carefreewannabe:


Has anyone knowingly taken someone else's husband here?

so d man she married has never marry someone rite.? a man came who she knew was married and told her., I'm single now and she jumped in

serves her right. will she say she was single before the man came. what happened to her bf? she will say he was not ready for marriage. Thank God its better for worse. just stay there yeye fowl.

if she for once thought about his wife, how she would feel being dumped for a younger lady cos she has no child.. maybe she wouldn't have been a victim too.

she thought she was fast.
ready made man.. ready made problems

carefreewannabe:


There are some very unrealistic comments here, like call the ex and make enquiries. I am sure that most people here would not call an ex wife and have a talk with her. It is either you trust your partner or you don't. Calling his ex to spy on him would be wrong and can break a relationship. If my boyfriend called my ex, I would feel disrespected. The girl was cheated on and deceived by this man and he is to blame and NOT she for having trusted him. She had no bad intentions. It is easy to condemn someone.

I am happy to hear that you are enjoying your marriage. May God bless your home.

Trust is earned incase you didn't know that, how are you trustworthy if you would feel disrespected because your partner called your ex? If you have nothing to hide, wouldn't you be the one giving him the digits to your ex's phone number?

You make it sound like the right thing to do is, automatically believe every word someone tells you, all in the name of trust, some comments are definitely unrealistic but many of the comments condemning the lady's actions are on point, as far as marriage is concerned, you have to be sure(to an extent) of whom you are about to marry.

It's there in the OP, that they lost contact to reconnect after a year and that everything was FAST, that word 'fast' is where her problems started from, I bet if she had taken more time to know this man better, she may not be where she is today, please stop making it sound like, it's wise to swallow whatever one's fed with eyes shut all in the name of trust.

P.S, it's a tradition to ask and verify details before marrying someone in the igbo culture.

Ishilove:
They used her star to open the first wife''s womb, because how else can you explain the four months difference in both their children's ages?

When a man tells you about issues with his wife, jump and pass. Marriage is not the beginning and end of life.

hmmmmm. I reasoned with you. It think is a planned work.spiritual influence is involved

Mondisweets:
Even his family was involved a normal woman would be of the reasonable belief that he really is being genuine, unless you were expecting her to stalk him when he is out and about... Hire a private investigator she may not be able to afford or go ask ifa

Only God knows where all the desparation and greed ideas came from.
Do you always stalk or psychoanalyse everyone you date?

I like this.

single ladies, note: when a guy is talking about marriage asap, pls put on your thinking and investigating cap..theres more that meet the eyes...its not normal, u will be amazed the Motive behind that huge smile on his face and sweet lying words from his lips....investigate, don't allow the wind 2 blow you, whichever way it pleases....hmmm.

freecocoa:
Trust is earned incase you didn't know that, how are you trustworthy if you would feel disrespected because your partner called your ex? If you have nothing to hide, wouldn't you be the one giving him the digits to your ex's phone number?

This is your philosophy, not mine. I trust people who appear to be trustworthy, my intution has never failed me so far. Until they disappoint my trust, I am not spying on anyone. Neither would my partner call my ex, this is just ridiculous.

You make it sound like the right thing to do is, automatically believe every word someone tells you, all in the name of trust, some comments are definitely unrealistic but many of the comments condemning the lady's actions are on point, as far as marriage is concerned, you have to be sure(to an extent) of whom you are about to marry.

First of all, like I said, I trust people who are trustworthy, I don't trust everybody.
Secondly, before I decide to marry someone, I trust him already, for reasons best known to me. I will not spy on my partner. This is not me and this is not the relationship I want to have. My partner is suppossed to be one of my best friends, I don't spy on friends. If the person deceives me, then let it be so, that will be my problem but nobody has the right to blame me for such. The deceiver is the one with the poor moral standrads.

