babyosisi:



I hope I don't sound pessimistic but I need to say this
That daddy has given his consent doesn't mean you are obligated to marry this guy
If something doesn't feel right at this stage and you have unresolved misgivings about certain things,this is your chance to bail

Remember the last mail I sent you? I'm feeling very very uncomfortable.

Herz you need to cover all bases and now is the time
You need to have all your questions answered to your satisfaction

babyosisi:
Herz you need to cover all bases and now is the time
You need to have all your questions answered to your satisfaction

I'm trying.

Herzumpther:
Remember the last mail I sent you? I'm feeling very very uncomfortable.

Take things easy and slow. Like she said, dad has agreed does not mean he must be the one.

While it is normal to have cold feet, there has to be a strong conviction from your heart and you must be at peace with yourself regarding this decision.

Ultimately, only YOU can take the final decision concerning this matter.

Kimoni:


Take things easy and slow. Like she said, dad has agreed does not mean he must be the one.

While it is normal to have cold feet, there has to be a strong conviction from your heart and you must be at peace with yourself as regards this decision.

Ultimately, only YOU can take the final decision concerning this matter.

I've missed you o.

It is well.

Herzumpther:
I've missed you o.

It is well.

My dear, my hands are full right now ehnnn

I am many things rolled into one right now but my workload will get better in the coming months

Besides, this family section is getting less appealing to me these days.


Notwithstanding all the above, be rest assured I am following every post of yours

Kimoni:



My dear, my hands are full right now ehnnn

I am many things rolled into one right now but my workload will get better in the coming months

Besides, this family section is getting less appealing to me these days.


Notwithstanding all the above, be rest assured I am following every post of yours

Check my diary.

Herzumpther:
Check my diary.

Delete

Kimoni:


Delete

Done.

I'm waiting.

You sound like my mom
She kept saying the same thing.

Even on the day of my trad wedding before I went out to greet the guests she called me inside me said "nne, I like this young man and I'm sure you love him but if there's anything you're not sure of,anything you can't handle or not sure you can deal with after marriage that we don't know about yet, feel free to not go out now.
If it means dismissing the guests, so be it"

babyosisi:



I hope I don't sound pessimistic but I need to say this
That daddy has given his consent doesn't mean you are obligated to marry this guy
You are not
If something doesn't feel right at this stage and you have unresolved misgivings about certain things,and nothing can shake it off,this is your chance to bail
If you have to move the dates back to be doubly sure,please do
As long as you haven't said I do,don't be afraid to walk
This is a huge deal,perhaps the most important decision of your adult life

cococandy:
You sound like my mom
She kept saying the same thing.

Even on the day of my trad wedding before I went out to greet the guests she called me inside me said "nne, I like this young man and I'm sure you love him but if there's anything you're not sure of,anything you can't handle or not sure you can deal with after marriage that we don't know about yet, feel free to not go out now.
If it means dismissing the guests, so be it"

Lol
I like her style o and I shall tell my girls the same thing as they prepare to go out. If you don't wAnt to,Your father and I will support you 100%
My ex fiancé begged my parents to convince me to change my mind,my mother said nna a,when you people met and promised ya selves marriage ,I wasn't there,anaghi a force lovu a force.
Not exactly in that manner sha,she was sympathetic but that was my interpretation

[quote author=Herzumpther post=31936506][/quote] I expected this feeling you are having, some how i choose to see the good sign in it. If you cast your mind back, you will see that you'v had this kind of feeling at a point where you'v had to convince your dad or someone else you always held on to lead you to let you lead. HERZ, let me tell you, you will always have this feeling for as long as you continue to let your dad decide issues for you. This is an opportunity to break free from dad's hold and learn to walk on your own because you are long over due and capable. This bold step will depend on you, not your dad's. Should it go right or wrong, it wont be because of dad's fears. Lakes has come a long way for you, only for you to greet his victory with lingering fears and doubt, do you even know how it will affect lakes? Its okay to fear, but if allowed to persist other evils might crop in. The basis of your fear has nothing to do with lakes and you know it. Unless you reach a point of making it work like lakes did, your fears now or later may wreck havoc and you may pay a high price to learn how to break free from your dad's grip-this may not even involue lakes, the rate at which you are walking under your dad's overprotective shadow may slow your progress in life but an opportunity is smiling at you now. The hard truth is that, lakes has been the only one doing the major work all along, you ran away remember, it wouldnt have come this far if he had not determined to have you but you have unknowingly determined to have the one your dad says yes from the go, not YET lakes daddy's girl.

[quote author=Preternatura1 post=31416811][/quote] How are yous?

babyosisi:


What is the issue
Why are you sad?

My thesis is giving me headache

Floodgater:
How are yous?

