Ewuro4:
All my Indian friends marriage are arranged , they seem very happy and content with their lives and so was their parents and grandparents. They are close knit family and always on top.

If I have my way with my children, I will stylishly arrange their marriage The idea of calling our family friends mummy or Aunty is out of the question in order to freely mingle with their sons.

So help me God.

bukatyne:


Sorry
That's why I am trying small small

cococandy:
I'm kidding.

bukatyne:


I know

Happy Easter

5minsmadness:

Modern couples don't know the meaning of true love. Love suffers ALL things, endures ALL things etc. What couples have nowadays is a very selfish feeling of entitlement. Real love does not exist in such cases.

SirShymexx:
I think arranged marriages worked back then cos roles were well defined and folks just fit into those roles, and adapt. And divorce wasn't really an option. It was a universal thing when women understood what it meant to be a woman, and the being a woman wasn't just about having female anatomy - it's about the willingness to want to build a family based on a defined structure; innate ability to be there even when things are bad by showing ya worth; and understanding that marriage isn't real until it has been tried. Even till today - divorce isn't an option for majority of the folks from that era

However, the consciousness is different today. Ditto the society at large. And I doubt arranged marriages would work today. Marriage as an institution has changed tremendously and the women aren't as patient/loyal as they used to be. If you're so keen to get married - better go find someone on ya level who'll complement you; can communicate effectively with; who understands how partnership works; can make sacrifices; and who understands how to build a family and what a family structure should be.

Unless they're sending a highly educated chic with a career and a body like Lira Galore on low-mileage around my way - arranged marriages should remain in the annals of history and continue to dwell there till eternity.

LordReed:


So in other words our mothers who suffered physical abuse and still stayed with their husbands have it better than women who choose to leave abusive marriages?

Missy89:


What is the meaning of this?

5minsmadness:


My mother didn't suffer physical abuse and neither did my grandmother. Did yours?

bukatyne:


So because you can see, no blindperson person exists.

I want to understand, because I can't wrap my head around it.

I saw you also striked out most parts of yomi 's post on the 5 irresponsible things men do thread.

5minsmadness:

This woman.
You are beginning to stalk me oh.
I thot it would be fun being stalked but it's sh1t scary.
The post wasn't directed at you.

bukatyne:


So because you can see, no blindperson person exists.

I want to understand, because I can't wrap my head around it.

I saw you also striked out most parts of yomi 's post on the 5 irresponsible things men do thread.

bukatyne:


Stalk?

Don't give yourself high hopes man!

Is it only posts directed to you on NL you quote or respond?

Stop dreaming

Neither you nor anyone else here is worth it.

5minsmadness:

Of course I'm worth it, you just won't admit it

bukatyne:


Hahahahahaha!

Who am I to rain on your parade?

Hahahahahaha!

5minsmadness:


My mother didn't suffer physical abuse and neither did my grandmother. Did yours?

5minsmadness:


Anyway...
I was trying to make him see a point.
Is he (and you) now trying to say ALL or even MOST arranged marriages consisted of physical abuse of the women?

Or

Is he(or you) trying to say modern marriages today do not consist of physical abuse in which the woman chooses to stay?

LordReed:


And if they had you would have applauded them for being "loving" and "patient" while they endured it right?

5minsmadness:

Not true pls. This is an abnormality. The usual thing is for the parents to hold a family meeting and call the offending party to order.

5minsmadness:

Answer the question pls and stop being presumptuous.

Were your grandmother or mother physically abused?

LordReed:


You were simply being disingenuous. In what way did I even imply that ALL arranged marriages were physically abusive? I made allusion to women who endured physical abuse but instead of answering the question you proceeded to beat around the bush.

5minsmadness:

Modern couples don't know the meaning of true love. Love suffers ALL things, endures ALL things etc. What couples have nowadays is a very selfish feeling of entitlement. Real love does not exist in such cases

LordReed:
So in other words our mothers who suffered physical abuse and still stayed with their husbands have it better than women who choose to leave abusive marriages?

LordReed:


When you stop being over wise and beating around the bush and answer the question I initially posed I will answer yours.

LordReed:


So in other words our mothers who suffered physical abuse and still stayed with their husbands have it better than women who choose to leave abusive marriages?