It's there in the OP, that they lost contact to reconnect after a year and that everything was FAST, that word 'fast' is where her problems started from, I bet if she had taken more time to know this man better, she may not be where she is today, please stop making it sound like, it's wise to swallow whatever one's fed with eyes shut all in the name of trust.

Your point is that she should have taken more time before she married that guy, which would be the more sensible thing to do BUT that is not a reason to put someone in her position down like some people did here. Even if in your opinion she made a mistake, WE ALL DO, she is alreadz paying the price. Instead of expressing constructive criticism, people put her down. I don't think, this is what she opened this thread for and I don't think, it helps her. Maybe it makes people feel good about themselves, I am sure, they have never made any mistake.

P.S, it's a tradition to ask and verify details before marrying someone in the igbo culture.

And so?

nebukadnezzari:



YOU ARE VERY FREE TO JUMP INTI MARRIAGE WITHOUT PROPER BACKGROUND CHECK. Thats why most of you get killed by the same death which killed your father and his father. Always close the old chapter in order to open a new one. VISIT THIS PAGE ON FB "AMARA VAN LARE" You will find out that 80% of marriages in nigeria are sour as a reault of improper background checks b4 marriage.

Thanks for the number, one more reason not to jump into marriage at all.

Fourwinds:
so d man she married has never marry someone rite.? a man came who she knew was married and told her., I'm single now and she jumped in

No, the story is different. She knew the man when he was married, he shared his sorrows with her, she had an open ear for him, which was very nice of her. Then their ways parted. When she met him again, he told her that he is divorced in the meantime, which she believed, the man wasn't a starnger and his marriage was troubled. Then he asked her to marry him, which she agreed to and which is her right to do. The man turned out to be a liar. Even if you call it her fault that she was gullible, this is not a reason to put a person down who finds herself in this kind of a situation. The man is morally crooked and wicked and I wish that there is some form of higher justice for people like him. He is the one to blame IN THE FIRST PLACE. What is wrong with you people?

Yes I agreed. she was used. It is spiritual sometimes don't be surprised if the said wife had children elsewhere for a younger boy to her age. Lady sorry I feel your pain. Just be strong and cling on God.

carefreewannabe:


This is your philosophy, not mine. I trust people who appear to be trustworthy, my intution has never failed me so far. Until they disappoint my trust, I am not spying on anyone. Neither would my partner call my ex, this is just ridiculous.



First of all, like I said, I trust people who are trustworthy, I don't trust everybody.
Secondly, before I decide to marry someone, I trust him already, for reasons best known to me. I will not spy on my partner. This is not me and this is not the relationship I want to have. My partner is suppossed to be one of my best friends, I don't spy on friends. If the person deceives me, then let it be so, that will be my problem but nobody has the right to blame me for such. The deceiver is the one with the poor moral standrads.



Your point is that she should have taken more time before she married that guy, which would be the more sensible thing to do BUT that is not a reason to put someone in her position down like some people did here. Even if in your opinion she made a mistake, WE ALL DO, she is alreadz paying the price. Instead of expressing constructive criticism, people put her down. I don't think, this is what she opened this thread for and I don't think, it helps her. Maybe it makes people feel good about themselves, I am sure, they have never made any mistake.



And so?

For starters this thread is not about you so let's not get confused, "You" was used figuratively and I thought you'd be able to figure that out, given why we are actually having this discourse, so take a chill pill as I don't care how you decide to take personal decisions, this is a story the general public can learn from, if your intuition works like magic by telling you who is trustworthy on sight, then lucky you, but since we all don't have the same gift, it's best to let people earn trust.

There are things that shouldn't even be argued, no matter how we try to paint it, the truth is always obvious, now you trust people who appear trustworthy you say, how do you ascertain that someone's worthy of trust? Or is trustworthiness written on people's faces? Is it not from your dealings with them that you make your conclusions?(using "you" figuratively again o)

Show me where I endorsed putting the OP down, I merely pointed out that you made it seem so easy to trust people, I believe you and I have been around enough to know that people put up appearances a lot and for this reason, one should be careful in all they do, marriage being a very important life decision should be handled with utmost watchfulness, I'm just saying that the lady rushed it and that she may have saved herself all this trouble had she not trusted the wrong person so quick.

