beautiful wife or that because he loves his wife so much is a big LIAR!

Being married to the most beautiful woman on earth can never stop a man from cheating....every man gets so used to his wife at a point such that her unclothedness most times doesn't excite or move him.....this is one of the sexual curse of men.

What makes a man have sexual orgazzm during sex is not only how beautiful the woman is, but how the woman reacts to his touches and moves....how the woman makes noise, how she turns, how she responds to his touches, kisses, whispers, etc....which makes men crave to witness the reaction or response of as many women as they can get, sadly cry



It is only God's grace that can make a sexually active rich or financially successful man to be faithful to one woman. Any other reason na wash....I love my wife so much I cannot cheat on her, na wash....pure lies....my wife is so beautiful what else am I looking for in a girl? na confirm lies from the pit of hell fire shocked shocked cheesy cheesy
You can defend these things ehn, I've read your other contributions on topics like this and it cracks me up.

It's hard to accept these things, I don't even understand why some women don't get jealous seeing their men frolicking around.
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by chris51(f): 3:34pm On Oct 02, 2023
cococandy:
He will be abusive as hell

Someone you’re not betrothed to and he’s already policing you



If you love yourself, just block him. How can you be communicating with someone's father? That child and her mother will always be part of your life.
Run, dear run
Re: He Wants To Marry Me, But He’s A Married Man!!! by AntiTerrorist: 3:36pm On Oct 02, 2023
Nengiraw:
Hello
You don't need a prophet before you can know that the marriage will not work even for a single day. The relationship has already turned bitter before marriage. The red flags are visible to you and believe me you have not even seen all.

My question:
- Why does your family have so much control on your life at 25? You are still young.
- Why does it seems as if you don't have toasters who are singles and younger?
- Why are you belittling yourself so much? Do you have any problem that is causing you low self-esteem?

My advice:
- Pray to God for direction.
- Let your family understand that you know what is best for yourself.
- Don't marry a married or divorced man.

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