Sophyrocks:


Are you sure you are o.k?

yea im ok, wats wrong im i nt gud 4 u?

nedu2000:
i must admit you have raised a possible scenario but would you then say that her hubby's reason for omitting his legitimate wife from his will is bore out of wickedness? Or would you say his siblings are influencing his decisions?.........if wickedness,why 'practising' it on his wife not brothers? and if external influence is the cause,shouldn't the wife be a man's closest confidant. ? If her conscience is clear in terms of her r/ship with her hubby,then its best to confront him,whether unsatisfactory or not,its then best she changes her approach towards money in her family

If her husband finds her untrustworthy there are many ways he could deal with her. However this scenario is different. You and I know that most ‘modern' Nigerian women would rather buy their own properties than contribute to the home. But according to her she didn't follow the trend. She felt secure enough to contribute to the cost and she also did not demand he include her name as the other legal owner, based on that I would say she is a good woman.

I wouldn't want her to involve the court. It is obvious that the issue of trust is not mutual. That is an incentive for her to be cautious of what she does with her money.

justi4jesu:


Free me ohhh....be warned >

Or else wetin.....?
This one Wey ur bodi don they hot!!! I no tell u say dat drug no good?
Take this one kool body
As for the soap abeg I go need am

softapple:
yea im ok, wats wrong im i nt gud 4 u?

Imagine!

ethylene:

Or else wetin.....?
This one Wey ur bodi don they hot!!! I no tell u say dat drug no good?
Take this one kool body
As for the soap abeg I go need am

I don't smoke, wrong choice

Sophyrocks:


Imagine!

on d contrary im young n energytic n its an advantage to u sexually, pls gv me a chance.

justi4jesu:



I don't smoke, wrong choice

The soap then

softapple:
on d contrary im young n energytic n its an advantage to u sexually, pls gv me a chance.

I weep for nigerian ladies.

This is a follow up to my earlier post this morning. I want to shed some light and possibly answere some questions raised by some Nairalanders..
We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because my husband insited he is not ready for one yet. That he needs time to setup this particular business and getting a baby would distract him sort of. I differed greatly from that.mbut he isnsited that he I get pregnant when he is not ready I should be ready to cater for it alone till he is ready. I had to yeild n register for family planning. Now I am thinking of deliberately getting pregnant and telling him it was a mistake so as to secure my place in the marriage. Unfortunately,I gave him almost al my savings to start the business which am yet to understand what form its taking till now.
Secondly, when I said I contributed to about 60percent to what is in our home now, am not making a mistake. I met him just 1year after he started working. He had barely nothing in his apartment as he just startewd working na and that is quite understandable. We Ђåvε̲ been dating since then till we finally got married.. Since we started dating, I Ђåvε̲ been supporting him! I'll cite just an instance-when he bought a car , the car dealer got something costlier than his budget. I gave him 200k then to balance the payment. That was before we married. There are many other instances ike that. I wouldn't mention them because I did it for us and I believ in "us" but now it feels am alone in such thoughts.

Sophyrocks:


I weep for nigerian ladies.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha are u nt a Nigerian? pls i promise to make u hapi

Billyonaire:
If you have kids, then your first son should be made next-of-kin. If you have no kids, its natural for a man to make his brother the next of kin. But if you make contributions to the house, then certainly make a baby to solve these issues.

So if she doesn't make a baby, her contributions to their assets go to his brother?
I don't understand some men.

He should have done everything by himself now.

softapple:
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha are u nt a Nigerian? pls i promise to make u hapi

SMH.

BritneyStacy:
Thanks so much. Actually the dates on the forms read 8 march,2015. I wouldn't feel betrayed if it was bfore we got married. We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because we decided not to hav one yet. I wil muster up courage and ask him about it. I realy hope he has some reasonable explanations for it.

You're welcome Madam.

I wish you all the best, as you seek to address the issue. However, here's a quick piece of advice:

"Talk to your husband, but do not accuse. Listen to understand whatever he has to say, but not just to reply. Ensure there's proper communication, not just confrontation"

Try not to put him on the defensive.

Sophyrocks:


SMH.

cant u see that im in love with u?

BritneyStacy:
This is a follow up to my earlier post this morning. I want to shed some light and possibly answere some questions raised by some Nairalanders..
We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because my husband insited he is not ready for one yet. That he needs time to setup this particular business and getting a baby would distract him sort of. I differed greatly from that.mbut he isnsited that he I get pregnant when he is not ready I should be ready to cater for it alone till he is ready. I had to yeild n register for family planning. Now I am thinking of deliberately getting pregnant and telling him it was a mistake so as to secure my place in the marriage. Unfortunately,I gave him almost al my savings to start the business which am yet to understand what form its taking till now.
Secondly, when I said I contributed to about 60percent to what is in our home now, am not making a mistake. I met him just 1year after he started working. He had barely nothing in his apartment as he just startewd working na and that is quite understandable. We Ђåvε̲ been dating since then till we finally got married.. Since we started dating, I Ђåvε̲ been supporting him! I'll cite just an instance-when he bought a car , the car dealer got something costlier than his budget. I gave him 200k then to balance the payment. That was before we married. There are many other instances ike that. I wouldn't mention them because I did it for us and I believ in "us" but now it feels am alone in such thoughts.

