Goodwork you guys are doing here.
Please I need advise.
I was having a conversation with my boyfrd a few weeks ago after a 2months of communication gap. He told me his pastor told him not to marry me if he didn't want to be a widower so he got scared and kind of developed cold feet. But he later changed his mind.
While we were talking he also told me of this girl he was flirting with since last year, I thought he was joking initially but when I checked his texts I saw messages they've been sending to each other about how they couldn't do without themselves. I got really mad at him but he said he's sorry, that he has never even met the girl physically.
I said I couldn't believe him, I wanted to check for myself, after much, he gave me his facebook password.
What I've discovered has shocked me to the bones. I discovered there was another girl he was sleeping with when we just started d relationship though they were not dating cos the girl was engaged. The affair ended when she got married. I also discovered he has been flirting with random girls on facebook. He's been begging that I should forgive him, but I don't know if I can do that or ever trust him tho I still love him. Please what do I do?

Serenity22:
Goodwork you guys are doing here.
Please I need advise.
I was having a conversation with my boyfrd a few weeks ago after a 2months of communication gap. He told me his pastor told him not to marry me if he didn't want to be a widower so he got scared and kind of developed cold feet. But he later changed his mind.
While we were talking he also told me of this girl he was flirting with since last year, I thought he was joking initially but when I checked his texts I saw messages they've been sending to each other about how they couldn't do without themselves. I got really mad at him but he said he's sorry, that he has never even met the girl physically.
I said I couldn't believe him, I wanted to check for myself, after much, he gave me his facebook password.
What I've discovered has shocked me to the bones. I discovered there was another girl he was sleeping with when we just started d relationship though they were not dating cos the girl was engaged. The affair ended when she got married. I also discovered he has been flirting with random girls on facebook. He's been begging that I should forgive him, but I don't know if I can do that or ever trust him tho I still love him. Please what do I do?

For your own sanity, I think you should let him go already. From what you've written he seems like an unrepentant serial flirt. His pastor has even indirectly declared your untimely death.

You might want to tall things out though, at the end of the day you are the ultimate decider of what you want.

adeoye201:
The way nigerians take marriage issues like it's the end of the world is baffling. Just ontop marriage advice.the page Don reach 79 pages,and almost all the contributors na women.Am sure if na man open tthis page, we go still dey page 3. That's why the white people call us twisted minds

Marriage is perhaps the most important decision an adult makes.You don't think it's worth all the questions?You are probably going to spend 30-50 yrs in the same house with someone and it doesn't matter to you to cross all 't's and dot all 'i's?
What's twisted about marriage questions and answers?The same whites don't bother about it?Have you heard of marriage counsellors/relationship experts who take it as a full time profession?

I guess you just decided to visit this section from the education section.It's UTME that you are still bothered about.

Serenity22:
Goodwork you guys are doing here.
Please I need advise.
I was having a conversation with my boyfrd a few weeks ago after a 2months of communication gap. He told me his pastor told him not to marry me if he didn't want to be a widower so he got scared and kind of developed cold feet. But he later changed his mind.
While we were talking he also told me of this girl he was flirting with since last year, I thought he was joking initially but when I checked his texts I saw messages they've been sending to each other about how they couldn't do without themselves. I got really mad at him but he said he's sorry, that he has never even met the girl physically.
I said I couldn't believe him, I wanted to check for myself, after much, he gave me his facebook password.
What I've discovered has shocked me to the bones. I discovered there was another girl he was sleeping with when we just started d relationship though they were not dating cos the girl was engaged. The affair ended when she got married. I also discovered he has been flirting with random girls on facebook. He's been begging that I should forgive him, but I don't know if I can do that or ever trust him tho I still love him. Please what do I do?

You are dating a flirt and i don't think it will change soon.If you are thinking of marriage,then you know the implications.
@bolded.............shows he is unrepentant.

He believes his pastor that you will have a short life?Hmmm

thorpido:
You are dating a flirt and i don't think it will change soon.If you are thinking of marriage,then you know the implications.
@bolded.............shows he is unrepentant.

[b]He believes his pastor that you will have a short life[/b]Hmmm

That's scary.

Herzumpther:
That's scary.

How are u Herzie?

thorpido:
How are u Herzie?

I'm very fine sir.
Good afternoon sir.

Herzumpther:
I'm very fine sir.
Good afternoon sir.

Nice.Hope your fears are withering now.

thorpido:
Nice.Hope your fears are withering now.

