TV01:

Do you want to restore - not merely save - your marriage? Money is an aside here.


When you have a wife with character flaws or behavioural issues (essentially immature), she will play on your good nature. Either to have her way, making you act according to her whims, hurting you due to her frustrations or failings, or playing up due to perceiving you as weak.

Unless your wife is pure evil, you can turn this around. All the change required will first come from you. Quit whining and get on with it. Her e despising you is nothing. If the conditions are right, she will just as readily love you like there's no tomorrow - and even claim she was only being hard to encourage you. Women can be wantonly emotional. Your job is to make her understand her emotions go "so far and no further". You have given her the rule. Take it back!


TV

Bro advice op.

That chapter ended 3 years ago

SeaGold:


Bro advice op.

That chapter ended 3 years ago

I was. I pointed to your input in order to direct him. A similar situation to his own - you did say you weren't even married?. Hope you are well past that now?


TV

TV01:

I was. I pointed to your input in order to direct him. A similar situation to his own - you did say you weren't even married?. Hope you are well past that now?


TV

Yea but Ex already in marriage for 2 years now but bitter about losing me. I can't imagine what her hubby will be passing through cos that a loveless marriage she entered.

I couldnt read thru all the comments ... but seriously some women could be tough really. perhaps, she actually thought by her calculation you should be more than what you are right now and may be her friend's are having it so good from their hubby's than she is ... people have just got to understand , we are never the same . there is a time and season for everyone. her comments are not encouraging at all , you may want to start thinking she is behind the issues if you are somene who believes in such . Sir ,. you are married , and ts a better for worse , you just have to keeep enduring , you sound like a gentle man really . just be hopeful things will get better with you . I can see you love her also. take it as she is immature and dont get frustrated and depressed by those words . may God answer your prayers .amen

SeaGold:


Yea but Ex already in marriage for 2 years now but bitter about losing me. I can't imagine what her hubby will be passing through cos that a loveless marriage she entered.

Forget her, forget them. He'll livewith it or deal with it his own way. You are lucky not o have been trapped. Maybe she learnt her lesson, maaybe not. Either way, ensure you learnt yours. All the best bro'. It hard out there and a bad wife just makes it hell.


TV

aisha2:


Point of correction :
Not EVERY woman wants or works for a happy home.
Some women just marry because:

1. Its in vogue, all their friends are doing it and they should also have a big wedding and outshine the last one their friend had then comes the man who they feel w" will do " they may not love him or have a ny desire to build a home with him but for the purpose of that wedding day show they can manage him. What happens after the wedding no concern them

2. Some women just want to be mrs nothing more, they were not raised to have emotions or to biild a home. Ita a mans job to provide the cash like an atm machine and theirs to spend go through the motions of boring se- z have a couple of kids and compete with their mates, when money finish peaceful home finish

3. Some women see marriage as some gladiator game where they have been told if you show any sign of weakness you " loose" only that marriage is not a game or scheme it is a climax of love, vulnerability and emotions where 2 people say " forget ego, forget self, i want to build a life of peace and love with this person. I have found someone who loves and respects me and am willing to do the same, willing to find a way to peaceful resolve issues as they come."

Not every woman wants a peaceful home or even knows what a peaceful home is sister. I am a woman, have been around women you hear all sorts. Funny thing is after creating hell at home they now complain that their home isnt heaven.

I love you with the love of God .... if nairaland could be a voice forum ... I turn off my car radio atimes when I hear when some women call on charles b program.

I took my time to read thru the comments , I can conclude the following
OP and his wife are just 2 diff beings. the op likes and love the outward personality ... the smart , beauiful and good cook. the Op is a nice gentle man, he belives godliness with contentment is great gain. the wife is opposite I can see... the op said somethin about used to living a luxurious life , like I said that lady thought the op will be way better than he is right now... The op may not just be able toi give her the kind of life she wishes to have ...may be thats the pain . Op once it perhaps gets to the level of you suspsecting she is cheating , pls call it quit. I would have adviced you try havina a kid or somethin but its not a calculated risk ....

TV01:

Forget her, forget them. He'll livewith it or deal with it his own way. You are lucky not o have been trapped. Maybe she learnt her lesson, maaybe not. Either way, ensure you learnt yours. All the best bro'. It hard out there and a bad wife just makes it hell.


TV

TV1... Is yours plasma panel or tube box?

You got yourself a follower

OP, I'm sure you would have seen this tempremental side of her while you were still bf/gf. Also the lax spiritual side as well.
If it is always you that initiated prayer while you courted for (I hope) some time, and if her pride was so much that she always says some very "off" things at the slightest inconvenience (or perhaps even with no inconvenience), and if in every disagreement it was always you that came apologizing...then I believe you knew exactly what you were walking into. No need complaining about that now.

That's in the past now.

My bachelor brothers, abeg shine your eye O. Don't let "love" or the allure of big bakasi blind you from making good marital decisions.
Imagine the woman calling other 2 men rats for no reason. Any woman that feels big when she talks down to other people, will one day feel big while talking down to you. This is a promise, not a curse. Study her well enough and you will see these things. Because without anything else, RESPECT is something we NEED as a men to be at our best. TEST your woman before even thinking about putting a ring on it.