Hi ma'am.

I'm doing good, thank you, how are you? It's been awhile, is it weird that I missed reading from you? been a lot busy these past weeks, not so much today, so I decided to check in and I need to make an update. Please read and let me know your thoughts. Thanks a bunch.

Preternatura1:
Hi ma'am.

I'm doing good, thank you, how are you? It's been awhile, is it weird that I missed reading from you? been a lot busy these past weeks, not so much today, so I decided to check in and I need to make an update. Please read and let me know your thoughts. Thanks a bunch.

I am good, Its not weird at all seeing the feeling is obviously mutual. Spill dear, i am all ears.

Hi everyone, how are you all? trust you've been well, had to take a break for sometime, it's been super busy, glad I could find time to be here today.


So I implemented what I was able to garner from here, I will be veracious, it's not been as easy as I anticipated, who knew chores could take so much time? I missed a flight because I was cleaning, I was so engrossed, I didn't realize how much time had gone by, I'm sorry if this is going to disappoint you but I'm sticking to a maid, I'm going to keep doing some ofcourse, but it's too much work, I had to give my maid a raise.

My man and I have been alright, we met my parents for dinner last Saturday eve, went well,but mother kept asking him questions, so many that I had to ask her to stop(I unofficially confided in her his intentions, though I've not told him I've decided I can marry him)guess she was just really curious, anyway, he kept asking why mother was asking so many questions, I had to tell him, he smiled and made a joke about it.

I have chatted with mother over the phone since then, but not once,did she bring him up and I'm wondering, why? I don't really want to ask her but if I know my mother like I think I do, she has reservations, or am I just over thinking it? I probably am.

Anyways the issue now, is that, he told to his mum, his thoughts towards me and she wants me to come spend the easter holiday with her, I already made plans to go on a trip with some friends as he is going to dubai, and I don't know that I can spend 3 days alone with her, being as it is that, she barely speaks the English language and I speak almost no Igbo, he says we'll be fine, he'll be very happy if I do this, he thinks it's also a good idea and she wants to get to know me. I don't know if this is a good idea, I also don't want to cancel on my friends, I ordinarily would have objected since I already made plans, but it's his mum, I don't also want to upset him, another thing is that I'm disquieted by this, there are many stories here on MILS and how scary they can be, what if we don't get along? What if she doesn't like me? What will I do about food?

What do you think I should do? Would it be a problem if I don't go?

Floodgater:
I am good, Its not weird at all seeing the feeling is obviously mutual. Spill dear, i am all ears.

Lol, I feel excited to have you confirm my suspicions.

Just did.

Babe;
Personnaly I don't subscribe to visiting my guy's house when he is not there with especially when am not yet married to the house yet.

You ve made ur plans already and guy is out to Dubia, pls kindly and sofltly tell him you woulde love to visit the mum when he returns back. Is he gonna spend eternity in Dubia, No, I guess.

This is a woman that you that even understand the language she speaks, hiw would you communicate? You have your fears already, who would be there to correct you or put you in the know when u re about making some mistakes? Having him around would go a long way in making you free ursef and do stuffs well.
Funny enough, yoou are going to spend like 3 days with her, not just a night or day, pls let him be around then you would visit together.

Preternatura1:
Hi everyone, how are you all? trust you've been well, had to take a break for sometime, it's been super busy, glad I could find time to be here today.


So I implemented what I was able to garner from here, I will be veracious, it's not been as easy as I anticipated, who knew chores could take so much time? I missed a flight because I was cleaning, I was so engrossed, I didn't realize how much time had gone by, I'm sorry if this is going to disappoint you but I'm sticking to a maid, I'm going to keep doing some ofcourse, but it's too much work, I had to give my maid a raise.

My man and I have been alright, we met my parents for dinner last Saturday eve, went well,but mother kept asking him questions, so many that I had to ask her to stop(I unofficially confided in her his intentions, though I've not told him I've decided I can marry him)guess she was just really curious, anyway, he kept asking why mother was asking so many questions, I had to tell him, he smiled and made a joke about it.

I have chatted with mother over the phone since then, but not once,did she bring him up and I'm wondering, why? I don't really want to ask her but if I know my mother like I think I do, she has reservations, or am I just over thinking it? I probably am.

Anyways the issue now, is that, he told to his mum, his thoughts towards me and she wants me to come spend the easter holiday with her, I already made plans to go on a trip with some friends as he is going to dubai, and I don't know that I can spend 3 days alone with her, being as it is that, she barely speaks the English language and I speak almost no Igbo, he says we'll be fine, he'll be very happy if I do this, he thinks it's also a good idea and she wants to get to know me. I don't know if this is a good idea, I also don't want to cancel on my friends, I ordinarily would have objected since I already made plans, but it's his mum, I don't also want to upset him, another thing is that I'm disquieted by this, there are many stories here on MILS and how scary they can be, what if we don't get along? What if she doesn't like me? What will I do about food?

