cococandy:
why won't you think like that when your source of information is nairaland alarmist group of misinformers?

My DH's boss is a woman. She pays child support for all her 3kids because they live with her hubby.

Matters of child maintenance are always decided in the best interest of the kids not the yeye gender and feminist bla bla bla some people like to teach you on nairaland.

Emaprince:


well, I always believed that kids should be with their mothers after divorce. Especially when they are still too young. I wonder how such women cope without their kids. Also, how did these men do it? Abeg, teach me!!!

cococandy:
If there's no restraining order against you, he has no right to do that.
It is not even up to him to tell you what to pay. All that should be settled in court. Do your research and hire a competent lawyer(I don't know if you will find one on nairaland)

SAMBARRY:
i beg to differ because employing lawyers for cases like this are financially, emotionally, psychologically and time draining. This battle as far as I see it is not worth fighting considering the things that will be affected on both sides (husband and wife) so thebest tthing is to settle whatever marital squabble that is between them FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN

cococandy:


she said he was abusing her.

How will they settle that one?
They can't get back together. It will be suicidal of her to do that.

I agree it is expensive but he's being unreasonable. He's leaving her with no choice.

Abuamam:
Very wrong. Keeping children from their mother. Parents shouldn't use their children as proxy fighters in their own war.

Feel for you, but I don't know of any Organisation that can help here in Nigeria. Guess you have to get a paid lawyer, and he may still not be able to get you much of a concession. Worth a try though, if you can afford the expenses and the stress.

Good luck.

Blackbeauty:
Am a lawyer serving with the citizens rights dept. of the ministry of justice Ekiti state..I treat divorce and custody cases as a mediator.You can give me a call on 08164977854.Would be ready to give you free legal advice only because I can understand what you are passing through.

cococandy:


she said he was abusing her.

How will they settle that one?
They can't get back together. It will be suicidal of her to do that.

I agree it is expensive but he's being unreasonable. He's leaving her with no choice.

cococandy:


she said he was abusing her.

I agree it is expensive but he's being unreasonable. He's leaving her with no choice.

plaetton:


Excuse me dear, but the word' abuse ' is quite broad and ambiguous. I do find that women tend to throw this word carelessly in domestic disputes in order to solicit sympathy.

I mean, aside from physical violence, what else constitutes an abuse in domestic relationships?

plaetton:


Again,
Aren't you being too quick to judge the man, whose side of the fishy tale you haven't heard?

Obviously there are gaps in this issue that the op doesn't want to share here in public. That is fine.
But it's premature to judge the man or start casting aspersions and blames on him based on the incomplete facts presented here.

plaetton:

Excuse me dear, but the word' abuse ' is quite broad and ambiguous. I do find that women tend to throw this word carelessly in domestic disputes in order to solicit sympathy.
I mean, aside from physical violence, what else constitutes an abuse in domestic relationships?

cococandy:
so what do you propose?

If she felt abused, then she's right to leave.
Anyone has the right to leave a situation that feels threatening to them.
Whether it fits our definition or not.
The important factor is that it didn't feel safe for them.

I'm not saying jail the man or hang him or anything like that. I didn't even call him names. so I don't see how I'm judging him.

All I think he needs to do is let her have equal access to the kids as he does and both of them can forge their lives separately.

Blackbeauty:
In domestic disputes,it also entails verbal and emotional abuse..it need not be physical.In some situations,you find the husband calling the wife a cheap who.re or a good for nothing idio.t..Some even say it in front of the kids and family friends.In situations like that,the marriage would be clearly hanging on a thread since there is no more respect and love.

Moana:
bless you

plaetton:

In disputes of any kind, one side of the story is clearly not enough to start dishing out remedies. A counselor would first hear both sides of the story before recommending appropriate action.
Yes, the man might just be a real jerk, or, ...something else might be pushing him to these drastic measures.

cococandy:
pls what remedy did I dish?

Besides them going to a competent court of law where both sides of the story will be heard and a judge will decide what's best based on their circumstance.

I don't know what's wrong with that suggestion or why you're quoting me as if I prescribed a solution to them when I don't know them.

plaetton:


I was simply stating my opinions, ms Cocoacandy, not targeting you.

