Ive been going through a very difficult time for quite some time in different areas. I share with my wife these struggles and ask for her prayers and support. She is not a prayerful person and getting her to pray is very difficult. Indeed, in the home, if I do not ask for us to pray, no prayer occurs. When I do ask, on a good day she prays with me, on a bad day she refuses or brings an excuse - running late to work, needs more time to sleep, etc. All my attempts over the years to get us into a prayer routine have failed!

I have noticed that frequently when I bring to her attention issues of her failing, instead of her to address her failing and make amends , she rebukes me as follows: "You are a frustrated man - I wont allow you to bring me down with you" She has made this and similar comments to me several times. Obviously, these comments sting!

Recently, she made the same comment and I just sat here in pain and shock. I then said to myself - "God help me".

Her response to me on hearing me say "God help me" was as follows:

"God will not answer your prayers. All your prayers to God will remain unanswered as long as you continue to cause me pain"

I looked at her as she looked me straight in the eye and uttered these words. I did not respond. I was too stung and shocked to utter a word. So I restrained myself and kept silent. Her response to my silence was to repeat it twice/thrice. A few minutes later she said it again for a total of three or four times.

Now the obvious question is what prompted this. Well I think these comments of hers should be addressed and interpreted on their own. Nonetheless, let me address the obvious question:

I was in the room and unfortunately messed/farted. I excused myself and left the room to go outside of the house to make a call - and left the door slightly open to allow in fresh air to diffuse the smell of the mess/fart. Less than five minutes or so later, I came back and I smelt perfume all through the hallway and I wondered where it came from. I enter our room where she was and the perfume smell is even stronger. I then realize what happened. To remove the smell of my mess/fart, she sprayed my perfume into the air in the room. She turned my perfume into air freshener. I asked her: "Why would you do that. Is my mess/fart poison? Would it not naturally go away after about 2-4 minutes? Plus, I left the door open to allow fresh air in. If it was so bad and you felt using perfume as air freshener was the right thing to do, why not use your own perfume - why use my perfume?" She said to me, because it was your mess/fart. I then told her very sternly - not to ever do that again. That was it. Her response was to then accuse me of being a frustrated man and the other comment I mentioned above and repeat here:

"God will not answer your prayers. All your prayers to God will remain unanswered as long as you continue to cause me pain"


As I write this, it sounds so ridiculous and perhaps even unbelievable. If this is all that happened - why would a wife sting her husband by calling him a "frustrated man". Why would she make a comment of that gravity concerning my prayers to God.

Please help me understand the true meaning of these words she has laid on me. Please help me interpret the situation.

Your advice and suggestions are welcome.

My dear, Jesus has made us to understand there thr will be trials in our lives.....she is ur burden, carry it.. It was for better for worse tho....

Erm.....No vex the mess/farting part is so funny. but on a serious note......Do you have a job? why is she calling you frustrated and saying you want to bring her down.

Zehner:
Erm.....No vex the mess/farting part is so funny. but on a serious note......Do you have a job? why is she calling you frustrated and saying you want to bring her down.

Only she knows for sure why she calls me frustrated. I came here hoping people could help explain these situation to me and explain these comments. The "frustration" comment she has based/leveled against me many many times, it still stings but is not surprising.

What really shocked and PAINED me this time, that really prompted this post was this comment:

"God will not answer your prayers. All your prayers to God will remain unanswered as long as you continue to cause me pain"


To your question: I am self-employed and run my own business. I have had severe business setbacks which I have shared with her. These setbacks obviously make me sad and unhappy,but I keep praying and working as hard as I can to stabilize and grow my business.

Wow diz is serious


No matter what my husband may have done to me or he's doing to me I will NEVER place a curse on him.


If not for God sake but for d children


Mr OP, I think it is time for u to go into praying n fasting for ur wife (like dey use to advice if d case was from a woman )



It is well

Hahhaahahahhahahahh..pls excuse my laughter.

OP hope u don't cause her pain becos ur story is one sided.

First of all i am so sorry for what you are going through.
The aim of marriage is that 2 together can drive away 1 million. When one is down the other lifts them up.