Read this thread I created long ago about the subject long ago:
https://www.nairaland.com/1568246/humility-lost-female-art

God will help us all.

Has there ever being a time she apologized for her behavior and tried to change for a short while? If yes, she might be trying to get out of it but failing.

egopersonified:
Has there ever being a time she apologized for her behavior and tried to change for a short while? If yes, she might be trying to get out of it but failing.

Before I answer your question, I need to first understand it. When you say "she might be trying to get out of it but failing" - what is the "it" you are referring to?

exebi:


Before I answer your question, I need to first understand it. When you say "she might be trying to get out of it but failing" - what is the "it" you are referring to?

Her bad behaviour(abuses, curses)

egopersonified:


Her bad behaviour(abuses, curses)

Her bad behavior has been long-standing and I have brought it to her attention several times. She even "promised" almost a year ago to change. Within one week of that promise, she did something horrible I would never have expected from her (an entirely different story) and indignantly used rudeness and disrespect to "defend" herself. Frankly, if I must be honest with myself, she just lacks the ability to behave properly towards me - no respect, no care, no love. The irony is that she is exceedingly respectful, loving and caring of her parents and siblings. She is also generally respectful of elders. I frequently tell her, "you speak to me and act in ways you would never speak to your youngest sibling or to even a stranger on the street, yet this is what you give 'your husband' " . her response is that I should not mention her "family". Indeed, she even says that my mentioning of her family to make that point is "disrespectful" of her family.

Dude, what a life you are living. It is well. God be with you.

exebi:


Her bad behavior has been long-standing and I have brought it to her attention several times. She even "promised" almost a year ago to change. Within one week of that promise, she did something horrible I would never have expected from her (an entirely different story) and indignantly used rudeness and disrespect to "defend" herself. Frankly, if I must be honest with myself, she just lacks the ability to behave properly towards me - no respect, no care, no love. The irony is that she is exceedingly respectful, loving and caring of her parents and siblings. She is also generally respectful of elders. I frequently tell her, "you speak to me and act in ways you would never speak to your youngest sibling or to even a stranger on the street, yet this is what you give 'your husband' " . her response is that I should not mention her "family". Indeed, she even says that my mentioning of her family to make that point is "disrespectful" of her family.

It's obvious that you want to make your marriage work. I salute you for that. I will advise that you report your wife to her parents and if possible, do it in her presence. Travel if you have to. Cite all the examples you can remember and make them aware of your hurt and dissapointment. That way, she'll know that you mean business. I believe that she's got the power to change. You have to command the respect you deserve as the head of your home.

If she doesn't change after that, then you've got a vital decision to make. Pls dont try for a baby now. You guys need to sort yourselves out before bringing forth an innocent child.

Goodluck and i hope you update us.

exebi:


Her bad behavior has been long-standing and I have brought it to her attention several times. She even "promised" almost a year ago to change. Within one week of that promise, she did something horrible I would never have expected from her (an entirely different story) and indignantly used rudeness and disrespect to "defend" herself. Frankly, if I must be honest with myself, she just lacks the ability to behave properly towards me - no respect, no care, no love. The irony is that she is exceedingly respectful, loving and caring of her parents and siblings. She is also generally respectful of elders. I frequently tell her, "you speak to me and act in ways you would never speak to your youngest sibling or to even a stranger on the street, yet this is what you give 'your husband' " . her response is that I should not mention her "family". Indeed, she even says that my mentioning of her family to make that point is "disrespectful" of her family.

I just followed this through. I am seriously concerned for you. However, I have 3 questions for you but please understand that my question is out of concern and to find a way of helping if I can.
1. Do you still have regular intimacy with her?
2. Although, you are into a personal business and facing hard times, are you interested in working in organisations (I can help if you have the right qualification in my sector). If it works, this may help solve your financial problems. I HATE DISHONESTY!
3. You sound like a genuine believer in distress - ARE YOU BORN AGAIN?

Gazilion

I am curious, has she always been like this?

When you were courting her, did you see anything that hinted to her being a proud disrespectful rude person?
Did you ever ALLOW her playfully disrespect you? e.g. "Shut up haha" or "I will break your head" etc etc.

All these things add up with womenfolk and before you know it, the next level is public embarrassment and beyond...
It sometimes pays to be a no nonsense man and go to certain depths to put an unruly woman in her place.

Train her well, and she will think twice before treating you how you don't want to be treated.

@op no woman will be happy without children in her marriage, I guess her pain might not be to far from this and she can't be in that angry mood all the time, when the coast is clear try and talk to her and see what the issue is with her , the lord is your strength

@op no woman will be happy without children in her marriage, I guess her pain might not be to far from this and she can't be in that angry mood all the time, when the coast is clear try and talk to her and see what the issue is with her , the lord is your strength

phadat:
@op no woman will be happy without children in her marriage, I guess her pain might not be to far from this and she can't be in that angry mood all the time, when the coast is clear try and talk to her and see what the issue is with her , the lord is your strength

The Lord is indeed his strength, but forget that noise.
So is she the only one that should now be angry if that is the situation?
Is she not also to blame for the childless situation? Or does it only take one to tango?
The woman is just a frustrated loud-mouth. It is obvious in the way she treats people who are also not her husband.

