Shollypopzz:


Physical abuse is not extreme enough? She should only leave when she thinks the man wants to kill her?? Are you trolling me?!!!!!!

Wrong! The correct statement should be, "there is nothing like having a positive father figure". What is the point of having a father figure if the only image you ascribe to him is that of violence, nagging, and abuse? Is has been shown that over 60% of males who grew up with abusive fathers end up abusing their partners. A father plays an important role in shaping the mind of his daughter. He is the first male she gets to know and love. Her first definition of who a man is, is gotten from her father. If she ascribes physical abuse to being a man, she is going to expect that from any other man in her life.


Let me give an example that might help you understand my POV. I have never caught my father cheating but because of my friends and the society I grew up in, I believed that all men cheated. It had been ingrained in my mind subconsciously from my environment and from other people's stories and relationships. I remember a guy (17 at the time) asking me out at age 13 and for whatever reason, he brought up cheating (Can't remember the details, it's been a few years). I remember telling him that, "Well, I expect you to cheat. That's what guys do". Basically, I was telling this guy that he could cheat on me and I wouldn't be mad. Can you imagine?! At such a young age, I had believed the lies that I kept on hearing. He even thought I was super cool for saying that, which made feel like what I was saying made sense.

This ideology didn't last for long but at times, I find myself still unlearning the bullsh1t that growing up in a patriarchal society teaches you. You could have sowed the first seed in that girl's life by telling her that it is possible for someone to love her without hitting her. I hope by the time she realizes it, it's not too late.

lol@ sowed the first seed.
First off, I did talk to her about it. if you re-read my post you will see where i saw her way of thinking as weird, and i told her as much but she was adamant and even went on with her friends to plan the fake quarrel behind my back.

second off, I knew you were going to say something in the lines of your first sentence hence my caveat at the end of my last post. Physical abuse is wrong, yes, but it is DEFINITELY not the end of the world like you ladies like to paint it on here. There are men who strike out in anger at their wives but definitely not to the point of sending her to the hospital. i know a funny tale of a guy who bends his wife over his knee and spanks her bum good and hard when he wants to teach her a lesson. Their children did NOT grow up in any way to be wife beaters or invalids to the society(they are actually very successful folk). I wouldn't tell a woman to pack out of her matrimonial home for instance because the man slapped her. i would caution him not to do it again though.

i am not condoning physical abuse in any way, far from it. And i do think what the op wrote up there is insane. However, I recognize that some people's way of reasoning differs from others. That girl up there will never marry a gentleman. They will never be able to get along because their line of reasoning will always be polar opposites.

What is the point of having a father figure if the only image you ascribe to him is that of violence, nagging, and abuse?

this is an overly dramatic statement. Many fathers hit out at their wives once in a while and are still good caregivers, providers and wonderful with kids. the world isn't black and white.


and how are you sure your statistics of 60% wouldn't have occurred regardless of whether the boys had abusive fathers or not? How are you sure the boys weren't abusive because males are naturally more aggressive?

I believe physical abuse is wrong and should be discouraged, but not all warrants the woman packing her load and leaving the house with her children.

5minsmadness:

lol@ sowed the first seed.
First off, I did talk to her about it. if you re-read my post you will see where i saw her way of thinking as weird, and i told her as much but she was adamant and even went on with her friends to plan the fake quarrel behind my back.

second off, I knew you were going to say something in the lines of your first sentence hence my caveat at the end of my last post. Physical abuse is wrong, yes, but it is DEFINITELY not the end of the world like you ladies like to paint it on here. There are men who strike out in anger at their wives but definitely not to the point of sending her to the hospital. i know a funny tale of a guy who bends his wife over his knee and spanks her bum good and hard when he wants to teach her a lesson. Their children did NOT grow up in any way to be wife beaters or invalids to the society(they are actually very successful folk). I wouldn't tell a woman to pack out of her matrimonial home for instance because the man slapped her. i would caution him not to do it again though.

i am not condoning physical abuse in any way, far from it. And i do think what the op wrote up there is insane. However, I recognize that some people's way of reasoning differs from others. That girl up there will never marry a gentleman. They will never be able to get along because their line of reasoning will always be polar opposites.



this is an overly dramatic statement. Many fathers hit out at their wives once in a while and are still good caregivers, providers and wonderful with kids. the world isn't black and white.


and how are you sure your statistics of 60% wouldn't have occurred regardless of whether the boys had abusive fathers or not? How are you sure the boys weren't abusive because males are naturally more aggressive?

