@MyMotherskeeper:
Its so unfortunate that this is happening to you but in all honesty, its the guy's loss. I detest it when guys treat babes badly in such manner, forgetting that karma is real and they ve relatives that re ladies.

This attitude of this uncircumsized phillistines should not deter you from trusting men but rather make you wiser and deal carefully with men, cos we ve got lots of better & great guys out there.

Ladies, I beg of you stop giving so much to guys you are not married to, to avoid this huge lost when things turn sour.
We deserve the best of all things in life. Being desperate Has never helped anybody.
I have made mine mistakes in the past and Devil himsef will slap me real hard if I try it again in my life.

If you can get ur cash, quietly get it and ditch him before he ditch you, @ least thank God you saw that message on time, so act on it wisely and smartly( one of the advantages of checking your mate's phone).
May God guide you!

Great thread with lots of wisdom deposited.. Wished i saw dis thread sum few years ago. Thumps up OP

The way girls are desperate these days ehn!!!!
How can you meet someone, you are yet to know her, her character and attitude.... She is nagging she wants to meet your parents and tell you your mates are getting married.
Women......smh

@GoldenDr
Hahahhahaahhahahahaha, Better be fast, introduce her to all your ancestors oooo before Bill gate or Otedola, Alinko Dangote etc collect her from you to avoid another scene of the "beauty & the beast" as we witnessed this past weekend.

On a serious note, Desperation is not the key my fellow ladies. The Society, Church, parents etc pls give us some space too, the pressure on single ladies is too much. If you re past 25yrs and still single, they start disturbing your life cycle. We ve got a lot to achieve while still single abeg. Marriage is not the ultimate goal for a lady, not even in this 21st century.

There is god ooooooo!

Please always educate them at the slightest opportunity you have. It is very crazy out there. The rate of desperation is my gosh!!!as a result of pressure from family, society, workplace and even church... Yes, church(yourl read that right. Let me drop this.

I have a friend although am older than him and he asked me about him going into marriage. And I ask him a few questions. Do you have a house? Can you feed yourself comfortable to surplus? Do you have a steady source of income? He only answered in the affirmative to the first one but was quick to tell me he would not marry in a one room accommodation because he needs privacy.

Fast forward to today... He got his girlfriend pregnant(maybe because his friends were getting married- through baby mama or pressure from the girl) she delivered through cs which cost 180k and as we speak no steady source of income, his rent is due and likely to be ejected.
My point, nobody, I repeat nobody should pressure you into getting married either out of frustration, pity or otherwise. I know God will attend to his situation.... Amen.
Marriage is not courtship or dating.. It is a serious institution and MUST be prepared emotionally, financially and psychologically before getting married and please ensure the man do the necessary thing, paying your dowry or bride price.

gleatz:
@GoldenDr
Hahahhahaahhahahahaha, Better be fast, introduce her to all your ancestors oooo before Bill gate or Otedola, Alinko Dangote etc collect her from you to avoid another scene of the "beauty & the beast" as we witnessed this past weekend.

On a serious note, Desperation is not the key my fellow ladies. The Society, Church, parents etc pls give us some space too, the pressure on single ladies is too much. If you re past 25yrs and still single, they start disturbing your life cycle. We ve got a lot to achieve while still single abeg. Marriage is not the ultimate goal for a lady, not even in this 21st century.

There is god ooooooo!

Shiningmama:


You say 10months is too long, then whatw will you tell his best friend wife who had sex last with her husband last 8years ago. I saw it coming so -t's not a surprise to me.

My dear. You are on the right track. I know your heart is now from obiakpor local governtment. 8years you say? So your Oga is following the trend... show me your friend they say...

babyosisi:



The worst thing that can happen to a woman is marry a man she doesn't love passionately.
Marriage is tough especially the early years and there will be times you will feel like packing your bags and running away
Even marriages that started very well can sour over time when they are ill managed let alone one that started with a tone of uncertainty in one's voice.
From what you have written you do love this man but not enough to spend the rest of your life with him that is why you have those doubts and misgivings.

