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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? (18027 Views)
Man Feels Guilty Everytime His Wife Reigns Curses On The Men Who Raped Her. / My Husband Doesn't Blv I Lost My Virginity To Him.it's Hurtful / A Bad Wife Makes A Bad Mother (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by kandiikane(m): 10:39am On Oct 27, 2014 |
DukeNija:how exactly am I being bias when I clearly stated both of them are wrong? Did you not read my statement on the woman's actions. Cause and effect, if the op didn't shut her up she won't have reacted the way she did. Her reaction was wrong but it was caused by something if you fail to see that then you must be blind. 1 Like |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by ELLYsian: 10:40am On Oct 27, 2014 |
OP, you should have married a prayerful woman. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Zehner(f): 11:02am On Oct 27, 2014 |
aisha2:I need you to answer this question. Because the woman you keep describing is nothing to write home about. Na wa o! So sad 1 Like |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Nobody: 11:12am On Oct 27, 2014 |
flyca: Chei. God bless you for this analysis. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by crackhaus: 11:27am On Oct 27, 2014 |
exebi:Why exactly are you still married to this woman? Your patience and long-suffering is something only a martyr is capable of, or do you have a death wish? The best part of your marriage and story is that you have no kids with this woman...all the wisdom you gon' need is already in front of you, use it. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by major466(m): 11:43am On Oct 27, 2014 |
Am not married so am not in the best position to give any advice. But one thing I know is that your wife is in pain. You need to figure it out and deal with it before it degenerate into something ugly. You sound like a religious man. Keep it up. Prayer is the key to everything. Don't bother yourself about her joining you in prayers. Just do it alone. God himself will take care of things and hopefully your wife will join you in the nearest future. Finally, you know women are complex beings, solutions do not really matter to them. I suggest you find and buy the book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. One for you and one for your wife. It's a great resource book that will help you understand your wife much better. You will be able to figure out a way to deal with her emotional pain. Goodluck. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by AWONEYAN(m): 11:47am On Oct 27, 2014 |
science shows that a woman speaks 20,000 words per day, while man speaks 7,000...http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/women-talk-more-than-men/ Dear OP ,refrain from too much speaking... you dont need to reply every words she said, then set ur mind to on a blank mode anytime she enters that mode.... concentrate on your life and business, keep being a responsible man and loving ... if you dont want to join the click of divorcee. your marriage wont brake in JESUS NAME. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by freecocoa(f): 12:02pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
kandiikane:I can relate to this for reals. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by freecocoa(f): 12:16pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
SeaGold:Like you don't know that everyone's got limit(s)s, do you know what's he's doing to cause her pain? Do you know if she's tried to discuss it? Imagine the OP making a fuss cos his perfume was used to freshen the air his fart polluted, like seriously? Abeg the OP should stop whatever he's doing to cause her pain and they can take it from there. 1 Like |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Ilovenigeria(f): 12:32pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
freecocoa:Nawaoooo!!!! |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by freecocoa(f): 12:34pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Just read the part about her behavior to the service attendants and I must say, that's very rude of her. Now OP, my ex used to do something similar to what you did as regards shutting her up/interrupting her in public, I swear that used to piss the feck outta me, he did that believing he knew better or could handle the situation better even when it directly involved me, now I understand that you were trying to save the situation which prolly wouldn't have needed any saving, but the manner with which you did it may have been the problem, to you, you were discreet but to her you were not. I must also say that, since you asked her how you should have gone about it and she didn't give an answer, then she really has it in for you, I just wish she can come say what you've been doing to cause her pain cos the issue is obviously very deep, just try finding the right time to talk to her as people have advised. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by freecocoa(f): 12:35pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Ilovenigeria:Nawaooo to you too. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Ilovenigeria(f): 12:38pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
freecocoa:Hahahahahah I agreed with you naaa. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by freecocoa(f): 12:40pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Ilovenigeria:And I agreed back at you na. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Nobody: 12:46pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
OP, money is the problem! Nothing else. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Nobody: 12:47pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
flyca: |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by perry2020(f): 1:01pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
sassygal:Your head is there. Nomatter what ur spouse must have done to u,you don't curse coz there is power in ur tongue,she is meant to build the home not destroy it,she isn't matured enough to me at dat aspect ooo.these re the kinda women that curse their children and latter the Op or kids might have problem not knowing where it's coming from. 2 Likes |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by nautybride: 1:28pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
