mcdokwe:
It is better to live in your own house with a bench as bed than to live in a well furnished paid apartment. All it will take him is a little more time and you'd be proud home owners. So I completely go with the mum

If it will take another 3 years to complete the house and the marriage is this year like she said,then what?
Move the wedding 3 years?

EfemenaXY:


Your fiancee as you say, is a low income earner - so it makes perfect sense that he lives with his parents to save up and cut back on unnecessary expenditure as much as he possible can. He's also got quite a lot of projects going on which needs a lot of financial input too.

~ He's building a house for you both. Your future home, and that is no small feat.

~ He hasn't got any household appliances / furnishings for the house when completed and that too requires money.

~ You want to get married (Court, church, and traditional wedding) I presume and that too will cost money

The way I see it, the poor man is overloaded with financial costs and rather than support him, you at the ripe old age of 31 begrudge him for not spending his meagre resources on a privately rented apartment for you both. Little wonder he turned to his mother for advice and she didn't fail him.

Look, I understand your need for privacy, but privacy doesn't come cheap. You're working aren't you? So which of these projects have/are you assisting him with? Why does he have to bear the whole load on his shoulders? You act like money grows on trees and you even had the guts to mention unashamedly that he came into some money but rather than spend it on your "want", he's decided to hold back having discussed with his mum.

If you really, really, do want your privacy, then you bring forth the 70K to pay for that apartment. Let the poor man concentrate on completing his building. Your future family home. I also think that as a mature, working woman, you should start looking to furnishing your home with the appliances you say you lack.

Even in the wild, the male builds the house while the female decorates it to her taste. You aren't a naive twenty something year old fresh out of Uni, but a mature woman. So please act your age and support your man. As he focuses on completing the house and footing the wedding bills, you dip your hands into your pocket and assist him with something substantial.

To say your post annoys me is an understatement.

Thanks, but the mum is not saying he should bring me to her house after the wedding but that he should wait and finish the house before going ahead with our plans although she gave it as an advice not that she is enforcing it on him, as for what I'm contributing, I will also contribute my own qouta but my fiance doesn't really like me doing what he is supposed to do as the man as in he sees getting the apartment and furnishing it as his responsibility as the man but I'm going to buy the kitchen utensils. The building project is just a little above the foundation level and the available money can't even be enough to finish the project.

pishon:

Thanks, but the mum is not saying he should bring me to her house after the wedding but that he should wait and finish the house before going ahead with our plans although she gave it as an advice not that she is enforcing it on him, as for what I'm contributing, I will also contribute my own qouta but my fiance doesn't really like me doing what he is supposed to do as the man as in he sees getting the apartment and furnishing it as his responsibility as the man but I'm going to buy the kitchen utensils.The building project is just a little above the foundation level and the available money can't even be enough to finish the project

Ha
The apartment is the only choice here if that wedding will be this year

babyosisi:


Ok then
Have you fixed a wedding date?

Whatever you do,you must be in your own place from day one of marriage ( rental of your own property)
Never make the mistake of living in your inlaw's house with your new husband
You cannot start a marriage off that way

Thanks for your advice, I was actually very scared of starting a marriage off that way I donteven mind staying ina room apartment with him to avoid stories that touch the heart. But I'm glad the decision he took was his own cause I belivied he is seeing things from that angle too. The wedding date has not been fixed yet.

@Pishon: From what you've said so far, I do not think it is fair for anyone to call you selfish, u are in the situation and clearly understand it better than anyone else. That said, in order to minimise the financial burden on your hubby, you can if you have the money, pay the 70k close to your wedding date so u guys can get maximum use of the place. Let your hubby know it's a loan if he's not willing to let you contribute to 'his' responsibilities gratis.
It appears the plan is to delay the wedding till the house project is concluded and that will be a difficult position for you...it's a hard road but since you have taken the decision and you are ready to marry him n him you, please there shouldn't be any untoward delay. With patience, planning and prayer plus hard work, you both will be fine: start your family, stay as a couple and still get your own house finished. God bless u n ur man...Amen

pishon:

Thanks for your advice, I was actually very scared of starting a marriage off that way I donteven mind staying ina room apartment with him to avoid stories that touch the heart. But I'm glad the decision he took was his own cause I belivied he is seeing things from that angle too. The wedding date has not been fixed yet.

It doesn't seem this housing project will be completed soon based on his income.It's a nice thing to move into your own house but at 31yrs,i believe your marriage should be in a couple of months.
He has to get an apartment and continue with his house project after marriage.You may not need to renew your rent afterwards if he gets to complete the house then.

EfemenaXY:


Well he certainly can't afford it. Not from what she painted. He's got too many more important projects to attend to.

If she can, then she should go for it. Like I said, privacy doesn't come cheap. So far, he's bearing all the financial bills and she isn't.

