chisco82:

Sorry ma, you re begining to get it wrong with this ur advice.
You start well with this thread but the kind of advice you are giving to young ladies.....ee
God will help them.
I'm wondering where the wisdom for some of these your advices came from, from your experience? You got it wrong.
Experience is never the best teacher mind you.
All these your advices that has no scriptural backing,
Dere is God oh!
It seems you went to America and forgot that we are from Africa and we have culture?
MOST OF YOUR ADVICES HERE ARE SO BAD AND DECEIVING.

You are better off just giving your own advise on the issues and moving on
That's what this thread is about
That's not difficult to figure out or is it?

my problem is dat i love a man who loves me too n we hv marriage plans only dat my mother made it clear to me that my father wuld nt tolerate my marrying anybdy who is nt catholic. She has always said it bt then i culdnt help loving my man he is evrythng i want only dat he is anglican. I fear my dad n mum wil fyt us cos of his denomination even thou i am sure they wil love him if they give him a chance. Help a sister

chisco82:

Sorry ma, you re begining to get it wrong with this ur advice.
You start well with this thread but the kind of advice you are giving to young ladies.....ee
God will help them.
I'm wondering where the wisdom for some of these your advices came from, from your experience? You got it wrong.
Experience is never the best teacher mind you.
All these your advices that has no scriptural backing,
Dere is God oh!
It seems you went to America and forgot that we are from Africa and we have culture?
MOST OF YOUR ADVICES HERE ARE SO BAD AND DECEIVING.

Babyosisi is right.sounds harsh but the right thing.

PrettyClare7:
my problem is dat i love a man who loves me too n we hv marriage plans only dat my mother made it clear to me that my father wuld nt tolerate my marrying anybdy who is nt catholic. She has always said it bt then i culdnt help loving my man he is evrythng i want only dat he is anglican. I fear my dad n mum wil fyt us cos of his denomination even thou i am sure they wil love him if they give him a chance. Help a sister

Get pregnant for him...... Na joke o! I think you will have to let your parents know that is he who gives you sunshine everyday, you will have to bring then to your side especially now that you are planning marriage.

iwatch:
floogater, why didn't you correct me when I addressed you as a man? Apologies.

Hello people, truth is I have not been able to get that girl out of my mind. She is taken and I understand that. How will I ever meet a girl like her or as good as her in now my worries. someone should help me here. I have lost my mind I swear. can't think straight. About to leave the house now so I can move around.

you will see someone better than her. You just have to move on.

GoldenDr:
you will see someone better than her. You just have to move on.

Thanks. I think I have to delete everything that reminds me of her for good.

GoldenDr:
you will see someone better than her. You just have to move on.

hahahahaha. Okwu kasiobi!

prissyluv:

hahahahaha. Okwu kasiobi!

meaning?

Gleatz tell me you saw me/something.

iwatch:
floodgater, why didn't you correct me when I addressed you as a man? Apologies.

Hello people, truth is I have not been able to get that girl out of my mind. She is taken and I understand that. How will I ever meet a girl like her or as good as her in now my worries. someone should help me here. I have lost my mind I swear. can't think straight. About to leave the house now so I can move around.

To help forget her was why i asked if you can maintain friendship and you have proven you cant. What you need now is time to get over her first. Any display of emotion to help with this allow it and stop looking for another girl just yet. I know its a man's thing to use another girl to ease the pain but you may miss an angel again. Wait, wait, you are standing on a wrong ground by looking for a girl like her. You dont need a girl like her but a girl for you besides you have no prove she is the best. This girl paid the price of your ex, another angel might pay for her place yet you and i know that its you loosing not them.

brunnette4real:

Babyosisi is right.sounds harsh but the right thing.

I disagree with her opinion.
We need to apply wisdom not being so blunt.

chisco82:

I disagree with her opinion.
We need to apply wisdom not being so blunt.

some do not get the message until you are blunt while others you have to be soft

iwatch:
floodgater, why didn't you correct me when I addressed you as a man? Apologies.

Hello people, truth is I have not been able to get that girl out of my mind. She is taken and I understand that. How will I ever meet a girl like her or as good as her in now my worries. someone should help me here. I have lost my mind I swear. can't think straight. About to leave the house now so I can move around.

Chei
So there are many romantics like this on nairaland?
Join a gym or pick up a hobby to help

PrettyClare7:
my problem is dat i love a man who loves me too n we hv marriage plans only dat my mother made it clear to me that my father wuld nt tolerate my marrying anybdy who is nt catholic. She has always said it bt then i culdnt help loving my man he is evrythng i want only dat he is anglican. I fear my dad n mum wil fyt us cos of his denomination even thou i am sure they wil love him if they give him a chance. Help a sister

You haven't even introduced the man yet
So you don't know for sure
Let him come and see them informally first,it may go well

Can they make a compromise and you wed in the Catholic Church to satisfy dad,I know people whose fathers were knights and insisted in the same thing till they met the man.Both wedded in the Catholic Church but followed their husband to the Anglican Church
Meeting the man and the way you present him may make a difference in their opinion

Left to me,I still consider myself Protestant and will go back to the Anglican Church in a heartbeat if given the chance but here I am following Oga to his Pentecostal church which I enjoy very much too .