Unfortunately, your wife may have been raised in an environment where challenges are seen as evil and those who face them must have done something bad to deserve them. She may also have grown up with a verbally abusive mother but its not an excuse for her as an adult to act so callously. She may also equate manliness with the ability to meet all her needs and so now that her needs are not met she turns disrespectful. I feel bad for her because she is sowing a seed of discord such that when you pass this phase your marriage may be damaged to some extent and then all her actions of making up will be viewed suspiciously.

The fart and perfume thing in my book was silly and unnecessary. For me one of the crazy fun things in marriage is the ability to fart unhindered and without shame. Its like a competition in my own home lol.

I dont know what to say or how to explain her behaviour i advise you speak with her parents. Every couple face challenges but thats why we marry in the first place so when we are in the rain our spouse can help us hold an umbrella..

She seems very bitter and until you get to the root of her bitterness her attitude may continue.

About prayers this ia something you figure out while courting the spiritual wavelength of your spouse. If she wasnt spiritual while dating she wont turn spiritual now so just do your prayers and ignore her, God will not hear a prayer that is not from her heart and filled with vile. Keep praying for your self or join a prayer ring where you and others take turns in praying for each other.

Again so sorry for all the challenges may light shine at the end of your tunnel

"God will not answer your prayers. All your prayers to God will remain unanswered as long as you continue to cause me pain"


[/quote] yes it's really terrible for a wife to say this to her husband. I implore you to find out how you caused her pain. As for her words..... she is not God. so dear don't let her deter you. Continue to pray and be patient. *smh she needs your prayers too.

Helloo..I truly understand wat u re passing tru..there is a problem ..a problem that has to be solved..ur wife is having an issue wt u..and dt issue is the reason why she's acting up and talking to u wrongly..dt issue is d reason why she reacted dt way wn u farted..its not d fart,its d problem she has wt u.and dt problem is eating her up.women re complex beings..they involve dia emotions in all they do..tru dia actions,u wil know wat they feel..I hv just few advices for u sir..firstly,identify the problem wt her..how do u do dt?be open and specific..talk to ur wife..air ur opinion wtout confrontation..don't be judgemental in doing so..censor ur words while talking to her..and u mxt alsounderstand d fact dt ur wife is human.if she tables down dz problems to u..and dias an arear u aint doing well then accept ur imperfection and be ready to adjust..finally and above all,seek godly counsel..u re the head of ur family..make out time and pray for ur wife...everything wil surely be fine..

Thanks to all for reading and sharing their views, suggestions with me. Please keep them coming. Thank you.

ShirelleBaby:
---THIS IS YOUR OWN SIDE OF THE STORY-so I am going to critically analyse this based on ur story


#1-was she always like this?when ever you guys quarrel,is there any use of bad words?if yes-u have urself a temperamental wife!!

Is there ever a happy moment after the curses she heaps on you?if yes-use that time and ask her WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!because I have a feeling u have offended her previously and she is finding it hard to forgive.


Do u have kids?how is the relationship between ur wife and ur kids going?if FAIR-then the issue is with you not the family



The spending in the house,who bears more burden now ur business is suffering set-backs?if SHE-then that is another place her anger is coming from-and all u have to do is bear and tolerate




I'm tired of typing jawe-but believe me something is causing her recent bitterness-and till u find out-she is going to remain that way

Let me address your points:

Yes - she constantly says harsh things to me. In fact when I read your comment: "u have urself a temperamental wife!!" I smiled. You know why? Because I constantly tel her: "You are to temperamental! restrain yourself! Control yourself! have some self-control! "

We have no kids yet.

Despite my business setbacks these past few years - I have continue to be the MAIN provider in the home. During courtship - I bore ALL expenses. I cover at least 80% of expenses in the home - conservative estimate - it is probably closer to 90%. I take this role as provider very seriously and I am praying to God can continue to meet it. She has a great job with a great salary. I told her keep your salary and save it - so it can be there for the rainy day. Meanwhile I continue to bear 80%+ of expenses. Can you imagine that I do not even know how much she has "saved for the rainy day" these past few years?!

i continue to beg God to restore my business so I can continue to provide. I wonder what would become of me if GOD FORBID GOD FORBID GOD FORBID it gets to the point when I start asking her to pay rent or give me "pocket money". If I am experiencing this now, at that point, na suicide she go lead me into. God forbid!