As per his mother, there is no MIL / DIL issue there. His mother sees not just the here and now, but also the future as per what's priority and what isn't. She is right and it shouldn't cause any problems. If this lady can't bear the thought of living with him in his family home till that house is completed, and she won't bring forth that 70K to get her much coveted private accommodation, then she should consider waiting till their financial situation has improved.

your submssion really made me laugh. Here what we have now is like a scale of preference and he has really weighed all the options and taken the decision to get the apartment.

Hmm, BabyO this your thread has become ebeano o

Come where is that cococandy and her twin sister

Toshmann nwa mama, na for church i dey de scramble nairaland o.
No ask me wetin pastor de talk

toshmann:
Hmm, BabyO this your thread has become ebeano o

Come where is that cococandy and her twin sister

Toshmann nwa mama, na for church i dey de scramble nairaland o.
No ask me wetin pastor de talk

cococandy:

Lol this girl
Wey ya sister

toshmann:
Hmm, BabyO this your thread has become ebeano o

Come where is that cococandy and her twin sister

Toshmann nwa mama, na for church i dey de scramble nairaland o.
No ask me wetin pastor de talk

You got that right
The thread has also angered a few men whose rotten characters are being revealed by the posters

You dey church?
God help you
Repent!
Chegharia
I wan begin go my own

Juo nu m ihe ekwuru na church taa

Truly nne! The venom in dese men can kill a whale. Haba! How do u cope? Its like u spoilt dier market here on NL. Whr they trying to rob seun or ........what?

babyosisi:


You got that right
The thread has also angered a few men whose rotten characters are being revealed by the posters

You dey church?
God help you
Repent!
Chegharia
I wan begin go my own

toshmann:
Juo nu m ihe ekwuru na church taa

O dighi mma o! Gee nti n'ulo uka biko...lol

kenny987:


O dighi mma o! Gee nti n'ulo uka biko...lol

Lol
No hot chicks in church at all. Only oldies. One lady celebrated 98th birthday.

Without hot chicks, it's difficult to focus on the sermon

[size=4pt]And with hot chicks it will also be difficult to focus on the sermon[/size]

[quote author=toshmann post=31892394]

Lol
No hot chicks in church at all. Only oldies. One lady celebrated 98th birthday.

Without hot chicks, it's difficult to focus on the sermon

[size=4pt]And with hot chicks it will also be difficult to focus on the sermon[/size]
[/quote

toshmann:


Lol
No hot chicks in church at all. Only oldies. One lady celebrated 98th birthday.

Without hot chicks, it's difficult to focus on the sermon

[size=4pt]And with hot chicks it will also be difficult to focus on the sermon[/size]

98th birthday! God bless her o!
So, without d physical hot chicks, u successfully invented imaginary ones esp cococandy's twin...lol
Well, Bible say, 'Seek n ye shall find', so I understand perfectly...hehehe

cococandy:


Of course if you're not ready you can.

Let your wife visit a family planning centre and get the type of contraceptives compatible with her lifestyle and the waiting period you guys want.

Thanks!

pishon:

Thanks, but the mum is not saying he should bring me to her house after the wedding but that he should wait and finish the house before going ahead with our plans although she gave it as an advice not that she is enforcing it on him, as for what I'm contributing, I will also contribute my own qouta but my fiance doesn't really like me doing what he is supposed to do as the man as in he sees getting the apartment and furnishing it as his responsibility as the man but I'm going to buy the kitchen utensils. The building project is just a little above the foundation level and the available money can't even be enough to finish the project.

In order words, your contribution will be to buy just the pots?

pishon:
your submssion really made me laugh. Here what we have now is like a scale of preference and he has really weighed all the options and taken the decision to get the apartment.

Okay. So if that's the case, then what was the issue as per your original post? What else were you "looking to tell him"? Or what advice were you seeking from us?

toshmann:


Lol
No hot chicks in church at all. Only oldies. One lady celebrated 98th birthday.

Without hot chicks, it's difficult to focus on the sermon

[size=4pt]And with hot chicks it will also be difficult to focus on the sermon[/size]

Chei
Go to redeem
And the Holy Ghost go catch you there and also find you a wife

EfemenaXY:


In order words, your contribution will be to buy just the pots?



Okay. So if that's the case, then what was the issue as per your original post? What else were you "looking to tell him"? Or what advice were you seeking from us?

Chei
Efe have mercy

babyosisi:


Chei
Go to redeem
And the Holy Ghost go catch you there and also find you a wife

Their tithe too much
Dem go begin ask for my phone number then dem nongo gree me rest

Their wahala plenty

I need hot sexy chick this spring
Not wahala

.

xklassic:
God bless the originator of this thread, as well as the ladies contributing positively.
My cousin has been dating this guy for a year and six months.
They are love and respect each other.
Last week the guy told my cousin that he has a 4 year old daughter. He got his uni gf pregnant , she had the baby. After weaning the baby, his family collected the girl from her , and she left the country.
My cousin's fear is that, the lady might come back and cause problem between her and the guy. The guy said his reason for not marrying the baby mama is that he was unemployed and the lady is materialistic. He loves my cousin so much. My cousin is willing to accept the daughter as her own, but her fear is that the lady might come back and want to come back to the guy's life.
Pls mamas, should she go ahead and settle down with him despite this, or wait for sometime to make sure the lady won't come back to ferment trouble.
P.S He is making plans to pay her dowry this easter.

