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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped (43416 Views)
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Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Fourwinds: 6:37am On Jan 03, 2015 |
carefreewannabe:so d man she married has never marry someone rite.? a man came who she knew was married and told her., I'm single now and she jumped in 1 Like |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 7:57am On Jan 03, 2015 |
serves her right. will she say she was single before the man came. what happened to her bf? she will say he was not ready for marriage. Thank God its better for worse. just stay there yeye fowl. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by kilokeys(m): 8:25am On Jan 03, 2015 |
if she for once thought about his wife, how she would feel being dumped for a younger lady cos she has no child.. maybe she wouldn't have been a victim too. she thought she was fast. ready made man.. ready made problems 1 Like |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by freecocoa(f): 9:02am On Jan 03, 2015 |
carefreewannabe:Trust is earned incase you didn't know that, how are you trustworthy if you would feel disrespected because your partner called your ex? If you have nothing to hide, wouldn't you be the one giving him the digits to your ex's phone number? You make it sound like the right thing to do is, automatically believe every word someone tells you, all in the name of trust, some comments are definitely unrealistic but many of the comments condemning the lady's actions are on point, as far as marriage is concerned, you have to be sure(to an extent) of whom you are about to marry. It's there in the OP, that they lost contact to reconnect after a year and that everything was FAST, that word 'fast' is where her problems started from, I bet if she had taken more time to know this man better, she may not be where she is today, please stop making it sound like, it's wise to swallow whatever one's fed with eyes shut all in the name of trust. P.S, it's a tradition to ask and verify details before marrying someone in the igbo culture. 1 Like |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by ArcToyin(m): 9:05am On Jan 03, 2015 |
Ishilove:hmmmmm. I reasoned with you. It think is a planned work.spiritual influence is involved 1 Like |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Xynthialuvy(f): 11:39am On Jan 03, 2015 |
Mondisweets: I like this. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 1:14pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
single ladies, note: when a guy is talking about marriage asap, pls put on your thinking and investigating cap..theres more that meet the eyes...its not normal, u will be amazed the Motive behind that huge smile on his face and sweet lying words from his lips....investigate, don't allow the wind 2 blow you, whichever way it pleases....hmmm. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 1:59pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
freecocoa: This is your philosophy, not mine. I trust people who appear to be trustworthy, my intution has never failed me so far. Until they disappoint my trust, I am not spying on anyone. Neither would my partner call my ex, this is just ridiculous. You make it sound like the right thing to do is, automatically believe every word someone tells you, all in the name of trust, some comments are definitely unrealistic but many of the comments condemning the lady's actions are on point, as far as marriage is concerned, you have to be sure(to an extent) of whom you are about to marry. First of all, like I said, I trust people who are trustworthy, I don't trust everybody. Secondly, before I decide to marry someone, I trust him already, for reasons best known to me. I will not spy on my partner. This is not me and this is not the relationship I want to have. My partner is suppossed to be one of my best friends, I don't spy on friends. If the person deceives me, then let it be so, that will be my problem but nobody has the right to blame me for such. The deceiver is the one with the poor moral standrads. It's there in the OP, that they lost contact to reconnect after a year and that everything was FAST, that word 'fast' is where her problems started from, I bet if she had taken more time to know this man better, she may not be where she is today, please stop making it sound like, it's wise to swallow whatever one's fed with eyes shut all in the name of trust. Your point is that she should have taken more time before she married that guy, which would be the more sensible thing to do BUT that is not a reason to put someone in her position down like some people did here. Even if in your opinion she made a mistake, WE ALL DO, she is alreadz paying the price. Instead of expressing constructive criticism, people put her down. I don't think, this is what she opened this thread for and I don't think, it helps her. Maybe it makes people feel good about themselves, I am sure, they have never made any mistake. P.S, it's a tradition to ask and verify details before marrying someone in the igbo culture. And so? |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 2:03pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
nebukadnezzari: Thanks for the number, one more reason not to jump into marriage at all. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 2:08pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
Fourwinds: No, the story is different. She knew the man when he was married, he shared his sorrows with her, she had an open ear for him, which was very nice of her. Then their ways parted. When she met him again, he told her that he is divorced in the meantime, which she believed, the man wasn't a starnger and his marriage was troubled. Then he asked her to marry him, which she agreed to and which is her right to do. The man turned out to be a liar. Even if you call it her fault that she was gullible, this is not a reason to put a person down who finds herself in this kind of a situation. The man is morally crooked and wicked and I wish that there is some form of higher justice for people like him. He is the one to blame IN THE FIRST PLACE. What is wrong with you people? 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by ebonee24: 2:11pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