I believe physical abuse is wrong and should be discouraged, but not all warrants the woman packing her load and leaving the house with her children.

Considering you are not at the receiving end, it is ok

5minsmadness:


No she didnt grow up in an abusive home. Mr Tega was a perfect gentleman. The mother might have been slightly verbally abusive though.
No, this guy was her first boyfriend.

It was a kind of in-thing around warri at the time. Most of them ladies saw a guy who couldnt hit them(of course there must be a good reason,go figure) as a wuss/gay/boy. Dunno if they still feel that way, any warri babe confirm pls. (warri girls are tough!)


While this may be true I very much doubt she thinks so. She was an aspiring student, very social and caring. Just had a wierd view on love(to me anyway).



No. They stay because they are willing to sacrifice even their lives to ensure their kids have the very best and that includes a proper family. There is nothing as complete in a child's life as having a father figure as well as a mother figure. Life is not a bed of roses and no situation is perfect.

Of course there are extremes to all issues, a woman shouldn't remain in a house where the man obviously wants to kill her.

How does a woman in an abusive marriage constitute or ensure a proper family?

Or the man is a monster to his wife and becomes saints to his kids?

Or he beats mama where nobody can see or he ships the kids to a boarding house So he can deal with mama wella?

I am trying to understand How a broken woman can be any Good to herself talk more of kids.

Shollypopzz:


Physical abuse is not extreme enough? She should only leave when she thinks the man wants to kill her?? Are you trolling me?!!!!!!

Wrong! The correct statement should be, "there is nothing like having a positive father figure". What is the point of having a father figure if the only image you ascribe to him is that of violence, nagging, and abuse? Is has been shown that over 60% of males who grew up with abusive fathers end up abusing their partners. A father plays an important role in shaping the mind of his daughter. He is the first male she gets to know and love. Her first definition of who a man is, is gotten from her father. If she ascribes physical abuse to being a man, she is going to expect that from any other man in her life.


Let me give an example that might help you understand my POV. I have never caught my father cheating but because of my friends and the society I grew up in, I believed that all men cheated. It had been ingrained in my mind subconsciously from my environment and from other people's stories and relationships. I remember a guy (17 at the time) asking me out at age 13 and for whatever reason, he brought up cheating (Can't remember the details, it's been a few years). I remember telling him that, "Well, I expect you to cheat. That's what guys do". Basically, I was telling this guy that he could cheat on me and I wouldn't be mad. Can you imagine?! At such a young age, I had believed the lies that I kept on hearing. He even thought I was super cool for saying that, which made feel like what I was saying made sense.

This ideology didn't last for long but at times, I find myself still unlearning the bullsh1t that growing up in a patriarchal society teaches you. You could have sowed the first seed in that girl's life by telling her that it is possible for someone to love her without hitting her. I hope by the time she realizes it, it's not too late.

A positive father & mother figure is best for the kids.

Enough is enough

All these nonsense should not carry from generation to generation.

If people staying for their kids worked, our society would be saner.

I am usually amazed We parrot stay for the kids and with the. Same mouth blame people when they make wrong relationship choices.

A lady decides to manage a cheating boyfriend or an abusive one and We complain forgetting that's exactly What the father does to the mother and they are 'happily' married for 30yrs.

These things don't work in insolation; We don't sow oranges and reap mangoes.

bukatyne:


Considering you are not at the receiving end, it is ok

bukatyne, would you tell a woman to leave her five year marriage and kids because the husband slapped her?

Let's just agree to disagree on physical abuse because I will never see your point.

5minsmadness:

this is an overly dramatic statement. Many fathers hit out at their wives once in a while and are still good caregivers, providers and wonderful with kids. the world isn't black and white.

This is where the confusion starts. How can a man who loves her mom hit her? How can daddy who can be so caring turn to a beast and hit mommy at will? It fvcks with a child's mind and for his/her own sanity, he/she starts to attribute beating to loving. If her daddy who she loves so much and who she thinks his perect can hit her mum, then hitting someone might not be too bad. It might just be a way of showing that you care. Parents are suppose to lead by examply because your kids learn by watching you.

and how are you sure your statistics of 60% wouldn't have occurred regardless of whether the boys had abusive fathers or not? How are you sure the boys weren't abusive because males are naturally more aggressive?

