@ Moana

If he was an abuser then she shouldnt leave the kids with him at all, and she should be fighting tooth and nail to get them back.
I havent heard her say that and that concerns me more than the money she is talking about.

tearoses:
@ Moana

If he was an abuser then she shouldnt leave the kids with him at all, and she should be fighting tooth and nail to get them back.
I havent heard her say that and that concerns me more than the money she is talking about.

and of what use will she be to those kids, if she takes matters into her own hands and she ends up 6ft under or in ICU " fighting tooth and nail". Is she not doing the right thing my seeking for a lawyer who will help her deal with it in a civilised manner where no one might get hurt?
You still didnt read the part she says they care for the children jointly?

tearoses:


No its not normal
Neither is your situation normal
From experience, I read between the lines when I hear accounts from one side.

You said you ran away from abuse, but you left your children behind with the abusive man . . That is not normal
You are here seeking advise on payment towards their upkeep and said nothing about rescuing them from an abuser . . .that too is not normal

You are however seeking for advise, so I will give you some
1. First of all, if you have left your kids with an abuser and their lives are at risk, ensure that you do everything ASAP to remove them from danger.

2. Yes you are a parent and have a financial obligation towards your kids upkeep. . . Both parents are responsible. If it were the other way round and the man wasnt paying, he will be a very irresponsible man. In short, you both need to pay towards your kids upkeep regardless of where they are.

3. If its not as dire as you have said, and there is no need to hurridly remove your children as their lives are not at risk and its just a breakup becasue you two cant get on, You still have a right so see your children and bond wth them, regardless of if you pay support or not, so get a lawyer and get that sorted. Someone here has offered to help you so get in contact with her.

The kids are not in danger. It was just me being abused and he has sworn tobfightbme tooth and nail if I try to take d kids.

I don't have a house now so cant even taken them. I don't mind paying their fees and have asked for the right to have them with me at certain days.

He is brandishing a cane and using tr kids as bargain. I also asked that he contribute to their upkeep when I have them over since I Wil be doing same for him. That passed him and I wonder y

Yes I Wil get legal advice since my attempts are hitting a wall. I am a responsible mother and have contributed all their life not only to their education but to everything in d house including rent. I don't tjink my husband is willing to let go those contributions. I don't blame him but he too needs to budge

Ewuro4:
Don't you have a legal visitation agreement?

Ofcourse you should have access to your kids, exept you aren't available during your "pick up days" which can be rescheduled mutually as well.

Otherwise, Drag his ass back to court, not NL.

Oh, and yes you get to pay child support since they aren't living with you.

*my friend paid her lazy ass ex for 11 freaking years.. Phew!*

Why so much hate on the man when actually it is the wife that is irresponsible here. Ask your self what she has been doing all this while not to cater for her kids.

In as much as I don't support the man's action, this is a deterrent for women who ran away with kids and even prevent their men from taking responsibility because the men refused to marry them or as a result of unfavorable circumstances

Blackbeauty:
Am a lawyer serving with the citizens rights dept. of the ministry of justice Ekiti state..I treat divorce and custody cases as a mediator.You can give me a call on 08164977854.Would be ready to give you free legal advice only because I can understand what you are passing through.

You cannot understand what she is passing through until you hear from both ADULTS.

DON'T use emotion to ruin everything. The man has access to a lawyer too

SAMBARRY:





something like that

You can always smell them I swear!
Gossip-board owners are running out of ideas!
These are desperate times indeed!

KanwuliaJara:


You can always smell them I swear!
Gossip-board owners are running out of ideas!
These are desperate times indeed!

SAMBARRY:

What a long way we have come!

From the "can I meet you" phase. . . . To the "GANG" phase. . . . To the "park well jor" phase. . . To the "what is this one saying?" phase . . . To the "face front" phase. . . . To the "Garri GANG" phase . . . . To the "FTC" phase. . . . To the "Space-Booking" phase. . . .

WOW!!!!! Then don BAN TAYA!!!!!!

Can't wait to see what comes next!

you are sooo damn right




you're talking waaaayyyyy down memory lane





I think we have passed France students too



anyway life is in phases men are in sizes





this is throw back Thurs d

KanwuliaJara:


What a long way we have come!