J

Madampinkolo:
Preternatura1,

Your mans behavior has shown he has no handle on his mom. You shouldn't have even been the one to explain much,he should have done that and his mom should have respected his explanation.. Any calls from you should have been to reaffirm what your guy said and reassure her,to tell her very soon you will come etc etc that she will even be the one tired of seeing you.It's good you placate her but at the same time don't go and over do just to please her and your man.At the same time,don't allow yourself to be insulted,you are not married to him yet!!

I wouldn't go to sleep over in any MIL house alone you are NOT married to him neither have your parents given their stamp of approval.Did they accept for you to go and spend time with her? Have they come to see your people?You can visit and go home the same day with your guy simple..all this over exposure is not necessary in my opinion. If you both got on at the first meeting,it would be a different thing as you would even be more willing.She has already been critical and insulting so how does she expect you to be eager to spend time with her.Respect and affection go both ways.

She has been very bold to tell you that she doesn't think you are right for her son,and even gone to the extent of saying you don't value the relationship all because you are too busy to visit at the moment.What will she say when you now truly offend her?
I put it to you that you may likely have it rough with her except you always bend to what she wants.
An excellent relationship takes understanding,communication and respect not force and threats.

While your parents were a bit horrified by his mannerism they didn't throw it in his face neither did they call him to lecture him.
Its all good to make excuses but I am married to someone who last year couldn't stand up to his mother when she was obviously wrong,you are sliding down the same slippery slope and you'd better wake up and sort this out before it snowballs.

You are busy,you have work to do,you will make out time to visit and go same day.She should be telling you she understands,Pele on all the work you are doing,ahh that you should come and spend time so she can pet you and help relieve the stress.That is a welcoming and reasonable MIL.


Its best you face facts and see the reality on ground no excuses.She may change she may not change.Taking the risk is up to you.All the signs are there for you to see,at least in her favour she's not pretending.
Believe me when I say a hostile MIL is enough to call off a relationship EXCEPT when the love is like do or die OR if you have a supportive and strong willed man who will check any excesses..anything less than this and you will be shortchanging yourself


You should never ever accept ultimatums from anyone,it is unnecessary at this stage.The problem doesn't just lie with her,It is your guy that's not alarmed at her hostility and rude words instead he's turning around and getting angry at you despite knowing that your hands are tied.You should let him know that he should be protecting you and politely explaining to her his stand..That he says no to her doesn't mean he doesn't love her.Alarm bells should be ringing in your head when already it's turning into you vs her.It's not necessary at all!! A wise man would see this danger and fix it now now!!

PS..I'm glad you got your house help back..I don't believe in punishing yourself with unnecessary chores when you can afford to pay someone to do it.No point starting what you can't finish.. No point over compromising on ur part and his,frustration may take over.

DO NOT push this under the rug and feel it's a one off,i will keep emphasizing that you STUDY THE FAMILY properly before committing yourself to him.She may be good,she may not be good.She may be traditional,still doesn't mean she has to be rude to make her point.Maybe this is a phase,i dunno.

I say this because if i had handled my SILs and their snide crude comments from the get go,i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have had issues at all.

Don't forget that being respectful and kind is key but don't accept insults!! If you do,it will never end!
GOOD LUCK!!
*Back to the shadows*.


A million likes for this. I've been following this thread from the shadows but had to come out to post this.
Hmnn trust me when I say a questionable relationship with your future MIL is enough to redefine your relationship, especially if your man cannot stand for you.
I write from experience. Wish I could share my story but I don't feel led to yet. Babe shine your eyes

Iwatch,there was a boy that wrote me a love letter in secondary school
He pursued me all through secondary school and the university with these romantic poems
I told him when I was getting married and he wrote me his final love letter and also in it wishing me well with my beau,I actually showed it to my husband,then fiancé and he also acknowledged the young man loved me very much and complimented his writing skills
He found me on FB years later and on my birthday which I didn't put on FB,he was the first to send me a birthday wish
After all these many years,this man still knew and remembered my birthday
The poem he wrote on my wall and the words he used to describe me made me uneasy I had to delete it
My friends say he loved me truly but sadly i never felt the same about him,I just liked him.
Very nice guy though

So it's possible to love someone madly and not have the other person return the love
Maybe this is your situation
It will get better as you grow older

babyosisi:
Iwatch,there was a boy that wrote me a love letter in secondary school
He pursued me all through secondary school and the university with these romantic poems
I told him when I was getting married and he wrote me his final love letter and also in it wishing me well with my beau,I actually showed it to my husband,then fiancé and he also acknowledged the young man loved me very much and complimented his writing skills
He found me on FB years later and on my birthday which I didn't put on FB,he was the first to send me a birthday wish
After all these many years,this man still knew and remembered my birthday
The poem he wrote on my wall and the words he used to describe me made me uneasy I had to delete it
My friends say he loved me truly but sadly i never felt the same about him,I just liked him.
Very nice guy though