You clearly said she shouldn't be blamed which is why I quoted you in the first place, ofcourse I agree that instead of names calling, constructive criticism should be employed but saying she shouldn't take any blame, is like telling us it's okay to meet anyone and jump into marriage, that's the only issue I have here.

The tradition part of my comment is just to tell you, that it's not advisable to always take people for their words, especially in matters like this.

Peace.

nebukadnezzari:


SWALLOW A CHILL PILL BRO... Since when do women of integrity marry divorced men without proper confirmation from God. Oya na her integrity done land am for dust bin
My friend wisen up, recognise a LovePeddler wen you meet one.

so every woman who marries a divorcee is a whor3? SMH.... N besides, exactly how is one supposed to recieve and I quote "confirmation from God"?

It is obvious the lady took her decision based on this man's claim, which she didnt verify the authenticity of his claim.


"About a year after our paths crossed again, he told me he was single and asked me for a relationship which I obliged. Everything was fast"


My advice is to firstly accept that the man still love his wife and he may no more be interested in her as a wife, she should be patience with him to be giving her money for her upkeep and children. I pray she finds someone that will truly loves her, even with children.

Wendy80:
The man and his wife used ds lady to have Children believing they can't have children of their own. Unfortunately or Fortunately for them his wife conceived 4months after.
She should let her family know what she's going thru.
She should also Sue his sorry azzz, report to welfare or NGOS, there must be something she can do.

This is Naija Sweetie. Reality 101 is a class everyone should take. There's nothing she can do.

freecocoa:
For starters this thread is not about you so let's not get confused, "You" was used figuratively and I thought you'd be able to figure that out, given why we are actually having this discourse, so take a chill pill as I don't care how you decide to take personal decisions, this is a story the general public can learn from, if your intuition works like magic by telling you who is trustworthy on sight, then lucky you, but since we all don't have the same gift, it's best to let people earn trust.

I share my subjective views and I talk based on personal experience and I don't think that you are in the position to tell me what to do. If you feel that it is the right thing to do is to spy on your future husband and to call his ex, then please, go ahead. You may even want to hire FBI. I couldn't care less.

There are things that shouldn't even be argued, no matter how we try to paint it, the truth is always obvious, now you trust people who appear trustworthy you say, how do you ascertain that someone's worthy of trust? Or is trustworthiness written on people's faces? Is it not from your dealings with them that you make your conclusions?(using "you" figuratively again o)

Exactly, I decide to trust people based on my dealing with them. It is not written on their faces but their actions speak volumes. That does not mean that I cannot err but I prefer to err every now and then than to be suspicious of everyone and spy on them.

Show me where I endorsed putting the OP down, I merely pointed out that you made it seem so easy to trust people, I believe you and I have been around enough to know that people put up appearances a lot and for this reason, one should be careful in all they do, marriage being a very important life decision should be handled with utmost watchfulness, I'm just saying that the lady rushed it and that she may have saved herself all this trouble had she not trusted the wrong person so quick.

Is it about you now?

You clearly said she shouldn't be blamed which is why I quoted you in the first place, ofcourse I agree that instead of names calling, constructive criticism should be employed but saying she shouldn't take any blame, is like telling us it's okay to meet anyone and jump into marriage, that's the only issue I have here.

Why do you think my first comment was about you?
And who told you that you have the right to blame anyone? How does blaming anyone help her?

The tradition part of my comment is just to tell you, that it's not advisable to always take people for their words, especially in matters like this.

I am not a little gullible girl. I am ok without spying on people or calling ex wives. You don't need to teach me.