Yes they are. I'm very good now.

U got d nicest and sanest response for d dude mehn. Why wont marriage be important? Ppl could perish as a result of bad choices. After God, family, d next tin is marriage for be o bfr my career self. #biggrin

thorpido:
Marriage is perhaps the most important decision an adult makes.You don't think it's worth all the questions?You are probably going to spend 30-50 yrs in the same house with someone and it doesn't matter to you to cross all 't's and dot all 'i's?
What's twisted about marriage questions and answers?The same whites don't bother about it?Have you heard of marriage counsellors/relationship experts who take it as a full time profession?

I guess you just decided to visit this section from the education section.It's UTME that you are still bothered about.

thorpido:
You are dating a flirt and i don't think it will change soon.If you are thinking of marriage,then you know the implications.
@bolded.............shows he is unrepentant.

He believes his pastor that you will have a short life?Hmmm

funny tin is he blames everytin on distance. My head says leave he's a flirt but my heart says stay afterall he is truly repentant dats why he came out himself. I am very confused

Serenity22:
funny tin is he blames everytin on distance. My head says leave he's a flirt but my heart says stay afterall he is truly repentant dats why he came out himself. I am very confused

How long have you been dating and what's the distance between you both?

delightful1:

For your own sanity, I think you should let him go already. From what you've written he seems like an unrepentant serial flirt. His pastor has even indirectly declared your untimely death.

You might want to tall things out though, at the end of the day you are the ultimate decider of what you want.

I have never caught him bfr, infact I could hv sworn he has never cheated, till he mentioned it himself. He would hv gone on secretly without my knowledge. What if he's truly sorry? I don't knw to even tell if he is sorry n has changed

thorpido:
How long have you been dating and what's the distance between you both?

we'll be 4yrs october dis year. Distance is a 12hr trip to n fro

@serenity;
pls darling, dont make same mistakes i made some times ago. as it stands, this guy is an unrepentant flirt and remember you cant change any full grown adult unless the person so wish to change.
how long more would he continue in this manner, hurts your feelings while he comes back to say "i am sorry"

i wonder if people truly know the meaning of "i am sorry"? why tell me you are sorry when ur next exscapade will be worst than the one you are sorry about.

its obvious this guy has got so many gals in his life, can you deal with it? he is not ready to hurt the other gals but can hurt you and say sorry, can you deal with that?
you cant trust him again even wen he's telling the truth, can you deal with it? every truth and lies now seems to you as lie.

in serenity of heart, babe you need your sanity badly. if you can deal with d afore mentioned, give him some time and see IF he will change for the better or if you can endure his naughtinesss, but if not the time to leave is NOW!

My ex once told me "is it not better he flirts and cheats now, then when we re married, he would stop and concentrate on me". Me i mumuishly accepted cos of the numbers of years we ve been together, but i was loosing it completely and until i caught him red handed, it then dawned on me that i cant cope. we deserve the best and that we shall settle for!

Follow your head now, God is your strenght dearie.

Serenity22:
funny tin is he blames everytin on distance. My head says leave he's a flirt but my heart says stay afterall he is truly repentant dats why he came out himself. I am very confused

Distance should never be an excuse to cheat for a sensible and responsible being who understands what it means to be in love truly!

Don't allow him use emotional blackmail on you by saying its distance or that if he never told you, you wouldn't know!

Chaz B of blessed memory will say shine your eyes!

You know him better so pls do as you can deal with!

Serenity22
post=32026469:
we'll be 4yrs october dis year. Distance is a 12hr trip to n fro

gleatz:
@serenity;
pls darling, dont make same mistakes i made some times ago. as it stands, this guy is an unrepentant flirt and remember you cant change any full grown adult unless the person so wish to change.
how long more would he continue in this manner, hurts your feelings while he comes back to say "i am sorry"

i wonder if people truly know the meaning of "i am sorry"? why tell me you are sorry when ur next exscapade will be worst than the one you are sorry about.

its obvious this guy has got so many gals in his life, can you deal with it? he is not ready to hurt the other gals but can hurt you and say sorry, can you deal with that?
you cant trust him again even wen he's telling the truth, can you deal with it? every truth and lies now seems to you as lie.

in serenity of heart, babe you need your sanity badly. if you can deal with d afore mentioned, give him some time and see IF he will change for the better or if you can endure his naughtinesss, but if not the time to leave is NOW!