5minsmadness:


This was my post:


This was your reply based on the fact you were assuming(wrongly) that i meant physical conflict:



Funny enough, it has nothing to do with arranged marriages, i daresay more women are being physically abused in modern marriages than in the past. Walking away/divorce doesn't solve the problem(at least not permanently) as they might enter even more abusive relationships.

Also on that note, isn't it funny that a woman will marry the man of her choice in this day and age and still end up in a physically abusive relationship? Was she blind when she was making her choice of a man that she didn't see his abusive tendencies? Wouldn't it have been better if her parents found a spouse for her in a family whose men are known for their patience and tolerance of their womenfolk and never raising a hand against them? or what do you think?

5minsmadness:

You know, I went back and read this post again. I still feel you were reading the wrong meaning into what i said but Let me redirect to avoid misunderstanding.

Even in arranged marriages a battered woman had an avenue to report her husband and he was duly cautioned and finally dealt with by the community. the woman wasn't just abandoned as i think you are trying to imply here. however, more emphasis was placed on the kids and the need for them to grow up in a complete nurturing family unit. Of course if the battering became too much there were cases of families who came unceremoniously and removed their daughters from such a setting , returning the bride price as they did so. This was a big disgrace and shame on the man involved and the info was 'stored in the family files" so to speak so that in case another bride came to marry from that family they would be told of the men's infamous pastime.
Ipso facto our battered grannies were not just abandoned for the men to continue beating.

SirShymexx:


The truth.

How many women are loyal/patient these days? Women just blow with the wind these days lol.

When a rich nyggah wants you...... Lol

And are you even loyal?

EZEIGBO1OFIMO:

in a fōol's quest to sound intelligent, you ended up sounding irrevocably stūpid; 5minsmadness started a discussion on how to mollify and assuage the african marriage institution, and the best you could do is to start screaming MEN!!!; my advice, grow some sense, if you can't grow then buy some sense, if you can't buy, then download some gademm sense.

EZEIGBO

LordReed:


You obviously did not understand what I was getting at. You say love endures ALL,

1. does this include physical abuse?

2. Are you saying that those who endured physical abuse in arranged marriages are more loving than women in modern marriages who refuse to stay in such situations?

The frequency of abusive marriages is not so much the issue as the ways and means available to mitigate such. With increased economic power the women folk have more options available in meeting basic needs, also our altered social mores mean some actions carry less opprobrium then they used to.

In my opinion one can strike a balance between making your own choice of marriage partner and involving family. Seeking the counsel of friends and family doesn't render your choice an "arrangee" marriage, this is something people tend to ignore in the name of being modern to their own detriment. If a woman is marrying a man and she fails to seek counsel, the failure does not stem from the ability to make a choice in life partner.

5minsmadness:
@LordReed:

In a previous thread "Good marriages do not make good stories", I outlined certain relationships I am privileged to have known that have stood the test of time. Not one of them is bereft of gory tales, but it was overcoming the challenging times that made those marriages stronger.

1. The woman who supported her man and eventually married him when he had absolutely nothing to offer.

2. The wife-beater who genuinely changed. There are many instances of this. It is only in nairaland I hear that once a man hits you he becomes a batterer for life. This is beyond absurd.

3. The man whose woman was a drunk and a chronic cheat..

Even a soldier is not a true soldier until he has been through the field of battle.

Marriage/True Love is tough and not for small children. It is not for disciples of cupid whose emotions are as fleeting as the wind itself. It is not for the faint of heart. Marriage is the complete acceptance of another human being with all his/her flaws and short-comings (including those present and those that will manifest later) into your life. Accepting such a huge responsibility freely is only possible if one is truly in love with the individual he/she wants to marry.

5minsmadness:


1. A resounding "Yes" to this. True love has no barriers. If a woman or a man enters marriage with lines already drawn there is no way that marriage will last. That is why I say this generation knows nothing about true love. This is a general parameter for marriage and has nothing to do with whether the marriage is arranged or not.

Love ENDURES all things. Does that mean that if a man's wife cheats on him he should forgive her? A resounding YES. No one is perfect, not even the current love of your life. S/He is only human and will disappoint you eventually in one way or the other. The best marriages are one in which both partners forgive easily. This is the main recipe for a marriage lasting the test of time.

But the frequency is the issue. Why should there be INCREASED physical abuse in a society where the spouses have been liberated to make their own choice of a life partner? What then is the advantage?