I will suggest you take her for a stroll and discuss the issue with her though most women are very sturborn if she refuse to listen to you i will suggest you people should seprate for one month.

exebi:

Let me address your points:
Yes - she constantly says harsh things to me. In fact when I read your comment: "u have urself a temperamental wife!!" I smiled. You know why? Because I constantly tel her: "You are to temperamental! restrain yourself! Control yourself! have some self-control! "
We have no kids yet.
Despite my business setbacks these past few years - I have continue to be the MAIN provider in the home. During courtship - I bore ALL expenses. I cover at least 80% of expenses in the home - conservative estimate - it is probably closer to 90%. I take this role as provider very seriously and I am praying to God can continue to meet it. She has a great job with a great salary. I told her keep your salary and save it - so it can be there for the rainy day. Meanwhile I continue to bear 80%+ of expenses. Can you imagine that I do not even know how much she has "saved for the rainy day" these past few years?!
i continue to beg God to restore my business so I can continue to provide. I wonder what would become of me if GOD FORBID GOD FORBID GOD FORBID it gets to the point when I start asking her to pay rent or give me "pocket money". If I am experiencing this now, at that point, na suicide she go lead me into. God forbid!

I always advice my younger cousins and brothers that there is more to life than being an atm in your home. Providing everything in your home should not define your manhood.
Marriage is a partnership and when we present ourselves as supermen who can do it all without help when challenges come and you unfortunately have a woman who is stuck in that mentality serious crisis occurs.

A working wife should take some family responsibility because life is unpredictable. I know so many men who think this is macho and sadly when that rainy day comes along they are left alone and the wife insists its her money. Marriage is total partnership and openess financially and otherwise. Can we stop spoiling our women with this " keep your money i dont need it" mentality?

Anyway different strokes for us all but i believe in full partnership it makes us all feel really like partners for a common goal

1. u feel prayer is d solution to ur challenges,she does nt.let her b it's nt by force,kip up ur prayer life without bothering her and she might join u later
2.She feels u are nt doing enough,this can sap ur energy as u constantly bother about her approval:stop bothering abt wat she says or do,only bother abt making things easier in ur condition,little thing u never think if like 500 naira gifts can make a difference,keep up ur hope,faith,strength and ability to dream,those are d only weapons u havea,never loose it.
3.A woman does nt usually talk of now,she talks of d past,present and future,d present is only a microphone for her to talk abt d future and d past,its nt abt d fart,it's more than dat,try and find out,if u can't give it time,while she is nagging,u will get some hints.

It's funny how many people fail to see where she said "as long as you continue to cause me pain" instead people are bringing in how she may have been raised to see challenges as evil which I think is rubbish.

That her statement right there should be looked into. Op do you know about the pain she is talking about? What pain are you causing her?

So sorry for all the wahala. I suggest you conduct your prayers at a paricular time of the day, just start praying beside her, when you are thru, ask her if there is anything she would like to add. Pray that God changes her attitude and open her eyes to see that you really love her and are doing your best to take care of the family, this should be prayed to her hearing. Ensure she goes to church every sunday, hopefully, they will preach about marriages and love sometimes.

This might be difficult, but sometimes tell her you love her despite everything and you are never going anywhere and she should help you build the family. Dont say anthing negative. Show her what it means to be in love, even immediately after her ranting, ask her if she needs anything or any help. I suspect you dont get emotional with her anymore, when she is cooking or something, try holding her or kissing her, do something that would make her heart melt.

She might just be frustrated becos of finances and fear of the unknown future. Just let her know things would not always be like this. And please dont start reporting her oo, that one na gobe be that. Always let her know your plans and dont hide anything from her, make her feel like she is indispensable in your life and hopefully, she would begin to see the light.

Finally, DONT EVER BELIEVE ANY OF THOSE CURSES, even she doesnt believe them, they are only meant to hurt you. All the best.

aisha2:


I always advice my younger cousins and brothers that there is more to life than being an atm in your home. Providing everything in your home should not define your manhood.
Marriage is a partnership and when we present ourselves as supermen who can do it all without help when challenges come and you unfortunately have a woman who is stuck in that mentality serious crisis occurs.