@Op, permit me to explain about the prayer aspect; I run two jobs, so i get home 9 to 10pm everyday. Its good to pray and i dont joke with it. As i ve a partner who runs his business, when i m sleeping he wakes me up to pray 12 or 1 a.m. At times, i feel like Mr, you have all your day to yourself. Can i rest pls? That may be your wife's case too. She is wrong to curse you though; i see myself as someone who can curse when i m hurt or fustrated which i think could be her own case. Can you please help her with her self control habit? She also exhibit a little pride if she could call men "rats". You could clip those wings by reducing your niceness like someone suggested earlier but sitting in a beer palour till late, i dont support. Just get a new hobby or better still, spend those times to increase your business horizon, meet clients. Think it through periods. Thanks. 1 Like |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by infogenius(m): 1:40pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
I have all through this thread and I must admit that some comments here are more provocative than the op's ordeal. While some have simply spot on. exebi , exebi , exebi Ur wife frustration stems from ur business challenges.Work, pray and MAKE MONEY. U will not have the kind of peace u want in ur home unless u make money and plenty of it. Your wife is not a kid and no matter what u may have done to her either in public or in ur closet she has no right to make those utterances under any condition. What does she mean? I will suggest the following. 1. Never and I mean never express ur business woes with ur wife for now. This is ur cross and unfortunately it is only u that will carry the cross alone. Listen to me, many of this so called wives are nothing but fair weather women. Never ready to bear ur pains with u especially If it is taking too much time. Work out ur business woes carefully by itself and make sure u succeed. 2.Make sure u communicate with her, no malice but make sure ur statements are well thought out b4 making them.She is not the only one u will be talking to. 3.Observe her closely, the rubbish that she is expecting u to swallow I bet she can't try it with her boss at work. There is a THIRD PERSON in ur marriage. Observe closely this person is giving ur wife too much liver. 4. Your home is a school, make sure u share knowledge on various areas such as spirituality, finance, attitude, decorum, relationships etc with her.Get good books read and let her read them also and share together. Make sure u are a doer of all d positives u share with her. 5.Don't spend too much idle moments with her.This is because many women feel that even in ur meditative moments u are lazy or have nothing to do to change ur position especially in times of business difficulties. Create activities that will move u forward and engage them.Don't go clubbing or hang out in beer parlours as this a sign of irresponsibility and ur frustrations. 6.Always create an atmosphere of excitement around u and at home.This is very important, say only things u want to experience whether it looks like it or not. Let it be a part of u, it is only a matter of time and she will be a part of the excitement. 7.Make money and let her know when sizeable chunks enter ur hand. Finally let her fund an area in family expenses and if she refuses, she may need to stop working. More importantly, make ur marriage work. All the best brother. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by StealthyMe(m): 1:41pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Its quite good you have identified you have problems....But what u're yet to identify is that your wife seems to be the BIGGEST problem you have. I don't think there can be anything more frustrating that an uncooperative partner...Bros,Just keep doing your best and don't get discouraged. 2 Likes |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Nobody: 1:41pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
2sexi:Money, or maybe passionate love-making. @op, not to make light of your situation, but, Those Igbo guys wey dey hawk YoYo bitters? They'll go "if u see woman wey him husband dey do hin job well well, na 'daddy' 'my honey' 'my love' she go dey call am. But if na man wey nor dey sama her well as she like, na 'foolish man' 'yeye' 'u no dey see ya mate for outside'. 2 Likes |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Nobody: 1:45pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
major466:I'd say it's more likely she'd hit him upside tha head with the darn book. 2 Likes |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by segend(m): 2:24pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
I agree with some of what you said, and don't agree with some, especially the beer parlor, he will just be replacing one devil with another. But i completely agree that he should find something that will keep him away from the house. Ilekokonit: |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by adanduka: 2:42pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Please go and see a mature couple maybe enjoying 30years of marriage. Talk with them and gain insight. They MAY be able to make your wife tell you what the REAL problem is. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by KingMswati: 3:06pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
GEJ Till 2019! |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by TV01(m): 4:05pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Exebi, Listen to me very carefully and please don’t be upset if I use your experience to give insight to others. If all you say about yourself is true – and I’m responding assuming it is - you have two basic problems; 1. You are not living up to your wife’ expectations of you 2. You are trying too hard to please her 1. For many (Naija) women, marriage is a question of ticking boxes. Boxes ticked, they then seek to “force their wills” on the situation. Her expectations have nothing to do with you per se - in terms of forming them - but all to do with you in terms of delivering them. Even if her expectations are unrealistic, and had no input or agreement from you, you are still to blame. Even if you meet her expectations and she changes them – without you being involved or knowing – you are still to blame. “That is the pain you are causing her”. She is frustrated, she blames you, you will get it in the neck Has anyone noticed how in a relationship (especially pre-marriage) a woman gets all moody when things are not going according to her plan? Very few women possess the graciousness and understanding to clearly articulate what they want and at the same time equally and realistically consider the man’ position and wholeheartedly work with it. (Single men, these are the ones you should be looking to marry – having made yourselves worthy – all the others are simply not worth the effort. They are either not right, or not ready – at least at that point – so simply pass them over. In some cases, she may be a “bit short” but moving in the right direction. You can be patient if you have the time or even work with them if they are close, but queue them accordingly, while you continue to search for the prize.) 