Peace.

carefreewannabe:


No, the story is different. She knew the man when he was married, he shared his sorrows with her, she had an open ear for him, which was very nice of her. Then their ways parted. When she met him again, he told her that he is divorced in the meantime, which she believed, the man wasn't a starnger and his marriage was troubled. Then he asked her to marry him, which she agreed to and which is her right to do. The man turned out to be a liar. Even if you call it her fault that she was gullible, this is not a reason to put a person down who finds herself in this kind of a situation. The man is morally crooked and wicked and I wish that there is some form of higher justice for people like him. He is the one to blame IN THE FIRST PLACE. What is wrong with you people?

do u know people u meet online dat most ladies are scared of could be more sincere and truthful Dan dis man u said she is no longer a stranger to? We sometime u our number seven even while dealing with people u don't see and d seen ones.

carefreewannabe:


I share my subjective views and I talk based on personal experience and I don't think that you are in the position to tell me what to do. If you feel that it is the right thing to do is to spy on your future husband and to call his ex, then please, go ahead. You may even want to hire FBI. I couldn't care less.



Exactly, I decide to trust people based on my dealing with them. It is not written on their faces but their actions speak volumes. That does not mean that I cannot err but I prefer to err every now and then than to be suspicious of everyone and spy on them.



Is it about you now?



Why do you think my first comment was about you?
And who told you that you have the right to blame anyone? How does blaming anyone help her?



I am not a little gullible girl. I am ok without spying on people or calling ex wives. You don't need to teach me.

Lol, you clearly have everything mixed up and I did not tell you what to do, you seem not to get that I was agreeing with you that she shouldn't be called names, I quoted you having a different view from yours and didn't want you to think I am on the same team with the name callers hence my telling you I don't endorse it, I'd like to think that doesn't automatically make it about me entirely.

I'm just saying it's best to do a background check, be careful and let people earn trust,like I earlier said, it was mostly figurative writing so don't get it twisted with the calling of ex ish and all.

I don't know what makes you think I believe your first comment was about me, It's a general discussion and quoting you doesn't mean I have you in mind or whatever, you aren't new here so I don't even understand what you are on about.

I have a right to blame OP because her story is here, blaming her where appropriate will make her realize her errors and learn a thing or two, also maybe help someone else not make the mistake she made, that's how it'll help

You are funny o, ain't nobody teaching you nothing, quoting you doesn't make it personal, our views is what's being discussed not our personality so stop seeing things that aren't there.

[quote author=freecocoa post=29453385][/quote]
Been a while I saw this handle..
Where have you been?

ceejayluv:

Been a while I saw this handle..
Where have you been?

Lol, peeps keep saying that, I've been around though not as frequent as before, plus I'm mostly in this section nowadays.

Wendy80:

Yes oh. She has even stopped gisting me abt her relationship cos she can't stand d truth I tell her. How can a man be telling u I wanto divorce my wife so I can marry U and u believe him. And she'll even be asking him how far with d divorce thing now.. so disgusting.
I give up on some girls

afin "how far"?
Btw, if she doesn't ask "how far with the divorce, get hold of his divorce certificate, they won't advise her properly when she comes here with her story naa
Please, let that friend go on, she's gonna get her fingers burnt, soon . She dey follow man play

Just want to alert some people here about the existence of evil families. Some families already know the truth but will keep it away from the woman .

I know of a case where a man married 3 diiferent times without the women even knowing. His family was involved in all 3 marriage rites and also concealed each marriage from each woman. When the 4 th marriage was contracted and the victim realised was has happened, her so called in laws tried to exonerate themselves by claiming that the man threatened to withdraw his financial support if they ever told any of the woman.

One can only pray never to get entangled in this kind of mess cos I tell you the devil is a cunning creature living in do may humans today.

