cococandy:
Ok you suggest separation.

Well I don't think their issues have reached that level but then ultimately it is his choice to make.

He needs a break away from her for his sanity sake and for her own safety. This wife forced her husband to move them into one of the family properties they cannot afford to maintain, so the little coins the husband is making is being used to pay the endless bill this property generates and the wife keeps insisting that it is the duty of men to pay 100% bill, hence reason I suggested separation if she refuses to downgrade to a house they can afford...then let's see which man will start bankrolling her lifestyle 100%!

Otherwise hubby would have to sell yet another property to raise capital to start his own business, then wifey will present a bigger bill mandating him to give her a chunk...how long will this vicious cycle continue!!

aisha2:


Sadly we feel he is a man he should snap out of it and start vomiting money as thats all he is good for
He lost his dad, no emotional support, if he clings to his mom or sibblings wahala, he goes to her its wahala, he stays on his own in depression wahala. I doubt most of us read through his post we just saw the part where he hasn't stepped up financially and hung unto that to unleash " you are lazy, get off your bum".
I can't say this enough get out of that toxic relationship before she drowns you, get some help, you can't do that around the noise and abuse
Also you need family at this time, your mom and your sibblings if they are supportive
Don't let that mad woman destroy you

He has been pushed to the wall, so the two likely outcome here is either his mental health deteriorates and he crashes rockbottom and gets stark raving na'ked and wanders into the street OR he looses it and lashes out at her and savagely attacks her and injures her

cococandy:


Did anybody on this thread say the man deserves the wife's behavior?

A handful of women castigated the man and wrote him off as lazy!! Whereas it's his self-esteem that has taken a severe battering from his supposedly bone-of-his-bone

Busybody2:



A handful of women castigated the man and wrote him off as lazy!!

ok

Aren't you guys bothered that the other party could be right now right here on nl reading your story and planning against all these options? Aren't you bothered your wife is following this thread? Just a little private detail. Just a little, bro.

She doesn't respect you.

You married a dream killer.


Be a man, and set the rules.

put this woman in her place.

Busybody2:



He needs a break away from her for his sanity sake and for her own safety. This wife forced her husband to move them into one of the family properties they cannot afford to maintain, so the little coins the husband is making is being used to pay the endless bill this property generates and the wife keeps insisting that it is the duty of men to pay 100% bill, hence reason I suggested separation if she refuses to downgrade to a house they can afford...then let's see which man will start bankrolling her lifestyle 100%!

Otherwise hubby would have to sell yet another property to raise capital to start his own business, then wifey will present a bigger bill mandating him to give her a chunk...how long will this vicious cycle continue!!





He has been pushed to the wall, so the two likely outcome here is either his mental health deteriorates and he crashes rockbottom and gets stark raving na'ked and wanders into the street OR he looses it and lashes out at her and savagely attacks her and injures her

Thank you busybody you have said it all, you read and digested it well.
I really hope this man gets the help he needs. One key focus of an abuser is to alienate you from your family which she has done.

Am sure she wants him to sell off every bit of his inheritance, finish it and leave him koboless before she dumps him.

Just imagine how the response would have been if a woman said her husband shuts down all her business ideas, doesn't allow her plan with her family, beats her and her kids.

Men get abused too oh

Your wife is quite a nasty piece of work and needs to be shut down decisively. She chose to marry you knowing you were jobless and unmotivated so she doesn't need to cry foul to the extent that she is.

With that being said, what manner of fuckery is this quote below?

MrNiceGuy79:
I am 37 years old. We got married 6 years ago and had two children. I come from a well off family so life wasn't difficult. I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business. I've started to believe it is because the person who is supposed to be supporting me the most, is always putting me down. Any time that I come up with a new business idea she crushes my dreams, telling me how bad that idea is.

She's supposed to be supporting you the most to do some work with your hands? Why do you need special support for that? So if she doesn't hold your hand and and escort you to work every morning, you won't go? Why must you get her approval before you can do any business? Is she a financial advisor, a professional business consultant or what? Even before you buy a land with your mom, you have to get her to rubber stamp it first? What the actual fvck?

No, your lack of motivation is coming from you and has little to do with your wife. If at 37, you haven't been able to discover yourself without relying on mommy, when do you plan to do it? You need to be spoonfed by your wife first?




Now, this part below is the part that slays me......

MrNiceGuy79:
. I got tired of all that so I decided to empower her, so a couple of years ago, I sold a piece of land worth 20 million Naira and gave her 10 to start a business. I spent my 10 on debts, paying bills, running the house etc. That 10 million has spawned 3 other businesses on her part while I am still stuck with no business of my own.

So, this same woman that has been shutting down business ideas left right and center actually spawned 3 thriving businesses sharply off the capital you gave her? You saw this, yet even that was not enough to wake you up or inspire you to get going?

Nigga please.

Hmm! I don't advise married folks so I'll advise you first change that stupid monicker of yours. Maybe, your rebranding will start from there?