Let me use myself as an example
I was engaged to someone else before meeting my hubby,I have shared that many times
Very very handsome and romantic man
His family adored me,my folks loved him
Very kind and generous,would give his last dime to a stranger in need
Perfect gentleman
But he is a little too boisterous in nature and had some terrible table manners
Some people may say this is minor but it bothered me a lot
The last straw was at a wedding when he motioned servers a little too loudly to get us food,I was a little embarrassed,we were in a hotel and could easily go and get food.my husband will never ever do a thing like that never!!
To make matters worse when the food came,he opened the wrap of moi moi and licked the foil and I wanted the ground to swallow me ,and that was the day my spirit left the union
I couldn't marry him,I couldn't be with a man that would embarrass me.,I just couldn't take it coupled with the fact that he wanted to get into politics and I couldn't envision myself standing on a podium campaigning.

To some these were minor things,to me they were major

You said you are not compatible sexually,can you live with that all your life?
Bad kisser,can you manage that?
If you don't feel sexually attracted to this man I wouldn't advise you to continue
It won't work

When hard marital current strikes sometimes the sexual chemistry is what will take you over the hump and if it is lacking from day one,you may be swimming against the tide.
You should be madly in love at this stage if he is the one
It doesn't sound that way from what you wrote

this woman u r simply too much,, av learnt alottttttt

chibic:
this things happen everyday in nigeria. Cheating during courtship by women. Its everywhere here. Too much lies and deciet.

Guess it's just a reflection of the society too much deceit and lies.

Floodgater:
Tell your friend to ask her why she did it. The reason may remove or make the judgement lighter. Even if the reason is not ok enough, he should please forgive her especially as they were not properly married then. For her to confess though reluctantly, atleast shows she want to free her conscience, again if she is still cheating, she would not have opened up. It could have been you or your friend in his wife's shoes, then i guess it would have been easier to see forgive.
I'm saying this because your friend can go from good to worse hoping you are not bad yourself to keep him company. Or he can develop HBP or something due to lack of trust for his wife.
After he decides to forgive her especially if she is remorseful, he should make her know that her confession tampered his trust but that he is willing to forgive her and continue as before and that she should be patient with him, also should help him trust her again. Still your friend has to make effort to trust again.
If your friend dont let go, he might as well push his wife away from him, it will only be a matter of time before their young marriage goes south. Sure you dont want that for your friend.

Definitely I want the best for them. But how do you regain lost trust from someone that means the world to you. A scenario like (Every other woman can be a cheat but this one is special and at the end of the day you found out you got served(cheated) on by the special woman). That's the question I don't know how to answer.

Floodgater:
I imploy you to please help your friend to save his marriage because if he is left the way he is, he may never go back to his former self. For him to open up to you, shows your opinion matters besides friends are the average man's influence.

Howbeit you are not helping their marriage with your subtle condemnation of the woman. Brb.

I really want to help, I have tried to talk to him severally to let go and focus on the future of the union and also the future of their kids. But he keeps asking questions I don't know the answers to. And seriously I know his wife very well and apart from the advert the husband does for her, personally I can't believe she did what he claimed she did, this woman is too pious and gentle....

digitsolution:


Definitely I want the best for them. But how do you regain lost trust from someone that means the world to you. A scenario like (Every other woman can be a cheat but this one is special and at the end of the day you found out you got served(cheated) on by the special woman). That's the question I don't know how to answer.

Some of these people here are cheats and see no big deal in what the lady did. Obviously, they have never loved deeply, giving their all and sacrificing the comfort for that specail person's comfort who turned and burn them.

MymothersKeeper:


Only evidence I have is the bank transfer no agreement on paper, he's a wayo guy and he can't report of his items missing. Even if he reports which he can't, It will be a domestic issue not criminal (there's a reason I said this) .
I just im not the type to take others property but I feel he shouldn't get away with cheating and stealing from me. It's such a huge blow really disappointed and yea it's a lesson. I can't even trust a man again

He is a wayo guy but you stayed with him until another girl came into the picture. What does that say about you?

I'd advice you count your losses and move on. There's a reason for the term, strong woman. Be strong.

GoldenDr:
Please always educate them at the slightest opportunity you have. It is very crazy out there. The rate of desperation is my gosh!!!as a result of pressure from family, society, workplace and even church... Yes, church(yourl read that right. Let me drop this.

I have a friend although am older than him and he asked me about him going into marriage. And I ask him a few questions. Do you have a house? Can you feed yourself comfortable to surplus? Do you have a steady source of income? He only answered in the affirmative to the first one but was quick to tell me he would not marry in a one room accommodation because he needs privacy.