So it's possible to love someone madly and not have the other person return the love
Maybe this is your situation
It will get better as you grow older

mummy just killed me. No wahala

Hmmn! Very possible. And sometimes, the person is not deliberately trying to spite you. It's not what you have or don't have, she just doesn't see you as a soulmate. Things just happen like that sometimes and you can't explain. Mystery!

babyosisi:
Iwatch,there was a boy that wrote me a love letter in secondary school
He pursued me all through secondary school and the university with these romantic poems
I told him when I was getting married and he wrote me his final love letter and also in it wishing me well with my beau,I actually showed it to my husband,then fiancé and he also acknowledged the young man loved me very much and complimented his writing skills
He found me on FB years later and on my birthday which I didn't put on FB,he was the first to send me a birthday wish
After all these many years,this man still knew and remembered my birthday
The poem he wrote on my wall and the words he used to describe me made me uneasy I had to delete it
My friends say he loved me truly but sadly i never felt the same about him,I just liked him.
Very nice guy though

So it's possible to love someone madly and not have the other person return the love
Maybe this is your situation
It will get better as you grow older

dearestsewa:
Hmmn! Very possible. And sometimes, the person is not deliberately trying to spite you. It's not what you have or don't have, she just doesn't see you as a soulmate. Things just happen like that sometimes and you can't explain. Mystery!

but mine is different. She gave me chance, withdrew and she gave another person a chance. So there are two different scenes here.

Her question to me last time was why did I raise it and destroyed it?

So you see?

babyosisi:
Iwatch,there was a boy that wrote me a love letter in secondary school
He pursued me all through secondary school and the university with these romantic poems
I told him when I was getting married and he wrote me his final love letter and also in it wishing me well with my beau,I actually showed it to my husband,then fiancé and he also acknowledged the young man loved me very much and complimented his writing skills
He found me on FB years later and on my birthday which I didn't put on FB,he was the first to send me a birthday wish
After all these many years,this man still knew and remembered my birthday
The poem he wrote on my wall and the words he used to describe me made me uneasy I had to delete it
My friends say he loved me truly but sadly i never felt the same about him,I just liked him.
Very nice guy though

So it's possible to love someone madly and not have the other person return the love
Maybe this is your situation
It will get better as you grow older

my case is quite different from your in the sense that I was given a chance but I destroyed it.

Ekolina how far?

iwatch:
but mine is different. She gave me chance, withdrew and she gave another person a chance. So there are two different scenes here.

Her question to me last time was why did I raise it and destroyed it?

So you see?

I see. Don't feel so bad. You didn't feel anything at that time and, if not that she's now with someone else you'll probably still not see her worth.

I had a similar experience. I liked him, I considered him as the best of my best friends but I never felt the 'me and you' part even though I knew how he felt. Later, he found someone else but I realized that he now despised me in a way and cut me off completely. But, I don't regret it anymore. I still found someone who dots over me.

iwatch,you need to let go.
If you love a dog,let it go.if it comes back to you it's yours,if it doesn't,it never was yours.
It might take some time but eventually,you'll be free.Get your mind on other things.There's someone better out there.

iwatch:
but mine is different. She gave me chance, withdrew and she gave another person a chance. So there are two different scenes here.

Her question to me last time was why did I raise it and destroyed it?

So you see?

av been lying low all d while. Nna, pls move on. Stop whining. U would/must find someone better dan dat which u tink u av lost.
The first principle is to move on.
U wont forget her tho, but u av to move on.

iwatch:
mummy, I wont lie to you. Being romantic comes out naturally for me if I meet the right woman. This girl didn't believe I could be that romantic and soft cos if I mention my real handle a lot of ladies here will be shocked. I literally caused havocs and attack in the romance section on Nairaland
.. Have changed since last year. Many part was due to my anger.

When I told the girl in question that we were both careless else we would have ended up

Hopes are not lost on this one. It just depend on how I play my card which I am gonna do quite well. If in the end she gets taken, fine.

My naughtie curious mind is thinking of a certain moniker.

iwatch:
yeah right. we were going to start, but her use of words turned me off. Later she started calling me once a while to check on me. I didn't know it was green light sign cos I was turned off already. Let's just say both of us didn't handle the situation with care and it escalated into something this bad. She can't deny that she didn't like what she when I went home lol and same for me. So, you see. Just two careless adults . I gave her an option. If nothing happens between her and current guy, she can always check on me. Even though she would feign as though it doesn't matter now to her, I am sure she will consider if the need arises.

I'm not so sure about that "she can always check on u". What if it makes her unable to settle with the current guy because she thinks she has an option? And you, what if you happily moved on? I believe it's just safe to wish each other the best.

Floodgater:
Gleatz tell me you saw me/something.

Thanks Sis. I sent you a Pm but did not get urs. Hope u re good?