SAMBARRY:
In that case she should give up and move on with her life .I know it's not easy taking your mind off your children. I know how it feels. It's very painful because putting myself in the woman's shoes I'll rather prefer they take everything away from me than my daughter . but when the children that he's hiding from her grow up they'll be the ones looking for their mother. After all they won't remain kids forever. More importantly she should pray and fast for things to get better

plaetton:

In disputes of any kind, one side of the story is clearly not enough to start dishing out remedies. A counselor would first hear both sides of the story before recommending appropriate action.
Yes, the man might just be a real jerk, or, ...something else might be pushing him to these drastic measures.

cococandy:
you quoted me na. I come dey wonder what's up

Blackbeauty:
In domestic disputes,it also entails verbal and emotional abuse..it need not be physical.In some situations,you find the husband calling the wife a cheap who.re or a good for nothing idio.t..Some even say it in front of the kids and family friends.In situations like that,the marriage would be clearly hanging on a thread since there is no more respect and love.

olu4life:

D Law sorry o, but I see loads of loopholes in this woman story. By the way, OP ONLY COMPLAINED ABOUT PAYING SCHOOL FEES BUT NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT THE CHILDREN BEING WITH THEIR FATHER. Its comments that got her thinking of getting the children back since she will still pay. Abeg make una reason her matter wella. I feel she is not responsible enough to have the children in care and she is comfortable wit it. PLS READ D OPENING POST AGAIN

lolababe331e:


Did you really say she should leave her children and move on and they will look for her when they are older what type of mother or even responsible father would do that. Do you think those children will forgive her knowing she didn't fight for them How does a mother move on without having access to her kids she says the man is abusive, what if he starts Abusing the kids emotionally or otherwise? What if he marries a woman who does that? So many things can happen to the children when she has no access to them. What kind of stupid life will she be moving on to not knowing how safe her children are even if they are safe, what about all the years of their mothers love and nurture they would have missed?

@OP, please call the lawyer who has offered to help and fight for your kids. Even if you don't have the means to have them full time now at least you'll ensure you get visitation rights and they spend some holidays with you. Your children need you, concerning financial contribution the courts will decide how much you should each contribute depending on your incomes.

KanwuliaJara:
Is this a reverse psychology thread against baby mommas who ask for "chop-alimony" from dead beat sperm-donors?

dinachi:
As usual women are defending a deadbeat mom! I am not surprised. @Op go an check into a mental treatment facility. Gosh, you don't even sound like a good mother at all.

emeify:
What do I do?

Separated from my husband. He is insisting I pay for the children's upkeep or I cannot see them in his house.
He has insisted on collecting part of their school fees from me. Despite that, he wants me to pay for their upkeep in his house or I cant see the kids

Is this normal?

Does anyone know a lawyer that can help?

tearoses:


No its not normal
Neither is your situation normal
From experience, I read between the lines when I hear accounts from one side.

You said you ran away from abuse, but you left your children behind with the abusive man . . That is not normal
You are here seeking advise on payment towards their upkeep and said nothing about rescuing them from an abuser . . .that too is not normal

You are however seeking for advise, so I will give you some
1. First of all, if you have left your kids with an abuser and their lives are at risk, ensure that you do everything ASAP to remove them from danger.

2. Yes you are a parent and have a financial obligation towards your kids upkeep. . . Both parents are responsible. If it were the other way round and the man wasnt paying, he will be a very irresponsible man. In short, you both need to pay towards your kids upkeep regardless of where they are.

3. If its not as dire as you have said, and there is no need to hurridly remove your children as their lives are not at risk and its just a breakup becasue you two cant get on, You still have a right so see your children, regardless of if you pay support or not, so get a lawyer and get that sorted. Someone here has offered to help you so get in contact with her.

emeify:


No court involved yet. The cause of the separation is not important. We used to jointly pay their upkeep.

I am suggesting they stay with me certain times and the upkeep be taken care of jointly at that time as well

emeify:


Am in Lagos Nigeria.
Man was abusing me in addition to so many issues and threatening me to leave or else....

So I left. I had to stay with a cousin so could not take d kids. He has threatened over his dead body about d kids and well, they can stay with him as long as I can see them too.