Majority of men who are abusive grew up in abusive homes. That statistic is not hard to comprehend. You can look up statistics on domestic violence too.

I believe physical abuse is wrong and should be discouraged, but not all warrants the woman packing her load and leaving the house with her children.

I am going to show this quote to my friends later this night........... This is just sad.

5minsmadness:

bukatyne, would you tell a woman to leave her five year marriage and kids because the husband slapped her?

First time no

Second time, yea.

Leaving for me does not necessarily mean remarriage (not a fan). The wife can leave for a while pending resolution of the issues.

bukatyne:


How does a woman in an abusive marriage constitute or ensure a proper family?

Or the man is a monster to his wife and becomes saints to his kids?

Or he beats mama where nobody can see or he ships the kids to a boarding house So he can deal with mama wella?

I am trying to understand How a broken woman can be any Good to herself talk more of kids.

She can't.
what you described above is an extremely violent relationship and should not be condoned in anyway.
it is far removed from what i was talking about.

bukatyne:


First time no

Second time, yea.

Leaving for me does not necessarily mean remarriage (not a fan). The wife can leave for a while pending resolution of the issues.

why first time no? How are you sure he isnt going to stab her with a knife the second time? why not leave at once, the moment she is slapped ten years into her marriage?

and what do you mean by resolution of issues? Can this mean that the man will be cautioned and warned not to hit her again and then when both are relaxed and have come to an understanding she can return?

Shollypopzz:
Let's just agree to disagree on physical abuse because I will never see your point.

Ok then.

5minsmadness:

She can't.
what you described above is an extremely violent relationship and should not be condoned in anyway.
it is far removed from what i was talking about.

Oh really?

The first slap breaks a woman especially when he was not abusive when they married.

The extreme cases are more common than you think.

What makes a lady date the guy who beats her and keeps forgiving a cheat when he is not rich?

What makes her stay with such men when she is not old?

I am removing greed and desperation from the equation.

5minsmadness:

why first time no? How are you sure he isnt going to stab her with a knife the second time? why not leave at once, the moment she is slapped ten years into her marriage?

and what do you mean by resolution of issues? Can this mean that the man will be cautioned and warned not to hit her again and then when both are relaxed and have come to an understanding she can return?

It is a first time and I believe There is room for forgiveness (the first time)

This would go with severe warning for the guy never to try it again or a retaliation for my sharp sisters. After This forgiveness...

Yea, it can.

Even If a couple is divorced and they realize their mistakes, nothing stops them from remarrying IMHO

bukatyne:


Oh really?

1. The first slap breaks a woman especially when he was not abusive when they married.

2. The extreme cases are more common than you think.

3. What makes a lady date the guy who beats her and keeps forgiving a cheat when he is not rich?

4. What makes her stay with such men when she is not old?

5. I am removing greed and desperation from the equation.

1. lol. That must be some weak-a$$ woman. Women are not as emotionally or phisically fragile as you think

2. NO they are not. i happen to have some experience with these things so I know for a fact that the odd slap is more common than the extreme nollywood movies you keep trying to paint.

3. money, affluence, status.

4. Love, money, affluence, status, respect for the man.

5. That's cheating. Desperation never even came to mind but it is probably a very valid reason as well.

bukatyne:


It is a first time and I believe There is room for forgiveness (the first time)

This would go with severe warning for the guy never to try it again or a retaliation for my sharp sisters. After This forgiveness...

Yea, it can.

Even If a couple is divorced and they realize their mistakes, nothing stops them from remarrying IMHO

Agreed.

Dayuum!!

Can someone send ol'girl's sister to my house?

Lawd knows I have been looking for a human punching bag all my life.

I don't punch too hard, just left hooks and vicious jaw-breakers - to enhance my skills incase I need to knock belligerent dunderheads out of the boxes.

Dollyparton1, come in here: this is the definition of true love - and ya humongous badonkadonk is definitely a great asset to turn into a proper punching bag. I just need to wake up next to that every morning, and hone my skills with it.

