EXACTLY! When I just got married,I use to loose my cool n most times my husband will ignore me.some other times he had to put his foot down n that taught me some manners....don't be too soft, we women can take advantage. BELIEVE ME.

Listen to what you are saying Ma.

You would have, you should have, you did, you are suppose to do, listen to her, don't shout bla bla bla to the Op. I guess the op is now a sensitive superhuman without any emotion of his to unleash too.

Intelligent and respectful women should understand their partner sign language in public and not biitch about it to further disgrace themselves. Marriage is check and balance.

Men are not psychologists or mind readers to understand their women frustration or what they are not doing right. It is called marriage so that any partner that is uncomfortable with a situation can spelt it out, discuss it and find a solution to it than bottling it up and allowing it to degenerate to this level.

Whatever needs you find to blame op for his wife misdemeanours, if she is temperamental, nothing will work except she finds help in counselling and the man learning to manage her baggage.

Please you guys should stop these double standard of equality and when things goes awry the man is blamed for not being a superhero.

Op, I implore you to grow balls. Match her biitchings with some level of notoriety. Shake her to the very foundation of her confidence and she will bounce back with realisation and sit up. WOMEN HATE WEAK MEN...Nice men is their puppet.

Once in a while, tumble and somersault and dance masquerade in the house. It auto reset the brainbox of some women and spice up the marriage trust me

Here is an update to those who followed and/or contributed to this thread.

Things have actually gotten worse. Much worse.

I truly do not know what to do.

My mind says end the marriage as it is not working and is not likely to work given the obvious signs.

My heart is torn by the fact that this would go against the biblical injunction against divorce, be an acknowledgment that I failed in a major life decision, bring much sadness to my parents, friends and loved ones...and bring me shame over my failure.

My heart also still wants to believe she can transform back to the woman I thought she was or the woman she used to be. My heart believes if this happens then we can have the wonderful marriage I thought we would have.

I am at a complete loss as to how I got into this mess. I though I took steps and prayed against this outcome. I am now becoming paranoid. Wondering if the marriage is under spiritual attack? Wondering if she is now possessed because truly the things she says and does these days are mind boggling - this cannot be the same woman I married. I am even beginning to wonder if the same spiritual attack I suspect on the marriage is what has severely negatively impacted my business. The collapse my business has experienced since this marriage commenced, if I tel you the details you would WEEP FOR ME. Actually my business has been in decline since this relationship started and the decline has been simply catastrophic and hard to explain or fathom. An incredible combination of bad decisions on my part, bad luck, misfortune and strange occurrences adversely impacting the business (bad luck).

If not for my love of God, I would have since committed suicide.

I am deeply pained and deeply confused.

Pray for me. Counsel me.

Thank you.

Don't give up it can get better. If what you were doing before didn't work maybe you can try something else. Sometimes if you want to change a situation you have to first accept it as it is. No judging it as bad or good just acceptance of all that is in front of you. Accept your wife as she is right now stop trying to change her into who you think she should be.

This is not to say tolerate bad behavior but while being firm accept her as she is.

I am sorry for your pain and confusion. I feel once you gain clarity the pain will go the confusion has you knotted up you can't see the wood for the trees the most important person in your life is you and you are the only one YOU can change so if there is any change to be done start with yourself the rest I believe will follow.

All the best.

Accept gini?

If your left hand will cause you to loose your life, biko cut if off and burn it to ashes! Another may not grow but your other body part will make up for it. Amputees are alive today because a rusted arm (or leg) was cut of. Today they've climbed to heights even one with complete human parts has never attained.

Life is hope. Being alive is having hope for a better tomorrow. Giving up doesn't necessarily mean giving up. It can mean leaving today to live tomorrow!

If a woman, your partner cannot share your dreams, goals, aspirations, lead you on, support you, stand by you, encourage you, motivate you, inspire you, then you've definitely made a huge mistake in marrying her and need to correct it. Too much gentility will lead one to an early grave.

You can give her the grace to change but if nothing works, stay away from her and still if nothing works, divorce am. Am not a fan of divorce but am not also a fan of polygamy. Am not a fan of a death trapped marriages. Choose the lesser evil - separation (then divorce)

Everybody deserves to be happy, has the right to be at peace and be calm. Any threat to it should be dealt with accordingly.

I for sure cannot stand a foul, bad mouthed lady. Gosh!!! And she my wife? Then am a LIVING DEAD!

Exebi, you're thinking of divorce and its implications. I hope you should also consider or currently considering your happiness and state of mind. Encouragement, motivation and inspiration are important drivers of the wheel of success. If your wife is not driving you, biko jump to another bus or wait for another. Every bus APPEARS to be on the same journey but so many are already derailed right before they started!