@aisha2 and busybody2 God bless you ladies for seeing it for what it really is.

For me, the man has done nothing wrong.

Bruv,u going through spousal abuse,I feel u should get a grip of ya affairs,motivate u by being engaged either in the family biz or toeing ya own line of biz. With all sense of humility,ya wife has to be accountable to u in her biz dealings cause u provided her d platform n resources to excel. She ought to be placed on a salary by u while u assume the CEO of the biz enterprise.

aisha2:


Thank you busybody you have said it all, you read and digested it well.
I really hope this man gets the help he needs. One key focus of an abuser is to alienate you from your family which she has done.

Am sure she wants him to sell off every bit of his inheritance, finish it and leave him koboless before she dumps him.

Just imagine how the response would have been if a woman said her husband shuts down all her business ideas, doesn't allow her plan with her family, beats her and her kids.

Men get abused too oh

This felt like a typical case whereby you tell him to man up, but your posts put things into perspectives for us...and now it's glaring what she is doing

rman:
@aisha2 and busybody2 God bless you ladies for seeing it for what it really is.

For me, the man has done nothing wrong.

She throws a tantrum and blocks him when he wants to invest in "buying" more land, yet sees nothing wrong in him "selling" his lands and handing a chunk of the money to her, hmmm...This wife na confirmed enemy-of-progress, sorry to say...

ileobatojo:
Your wife is quite a nasty piece of work and needs to be shut down decisively. She chose to marry you knowing you were jobless and unmotivated so she doesn't need to cry foul to the extent that she is.

With that being said, what manner of fuckery is this quote below?

She's supposed to be supporting you the most to do some work with your hands? Why do you need special support for that? So if she doesn't hold your hand and and escort you to work every morning, you won't go? Why must you get her approval before you can do any business? Is she a financial advisor, a professional business consultant or what? Even before you buy a land with your mom, you have to get her to rubber stamp it first? What the actual fvck?

No, your lack of motivation is coming from you and has little to do with your wife. If at 37, you haven't been able to discover yourself without relying on mommy, when do you plan to do it? You need to be spoonfed by your wife first?

Now, this part below is the part that slays me......

So, this same woman that has been shutting down business ideas left right and center actually spawned 3 thriving businesses sharply off the capital you gave her? You saw this, yet even that was not enough to wake you up or inspire you to get going?

Nigga please.

Sorry but just had to quote this. Well said Ile.

Kimoni:


Sorry but just had to quote this. Well said Ile.

Thanks.

Op, you and your wife should find a way to balance each other.

You are Lazy but Nice .
Your wife is hard working but disrespectful.

Wake up from your slumber before you loose all your wealth.

Your wife should learn how to speak and make known her opinion without being disrespectful.

You both are great team, look for the positives and work on that.

Busybody2:



This felt like a typical case whereby you tell him to man up, but your posts put things into perspectives for us...and now it's glaring what she is doing




She throws a tantrum and blocks him when he wants to invest in "buying" more land, yet sees nothing wrong in him "selling" his lands and handing a chunk of the money to her, hmmm...This wife na confirmed enemy-of-progress, sorry to say...

It is because the man came here and was honest. Several times women come say they have beem abused and claim to have done nothing to provoke their spouses we believe them and wash the erring spouse, if this man had come hidden his faults and said his wife was a nag better believe we would have all supported him.

The only problem in this marriage is the Op.he is a spineless silver spoon kid who lacks drive or motivation. His wife is just frustrated with him,and she is showing it by acting this way.
The marriage is not hopeless,d Op only needs to man up and take back the reigns of the marriage. And he'll see how.much the wife's behaviour will improve. Women do not like to hav to play tue role of a man.
Let her see u as driven and motivated, an u'll see how much her respect for u will grow. I can imagine how she looks at u with access to so much cash,and connections too possibly, and not being able to achieve anything with it in d.last six yrs... Op dont be decieved ooo,the problem is u,get ursef right and everything else will fall in place.

Imagine if...

-the husband is poor
-the wife's familly are the rich ones
-the house they live in was bought by the wife's parents
-the wife is the one funding all the familly bills

Imagine imagine imagine..smh...by now,the wife would have thrown the man out of the house..imagine she condemning the man for living in a house bought by his parents..this woman is evil!!...and the husband is the number one weakling I have ever seen!..by the way,na juju?..must you spend the rest of your pathetic life with her?..upon all the money at your disposal..millions of women will kill themselves to have you.please be a man for once!!!

aisha2:


It is because the man came here and was honest. Several times women come say they have beem abused and claim to have done nothing to provoke their spouses we believe them and wash the erring spouse, if this man had come hidden his faults and said his wife was a nag better believe we would have all supported him.

Aisha2, I understand your point of view and I very much agree but I don't think that anybody said that the wife's behavior can be justified.

However, I also have the impression that he needs to change for his own good. I would tell any woman what I would tell him and that is: You have the power, means and possibilities to make a change for yourself, do it!