My ex once told me "is it not better he flirts and cheats now, then when we re married, he would stop and concentrate on me". Me i mumuishly accepted cos of the numbers of years we ve been together, but i was loosing it completely and until i caught him red handed, it then dawned on me that i cant cope. we deserve the best and that we shall settle for!

Follow your head now, God is your strenght dearie.

thanks dear. I pray I really find the strength to move on

Serenity22:
I have never caught him bfr, infact I could hv sworn he has never cheated, till he mentioned it himself. He would hv gone on secretly without my knowledge. What if he's truly sorry? I don't knw to even tell if he is sorry n has changed

My dear, never trust a serial flirt. Him telling you himself is all part of the gain-her-trust-back-plan. I do not think he is truly Sorry.

Him blaming it on distance is the deal breaker dear. I dated my only true love (who is now late) for 3 years before I called it quits and not once in those three years have we been in the same location for up to a month. I never went visiting either, and he never for once cheated on me. He had an 'excuse' but never took it.

Bottom line, a flirt/cheat will most certainly remain the same, they always have some dumbasss excuses to give.

Serenity22:
Goodwork you guys are doing here.
Please I need advise.
I was having a conversation with my boyfrd a few weeks ago after a 2months of communication gap. He told me his pastor told him not to marry me if he didn't want to be a widower so he got scared and kind of developed cold feet. But he later changed his mind.
While we were talking he also told me of this girl he was flirting with since last year, I thought he was joking initially but when I checked his texts I saw messages they've been sending to each other about how they couldn't do without themselves. I got really mad at him but he said he's sorry, that he has never even met the girl physically.
I said I couldn't believe him, I wanted to check for myself, after much, he gave me his facebook password.
What I've discovered has shocked me to the bones. I discovered there was another girl he was sleeping with when we just started d relationship though they were not dating cos the girl was engaged. The affair ended when she got married. I also discovered he has been flirting with random girls on facebook. He's been begging that I should forgive him, but I don't know if I can do that or ever trust him tho I still love him. Please what do I do?

Like I always say,take people for who they show you
What they show you is who they truly are not what they tell you

Serenity22:
Goodwork you guys are doing here.
Please I need advise.
I was having a conversation with my boyfrd a few weeks ago after a 2months of communication gap. He told me his pastor told him not to marry me if he didn't want to be a widower so he got scared and kind of developed cold feet. But he later changed his mind.
While we were talking he also told me of this girl he was flirting with since last year, I thought he was joking initially but when I checked his texts I saw messages they've been sending to each other about how they couldn't do without themselves. I got really mad at him but he said he's sorry, that he has never even met the girl physically.
I said I couldn't believe him, I wanted to check for myself, after much, he gave me his facebook password.
What I've discovered has shocked me to the bones. I discovered there was another girl he was sleeping with when we just started d relationship though they were not dating cos the girl was engaged. The affair ended when she got married. I also discovered he has been flirting with random girls on facebook. He's been begging that I should forgive him, but I don't know if I can do that or ever trust him tho I still love him. Please what do I do?

Can you be absolutely sure he even went to a pastor? Or is that just another lie?

Flytefalls:

Can you be absolutely sure he even went to a pastor? Or is that just another lie?

I was gonna ask the same thing.
Might be a trick to tell her he's had enough and she's not getting the message.

Guys hardly come out straight when they want to quit. They play games and use innuendos to send their message across.

delightful1:

My dear, never trust a serial flirt. Him telling you himself is all part of the gain-her-trust-back-plan. I do not think he is truly Sorry.

Him blaming it on distance is the deal breaker dear. I dated my only true love (who is now late) for 3 years before I called it quits and not once in those three years have we been in the same location for up to a month. I never went visiting either, and he never for once cheated on me. He had an 'excuse' but never took it.

Bottom line, a flirt/cheat will most certainly remain the same, they always have some dumbasss excuses to give.

he said he told me because he has been feeling guilty and is truly sory that's why he came out. He's been caling all week and texting that he doesn't want to flirt anymore that's why he told me n he's truly sory n he wants another chance

cococandy:


I wasn't gonna ask the same thing.
Might be a trick to tell her he's had enough and she's not getting the message.