God's Grace takes care of us even in our inactions and thoughts - but we shouldn't take it for granted.

May God continue to guide you through this difficult time. Also note that for every event, there's always a lesson to learn.

Cheers.

Kaboninc,

Thanks for your counsel. It is hard to disagree with your advice.

kaboninc:
Accept gini?

If your left hand will cause you to loose your life, biko cut if off and burn it to ashes! Another may not grow but your other body part will make up for it. Amputees are alive today because a rusted arm (or leg) was cut of. Today they've climbed to heights even one with complete human parts has never attained.

Life is hope. Being alive is having hope for a better tomorrow. Giving up doesn't necessarily mean giving up. It can mean leaving today to live tomorrow!

If a woman, your partner cannot share your dreams, goals, aspirations, lead you on, support you, stand by you, encourage you, motivate you, inspire you, then you've definitely made a huge mistake in marrying her and need to correct it. Too much gentility will lead one to an early grave.

You can give her the grace to change but if nothing works, stay away from her and still if nothing works, divorce am. Am not a fan of divorce but am not also a fan of polygamy. Am not a fan of a death trapped marriages. Choose the lesser evil - separation (then divorce)

Everybody deserves to be happy, has the right to be at peace and be calm. Any threat to it should be dealt with accordingly.

I for sure cannot stand a foul, bad mouthed lady. Gosh!!! And she my wife? Then am a LIVING DEAD!

Exebi, you're thinking of divorce and its implications. I hope you should also consider or currently considering your happiness and state of mind. Encouragement, motivation and inspiration are important drivers of the wheel of success. If your wife is not driving you, biko jump to another bus or wait for another. Every bus APPEARS to be on the same journey but so many are already derailed right before they started!

God's Grace takes care of us even in our inactions and thoughts - but we shouldn't take it for granted.

May God continue to guide you through this difficult time. Also note that for every event, there's always a lesson to learn.

Cheers.

Bros take am easy!! Regardless of how you're feeling, you're not the only one in the situation.

Have you tried inviting her out to a private resort and trying to get to the bottom of things?
Is there somebody you know she is very close to or defers to that you can table your matter before?

The good thing about your situation is there are no kids yet BUT are you sure even though you said both of you agreed not to have kids yet, she doesn't actually feel it's a solo decision of yours.

It's very simple, easy and sometimes the cowardly route to take to start insinuating that your woes are because of marriage to her. There are a great deal we don't know about your story.

Bring mature people she respects into the matter and please try and maintain some sense of normalcy and engage yourself in things that you personally enjoy doing .
Abeg no give yourself hypertension.
The closest description of hell is usually a turbulent marriage.

exebi:
Kaboninc,

Thanks for your counsel. It is hard to disagree with your advice.

You're welcome!

Always try to smile like this or

Trust me, it has a way of soothing the nerves.

Maybe some day, you come to understand how things work and why we behave the way we do.

But for now, leave that to God.

It is well with you.

exebi:
Here is an update to those who followed and/or contributed to this thread.

Things have actually gotten worse. Much worse.

I truly do not know what to do.

My mind says end the marriage as it is not working and is not likely to work given the obvious signs.

My heart is torn by the fact that this would go against the biblical injunction against divorce, be an acknowledgment that I failed in a major life decision, bring much sadness to my parents, friends and loved ones...and bring me shame over my failure.

My heart also still wants to believe she can transform back to the woman I thought she was or the woman she used to be. My heart believes if this happens then we can have the wonderful marriage I thought we would have.

I am at a complete loss as to how I got into this mess. I though I took steps and prayed against this outcome. I am now becoming paranoid. Wondering if the marriage is under spiritual attack? Wondering if she is now possessed because truly the things she says and does these days are mind boggling - this cannot be the same woman I married. I am even beginning to wonder if the same spiritual attack I suspect on the marriage is what has severely negatively impacted my business. The collapse my business has experienced since this marriage commenced, if I tel you the details you would WEEP FOR ME. Actually my business has been in decline since this relationship started and the decline has been simply catastrophic and hard to explain or fathom. An incredible combination of bad decisions on my part, bad luck, misfortune and strange occurrences adversely impacting the business (bad luck).

If not for my love of God, I would have since committed suicide.

I am deeply pained and deeply confused.

Pray for me. Counsel me.

Thank you.