What do you think I should do? Would it be a problem if I don't go?

gleatz:
Babe;
Personnaly I don't subscribe to visiting my guy's house when he is not there with especially when am not yet married to the house yet.

You ve made ur plans already and guy is out to Dubia, pls kindly and sofltly tell him you woulde love to visit the mum when he returns back. Is he gonna spend eternity in Dubia, No, I guess.

This is a woman that you that even understand the language she speaks, hiw would you communicate? You have your fears already, who would be there to correct you or put you in the know when u re about making some mistakes? Having him around would go a long way in making you free ursef and do stuffs well.
Funny enough, yoou are going to spend like 3 days with her, not just a night or day, pls let him be around then you would visit together.

I agree with you
I wouldn't spend a night with a mother in law to be especially with the son absent
You can visit and spend a whole day and leave at night if it's close to you or go spend the night with another relative if yours in the same town.

Preternatura1:
Hi everyone, how are you all? trust you've been well, had to take a break for sometime, it's been super busy, glad I could find time to be here today.


So I implemented what I was able to garner from here, I will be veracious, it's not been as easy as I anticipated, who knew chores could take so much time? I missed a flight because I was cleaning, I was so engrossed, I didn't realize how much time had gone by, I'm sorry if this is going to disappoint you but I'm sticking to a maid, I'm going to keep doing some ofcourse, but it's too much work, I had to give my maid a raise.

My man and I have been alright, we met my parents for dinner last Saturday eve, went well,but mother kept asking him questions, so many that I had to ask her to stop(I unofficially confided in her his intentions, though I've not told him I've decided I can marry him)guess she was just really curious, anyway, he kept asking why mother was asking so many questions, I had to tell him, he smiled and made a joke about it.

I have chatted with mother over the phone since then, but not once,did she bring him up and I'm wondering, why? I don't really want to ask her but if I know my mother like I think I do, she has reservations, or am I just over thinking it? I probably am.

Anyways the issue now, is that, he told to his mum, his thoughts towards me and she wants me to come spend the easter holiday with her, I already made plans to go on a trip with some friends as he is going to dubai, and I don't know that I can spend 3 days alone with her, being as it is that, she barely speaks the English language and I speak almost no Igbo, he says we'll be fine, he'll be very happy if I do this, he thinks it's also a good idea and she wants to get to know me. I don't know if this is a good idea, I also don't want to cancel on my friends, I ordinarily would have objected since I already made plans, but it's his mum, I don't also want to upset him, another thing is that I'm disquieted by this, there are many stories here on MILS and how scary they can be, what if we don't get along? What if she doesn't like me? What will I do about food?

What do you think I should do? Would it be a problem if I don't go?

I don't advise you to spend a night in the house without your man there
Politely tell them you have already made plans with friends for the Easter and unable to cancel now
Make a promise to come as soon as your man returns.

Before marriage,I had visited my hubby and family one Christmas when his folks were home at their village
I spent most of the day with them at the various festivities and at night being that my MIL was a Jim Jim Christian woman that would not hear that I spent the night with her son,I slept on the same bed with my MIL.
You will feel a lot more comfortable with the man around so reschedule this for next time and be very very apologetic to her about the fact that you can't make it now.

Now let me tell you this
The MIL stories are real but don't let it disturb you,don't go into it expecting a mean MIL,don't go in with preconceived notions.
Your experience could be totally different so keep an open mind.
Even though I had heard all this horrid stories,my paternal grandma and my mom were very close so I went into marriage expecting to treat my MIL like my mom and be loved in return ,unfortunately we didn't start off well but it is well now.
I shared my story mainly to encourage someone that a bad MIL/DIL relationship can be turned around,not to talk ill of my MIL
I love my MIL now with all my heart and would do for her exactly what I will do for my mom,the story I recounted was over a decade ago.
She may have also come into it with a preconceived idea about me without knowing me so I don't hold it against her now at all.

Preternatura1:
Lol, I feel excited to have you confirm my suspicions.

Just did.

You are not doing bad at all, thumbs up. Never go to his mum until he is available to go with you, tell him his presence there is the most essential comfort you need atleast now. When you finally go, study her too but be free, nice and make allowance for actions that maybe due to her background. Your results from studying her without bias will determine how you will relate with her in the future.

Floodgater:
You are not doing bad at all, thumbs up. Never go to his mum until he is available to go with you, tell him his presence there is the most essential comfort you need atleast now. When you finally go, study her too but be free, nice and make allowance for actions that maybe due to her background. Your results from studying her without bias will determine how you will relate with her in the future.