From the "can I meet you" phase. . . . To the "GANG" phase. . . . To the "park well jor" phase. . . To the "what is this one saying?" phase . . . To the "face front" phase. . . . To the "Garri GANG" phase . . . . To the "FTC" phase. . . . To the "Space-Booking" phase. . . .

WOW!!!!! Then don BAN TAYA!!!!!!

Can't wait to see what comes next!

I don't understand why some men stress themselves by involving themselves in children custody problems. Men who does that risk dying early of high blood pressure.
If you are separated, leave the children for their mother . If you cannot afford to pay child support, just don't see the kids. Its not by force you must see them. When they grow up to certain age, the children will look for you .
How can you even be sure that the children are yours.... Nonsense.

Mrs Emeify pls contact me. Sincerely I am sure the children are quite mature for you to be able to leave them with their dad. All we seek now is a mutually consented agreement for visitation rights and access to the kids which is your right as the mother. The reason for separation can be treated in a divorce but custody and visitation rights can be treated in the family welfare courts. Pls call 08093779782.

tearoses:
@ Moana

If he was an abuser then she shouldnt leave the kids with him at all, and she should be fighting tooth and nail to get them back.
I havent heard her say that and that concerns me more than the money she is talking about.

Please, let me ask again.
What is an Abuser?
What defines a man as an abuser?
More importantly, what makes a man a danger to his own children?
We should be more circumspect and categorical in our use of that word.

Abuser is one of those ambiguous, meaningless blancket words borrowed from western media , with which women use to call a dog a bad name in order to hang it.

Blackbeauty:
In domestic disputes,it also entails verbal and emotional abuse..it need not be physical.In some situations,you find the husband calling the wife a cheap who.re or a good for nothing idio.t..Some even say it in front of the kids and family friends.In situations like that,the marriage would be clearly hanging on a thread since there is no more respect and love.

I'm a little lost here, are you saying Nigerian law recognises verbal and emotional abuse as tangible means of separation or divorce?

You

SAMBARRY:
you are sooo damn right




you're talking waaaayyyyy down memory lane





I think we have passed France students too





anyway life is in phases men are in sizes





this is throw back Thurs d

Oh yeah!
The FRANCE FAGGGS!

This woman have evaded so many questions here. Like; the cause of the seperation. I'm sure everything going wrong right now will be her fault. She only came here to tell a one-sided story which even shows how she really don't care living without her kids untill the women here started blaming her for being that way. Guilty conscience is making you claim you have no problem leaving them with their dad.

You were a responsible mom? I doubt if you were a responsible wife!

Your husband is definitely angry and wanted to punish you for something bad you did(which you are hiding). Women do this also to their husbands when the have the kids in their custody. Especially when they were hurt by their hubbies.

Emaprince:
This woman have evaded so many questions here. Like; the cause of the seperation. I'm sure everything going wrong right now will be her fault. She only came here to tell a one-sided story which even shows how she really don't care living without her kids untill the women here started blaming her for being that way. Guilty conscience is making you claim you have no problem leaving them with their dad.

You were a responsible mom? I doubt if you were a responsible wife!

Your husband is definitely angry and wanted to punish you for something bad you did(which you are hiding). Women do this also to their husbands when the have the kids in their custody. Especially when they were hurt by their hubbies.

Will that make it right? As she rightly said the reason for her divorce is irrelevant except if he can say she's violent or something that affects the kids. Being an bad spouse does not necessarily translate into being an irresponsible parent. Let's say she cheated , so? If the children are taken away from every cheat how many fathers will have access to their kids he marriage is not under debate here, what ever happened she's decided to move on and he has no right to use her children to "punish" her. Same with the women that do the same, the only thing that is relevant when discussing child custody is what's in the best interest of the children and not the injured ego of the parents.

That is why a court is usually in the best position to determine because the judge is not deciding based on emotions

plaetton:


Please, let me ask again.
What is an Abuser?
What defines a man as an abuser?
More importantly, what makes a man a danger to his own children?
We should be more circumspect and categorical in our use of that word.

Abuser is one of those ambiguous, meaningless blancket words borrowed from western media , with which women use to call a dog a bad name in order to hang it.

I dont know
Im confused too
If he is an abuser why leave the children with him?
Is it healthy mentally for children to remain with an abuser?

tearoses:


I dont know
Im confused too
If he is an abuser why leave the children with him?
Is it healthy mentally for children to remain with an abuser?