You gave him all your savings ke? And you are yet to know what has come out of it? are you kidding me? madam, did you force this man to marry you? Na wa for you o. You practically lived your life for this man. Look at how you were just spending anyhow as if tomorrow no dey instead of you to sit back and watch this man first if he would be worth all these. You have gotten advice from some well meanings peeps here. Never make the mistake of getting pregnant to achieve an aim. I repeat, NEVER GET PREGNANT TO ACHIEVE AN AIM!! Your husband said you will be responsible over that child alone and he meant it!! You better listen and focus on making your own savings!! We women no dey hear word. Listen to advice.

softapple:
cant u see that im in love with u?

Hehehehehe. what a shame.

@BritneyStacy, i rilly feel 4 u. I still think u need 2 sit up, 2 avoid stories dat touch. I'm gettin anoda picture frm ds whole thing( though i might b wrong). I think ur hubby is using u 2 build himself up wealth-wise, after wch he'll look 4 one story 2 kick u out. Some men can go dat length, if not, i dnt undastand his reason 4 nt wantin u 2 get pregnant 4 him, of course i dnt buy dat biz crap reason he's givin.
B4 u get d 'real' pregnant, jst try n fake it first, 2 knw wT his reaction wil be.

Sophyrocks:


Hehehehehe. what a shame.

u tink im joking? im dead serious, i hav fallen 4 u.

Sophyrocks:


Sorry o. if you call what you see around you marriages. Nigerians generally dont know anything about marriage with lots of them marrying for wrong reasons. You must be used to the suffering and smiling mode. I have only seen very few good marriages. The rest are nothing to write home about and many more are coming. even the comments here shows that marriage in nigeria is doomed!

I hope you are cream of the crop marriage material yourself how you have finished assessing other people's marriages to be hell on earth.

You keep talking about what I see around me. Are you sitting right next to me to see what I see?

I don't know where you live you or who lives around you. But if that is what you see around you, I suggest you move to a new environment since it has given you this impression of what marriage is, lest it be your own eventual fate.

Justfollowit:

She contributed to the cost of the house. She wouldn't have done that if she did not trust him.

If she had built a house without her husband's knowledge you will crucify her but as a good woman she instead spent in on their matrimonial home. It is unfair to deny her her right.

This is not a matter of 'rights' or 'privileges' it's a matter of understanding between a couple.

I wouldn't crucify her, whatever she does, but there are steps she shouldn't take, if she wants to continue in a happy marriage.

Her husband not choosing her as his next-of-kin might not be intended to slight her, but may just be as a result of thoughtlessness on his part. Simple communication can resolve the issue amicably.

oyibo4real:
@BritneyStacy, i rilly feel 4 u. I still think u need 2 sit up, 2 avoid stories dat touch. I'm gettin anoda picture frm ds whole thing( though i might b wrong). I think ur hubby is using u 2 build himself up wealth-wise, after wch he'll look 4 one story 2 kick u out. Some men can go dat length, if not, i dnt undastand his reason 4 nt wantin u 2 get pregnant 4 him, of course i dnt buy dat biz crap reason he's givin.
B4 u get d 'real' pregnant, jst try n fake it first, 2 knw wT his reaction wil be.

You are seeing what im seeing abi? Its gradually looking like a case of using a woman to enrich oneself. Thats why i was asking her if she coerced him to marry her with the way she kept spending on him frm day one.

TheRainmaker1:


This is not a matter of 'rights' or 'privileges' it's a matter of understanding between a couple.

I wouldn't crucify her, whatever she does, but there are steps she shouldn't take, if she wants to continue in a half marriage.

Her husband not choosing her as his next-of-kin might not be intended to slight her, but may just be as a result of thoughtlessness on his part. Simple communication can resolve the issue amicably.

Thoughtlessness indeed!

Tell me something else please

oyibo4real:
@BritneyStacy, i rilly feel 4 u. I still think u need 2 sit up, 2 avoid stories dat touch. I'm gettin anoda picture frm ds whole thing( though i might b wrong). I think ur hubby is using u 2 build himself up wealth-wise, after wch he'll look 4 one story 2 kick u out. Some men can go dat length, if not, i dnt undastand his reason 4 nt wantin u 2 get pregnant 4 him, of course i dnt buy dat biz crap reason he's givin.
B4 u get d 'real' pregnant, jst try n fake it first, 2 knw wT his reaction wil be.

Shiite, my dear.

Don't let these clowns here scare you or push to do or think stupid things.

Imagine what this one is saying?

He/she has assessed your situation already and has seen your husbands intentions.

Mtschew.

Be careful.

coderXO:


I hope you are cream of the crop marriage material yourself how you have finished assessing other people's marriages to be hell on earth.