At the same time, I have the feeling that he lacks the necessary drive, which many affluent kids do.
It reminds me of the research I read some years ago that stated that kids from affluent families (in a European country) need longer to graduate from universities and do so with less zeal as compared to students from less affluent family settings, which is quite self-explanatory.

He needs to change. As much as I recognize that he is a victim, as much would I encourage him and also any woman, if the poster was female, to leave the victim zone (if possible and it is possible in his case) and take responsibility for himself, his business and his life.

I dnt think i'll get married again..

aisha2:


I can't even deal, when men go through hard times we seem merciless

Just shows cruelty is not a gender issue. Both men and women do find ways to be cruel. May God help us.

carefreewannabe:


Aisha2, I understand your point of view and I very much agree but I don't think that anybody said that the wife's behavior can be justified.

However, I also have the impression that he needs to change for his own good. I would tell any woman what I would tell him and that is: You have the power, means and possibilities to make a change for yourself, do it!

At the same time, I have the feeling that he lacks the necessary drive, which many affluent kids do.
It reminds me of the research I read some years ago that stated that kids from affluent families (in a European country) need longer to graduate from universities and do so with less zeal as compared to students from less affluent family settings, which is quite self-explanatory.

He needs to change. As much as I recognize that he is a victim, as much would I encourage him and also any woman, if the poster was female, to leave the victim zone (if possible and it is possible in his case) and take responsibility for himself, his business and his life.

I agree he should leave her and get his esteem back. However the general consensus has been he should snap out of his depression and stop being lazy.

I see this for what it is abuse.
1. She alienates him from his family
2. She doesn't encourage him to grow
3. She transfers the abuse to his son
4. She has made him feel worthless and like nothing
5. She can call him useless yet finds his money useful

He is depressed and lacks esteem he needs to get away from her she is toxic he can't grow around her

aisha2:


Thank you busybody you have said it all, you read and digested it well.
I really hope this man gets the help he needs. One key focus of an abuser is to alienate you from your family which she has done.

Am sure she wants him to sell off every bit of his inheritance, finish it and leave him koboless before she dumps him.

Just imagine how the response would have been if a woman said her husband shuts down all her business ideas, doesn't allow her plan with her family, beats her and her kids.

Men get abused too oh

Honestly,

She will be told to forget ambition and face her family squarely...

As for beating, she will be told to desist from doing what she does to provoke him while a minute will encourage divorce/separation

Men truly gets abused.

bukatyne:


Honestly,

She will be told to forget ambition and face her family squarely...

As for beating, she will be told to desist from doing what she does to provoke him while a minute will encourage divorce/separation

Men truly gets abused.

Thank you oh but somehow because he is a man we expect that he sucks it up and takes it forgetting that people are different mentally and emotionally. The worst curse in life is a bad spouse male or female

.

pickabeau1:


Until you realise that ambition is subjective, you never start

Our President was not an ambitious man yet he is where he is

Ok then

It seems you have gotten into us versus them mode

Morning

bukatyne:


Ok then

It seems you have gotten into us versus them mode

Morning

You r such a funny lady
What does that mean

You defined ambition as getting certificate and looking for promotion

Is that all there is to life

Some are not interested in that
Does it mean they r failures

There is no versus anywhere

Good day

pickabeau1:



You r such a funny lady
What does that mean

You defined ambition as getting certificate and looking for promotion

Is that all there is to life

Some are not interested in that
Does it mean they r failures

There is no versus anywhere

Good day

Can you quote where I said ambition = getting certificates?

I gave an example of ambition between two colleagues and you turned that into bukatyne's definition of ambition.

I can decide to be the most popular runs girl in Lagos and strategically place myself where I can achieve that.

bukatyne:


Can you quote where I said ambition = getting certificates?

I gave an example of ambition between two colleagues and you turned that into bukatyne's definition of ambition.

I can decide to be the most popular runs girl in Lagos and strategically place myself where I can achieve that.

So you can see ambition is subjective

Saying the man lacks ambition is a wonderful judgement as you are only using a few posts to make that judgement.

pickabeau1:


So you can see ambition is subjective

Saying the man lacks ambition is a wonderful judgement as you are only using a few posts to make that judgement.

Can you quote the post I said Mr. OP lacks ambition

I responded to your specific post about ambition and providing.

I am waiting for my post o!

bukatyne:


Can you quote the post I said Mr. OP lacks ambition

I responded to your specific post about ambition and providing.

I am waiting for my post o!

Did you not say not all men have ambition
Peruse your own posts to refresh

pickabeau1:


Did you not say not all men have ambition
Peruse your own posts to refresh

Suddenly All men do not have ambition = OP doesn't have ambition?

Do All men have ambition?

Is This becoming a us versus them thing?

bukatyne:


Suddenly All men do not have ambition = OP doesn't have ambition?

Do All men have ambition?

Is This becoming a us versus them thing?

So in a thread your statement that not all men have ambition is not linked to this thread

OK..whatever you say ..it is

If you are looking for versus...continue looking