onirugbon1: ^ here I believe is the reason for her divorce

www.nairaland.com/1583468/trapped-loveless-marriage

if that link was authored by the OP then she has herself to blame.

she was dating a man who left her to engage another babe in nigeria. the man never told her he had a fiancée.....until the OP got pregnant.

the man told her he would go ahead & marry the babe in nigeria & then changed his mind. he broke up the relationship with the babe in nigeria & the OP took him back.

according to the OP, she felt betrayed & love ended at that point - so why did she marry him? if you are not in love with a man who you felt betrayed you, why marry him?


arrant nonsense!

@ op - I'm not divorced but have been close to, having filed for one last year Jan.

How does one get over it?? Does one ever get over it? Especially with kids involved, it's part of one's history which can't be rewritten and would continue to rear it's in the future.

One thing I did was to plan ahead. I started writing things down from the relevant 'why do I want out' to the mundane 'what I want from the future'. Not as a yardstick but helped me put my thoughts, actions and reasons into perspective.

Of course I knew it was going to be tedious, sometimes lonely road, but funny enough I took it as a challenge and an adventure and was so looking forward to it!

I knew as a woman and mother, I had to be more guarded and meticulous with my plans and decisions; from training the kids, to feeding their emotional needs so they were not negatively impacted by the divorce, to ensuring that they turned out better and happier to the dismay of many who felt divorce wasn't the right decision. To our finances, so that per adventure Mr man refuses not to pay alimony, we could sustain our lifestyle and standard of living, then to myself; physical, social and emotional wellbeing. Knowing that for me to be able to offer the kids the best, ME had to be in a good and right place.

Got back to being fit and looking good. A lot of psyche and talk ups and most especially the strength and support of good friends and family. At the end of the day, with perseverance and determination there was sure to be silver linings in the cloud and it could only get better.

You'd do well I'm certain, you've taken the 1st bold steps, which is normally the hardest! The rest wld fall into place. And please, please I beg you, DATE. Don't lock yourself up, dating doesn't necessarily have to lead into marriage or a serious relationship, who wants another so soon But it does wonder to the mind as a form of entertainment and just knowing someone still thinks you are hot and desirable. You don't v to introduce every tom, dick n Harry to your kids until you r certain where d relationship is heading, but do create some me time for yourself outside of the home front. If the men ain't approaching, go on dating sites, there are loads out there that can specifically cater to your case and situation. Atleast you are certain of one thing, that anyone that would approach you in there is okay with a divorcee with kids, unlike some immature dude that would pick race at hearing the D or K word!

[quote author=kreamidiva][/quote]

kreamidiva u ar a strong woman.God bless u and ur wonderful kids.some men ar not just wort d effort.luv u for taking d bold step. some women ar in worse situations nd cant take a bold step til they find their bodies 6ft below.few monts later they start fucking another babe

ephee:

kreamidiva u ar a strong woman.God bless u and ur wonderful kids.some men ar not just wort d effort.luv u for taking d bold step. some women ar in worse situations nd cant take a bold step til they find their bodies 6ft below.few monts later they start fucking another babe

It took God to make me take that step. I wondered what people would say. I wondered how i was going to cope because i wasn't working and didn't have a dime on me. God showed me mercy. I left and have not looked back or regretted leaving....

Nna,but i saw plenty o.... Kai!

I'm separated headed for a divorce soon, I've never been happier, I now know the true meaning of peace! Something I never had wen I was still with my husband. It took some time for me to make the decision tho.. wen I knew I had no business with him was when he actually said I have to take the beating and not tell anyone for d sake of d marriage was when I knew I married a a psycho.. i'm @ peace, I have a daughter and everyday I appreciate life, no more thoughts of suicide, no more severe depression, no more crying daily.. u'll feel better when you get settled into your new life.. i'm still settling and I already feel this good. Appreciate life!

misssPepper: I'm separated headed for a divorce soon, I've never been happier, I now know the true meaning of peace! Something I never had wen I was still with my husband. It took some time for me to make the decision tho.. wen I knew I had no business with him was when he actually said I have to take the beating and not tell anyone for d sake of d marriage was when I knew I married a a psycho.. i'm @ peace, I have a daughter and everyday I appreciate life, no more thoughts of suicide, no more severe depression, no more crying daily.. u'll feel better when you get settled into your new life.. i'm still settling and I already feel this good. Appreciate life!