My only question for the OP so as to help us guys who haven't signed our warrant yet is: Did you, or didn't you sense this about this woman before you married her? You seem spirit-filled (only this can keep a man this cool), did you test her spirit before agreeing to marry her? I am sure the test came back negative (seeing as she was never even interested in praying with you), yet you went against the test results and married her anyway. Shed some light and give us bachelors some advice on how to avoid this your situation.

Thanks bros.

phadat:
@op no woman will be happy without children in her marriage, I guess her pain might not be to far from this and she can't be in that angry mood all the time, when the coast is clear try and talk to her and see what the issue is with her , the lord is your strength

They mutually agreed not to have kids yet.

2buff:
I am curious, has she always been like this?

When you were courting her, did you see anything that hinted to her being a proud disrespectful rude person?
Did you ever ALLOW her playfully disrespect you? e.g. "Shut up haha" or "I will break your head" etc etc.

All these things add up with womenfolk and before you know it, the next level is public embarrassment and beyond...
It sometimes pays to be a no nonsense man and go to certain depths to put an unruly woman in her place.

Train her well, and she will think twice before treating you how you don't want to be treated.

Being a 'no-no sense' man doesnt work for every woman! You study the woman you have to know how to treat her! Some women would even get more stubborn with a 'no-nonsense' man's attitude.

Zikkie:


Being a 'no-no sense' man doesnt work for every woman! You study the woman you have to know how to treat her! Some women would even get more stubborn with a 'no-nonsense' man's attitude.

I am still of the firm belief that you train people on how they treat you.
Nobody can treat you in any way that you do not allow.

When you keep trying to pass through a wall and can't, you eventually look for a door or perhaps even a window to pass.
But if that wall is always giving you room and you are always walking through the wall, why will you ever respect the wall and use it's door or window?

In fact, the next time, you would likely start inviting people to walk through the wall too so you both can talk/laugh about how useless the wall seems to be. Next, you drag a couch through it, etc etc and the disrespect grows.

That is just human nature.

exebi:


Her bad behavior has been long-standing and I have brought it to her attention several times. She even "promised" almost a year ago to change. Within one week of that promise, she did something horrible I would never have expected from her (an entirely different story) and indignantly used rudeness and disrespect to "defend" herself. Frankly, if I must be honest with myself, she just lacks the ability to behave properly towards me - no respect, no care, no love. The irony is that she is exceedingly respectful, loving and caring of her parents and siblings. She is also generally respectful of elders. I frequently tell her, "you speak to me and act in ways you would never speak to your youngest sibling or to even a stranger on the street, yet this is what you give 'your husband' " . her response is that I should not mention her "family". Indeed, she even says that my mentioning of her family to make that point is "disrespectful" of her family.

My brother you married a stranger, you guys are not on the same level at all. There is actually no gain saying that this woman resents you and she is not hiding it at all. May God help you

Prayer is the key

Brothers and sisters,

Please pray for me. I am HURTING - VERY MUCH SO. I need His wisdom, guidance, direction and strength.

Please pray for me.

Thank you.

exebi:
Brothers and sisters,

Please pray for me. I am HURTING - VERY MUCH SO. I need His wisdom, guidance, direction and strength.

Please pray for me.

Thank you.

I pray that God will intervene and give you peace. What exactly is the situation now? Have u spoken to her family?

From your lips to His ears. It is well with you and yours.

exebi:
Brothers and sisters,

Please pray for me. I am HURTING - VERY MUCH SO. I need His wisdom, guidance, direction and strength.

Please pray for me.

Thank you.

@OP, i have been following your story from inception and i must admit that you are indeed passing through a lot. Though, i wish your wife could give her own side of the story, it still will not erase the fact that she has gone too far. Women are generally emotional beings, and are moved by what they hear. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Assuming your wife was not like this before when you guys dated and eventually got married, then she must be reacting to something and that if that is the case, you have to find out what she is reacting to. But for now, concentrate on trying to make a more stable income for yourself, also try to develope 'thick skin' on her tantrums and overlook most of her insults. Her insults will only weigh you down if you don't overlook it. Always believe in yourself and God. Always remember that you are never a failure or frustrated man unless you wholeheartedly accept failure and frustration.

Keep developing high blood pressure and think she will change until you start considering suicide.

Grow a thick skin Oga, she is enjoying whatever she is doing yo you. When she realises that you don't cry or care anymore she will definitely change.

exebi:
Brothers and sisters,

Please pray for me. I am HURTING - VERY MUCH SO. I need His wisdom, guidance, direction and strength.

Please pray for me.

Thank you.

wow! will put you in my prayers. God is your strength, just lay it all at His feet.