We can only answer that question is we define what an abuser is.
That what I am asking.
What an abuser?

plaetton:

We can only answer that question is we define what an abuser is.
That what I am asking.
What an abuser?

"is"

Feel free to thank me effusively

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

Nothing wrong with this, women do the same to men.

plaetton:

We can only answer that question is we define what an abuser is.
That what I am asking.
What an abuser?

The person being abused is in the best position to explain it
They are the ones who know what its like
Someone looking in from the outside cant really know
What A may consider abuse may be different from B
Not all abuse is physical

Ive explained my concerns to the op
Its up to her to decide whether her children are safe or not and to get her priorities right
The whole society suffers when damaged kids grow up
If she hadnt mentioned abuse, i would not have said anything. Lawyers are the best people to deal with finance and visits and tbey can deal with that.

coogar:


if you had won the custody of the kids, you would do exactly the same thing your hubby is doing. pay up & stop complaining.

I love this

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

take him to court

my mother took him to court when are my father banned us for seeing us

and she won

emeify:


The kids are not in danger. It was just me being abused and he has sworn tobfightbme tooth and nail if I try to take d kids.

I don't have a house now so cant even taken them. I don't mind paying their fees and have asked for the right to have them with me at certain days.

He is brandishing a cane and using tr kids as bargain. I also asked that he contribute to their upkeep when I have them over since I Wil be doing same for him. That passed him and I wonder y

Yes I Wil get legal advice since my attempts are hitting a wall. I am a responsible mother and have contributed all their life not only to their education but to everything in d house including rent. I don't tjink my husband is willing to let go those contributions. I don't blame him but he too needs to budge

How can the kids not be in danger if he is abusive?

You're goint tru a difficult time nd ur hubby is paying u with what other women to dia hubby..

My advice if u love ur kids nd u can't go to court just pay d money he's asking for nd stop puting a bad show in front of doz kids

BTW how come he won d custody of the kids.. Hmmm OP u must be a very bad mother and wife for dat to happen... Am sorry but u need to CHANGE nd seek help on how to resolve ur marital ish

If you are earning good money then you should contribute in your children's upkeep.
How did you got separated in the first place? Did you ran away, leaving him with the kids to suffer? Only to show up from nowhere demanding to see your kids?
Their is more to this story abeg

If the cause of the separation is not important,then there is no need to ask for a way out from Nairalanders since u've decided to hide the worse part of ur mistake with the people u're seeking their advice.

emeify:


No court involved yet. The cause of the separation is not important. We used to jointly pay their upkeep.

I am suggesting they stay with me certain times and the upkeep be taken care of jointly at that time as well

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

Better try and settle with your hubby IF POSSIBLE

You don't want to experience what women go through after divorce especially those who have had children from previous marriage.

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

Madam ,you're in the wrong room.
As a continental African I would be the last person to accept money from a woman under this circumstances but again this is what your culture has been doing to the men's folk so kindly pay up and stop talking.

Between, the court should have communicated this to both of you.
This thread stinks of attention seeking .
Yes , I said it .

cococandy:
If there's no restraining order against you, he has no right to do that.
It is not even up to him to tell you what to pay. All that should be settled in court. Do your research and hire a competent lawyer(I don't know if you will find one on nairaland)

You will hardly see a lady coming up with solution to their friends' marital problems. All they do is to add more problems.

emeify:


The kids are not in danger. It was just me being abused and he has sworn tobfightbme tooth and nail if I try to take d kids.

I don't have a house now so cant even taken them. I don't mind paying their fees and have asked for the right to have them with me at certain days.

He is brandishing a cane and using tr kids as bargain. I also asked that he contribute to their upkeep when I have them over since I Wil be doing same for him. That passed him and I wonder y

Yes I Wil get legal advice since my attempts are hitting a wall. I am a responsible mother and have contributed all their life not only to their education but to everything in d house including rent. I don't tjink my husband is willing to let go those contributions. I don't blame him but he too needs to budge

Must you go through this stress?

Look here lady,im in good position to advice you and i have mended many broken marriages even if im still battling a divorce issue at the moment. Trust me,itss not worth it and you may realize too late.

There is too much headache in divorce than reconciling especially when children are involved.

Trust me,there is no perfect man out there and the earlier you get this the better.RECONCILE NOW IF YOU CAN.