Why don't you go for deliverance? Look for a prayerful church and go for deliverance. I will recommend Mfm prayer city for you. I too had a challenge and went there, and honestly my testimony came on the second day of the deliverance. You call yourself a Christian, yet the enemy has crippled your marriage and business. How do you expect to fight back? By lamenting on nairaland? Pls go for serious prayer and fasting. I suspect two things, either its the work of spirit spouses who want to wreck you and destroy your marriage, or there's a direct attack from somewhere, most likely family. Well my mom is a pastor so I've seen many things. I've seen a couple who couldn't stand each other before, the man went for deliverance and instantly, the wife traced him to the venue and with tears they reconciled. Oga, pls don't blame your wife.

Bros,

I've been praying...I REALLY HAVE!

While it appears I am blaming my wife by saying:

"Wondering if she is now possessed because truly the things she says and does these days are mind boggling - this cannot be the same woman I married."

Do not forget that I also said:

"Wondering if the marriage is under spiritual attack?"

meaning I leave room for the possibility that we are both under atatck ..or maybe I am under attack.

As I said, I am becoming paranoid and this paranoia annoys me.

I am not opposed to going for "deliverance"...but one has heard so many things about fake pastors, etc...that I am extremely cautious/wary in that regard.

DukeNija:


Why don't you go for deliverance? Look for a prayerful church and go for deliverance. I will recommend Mfm prayer city for you. I too had a challenge and went there, and honestly my testimony came on the second day of the deliverance. You call yourself a Christian, yet the enemy has crippled your marriage and business. How do you expect to fight back? By lamenting on nairaland? Pls go for serious prayer and fasting. I suspect two things, either its the work of spirit spouses who want to wreck you and destroy your marriage, or there's a direct attack from somewhere, most likely family. Well my mom is a pastor so I've seen many things. I've seen a couple who couldn't stand each other before, the man went for deliverance and instantly, the wife traced him to the venue and with tears they reconciled. Oga, pls don't blame your wife.

I forgot to say Thanks DukeNija for your brotherly support.

exebi:
Bros,

I've been praying...I REALLY HAVE!

While it appears I am blaming my wife by saying:

"Wondering if she is now possessed because truly the things she says and does these days are mind boggling - this cannot be the same woman I married."

Do not forget that I also said:

"Wondering if the marriage is under spiritual attack?"

meaning I leave room for the possibility that we are both under atatck ..or maybe I am under attack.

As I said, I am becoming paranoid and this paranoia annoys me.

I am not opposed to going for "deliverance"...but one has heard so many things about fake pastors, etc...that I am extremely cautious/wary in that regard.

If at this stage of your life, with all the woes currently betiding you, you are still afraid of fake pastors, then I don't know what else to tell you. I didn't say pray, I said go for deliverance at Mfm prayer city. During the deliverance you' ll have to fast for about 3days. The kind of prayer you'll pray there, them never born that demon or person well make dem no free you.
Well, if you want a solution, this is what I have to offer you. Im not going to empathize with you or join the pity wagon.
Mfm prayer city is at KM 12, Lagos Ibadan Expressway. If for nothing, your business needs deliverance.

DukeNija:


If at this stage of your life, with all the woes currently betiding you, you are still afraid of fake pastors, then I don't know what else to tell you. I didn't say pray, I said go for deliverance at Mfm prayer city. During the deliverance you' ll have to fast for about 3days. The kind of prayer you'll pray there, them never born that demon or person well make dem no free you.
Well, if you want a solution, this is what I have to offer you. Im not going to empathize with you or join the pity wagon.
Mfm prayer city is at KM 12, Lagos Ibadan Expressway. If for nothing, your business needs deliverance.

Hmmmmm

Sometimes, a short prayer and a huge faith is all you need!

[q

It is well with u, exebi.

You have it in your hand to turn this marriage around.
Your marriage is not under any spiritual attack and neither is your wife responsible.
This is simple how it can get in life. There comes a time the bad luck just does not let go. As you are trying to get out of one pit you fall into an even deeper one. Some have even committed suicide or had break downs because it just gets from bad to worse.
But this is life. Carry your cross. We all do. I have been there myself it is like a trip to hell .
Please don't put pressure on your wife to pray. It has to come from withen her. By praying and living an exemplary life she will start to emulate you
.

Your wife is fighting g so hard because she is in pain. The truth is you believe she has brought you bad luck and crashed you
I don't think any woman can handle that
You know the devil plays with our minds
I can sit down and think of all the things I hold against my husband. By the time I am through I would be ready to end the marriage
I can also sit down and think about all the good things and feel I gave the best man in the world.
You see only you are paddling this boat. Turn around and paddle back to the shore and let your wife on the boat.
I have this feeling that on the shore there is a very hurt woman waiting for you.
Her actions are merely steered by frustration and pain. You seem to give everything a much deeper meaning
Y

You have it in your hand to turn this marriage around.
Your marriage is not under any spiritual attack and neither is your wife responsible.
This is simple how it can get in life. There comes a time the bad luck just does not let go. A you are trying to get out of one pit you fall into an even deeper one. Some have even committed suicide or had break downs because it just gets from bad to worse.
But this is life. Carry your cross. We all do. I have been there myself it is like a trip to hell .
Please don't put pressure on your wife to pray. It has to come from withen her. By praying and living an exemplary life she will start to emulate you
.