Okay then, glad to know I wasn't just thinking it, it's becoming hard to be sure I was thinking the right thing, like I wasn't compromising, just felt really weird that sort of thing. Thank you.

babyosisi:


I don't advise you to spend a night in the house without your man there
Politely tell them you have already made plans with friends for the Easter and unable to cancel now
Make a promise to come as soon as your man returns.

Before marriage,I had visited my hubby and family one Christmas when his folks were home at their village
I spent most of the day with them at the various festivities and at night being that my MIL was a Jim Jim Christian woman that would not hear that I spent the night with her son,I slept on the same bed with my MIL.
You will feel a lot more comfortable with the man around so reschedule this for next time and be very very apologetic to her about the fact that you can't make it now.

Now let me tell you this
The MIL stories are real but don't let it disturb you,don't go into it expecting a mean MIL,don't go in with preconceived notions.
Your experience could be totally different so keep an open mind.
Even though I had heard all this horrid stories,my paternal grandma and my mom were very close so I went into marriage expecting to treat my MIL like my mom and be loved in return ,unfortunately we didn't start off well but it is well now.
I shared my story mainly to encourage someone that a bad MIL/DIL relationship can be turned around,not to talk ill of my MIL
I love my MIL now with all my heart and would do for her exactly what I will do for my mom,the story I recounted was over a decade ago.
She may have also come into it with a preconceived idea about me without knowing me so I don't hold it against her now at all.

I am genuinely happy for your relationship with her now, your story kinda gave me the creeps .

I'll tell him this, I just hope she understands it, I don't like difficult people and tend to ignore them, glad to read your post, you give thoughtful and practical advise, you do like to be blunt too., thanks.

gleatz:
Babe;
Personnaly I don't subscribe to visiting my guy's house when he is not there with especially when am not yet married to the house yet.

You ve made ur plans already and guy is out to Dubia, pls kindly and sofltly tell him you woulde love to visit the mum when he returns back. Is he gonna spend eternity in Dubia, No, I guess.

This is a woman that you that even understand the language she speaks, hiw would you communicate? You have your fears already, who would be there to correct you or put you in the know when u re about making some mistakes? Having him around would go a long way in making you free ursef and do stuffs well.
Funny enough, yoou are going to spend like 3 days with her, not just a night or day, pls let him be around then you would visit together.

You know I thought about the language thing and he said she will understand most of what I will say, only that I shouldn't use big words(whatever that means),anyways I'll call and apologize for not being able to make it.

Pls do my dear.
Whatever "don't use big words meant" I can't seem to fathom that. Re schedule this meeting and its just the right thing to do. You need your guy as your shield, comfort, confidante, solace and partner in crime in this visist.

All the best!

Preternatura1:
You know I thought about the language thing and he said she will understand most of what I will say, only that I shouldn't use big words(whatever that means),anyways I'll call and apologize for not being able to make it.

...I just love reading comments on this thread..

..so real and straight from the heart.

Preternatura1:
Okay then, glad to know I wasn't just thinking it, it's becoming hard to be sure I was thinking the right thing, like I wasn't compromising, just felt really weird that sort of thing. Thank you.

I hurriedly typed earlier. You will know its not an issue of compromise when you feel disturbed within you, you will get there in time.

As for your mum give her time to come to terms. know i am never bored to hear from you, just ask how I am doing to get my attention. Lest I forget like the last time, you are a great and fast learner.

Preternatura1:
I am genuinely happy for your relationship with her now, your story kinda gave me the creeps .

I'll tell him this, I just hope she understands it, I don't like difficult people and tend to ignore them, glad to read your post, you give thoughtful and practical advise, you do like to be blunt too., thanks.

Someone once told me that I was someone you couldn't read without forming an opinion about
You either like me or you don't
But I will always tell it exactly as it is
I hate coloring things to make it sound better

Floodgater:

I hurriedly typed earlier. You will know its not an issue of compromise when you feel disturbed within you, you will get there in time.

As for your mum give her time to come to terms. know i am never bored to hear from you, just ask how I am doing to get my attention. Lest I forget like the last time, you are a great and fast learner.

Okay, thank you for your kind words, we all can't be wrong on this.

The way nigerians take marriage issues like it's the end of the world is baffling. Just ontop marriage advice.the page Don reach 79 pages,and almost all the contributors na women.Am sure if na man open tthis page, we go still dey page 3. That's why the white people call us twisted minds

gleatz:
Pls do my dear.
Whatever "don't use big words meant" I can't seem to fathom that. Re schedule this meeting and its just the right thing to do. You need your guy as your shield, comfort, confidante, solace and partner in crime in this visist.

All the best!

Thank you. Lol @ partner in crime.