2. All you’ve written is one long narrative of trying to win her over. To do what she wants to make her happy. Please stop it. Good news; Althoughyou have 2 problems, there is the one fix. Put your cojonés back on display. Establish your frame of reference as a man and stick to it – regardless of her mood, her anger, her rude utterances, her general bad behaviour. Let me give you an example; The check-in business, it went all wrong and “you apologised” and you “asked her” what she would have you do. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You are a man, always take charge of such situations unless you have a prior agreement. The reason she took charge is because she didn’t see you as man enough. It’s also why she couldn’t answer your question – the answer to which is “be a man”. Once she realises that you are immovable, she will shape up. It will in all likelihood not be a quick fix, but there is no reason why you shouldn’t see early improvement – and possibly some resitance as she tries to re-assert herself. Do not waver. It is the best way to turn your marriage into what you desire. And I wrote assuming you want to keep your home. And please, stick a bun in her oven quick time Hope this helps. TV 11 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by exebi: 4:25pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
2sexi: A lot of people posting on the thread have indicated this is the issue. Maybe I am deceiving myself, but I do not want to believe it. Maybe you guys are right..? I do not want to believe it, because it is not as if have asked her to take up the majority of household expenses. As i said, I bear at least 80% of household expenses - it was probably over 90% at one point. She still earns her very large salary and deposits it in her account - supposedly saving for the family's rainy day - to which she has not shared with me any details of the savings. So I am not bothering her to take up household expenses, so why should money be the problem. Other than her hearing me cry about my business struggles (and my cry is essentially when I ask her: "please intensify prayer for my business" or my not being able to engage in some luxurious expenditures I used to - there really is no difference. But again, maybe I am deceiving myself. To me the absence of luxurious expenditures is not a big issue - as long as the rent is paid and we are eating, healthy and clothed. Maybe to her it is. I am really confused... Some comments here have resonated though -even though painful. Please keep sharing and contributing. I am listening/reading and praying. I hope to take a definitive decision soon..but just want to be sure I am in sync with God's perfect will. Thank you. 2 Likes |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by exebi: 4:27pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
ELLYsian: You are RIGHT! I foolishly thought I did...but the red flags were there prior to marriage. She is spiritually weak and lazy. My heart is in pain. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by exebi: 4:32pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Assuming you are right in your ocmments below that I married "a very terrible wife". What do I do now?! This is a serious question. Thank you. Can you also comment more on this comment of yours: "Funny enough, a preacher said something yesterday. He said "Some men and women get married to their Wives/husbands and their destinies shutdown immediately. It closes completely and never ever opens again simply because they married a particular person" Classic case of marrying the enemy! How does one determine they are in such a situation? And if they are, what do they do about it to rectify the situation? To open up the destiny again? These are also serious questions. Thank you for taking the time to answer them. DukeNija: |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by exebi: 4:34pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
Ilekokonit: These comments resonated with me..and it is frightening. Yes sometimes I feel she has flipped from loving me to hating me. I noticed this a while ago and tried multiple times to address it with her to no avail. What can a man do under these circumstances? |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by Nobody: 4:56pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
exebi:well, i pray God guide you on the right action to take. |
Re: Wife Makes Hurtful Comments (curses?) To Me. What To Do? by TV01(m): 5:06pm On Oct 27, 2014 |
exebi: Please ask yourself and distinguish between the state of having “character flaws” or being “irredeemably evil”. I’m assuming the former here? If she is evil, then you need to be on your knees up a high mountain. If she is displaying hypergamy, your re-presented frame as a man should ultimately fix that, but you still need to be prayerful and ensure you act in all righteousness. Women are by nature – and without intense socialisation or deeply held religious beliefs – prone to hypergamy. That is what I essentially explained to you earlier, whilst showing you the way ahead. What you have to be careful of, is allowing her to get to the point of utterly despising you, which is what it sounds like from your above response and could make the situation all but irretrievable. I was half-joking about getting her pregnant, but is there any reason why she has not taken in. And more pointedly, does she still welcome you into her bed? All things being equal, it’s a clear indication that a relationship is in a bad way. But even with such a situation, you can still turn things around. There will be some things that hold her in the marriage. You must work apace to fully restore it, and see she gets to the point of wanting to be married to you. TV |
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