. Dats d spirit.d moment women learn to stand on deir own feet witout d fear. Of wot who wud say,how do I survive?who else wil marry me wit a kid or 2,?dat very day,shes got a new life.d world is greener out here.Marriage isn't meant for evry1.#fact.stay Alive

aisha2:

No vex

me vex? NOOOO,

kreamidiva: .

So happy for you

Wow!!

Thankyou so much for the love and suppport and for all the encouraging responses. I am indeed in awe at the amount of strength and resilience all of you have. Sometimes you only need to know that there are some people going through the same thing as you.... and this is a great help.

I have decided to extend seperation period until he receives his permanent residence for the sake of my kids because a divorce will mean he may have to return to Nigeria or face immigration problems.My family do not agree entirely with this decision but i have decided to make it a final act of kindness and a parting gift. No matter how much we do not get along his children love him and I wish for them to have an opprtunity to grow up in the same country or city with him.

Since taking the decision to seperate i felt an incredible amount of relief and peace and for the first time in years i sleep like a baby!
I have a great job so financially i am secure, have my own house so all is well really.
Someone mentioned about dating and yes I do absolutely agree, when the time is right i will but it will take a long while. I need to be able be there emotionally for my kids as they make the transition before i can avail myself emotionally to another person. Also i think it is really important to ensure you rid yourself of baggage from a previous relationship eg trust issues because you can end up destroying a new relationship with old baggage.

Time is the greatest healer!
My sincere gratitude to everyone.

[quote author=kreamidiva][/quote]
Obara jesu. It is well

My dear, I feel you.... I've been thru a whole lot in my marriage both emotionally and spiritually. Mine didn't show traits before marriage. I won't say I'm separated as such but I found a reason to stay far far away from his own city. I hardly ever think about him. I can't talk much on my experience.. But, cos of what I've been thru, I understand the plight of women in situations as this. How I wish men would put in as much effort as women do into making marriages work, it would be a very lovely place to be!

Personally, I don't buy the idea of a second d marriage. The world is getting worse by the day! Before you do that, consider your kids o! Especially if you've got girls like I do. I won't ever trade their security for my selfish emotional reasons! Never!

I pray God WL be with you at this trying moment. Even if you made a mistake in the past, which we all do at one point or the other, God WL show you mercy and favour... I wish I could give you a hug now.... It is well dearie.

shizzleStar: ....

i hope you understand the response was not to spite you or a personal attack. Saw you reply before you decided to edit it. Take care.

coogar:

if that link was authored by the OP then she has herself to blame.

she was dating a man who left her to engage another babe in nigeria. the man never told her he had a fiancée.....until the OP got pregnant.

the man told her he would go ahead & marry the babe in nigeria & then changed his mind. he broke up the relationship with the babe in nigeria & the OP took him back.

according to the OP, she felt betrayed & love ended at that point - so why did she marry him? if you are not in love with a man who you felt betrayed you, why marry him?


arrant nonsense!

Couldn't identify with the logic either. 'I never loved him but I didnt want my unborn child to be fatherless, so I married him'

Anyway, deed is done and lessons learnt.

forgotusername: Wow!!
Thankyou so much for the love and suppport and for all the encouraging responses. I am indeed in awe at the amount of strength and resilience all of you have. Sometimes you only need to know that there are some people going through the same thing as you.... and this is a great help.
I have decided to extend seperation period until he receives his permanent residence for the sake of my kids because a divorce will mean he may have to return to Nigeria or face immigration problems.

Ain't he a lucky dude if you truly allow him get that residence?

Like the saying goes if you are good keep at it, a soul that treats you bad should not change you.
I hope things may turn around during this period and you both find a way around your differences though that chance is slim.

Ujujoan:
Divorcement??
Seriously??

aisha2:
My dear the word is divorce not divorcement.

cococandy: that was a comical relief.

Divorcement is 100% correct and the op used it correctly because it's a noun...the plural is divorcements... That divorce is commonly used doesn't make divorcement wrong.. Thank you

buchilino:
had no idea i was inside an English class

The word you used is a correct English word, so you are in no English class because you actually used it correctly..

MarvellousGod: Divorcement is 100% correct and the op used it correctly because it's a noun...the plural is divorcements... That divorce is commonly used doesn't make divorcement wrong.. Thank you
The word you used is a correct English word, so you are in no English class because you actually used it correctly..

Thank you. Learned something new today

aisha2:

Thank you. Learned something new today

oh. thank you.
my bad

Just learned this now.