Your wife is fighting g so hard because she is in pain. The truth is you believe she has brought you bad luck and crashed you
I don't think any woman can handle that
You know the devil plays with our minds
I can sit down and think of all the things I hold against my husband. By the time I am through I would be ready to end the marriage
I can also sit down and think about all the good things and feel I gave the best man in the world.
You see only you are paddling this boat. Turn around and paddle back to the shore and let your wife on the boat.
I have this feeling that on the shore there is a very hurt woman waiting for you.
Her actions are merely steered by frustration and pain. You seem to give everything a much deeper meaning
Y

Dont go dabbling into any spiritual anything. Am not saying you shouldnt pray or turn to God with your problems. But remove the mindset that your marriage is under any spiritual attack.

If you willing to work on your marriage, set aside your ego. Talk to yourself and outline anything you have ever done wrong to her. Also think of any grudge she might have against you. Why does she keep mentioning that you are frustrated?.

Approach her with your thoughts. Dont sound like you are blaming her.. If possible blame yourself and watch her open up.. there is definitely something eating her up and until you find out what it is, it will be had to forge ahead..

Whatever is the problem with her does not justify the name calling anyway. Just try and reason with her on one of her good days..

If things get out of hand, you could fake a business trip or family visit and go away for a few days. By the time you get back you guys might be ready to open up.

Dialogue. Ask her clearly if she wants to stay or go. Grant her wish.

exebi:
Ive been going through a very difficult time for quite some time in different areas. I share with my wife these struggles and ask for her prayers and support. She is not a prayerful person and getting her to pray is very difficult. Indeed, in the home, if I do not ask for us to pray, no prayer occurs. When I do ask, on a good day she prays with me, on a bad day she refuses or brings an excuse - running late to work, needs more time to sleep, etc. All my attempts over the years to get us into a prayer routine have failed!

I have noticed that frequently when I bring to her attention issues of her failing, instead of her to address her failing and make amends , she rebukes me as follows: "You are a frustrated man - I wont allow you to bring me down with you" She has made this and similar comments to me several times. Obviously, these comments sting!

Recently, she made the same comment and I just sat here in pain and shock. I then said to myself - "God help me".

Her response to me on hearing me say "God help me" was as follows:

"God will not answer your prayers. All your prayers to God will remain unanswered as long as you continue to cause me pain"

I looked at her as she looked me straight in the eye and uttered these words. I did not respond. I was too stung and shocked to utter a word. So I restrained myself and kept silent. Her response to my silence was to repeat it twice/thrice. A few minutes later she said it again for a total of three or four times.

Now the obvious question is what prompted this. Well I think these comments of hers should be addressed and interpreted on their own. Nonetheless, let me address the obvious question:

I was in the room and unfortunately messed/farted. I excused myself and left the room to go outside of the house to make a call - and left the door slightly open to allow in fresh air to diffuse the smell of the mess/fart. Less than five minutes or so later, I came back and I smelt perfume all through the hallway and I wondered where it came from. I enter our room where she was and the perfume smell is even stronger. I then realize what happened. To remove the smell of my mess/fart, she sprayed my perfume into the air in the room. She turned my perfume into air freshener. I asked her: "Why would you do that. Is my mess/fart poison? Would it not naturally go away after about 2-4 minutes? Plus, I left the door open to allow fresh air in. If it was so bad and you felt using perfume as air freshener was the right thing to do, why not use your own perfume - why use my perfume?" She said to me, because it was your mess/fart. I then told her very sternly - not to ever do that again. That was it. Her response was to then accuse me of being a frustrated man and the other comment I mentioned above and repeat here:

"God will not answer your prayers. All your prayers to God will remain unanswered as long as you continue to cause me pain"


As I write this, it sounds so ridiculous and perhaps even unbelievable. If this is all that happened - why would a wife sting her husband by calling him a "frustrated man". Why would she make a comment of that gravity concerning my prayers to God.

Please help me understand the true meaning of these words she has laid on me. Please help me interpret the situation.

Your advice and suggestions are welcome.

You are not married but living single.A good marriage is where you are not judged.Its your sanctuary.That woman belongs to another man.She is not your wife.