A working wife should take some family responsibility because life is unpredictable. I know so many men who think this is macho and sadly when that rainy day comes along they are left alone and the wife insists its her money. Marriage is total partnership and openess financially and otherwise. Can we stop spoiling our women with this " keep your money i dont need it" mentality?

Anyway different strokes for us all but i believe in full partnership it makes us all feel really like partners for a common goal

I can't agree less with your comments. I just wonder what is so macho abt bearing the full responsibility while she lays back.

@op, your wife is the frustrated one n she wants to frustrate you out of her life. I don't want to go further than this. May God help you o.

One question. When she made that comment 4 - 6 times, did you ask her what she meant by your bringing her pain? Have you ever asked her how you bring her pain? What was her answer?

Your wife can't be this bit.chy every time, when she is in a good mood, talk to her about how her words make you feel. If she is saying all these just because of your financial set backs, then I really have to wonder why you married this woman, abi you didn't date?

kandiikane:
It's funny how many people fail to see where she said "as long as you continue to cause me pain" instead people are bringing in how she may have been raised to see challenges as evil which I think is rubbish.

That her statement right there should be looked into. Op do you know about the pain she is talking about? What pain are you causing her?

Get out of my head already.

I think there's an underlying problem here, except the wife is a witch then he 's got to be doing something wrong.

I do likewise from time to time when I am pissed off! If your God or Satan says it is your time, then do the necessary! Curses are only meant to annoy you. If you believe them, then they will stick.

If a woman is frustrated to the point of curses, the man should understand the woman is SUPER FRUSTRATED!

One of every man's goal is not to allow a woman cross over to that side!

Most of YOU MEN deserve the curses and SOME CHANGE!!!
The fact that she is NOT praying means she is doing ALL THINGS RIGHT! I love people who use their brains instead of PRAYERS to move mountains and DRY RIVERS!

Please, bring her to NL to tell us HER own side of the tory!

Tank you sah!

A man without money or with financial challenges will always be disrespected by his wife

Sorry


You are the man

Pray without her and be praying for her
Focus on your hustle

@op, it is very obvious your wife is a big witch sorry to use that word. Don't you know the power of life and death lies in the tongue whenever she uses that word "your prayers would never be answered" pls rebuke/reverse her words. This world, knowingly or unknowingly some people marry their enemies. This are the kind of women that don't want their husbands to grow. Pls exebi, send her back to her fathers house to learn some manners. She's too repulsive. When she can't bear your fart, how would she clean up her baby poo? I'm sure one guy is already deceiving her somewhere and you as a man as to stand your feet. Either she joins you in family prayers or she leaves your house.

The pollute part got me laughing



This is one of those times in marriage when you need all the maturity and self control you can get.

You mentioned you've not had children yet,have you in anyway tried to seek means of getting one?
It might be the reason for the frustration.


She might feel you are not doing enough.
True,prayer works
but you might be causing her pain trully if you are refusing to try other methods with her.

God help us

pickabeau1:
A man without money or with financial challenges will always be disrespected by his wife

Sorry


You are the man

Pray without her and be praying for her
Focus on your hustle

Pickabeau is that first paragraph yours? Believe that and you can believe anything. Financial challenges actually reminds a sensible woman of the features that makes you so right for her.

beeevan:

Pickabeau is that first paragraph yours? Believe that and you can believe anything. Financial challenges actually reminds a sensible woman of the features that makes you so right for her.

Why do u think its not mine..lol

Don't u think sustained challenges can break a 'sensible' woman

Dammnnnnnn...

pickabeau1:


Why do u think its not mine..lol

Don't u think sustained challenges can break a 'sensible' woman

...Not when it's obvious that the man is trying but things aren't working his way , a couch potato head of house hold is a story for another day. If the woman is earning good money, i don't see why the man should feel any discomfort because he isn't the ATM. Too shall become one, in full and in empty pocket .

She might kill you before your expiry date on earth.


Btw, do you have a pastor/iman? Have you shared with your religious leaders (especially those who joined you guys on the altar)?

beeevan:




...Not when it's obvious that the man is trying but things aren't working his way , a couch potato head of house hold is a story for another day. If the woman is earning good money, i don't see why the man should feel any discomfort because he isn't the ATM. Too shall become one, in full and in empty pocket .

I agree he is trying....

Just that his wife has no respect for him n moreover is using her mouths to pull him down rather than edify him