Yes I agreed. she was used. It is spiritual sometimes don't be surprised if the said wife had children elsewhere for a younger boy to her age. Lady sorry I feel your pain. Just be strong and cling on God. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by freecocoa(f): 2:48pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
carefreewannabe:For starters this thread is not about you so let's not get confused, "You" was used figuratively and I thought you'd be able to figure that out, given why we are actually having this discourse, so take a chill pill as I don't care how you decide to take personal decisions, this is a story the general public can learn from, if your intuition works like magic by telling you who is trustworthy on sight, then lucky you, but since we all don't have the same gift, it's best to let people earn trust. There are things that shouldn't even be argued, no matter how we try to paint it, the truth is always obvious, now you trust people who appear trustworthy you say, how do you ascertain that someone's worthy of trust? Or is trustworthiness written on people's faces? Is it not from your dealings with them that you make your conclusions?(using "you" figuratively again o) Show me where I endorsed putting the OP down, I merely pointed out that you made it seem so easy to trust people, I believe you and I have been around enough to know that people put up appearances a lot and for this reason, one should be careful in all they do, marriage being a very important life decision should be handled with utmost watchfulness, I'm just saying that the lady rushed it and that she may have saved herself all this trouble had she not trusted the wrong person so quick. You clearly said she shouldn't be blamed which is why I quoted you in the first place, ofcourse I agree that instead of names calling, constructive criticism should be employed but saying she shouldn't take any blame, is like telling us it's okay to meet anyone and jump into marriage, that's the only issue I have here. The tradition part of my comment is just to tell you, that it's not advisable to always take people for their words, especially in matters like this. Peace. 2 Likes |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 3:05pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
nebukadnezzari:so every woman who marries a divorcee is a whor3? SMH.... N besides, exactly how is one supposed to recieve and I quote "confirmation from God"? |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by SenatorJames(m): 3:52pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
It is obvious the lady took her decision based on this man's claim, which she didnt verify the authenticity of his claim. "About a year after our paths crossed again, he told me he was single and asked me for a relationship which I obliged. Everything was fast" My advice is to firstly accept that the man still love his wife and he may no more be interested in her as a wife, she should be patience with him to be giving her money for her upkeep and children. I pray she finds someone that will truly loves her, even with children. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by inspiROHM(m): 5:34pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
Wendy80: This is Naija Sweetie. Reality 101 is a class everyone should take. There's nothing she can do. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 6:47pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
freecocoa: I share my subjective views and I talk based on personal experience and I don't think that you are in the position to tell me what to do. If you feel that it is the right thing to do is to spy on your future husband and to call his ex, then please, go ahead. You may even want to hire FBI. I couldn't care less. There are things that shouldn't even be argued, no matter how we try to paint it, the truth is always obvious, now you trust people who appear trustworthy you say, how do you ascertain that someone's worthy of trust? Or is trustworthiness written on people's faces? Is it not from your dealings with them that you make your conclusions?(using "you" figuratively again o) Exactly, I decide to trust people based on my dealing with them. It is not written on their faces but their actions speak volumes. That does not mean that I cannot err but I prefer to err every now and then than to be suspicious of everyone and spy on them. Show me where I endorsed putting the OP down, I merely pointed out that you made it seem so easy to trust people, I believe you and I have been around enough to know that people put up appearances a lot and for this reason, one should be careful in all they do, marriage being a very important life decision should be handled with utmost watchfulness, I'm just saying that the lady rushed it and that she may have saved herself all this trouble had she not trusted the wrong person so quick. Is it about you now? You clearly said she shouldn't be blamed which is why I quoted you in the first place, ofcourse I agree that instead of names calling, constructive criticism should be employed but saying she shouldn't take any blame, is like telling us it's okay to meet anyone and jump into marriage, that's the only issue I have here. Why do you think my first comment was about you? And who told you that you have the right to blame anyone? How does blaming anyone help her? The tradition part of my comment is just to tell you, that it's not advisable to always take people for their words, especially in matters like this. I am not a little gullible girl. I am ok without spying on people or calling ex wives. You don't need to teach me. Peace. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Fourwinds: 6:58pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
carefreewannabe:do u know people u meet online dat most ladies are scared of could be more sincere and truthful Dan dis man u said she is no longer a stranger to? We sometime u our number seven even while dealing with people u don't see and d seen ones. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by freecocoa(f): 7:44pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