You keep talking about what I see around me. Are you sitting right next to me to see what I see?

I don't know where you live you or who lives around you. But if that is what you see around you, I suggest you move to a new environment since it has given you this impression of what marriage is, lest it be your own eventual fate.

No need to argue. No need for epistles. The comments in this thread are enough for you to know.

Ciao!

cococandy:


So if she doesn't make a baby, her contribution to their assets go to his brother?
If don't understand some men.

He should have done everything by himself now.

What contribution are we talking about here. She has been married for 1 yr and 4 months. What has she really contributed that's worth more than her husband family has been doing for over 30yrs ? Most women consider men sole providers of bread and butter and homes but save their incomes for their cravings and each time they add a coin for rent, they drum home the music of how much they have contributed to the soup of life.

Sophyrocks:


No need to argue. No need for epistles. The comments in this thread are enough for you to know.

Ciao!

Yes sure Nairaland is the perfect place to get the beat on wisdom and morals.

As in eh.

Some people mental alignment No be for here o.

As if His brother won't get married and have his own wife benefiting from a wealth the late man and his wife made together.
Leaving his kids distraught and at the mercy of the brother and wife.

A fool works for 15yrs and maybe unfortunately dies, his brother is given headway to swoop in and take charge of the family estate. And in his dead mind, he was a wise sharp man .
His brother's kids go to good schools and the brother's wife rides around in the lastest cars while his own kids have to wait for the approval of the brother before they can get what their father and mother worked for.

In many cases these wives contributed to the wealth too but don't have their names in the deeds because they didn't want to seem as if they are tying to be 'equal' to their husbands.

Well.

Sophyrocks:


How many widows remarry? How many widows abandon their kids to care for some gold digger? So who told you making your brother the next of kin would prevent your hard earned money ending up in the hands of wh0res or gold diggers? Is your brother not going to get married some day? will all your wealth not go into his own family leaving nothing for your children? what makes you think your brother can take good care of your kids better than your wife being their mother? Have you ever seen a man's brother successfully train and care for his kids better than his wife? Are you sure you are a nigerian and have been on this planet earth? You men who make your brothers kins are actually the dumbest bunch of men i have ever seen. Y'all dnt know how to calculate and are not wise.

Imanuelle:
You should have just told us you are the bread winner, instead of stylishly telling the whole world that you contribute 60% of what's needed for the home.

The way you wrote your opening post signifies that you don't want the advise, you just need the support and go ahead, from faceless people.

You think its as easy as having a secret account? Wait till it degenerates to other things, and makes you a chronic liar.

Men better make money to avoid insults.

Rubbish.

What if she is the bread winner and instead if asking her husband to include her name on everything, she assumes that he would do right by her. Now he hasn't done what is right, I don't see anything wrong if she claims to be entitled to everything he also has.

Stop trying to make her sound arrogant. If she indeed contributed 60% it is common sense that she should be allowed to enjoy what she had laboured for the sake of marriage.

cococandy:


So if she doesn't make a baby, her contribution to their assets go to his brother?
If don't understand some men.

He should have done everything by himself now.

Seriously, the comments here will harden women the more to not contribute a dime in their marriages. It seems contributing to a marriage has now become a crime. why will i contribute a lot to a marriage yet i am not made a beneficiary?

Billyonaire:
What contribution are we talking about here. She has been married for 1 yr and 4 months. What has she really contributed that's worth more than her husband family has been doing for over 30yrs ? Most women consider men sole providers of bread and butter and homes but save their incomes for their cravings and each time they add a coin for rent, they drum home the music of how much they have contributed to the soup of life.

What makes you think he had anything before the marriage?

@bold is a fallacy.

Nigeria has one of the highest population of bread winning and co-breadwinner wives and mothers world over.
Pls save the nairaland fallacies for those who don't observe their environment.

Such bold faced porkies.

cococandy:
As in eh.

Some people mental alignment No be for here o.

As if His brother won't get married and have his own wife benefiting from a wealth the late man and his wife made together.
Leaving his kids distraught and at the mercy of the brother and wife.

A fool works for 15yrs and maybe unfortunately dies, his brother is given headway to swoop in and take charge of the family estate. And in his dead mind, he's was a wise sharp man .
His brother's kids go to good schools and the brother's wife rides around in the lastest cars while his own kids have to wait for the approval of the brother before they can get what their father and mother worked for.

In many cases these wives contributed to the wealth too but don't have their names in the deeds because they didn't want to seem as if they are tying to be 'equal' to their husbands.

Well.

Is that not why you see women having seperate secret accounts and building projects? The same peeps here complain of women not contributing. Now a woman contributes yet she has committed a crime still. Seriously? Is that fair?

All you women out there talking shiite, I hope you submit half of your salary to home affairs to be entitled to everything that is acquired in the home.

OP has stated clearly that she does.

I want to know how many of you pay half the rent when it is due, or put up half the money to buy a car or put up half to buy the land.

Mtschew.

Bullocks!