Fast forward to today... He got his girlfriend pregnant(maybe because his friends were getting married- through baby mama or pressure from the girl) she delivered through cs which cost 180k and as we speak no steady source of income, his rent is due and likely to be ejected.
My point, nobody, I repeat nobody should pressure you into getting married either out of frustration, pity or otherwise. I know God will attend to his situation.... Amen.
Marriage is not courtship or dating.. It is a serious institution and MUST be prepared emotionally, financially and psychologically before getting married and please ensure the man do the necessary thing, paying your dowry or bride price.

What advice will you give to a guy who is at almost the same position with this your friend and whom his fiance of six years courtship is putting pressure on him for them to get married NOW.
This guy's income is just a little above 28k?

Regenerated:

What advice will you give to a guy who is at almost the same position with this your friend and whom his fiance of six years courtship is putting pressure on him for them to get married NOW.
This guy's income is just a little above 28k?

Most a times I tell guys if you know your income would not be enough to carry yourself and another person... Forget about girls(I maybe wrong but am very pragmatic person).
Oga I know wet in I go advise maybe Aunties and experienced uncles would do justice. Economy is not smiling so also are girls not smiling.

veave:



My dear. You are on the right track. I know your heart is now from obiakpor local governtment. 8years you say? So your Oga is following the trend... show me your friend they say...

I tell you 8 good years. Since she had her last baby, no kerewa. I am not exagerating, 8 year. I be junior for her side noww.

digitsolution:


Definitely I want the best for them. But how do you regain lost trust from someone that means the world to you. A scenario like (Every other woman can be a cheat but this one is special and at the end of the day you found out you got served(cheated) on by the special woman). That's the question I don't know how to answer.

The reason a special woman can do that is the more reason i need you to help him.

Even though he may want to move forward, he is not helping matters. He should be talking to wife, they will find answers to their questions from each other especially the wife that committed the act. Obviously you only know as much as him afterall you are not the culprit to fully know the reasons for the cheating. I know he told his wife it is ok but he is dying silently, he should let it out just the way he feels it to the wife. I can bet their sex life has gone south, certainly other things too are not the way they were before the confession.

When next you see him, ask him if he really want to forgive his wife. The way he is, he has not forgiven her and he may be pushing her to repeat the act because if he continues he is only make her pay for ever.

Like i said before he should start by asking his wife to honestly say what led to it especially with the type of woman you say she is. I stated other consequent steps in my earlier post. Finally i think you will help him more to make it light by stating that perhaps she felt it is not as bad as adultery because they were not properly married then (i know it doesnt justify the cheating but it can help especially coming from you).

Na wa!

GoldenDr:
Most a times I tell guys if you know your income would not be enough to carry yourself and another person... Forget about girls(I maybe wrong but am very pragmatic person).
Oga I know wet in I go advise maybe Aunties and experienced uncles would do justice. Economy is not smiling so also are girls not smiling.

Yes, but one has to take a decision, however, at this time, the person involve is at a crossroad, he wants to wait for a better job, but the lady involve doesn't see the reason to,she believes they can start with whatever they have!

babyosisi:


I am sad you deactivated
You shouldn't have
Your story gives another perspective to this love and marriage thing and you shared from the heart
Thanks for sharing it and keeping this thread real.I like the no pretense style all the contributors here have adopted, the readers can feel it

You know what,like you i later found out also why my ex,the now rich Abuja politician wasn't meant for me
He now has a second wife.

Bless you and may God bless your union and fill your hearts with joy and laughter,binding you with cord that cannot be broken
Amen

Oh goodness me! Why did she deactivate? Her story tugged at the strings of my heart. Still on page 42. Let me go back and continue...

True or false?

Sex.
Children.
Money.
Companionship.
Reasons why people get married.
In that list, the most important for me is companionship.
Someone I can really talk to.
Someone who gets me. Someone who I can journey with into old age.
It's not about crazy sex.
Sex doesn't guarantee anything
It's not about children and definitely NOT money.
That is for lazy women who are leeches.
Children, any sperm donor can give me that or I can just easily adopt.
My most important craving in a relationship is companionship.
Remove that from the mix and I'll get frustrated.

gleatz:
True or false?

Sex.
Children.
Money.
Companionship.
Reasons why people get married.
In that list, the most important for me is companionship.
Someone I can really talk to.
Someone who gets me. Someone who I can journey with into old age.
It's not about crazy sex.
Sex doesn't guarantee anything
It's not about children and definitely NOT money.
That is for lazy women who are leeches.
Children, any sperm donor can give me that or I can just easily adopt.
My most important craving in a relationship is companionship.
Remove that from the mix and I'll get frustrated.