carefreewannabe:Lol, you clearly have everything mixed up and I did not tell you what to do, you seem not to get that I was agreeing with you that she shouldn't be called names, I quoted you having a different view from yours and didn't want you to think I am on the same team with the name callers hence my telling you I don't endorse it, I'd like to think that doesn't automatically make it about me entirely. I'm just saying it's best to do a background check, be careful and let people earn trust,like I earlier said, it was mostly figurative writing so don't get it twisted with the calling of ex ish and all. I don't know what makes you think I believe your first comment was about me, It's a general discussion and quoting you doesn't mean I have you in mind or whatever, you aren't new here so I don't even understand what you are on about. I have a right to blame OP because her story is here, blaming her where appropriate will make her realize her errors and learn a thing or two, also maybe help someone else not make the mistake she made, that's how it'll help You are funny o, ain't nobody teaching you nothing, quoting you doesn't make it personal, our views is what's being discussed not our personality so stop seeing things that aren't there. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by ceejayluv(m): 10:39pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
[quote author=freecocoa post=29453385][/quote] Been a while I saw this handle.. Where have you been? |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by freecocoa(f): 11:17pm On Jan 03, 2015 |
ceejayluv:Lol, peeps keep saying that, I've been around though not as frequent as before, plus I'm mostly in this section nowadays. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Nobody: 11:13am On Jan 04, 2015 |
Wendy80:afin "how far"? Btw, if she doesn't ask "how far with the divorce, get hold of his divorce certificate, they won't advise her properly when she comes here with her story naa Please, let that friend go on, she's gonna get her fingers burnt, soon . She dey follow man play |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by oge4real(f): 12:07pm On Feb 14, 2015 |
Just want to alert some people here about the existence of evil families. Some families already know the truth but will keep it away from the woman . I know of a case where a man married 3 diiferent times without the women even knowing. His family was involved in all 3 marriage rites and also concealed each marriage from each woman. When the 4 th marriage was contracted and the victim realised was has happened, her so called in laws tried to exonerate themselves by claiming that the man threatened to withdraw his financial support if they ever told any of the woman. One can only pray never to get entangled in this kind of mess cos I tell you the devil is a cunning creature living in do may humans today. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by 1miccza: 3:44pm On Feb 14, 2015 |
Please my passionate plea to all you ladies is please don't be too quick when it comes to marriage,take your time,study the man you want to be with know his attitude,do's and don'ts,his friends and family before taking that step the world is gradually becoming something else |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Whobedatte(m): 8:05am On Jul 11, 2015 |
iampetite: |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Came: 10:49am On Jul 11, 2015 |
The heart of a man,only God, and the man that owns the heart knows. She said the man told her of his predicament& she tried in her own way to make him happy, which means dating him, I guess. She must have said to herself " the wife has no child, and that makes me lucky" I will advise she takes it as her destiny& move on with her life, by either divorcing the man or put up with however he treats her.I know she wouldn't have complained if the man had abandoned the first wife and give her all his attention.Making a proper research about a life time decision is the lesson to learn. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by chre: 4:59pm On May 07, 2016 |
Hello evri one am a victim of similar case but in my own case we dated for almost two yrs but I was so naive not to have taken some drastic decisions.almost two yes of dating he told he has bin married before wit two kids wen I asked y he left his wife he sed her family wanted her to travel abroad,I dnt knw how I believed him evritin hapend so fast two months later I found out I was pregnant so I decided to marry him cos of d pregnancy but my mum n siblings refused but I still went ahead.a month after delivery we started having issues he's a womaniser,alcoholic etc.last yr I found out DAT he's first wife had three kids n DAT he married anoda woman after d ist wife buht de still got divorced wen I confronted him he sed if he had told me earlier I wudnt have agreed to marry him,I asked if he had any child from his second wife he sed no only for me to find out two months ago abt his dots from his second wife.der are oda tins he lied abt I cannot type. Ryt now am an emotional wreck I feel lyk am wasting my lyf don't knw wat to do am 26 my son is one yes three mnths |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by Ishilove: 9:32pm On May 07, 2016 |
chre:Eyah...sorry dear. That man will kill you before his time, with his never ending lies. Are you ready to subject yourself to this kind of marriage for the rest of your life? You're only 26. You still have the rest of your life ahead of you. Think well. |
Re: Deceived Into Marriage, Used And Dumped by eyinjuege: 9:54pm On May 07, 2016 |
esere826: You didn't get the plot of the story jare. The man and his wife went to meet IFA, who told them to get a small girl for the man to marry. As the small girl is giving birth, the wife at home too will be giving birth to their much coveted kids. So na planned work between the main madam and Oga at the top. I'm very sure its a Yoruba/nollywood movie.. |
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