Please my passionate plea to all you ladies is please don't be too quick when it comes to marriage,take your time,study the man you want to be with know his attitude,do's and don'ts,his friends and family before taking that step the world is gradually becoming something else

iampetite:
Have been reading posts on NL for a while but this particular one caught my attention so I had to join to share my experience . Really single ladies need to be careful and wise. I met a guy at my friend's wedding 2yrs back, I never knew this guy was married that day, so we became friends, we talk on a daily basis and we were getting close. To cut the long story short, this guy later told me he's married but he likes me so much that I should please marry him because his wife didn't conceive for 12months after marriage but later conceived, the wife was pregnant when I met him, he told me all this when she put to bed but to my surprise, this guy was on me begging me to marry him because he wasn't sure the baby is his child,that I should just please get pregnant for him because he would do the DNA of the child, and divorce . I laughed in Chinese.....imagine a man calling his child a bastard just to get down? I started hating on him since that day.

The heart of a man,only God, and the man that owns the heart knows. She said the man told her of his predicament& she tried in her own way to make him happy, which means dating him, I guess. She must have said to herself " the wife has no child, and that makes me lucky" I will advise she takes it as her destiny& move on with her life, by either divorcing the man or put up with however he treats her.I know she wouldn't have complained if the man had abandoned the first wife and give her all his attention.Making a proper research about a life time decision is the lesson to learn.

Hello evri one am a victim of similar case but in my own case we dated for almost two yrs but I was so naive not to have taken some drastic decisions.almost two yes of dating he told he has bin married before wit two kids wen I asked y he left his wife he sed her family wanted her to travel abroad,I dnt knw how I believed him evritin hapend so fast two months later I found out I was pregnant so I decided to marry him cos of d pregnancy but my mum n siblings refused but I still went ahead.a month after delivery we started having issues he's a womaniser,alcoholic etc.last yr I found out DAT he's first wife had three kids n DAT he married anoda woman after d ist wife buht de still got divorced wen I confronted him he sed if he had told me earlier I wudnt have agreed to marry him,I asked if he had any child from his second wife he sed no only for me to find out two months ago abt his dots from his second wife.der are oda tins he lied abt I cannot type. Ryt now am an emotional wreck I feel lyk am wasting my lyf don't knw wat to do am 26 my son is one yes three mnths

chre:
Hello evri one am a victim of similar case but in my own case we dated for almost two yrs but I was so naive not to have taken some drastic decisions.almost two yes of dating he told he has bin married before wit two kids wen I asked y he left his wife he sed her family wanted her to travel abroad,I dnt knw how I believed him evritin hapend so fast two months later I found out I was pregnant so I decided to marry him cos of d pregnancy but my mum n siblings refused but I still went ahead.a month after delivery we started having issues he's a womaniser,alcoholic etc.last yr I found out DAT he's first wife had three kids n DAT he married anoda woman after d ist wife buht de still got divorced wen I confronted him he sed if he had told me earlier I wudnt have agreed to marry him,I asked if he had any child from his second wife he sed no only for me to find out two months ago abt his dots from his second wife.der are oda tins he lied abt I cannot type. Ryt now am an emotional wreck I feel lyk am wasting my lyf don't knw wat to do am 26 my son is one yes three mnths

Eyah...sorry dear. That man will kill you before his time, with his never ending lies.

Are you ready to subject yourself to this kind of marriage for the rest of your life? You're only 26. You still have the rest of your life ahead of you.

Think well.

esere826:
i dont believe this story
except the girl and her family her extremely naive ati gullible

the man is not melchizedek with no history naw
which kain wedding una do for the same town wen the mans wife's family no get wind off

haba
anyways maybe Lagos is like the West were everyone minds his business

and if this whole thing is true,
then the matter should be picked up by her familly and the man's family
no be she suppose dey do voltron

You didn't get the plot of the story jare. The man and his wife went to meet IFA, who told them to get a small girl for the man to marry. As the small girl is giving birth, the wife at home too will be giving birth to their much coveted kids.
So na planned work between the main madam and Oga at the top.
I'm very sure its a Yoruba/nollywood movie..