5minsmadness:
I used to know these warri chicks back then in 2006. Three of them were having satisfying relationships with their men but the fourth was very worried. When asked what the problem was she said that she didn't believe her boyfriend really loved her. You see, she had discovered that the boy had NEVER raised a hand against her, talk less of shouting on her. She would deliberately do something wrong just to piss him off but the worst he would do would be to shake his head and ignore her.

Her interpretation of his actions was that he didn't have anything emotionally at stake when it came to her else he would have reacted with anger and hit her. If he could not generate enough emotion/passion to hit her then she was most likely a side-chick and not his true love.


In the end she came up with an idea and during a fake argument she tore his nysc certificate. The boy went into a fit of rage and punched her once in the face. She started bleeding immediately and was rushed to a nearby chemist. Being among her supportive friends we were sent to 'warn' the boy not to hit her again.
But it was all a setup. Tega couldn't be happier. The love of her life had finally proved his love by knocking off one of her teeth.

Some people are going to view the op's post as sarcasm. I have seen ladies like her live. What is abnormal for some people is not only totally acceptable but actually mandatory for others.

Variety is the spice of life.

She is into Sadomasochism but she might not know yet. Sexual sadism is actually a disorder. Rare among Nigerians thou and she might need help

5minsmadness:


1. lol. That must be some weak-a$$ woman. Women are not as emotionally or phisically fragile as you think

2. NO they are not. i happen to have some experience with these things so I know for a fact that the odd slap is more common than the extreme nollywood movies you keep trying to paint.

3. money, affluence, status.

4. Love, money, affluence, status, respect for the man.

5. That's cheating. Desperation never even came to mind but it is probably a very valid reason as well.

1. Injuries aren't weakness. When she's being injured? She's not being weak.

2. Extreme ain't in what mutilates a person. Extreme can well be how those "small slaps" effect a person in small bits. Slow torture is not less a torture just because it's measured. Measure is strategy on the part of the abuser, so how outsiders view something as small is irrelevant.

Missy89:


She is into Sadomasochism but she might not know yet. Sexual sadism is actually a disorder. Rare among Nigerians thou and she might need help

Senior e-wife is here lol.

I need to slap ya batty every morning - true love right there.

5minsmadness:


No she didnt grow up in an abusive home. Mr Tega was a perfect gentleman. The mother might have been slightly verbally abusive though.
No, this guy was her first boyfriend.

It was a kind of in-thing around warri at the time. Most of them ladies saw a guy who couldnt hit them(of course there must be a good reason,go figure) as a wuss/gay/boy. Dunno if they still feel that way, any warri babe confirm pls. (warri girls are tough!)


While this may be true I very much doubt she thinks so. She was an aspiring student, very social and caring. Just had a wierd view on love(to me anyway).



No. They stay because they are willing to sacrifice even their lives to ensure their kids have the very best and that includes a proper family. There is nothing as complete in a child's life as having a father figure as well as a mother figure. Life is not a bed of roses and no situation is perfect.

Of course there are extremes to all issues, a woman shouldn't remain in a house where the man obviously wants to kill her.

So there are men that beat women but don't plan to kill them right? And there are men that actually sit down and plan on how to beat their wives to death? The way some people reason sef. Okay, so today he'll decide to give her 2 slaps and tomorrow he'll decide to hit her with a chair. So which day does she expect the 'extreme' beating?

SirShymexx:


Senior e-wife is here lol.

I need to slap ya batty every morning - true love right there.

I know Nigerian men are Class 1 masochists. They have masochistic tendencies and are willing to explore or take advantage of any female partner willing to play along. The 270 likes on that post will be 98% male if a proper investigation is conducted.

That said, I have a Winchester rifle i have been practicing duck hunting with . Thread carefully

Missy89:


I know Nigerian men are Class 1 masochists. They have masochistic tendencies and are willing to explore or take advantage of any female partner willing to play along. The 270 likes on that post will be 98% male if a proper investigation is conducted.

That said, I have a Winchester rifle i have been practicing duck hunting with . Thread carefully

Lol. You know my gun-game is sick...and I'm currently taking a military human survivability course every weekend, with some nerdy white guy I met recently. So, best believe, I'll take that rifle off you before you'll be able to muster enough courage to make it bang. Then I might replace it with a next rifle, and shoot some seeds into ya belly - while smacking that batty.