Your cousine should do a thorough background check on this guy, she knows nothing about him. If it were your cousin informing this guy of her child less than a month to dowry payment, his family and friends would have advised him to dump her. That guy has not said the whole truth, infact he reeks of fraud. More worrisome is your cousin asking and fearing the wrong thing, does she know what it means to be married?

Good evening everyone, feels good to be back. What did i miss? Herzie what's the update?

Renaj:



Thank you Sir, am very much in love. That is why am seeking for advice so l wouldn't be blinded by emotions. As Urchbabie said, l need to see the business kick off before any other thing, to avoid stories that touch......

I almost replied the first time but the prince of nairaland held the reply (lolz). Much has been said already but watch out for this, experience has it that when an older man with a serious issue a mature woman would easily detect or not take, he goes for a naive young girl and is usually hasten to tie her to his loins. He may be different, but i fear you dont know this man, his history or true story. Is it not possible he told you his real age because it is obvious from face value, are you sure he is sexually alright, please dont find this out like you almost foolishly did with your "priced" worth the last time. You call a man who proposed on fb before seeing you mature? Obviously he is mature in his business while you remain immature. I am not comfortable with the age thing and i dont think you understand enough its impact on marriage, i would rather you set yourself free from this fantasy and be available for a younger man.

FOREXMARTS:
Good evening everyone, feels good to be back. What did i miss? Herzie what's the update?

Yes but this is coming with a new fear I don't understand.

Where have you been? You've been missed.

Floodgater:
I almost replied the first time but the prince of nairaland held the reply (lolz). Much has been said already but watch out for this, experience has it that when an older man with a serious issue a mature woman would easily detect or not take, he goes for a naive young girl and is usually hasten to tie her to his loins. He may be different, but i fear you dont know this man, his history or true story. Is it not possible he told you his real age because it is obvious from face value, are you sure he is sexually alright, please dont find this out like you almost foolishly did with your "priced" worth the last time. You call a man who proposed on fb before seeing you mature? Obviously he is mature in his business while you remain immature. I am not comfortable with the age thing and i dont think you understand enough its impact on marriage, i would rather you set yourself free from this fantasy and be available for a younger man.

Thank you. I may be naïve owing to my inexperience but am not stupid.

Herzumpther:
Yes but this is coming with a new fear I don't understand.

Where have you been? You've been missed.

I have been very busy dear. Haven't forgotten my soup on the other side oh.

I think i understand the fear. It's the fear of the unknown, will it fail? , am i making the right decision? This one that Daddy has said yes if it doesn't work how do i gave him? Yeeeekpa God this has to be right oh. Fear of the unknown. I experienced it at a point in my life when i was at a crossroad. Truth is, that you have to relax, calm ur fears and let things fall in place. God is in charge, give him the wheel let him drive okay. Listen to ur mind but follow ur heart, now that's confusing i know lol but u get it.

FOREXMARTS:

I have been very busy dear. Haven't forgotten my soup on the other side oh.

I think i understand the fear. It's the fear of the unknown, will it fail? , am i making the right decision? This one that Daddy has said yes if it doesn't work how do i gave him? Yeeeekpa God this has to be right oh. Fear of the unknown. I experienced it at a point in my life when i was at a crossroad. Truth is, that you have to relax, calm ur fears and let things fall in place. God is in charge, give him the wheel let him drive okay. Listen to ur mind but follow ur heart, now that's confusing i know lol but u get it.

Lol. I've not been able to cook but will soon.

I've just been feeling sad and don't know why. I tire for me o. You are rigth about my fears tho.

Herzumpther:
Lol. I've not been able to cook but will soon.

I've just been feeling sad and don't know why. I tire for me o. You are rigth about my fears tho.

It is just cold feet. Happens to almost everyone.
Just be prepared to make it work.

If it doesn't? that is the worst that can happen but then You will be better and more mature next time you venture into another relationship or marriage.

Herzumpther:
Yes but this is coming with a new fear I don't understand.

Where have you been? You've been missed.

I hope I don't sound pessimistic but I need to say this
That daddy has given his consent doesn't mean you are obligated to marry this guy
You are not
If something doesn't feel right at this stage and you have unresolved misgivings about certain things,and nothing can shake it off,this is your chance to bail
If you have to move the dates back to be doubly sure,please do
As long as you haven't said I do,don't be afraid to walk
This is a huge deal,perhaps the most important decision of your adult life