Guys hardly come out straight when they want to quit. They play games and use innuendos to send their message across.

we've been having a hi/hi, how r u doing/fine kind of conversation so I was suprised when he said he wanted to talk so I was like I tot u r confortable with how we've being going for 2mths, he said he wasn't.I asked why the sudden coldness, he said his pastor told him not to marry me but he has spent d 2mths tinkin about what d pastor said and he has decided to nt listen to him.
Mind you this same pastor once told him n his mother that I have a spiritual husband and his mum wanted me to follow her to God knows where for deliverance.

Serenity22:
we've been having a hi/hi, how r u doing/fine kind of conversation so I was suprised when he said he wanted to talk so I was like I tot u r confortable with how we've being going for 2mths, he said he wasn't.I asked why the sudden coldness, he said his pastor told him not to marry me but he has spent d 2mths tinkin about what d pastor said and he has decided to nt listen to him.
Mind you this same pastor once told him n his mother that I have a spiritual husband and his mum wanted me to follow her to God knows where for deliverance.

And you are still wondering what to do?
A man that runs his life by hearing from diviners and soothsayers
You shouldn't have anything to do with this person

I will come out cold and tell you that this man is tired of the relationship and using hints to tell you
Why do you think a man will tell you of the people he is flirting with, open up his facebook chats for you to see his amorous affairs with other women
Cut your losses and move on
the handwriting is on the wall
Don't allow someone treat you in this poor manner unless you're comfortable being a spare

He's given you every possible reason to move on. He won't open up and tell you to go but he's given you the hint that is what he wants.

I will tell you again. When a guy starts playing games with you, it is time to waka go.

Serenity22:
we've been having a hi/hi, how r u doing/fine kind of conversation so I was suprised when he said he wanted to talk so I was like I tot u r confortable with how we've being going for 2mths, he said he wasn't.I asked why the sudden coldness, he said his pastor told him not to marry me but he has spent d 2mths tinkin about what d pastor said and he has decided to nt listen to him.
Mind you this same pastor once told him n his mother that I have a spiritual husband and his mum wanted me to follow her to God knows where for deliverance.

Someone wrote that any second a woman spends with a zero is a second lost in finding/ being with a hero



You fix marriages
Nobody should waste time fixing a boyfriend relationship,waste of energy

babyosisi:


Like I always say,take people for who they show you
What they show you is who they truly are not what they tell you

. That's the issue, if I go by what he shows me, he's 70% of what want in a man. Infact he's the best thing since sliced bread whenever we r together. I have fear for the unknown, my mind keeps telling me if I leave this one I might not find anyone that comes close n starting over after 4yrs considering that I'm an introvert is looking like a mountain that's unclimbable and this is my first relationship

Serenity22:
. That's the issue, if I go by what he shows me, he's 70% of what want in a man. Infact he's the best thing since sliced bread whenever we r together . I have fear for the unknown, my mind keeps telling me if I leave this one I might not find anyone that comes close n starting over after 4yrs considering that I'm an introvert is looking like a mountain that's unclimbable and this is my first relationship

Your mind is telling you a lie, nne
Believe me
I know a bunch of introverts that are married to good men
Don't allow anyone take advantage of you
Being introverted is not a disability or handicap
That is how God made you
It doesn't mean you are less intelligent
People will love you for your genuineness
This man is taking advantage of you and treating you shabbily and you are telling yourself you can't do better?

He is nothing you should want in a man
A man who loves you will not hurt you
This man is hurting you

Your first relationship you say
Then I am here to tell you that there are better men out there,stop wasting your time with this one.
The sooner you disentangle the better

Serenity22:
. That's the issue, if I go by what he shows me, he's 70% of what want in a man. Infact he's the best thing since sliced bread whenever we r together. I have fear for the unknown, my mind keeps telling me if I leave this one I might not find anyone that comes close n starting over after 4yrs considering that I'm an introvert is looking like a mountain that's unclimbable and this is my first relationship

He showed you all his inbox for you to know that there are other women in his life apart from you.
If you keep on dating him or even marry him, you've given him unwritten permission to mess around on you.
That's like telling him that you're ok with sharing him with all and sundry.
He's laid his cards open for you. Anything that happens from here on now is your fault.

Serenity22, one of the biggest weapons of abusers (,yes you are being emotionally abused ) is se.x
The man is treating you bad yet he sleeps with you and messes with your mind so it's harder to leave
Cut off the se.x immediately
It won't make him treat you better,he is getting it elsewhere sef so there is nothing special you can offer him
Cut it off completely before you begin to think carrying belle will make him change
Once you break that off you will free yourself

Thanks guys. I'll just stop taking his calls n ignoring his texts then