Who dares wins!

SirShymexx:


Lol. You know my gun-game is sick...and I'm currently taking a military human survivability course every weekend, with some nerdy white guy I met recently. So, best believe, I'll take that rifle off you before you'll be able to muster enough courage to make it bang. Then I might replace it with a next rifle, and shoot some seeds into ya belly - while smacking that batty.

Who dares wins!

Kila gbe, Kile ju?

Missy89:


Kila gbe, Kile ju?

Lol. Tryna play Slick Rick with me by posting some concentrated-sulfuric-acid-esque Yoruba I won't be able to demystify, no?

Better translate that shiit before I lose my darn mind, and take my chain off ya neck.

I don't wanna derail this thread, big head.

SirShymexx:


Lol. Tryna play Slick Rick with me by posting some concentrated-sulfuric-acid-esque Yoruba I won't be able to demystify, no?

Better translate that shiit before I lose my darn mind, and take my chain off ya neck.

I don't wanna derail this thread, big head.

It is actually very simple. I am not sure what the English translation will look like.

Consider it an assignment. Your paper is due in 24hrs

You infidels!

Eboh4z:
How many of you agree with this lady, isn't she making some sense?

No. case of a battered woman with zilch self worth left.

Sadism came to mind but that's a premeditated role play between mutual & consented partners.

but this ? Domestic violence all the way.

She's making sense. A logic of battered & hurt person, who learned to stay strong by believin da lie.

It isn't on her she believes all that, but I still wish she got to a better place and left.

Hmmmmm, by the time she loses a vital organ she would realize her folly

i hope to god she isn't serious or that this is a fake as some of you say. tons of people here in Canada still beat their wives and girlfriends all the time. beating women isn't a Nigerian thing and freedom isn't Western.

5minsmadness:


1. lol. That must be some weak-a$$ woman. Women are not as emotionally or phisically fragile as you think

2. NO they are not. i happen to have some experience with these things so I know for a fact that the odd slap is more common than the extreme nollywood movies you keep trying to paint.

3. money, affluence, status.

4. Love, money, affluence, status, respect for the man.

5. That's cheating. Desperation never even came to mind but it is probably a very valid reason as well.

Respect would make a woman stay with such a man?

I give up

And points 3, 4 and 5 are really one point/sentence.

The extreme as you put it is rife.

And at point 1, you know nothing about weak/strong women. A slap from a lover breaks a woman down...

She can decided to become hardened to survive the man aka retaliate etc al or she can decided to believe that is Whatshe deserves and take it low.

A marriage where a husband slaps his wife around is not normal.

Missy89:


It is actually very simple. I am not sure what the English translation will look like.

Consider it an assignment. Your paper is due in 24hrs

Blimey!

The world has gone nuts...and you definitely need some fierce/vicious batty-smacking for giving the authority an ultimatum - so disrespectful!

God created man in his own image. Created the woman from the man. And told the man to go forth and lord over women as the boss of all bosses. The owner of the planet, and under whose control and guidance, rules for co-existence and the journey of humanity shall be based.

Apologise now before I lose my darn cotton picking mind - what insolence.

Shollypopzz:

Let me give an example that might help you understand my POV. I have never caught my father cheating but because of my friends and the society I grew up in, I believed that all men cheated. It had been ingrained in my mind subconsciously from my environment and from other people's stories and relationships. I remember a guy (17 at the time) asking me out at age 13 and for whatever reason, he brought up cheating (Can't remember the details, it's been a few years). I remember telling him that, "Well, I expect you to cheat. That's what guys do". Basically, I was telling this guy that he could cheat on me and I wouldn't be mad. Can you imagine?! At such a young age, I had believed the lies that I kept on hearing. He even thought I was super cool for saying that, which made me feel like what I was saying made sense.

This ideology didn't last for long but at times, I find myself still unlearning the bullsh1t that growing up in a patriarchal society teaches you. You could have sowed the first seed in that girl's life by telling her that it is possible for someone to love her without hitting her. I hope by the time she realizes it, it's not too late.

So what do u believe now

Its funny how u rated your environment while growinh up to be more influential than ur own family unit

Daddy never cheated yet you believed all men did