MarvellousGod: Divorcement is 100% correct and the op used it correctly because it's a noun...the plural is divorcements... That divorce is commonly used doesn't make divorcement wrong.. Thank you

The word you used is a correct English word, so you are in no English class because you actually used it correctly..

onegig: i hope you understand the response was not to spite you or a personal attack. Saw you reply before you decided to edit it. Take care.

Not at all! i edited cos i didnt want to come across as being too mean, harsh and insensitive to her plight.

One love bruv!

coogar:

if that link was authored by the OP then she has herself to blame.

she was dating a man who left her to engage another babe in nigeria. the man never told her he had a fiancée.....until the OP got pregnant.

the man told her he would go ahead & marry the babe in nigeria & then changed his mind. he broke up the relationship with the babe in nigeria & the OP took him back.

according to the OP, she felt betrayed & love ended at that point - so why did she marry him? if you are not in love with a man who you felt betrayed you, why marry him?


arrant nonsense!

If you had seen my earlier response to onegig before edited, then you would agree with me you were being very nice with your submission here. I gave her a piece of my mind (with references) after going through her thread history and i felt she deserved no pity/sympathy for her present ordeal, but then the 'Jesus' in me prevailed and i deleted, quite unlike me.

This is what happens after you ignore several conspicuous red flags.

MarvellousGod: Divorcement is 100% correct and the op used it correctly because it's a noun...the plural is divorcements... That divorce is commonly used doesn't make divorcement wrong.. Thank you

The word you used is a correct English word, so you are in no English class because you actually used it correctly..

Abeg can we dis comedy of divorce n divorcement

i respect you.you've really seen it all.[quote author=kreamidiva][/quote]

I know am too young to comment here,eventhough we haven't gotten married,I found out a week after my introduction dat d people I knew as my in-laws were not actually his family members,everything abt him was fake,I thought it would be easy,aunty till now,I haven't been mysef,talkless of someone like u who had children for him,if u have trully made up ur mind,be prepared for anything but I tell u,d road is just too rough

It's going to be all right.

queenmorenikeji: I know am too young to comment here,eventhough we have gotten married,I found out a week after my introduction dat d people I knew as my in-laws were not actually his family members,everything abt him was fake,I thought it would be easy,aunty till now,I haven't been mysef,talkless of someone like u who had children for him,if u have trully made up ur mind,be prepared for anything but I tell u,d road is just too rough

If you knew he was fake then why did you go ahead to marry him?

Ishilove:
If you knew he was fake then why did you go ahead to marry him?

I told u I found out week after d introduction,I had to call d whole thing off,I never said we eventually got married

queenmorenikeji: I told u I found out week after d introduction,I had to call d whole thing off,I never said we eventually got married

Yes you said you eventually got married to him.

queenmorenikeji: I know am too young to comment here,even though we have gotten married, I found out a week after my introduction dat d people

You see the contradiction?

Anyway that isn't important. Sorry about what happened. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. How did you eventually find out about his deception?

Ishilove:
Yes you said you eventually got married to him.


You see the contradiction?

Anyway that isn't important. Sorry about what happened. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. How did you eventually find out about his deception?

it was a mistake wanted to write haven't

queenmorenikeji: it was a mistake wanted to write haven't

How did you find about his deception?

Ishilove:
How did you find about his deception?

his fake father called us (my parent and i) and told us everything and dat was how my investigation started

queenmorenikeji: his fake father called us (my parent and i) and told us everything and dat was how my investigation started

Wow, I salute your courage so many would have gone through with the wedding oh. It's natural to feel hurt, sometimes you may even ask yourself if you made the right decision when things get tough but believe me you will thank yourself and God one day.

Did you talk with him? What was his reason if any? Married already or just an arsehole?

aisha2:

Wow, I salute your courage so many would have gone through with the wedding oh. It's natural to feel hurt, sometimes you may even ask yourself if you made the right decision when things get tough but believe me you will thank yourself and God one day.

Did you talk with him? What was his reason if any? Married already or just an arsehole?

thank you,he was never married,I tried talking to him,he gave no reason,just pleadings,but I thank God for my life,its gonna take time but I know am gonna get over it

queenmorenikeji: thank you,he was never married,I tried talking to him,he gave no reason,just pleadings,but I thank God for my life,its gonna take time but I know am gonna get over it

Maybe he is an orphan. Maybe he is ashamed of his people he should have been honest with you. Just sad, so sorry.