Well said.

Regenerated:

What advice will you give to a guy who is at almost the same position with this your friend and whom his fiance of six years courtship is putting pressure on him for them to get married NOW.
This guy's income is just a little above 28k?

Marry her!!!! Sharp sharp!!! Yes!!! The girl ain't young any longer but he should let the girl know that with his income, he may not be able to do her dream wedding and also they would have to work hard in order to stay afloat, if she says yes... Please tell your friend make im marry her an let your friend ensure she has a handwork o!!!! It ain't easy. The lord is our strength you nko!!!

gleatz:
True or false?

Sex.
Children.
Money.
Companionship.
Reasons why people get married.
In that list, the most important for me is companionship.
Someone I can really talk to.
Someone who gets me. Someone who I can journey with into old age.
It's not about crazy sex.
Sex doesn't guarantee anything
It's not about children and definitely NOT money.
That is for lazy women who are leeches.
Children, any sperm donor can give me that or I can just easily adopt.
My most important craving in a relationship is companionship.
Remove that from the mix and I'll get frustrated.

well, for a girl of 32 yes... Na pikin o!!! For young girls of 18yrs-23yrs na sex... 23 to say 27yrs it is money. For me it companionship

Regenerated:

Yes, but one has to take a decision, however, at this time, the person involve is at a crossroad, he wants to wait for a better job, but the lady involve doesn't see the reason to,she believes they can start with whatever they have!

oga! There is pressure from somewhere on the girl, either family, friends and parents or even church. How old is the girl. My brother 28k is nothing am sure the brother is struggling to eat, does he have his own place, is he the first born or only son?

One major problem in marriages although am not married but if you take an opinion poll it is sex and finance.
The essence of any relationship is marriage. Most girls do not define this from the onset and to all girls reading this...sex in this 21st century does not guarantee you a marriage.
Sir even Adam had a job before meeting Eve! And when eve met him, she had a hand work.

Sunnypar:
well, for a girl of 32 yes... Na pikin o!!! For young girls of 18yrs-23yrs na sex... 23 to say 27yrs it is money. For me it companionship

so we can safely say from what you wrote up there that your age should be around 75-100 . Na joke o!

Actually I am 120

breadplanets:
so we can safely say from what you wrote up there that your age should be around 75-100 . Na joke o!

Sunnypar:
Actually I am 120

Regenerated:

What advice will you give to a guy who is at almost the same position with this your friend and whom his fiance of six years courtship is putting pressure on him for them to get married NOW.
This guy's income is just a little above 28k?

She has been your fiancee for 6years ??

gleatz:
True or false?

Sex.
Children.
Money.
Companionship.
Reasons why people get married.
In that list, the most important for me is companionship.
Someone I can really talk to.
Someone who gets me. Someone who I can journey with into old age.
It's not about crazy sex.
Sex doesn't guarantee anything
It's not about children and definitely NOT money.
That is for lazy women who are leeches.
Children, any sperm donor can give me that or I can just easily adopt.
My most important craving in a relationship is companionship.
Remove that from the mix and I'll get frustrated.

Your children would need a good father. Do you consider that

My cousin was telling me of his predicament tonight and I feel sorry for him. He has a child by mistake. Impregnated the girlfriend 4 years ago and ever since his baby was born he hasn't seen his child. Now he wants to marry as he's in his mid thirties already but no girl wants to settle down with him once he tells them he has a child.
His babymama has refused to get married to him cos she's Muslim and can't convert to Christianity.
The girl relocated abroad with his child.

Any advice for him?

fairyprincess:
Why do I like Cococandy ?
Mi likey Ur advice to shining Mama.

Thank you

remsonik:
My cousin was telling me of his predicament tonight and I feel sorry for him. He has a child by mistake. Impregnated the girlfriend 4 years ago and ever since his baby was born he hasn't seen his child. Now he wants to marry as he's in his mid thirties already but no girl wants to settle down with him once he tells them he has a child.
His babymama has refused to get married to him cos she's Muslim and can't convert to Christianity.
The girl relocated abroad with his child.

Any advice for him?

Let him make more money
Babes will be falling at his feet even with ten kids