MarvellousGod:
I see you don't want to involve the police. .. is there anyone your dad respects who you could approach to talk to him? Maybe your pastor, his mum, dad, or whoever?

Besides, hope your mum isn't verbally abusive? ? Also, why is your dad resenting you? Hope you haven't taken sides with your mum and insulted him??
Just want to know what may hv caused your dad to behave this way...

Please shut up!!
This is getting nauseating to read
Verbally abusive my ass

redgem:
I eventually called the police since no one could calm him down but, I didn't call them to arrest him, I called them to help talk to him which they did. Thank God, finally we are inside but I pray it doesn't continue tomorrow even though I know it will. But to let peace reign even though we did nothing wrong, I and my mum will go on our knees to beg him...

Thank you all for your advice and support...
I love you all

Your father is psychotic aka mad
Onye ara
Akula
He is mentally ill no amount of begging can help you
Begging feeds his madness
The earlier your mom wizened up and disappeared with you all the better for you all
His own family members don't want anything to do with him and you think you can beg your way through
Begging doesn't work with mentally ill people you just let them be
You are merely feeding him his drug
This will not end well if you continue to stay in that house
I hope you don't end up with a man like him
Your mom is not doing you kids any favors by remaining in that dangerous environment and raising you all in it
Patterns always repeat themselves
She didn't choose this sort of man but she has chosen to stay in it and accept it,that is very unwise
Without knowing it subconsciously you are already conditioned to this
You kneel down and beg and put the demons at bay only for them to rise up the next morning
This is no way to live
Your mother probably has no self confidence left and you are on that same path

Let your story not end up on the Daily Mirror
You can say God forbid but if you remain in that house!it might

redgem:
I eventually called the police since no one could calm him down but, I didn't call them to arrest him, I called them to help talk to him which they did. Thank God, finally we are inside but I pray it doesn't continue tomorrow even though I know it will. But to let peace reign even though we did nothing wrong, I and my mum will go on our knees to beg him...

Thank you all for your advice and support...
I love you all

may god be with you guys.

Since you've chosen to go back, be sure to walk on egg shells to avoid setting him off again( that's if that will work)

I'd advice you to lady up and go take the job you got in Lagos. He will only vex for a while. If he vex too much, he can come look for you in Lagos.
As for your mom, I know nothing you do will change her mind about leaving until something really awful happens. God forbid.

I said that because I don't understand how someone has tried to strangle her severally and she's still there.

I don't know what to say. But your best bet is starting something for yourself and then maybe coming back for her when you're on your feet (that's if she will agree to go with you)

MarvellousGod:
Did I say that?

You introduced If the mom was verbally abusive into the mix

redgem:
I eventually called the police since no one could calm him down but, I didn't call them to arrest him, I called them to help talk to him which they did. Thank God, finally we are inside but I pray it doesn't continue tomorrow even though I know it will. But to let peace reign even though we did nothing wrong, I and my mum will go on our knees to beg him...

Thank you all for your advice and support...
I love you all

Is your goal to remain in that house by all means or find a lasting solution

If you knew kneeling was the simple solution, Why did you wait till threats of death before kneeling?

You claim he wants to kill your mom and has attempted strangling her a lot of times...

Why don't you dig to the very bottom of the issue?

I know begging and Kneeling is not the solution but my mum does not believe in leaving her matrimonial home... She prefers to stay and face whatever comes her way like how she's being doing since they married. Sometimes I even blame my mum for her silence all these years, she gets hurt and keeps on protecting him.. We went to his room this morning and he acted like he was asleep, so we left. Dad is currently calling people from the village telling them that I called police for them to arrest him, changing the truth and spoiling mum's name.

About taking the job if I leave her alone in the house, I fear for what will happen to her... She's not young any more, my mum's siblings stays in bayelsa, she has no one around my younger sis is still in the uni and she's scared of talking to dad cos he had threatened her for not funding her fees. My younger bro is still a boy and he can't say anything. The only people she has ar her pastor and church members who dad swore that if he sees any of them in his house, he will pour them hot water.

babyosisi:


Please shut up!!
This is getting nauseating to read
Verbally abusive my ass

Am I fighting with you? ? Can't you be a bit polite??
Seems everything na fight in this family section, unfortunately I have no such strength. ... Even the op I asked answered politely and you're here disturbing yourself..

bukatyne:

You introduced If the mom was verbally abusive into the mix

And that meant I was justifying a man trying to strangle his wife? ? I only asked cos I wanted to know what led to the fight, maybe they were exchanging words or something but from what I read later, it's been like that since their childhood, so the man definitely has issues. .

Can a man wake up and start acting weird? ? Except he's mentally ill, I feel there are causes.. is he financially unstable? Is he a drunk or a smoker?.Something must be frustrating him.... That I asked whether the woman is verbally abuse didn't mean I was blaming the woman or justifying the man's action..
To solve a problem, you must know the causes.. Except the op and her mum will run away forever as some people advised. ..

A very good friend of mine told me yesterday that my fear alone is a hindrance to my moving forward that, I should not let my fears stop me from focusing on my future.
That's what I'm going to do and I pray God protects her like he has been doing these years. Amen

redgem:
A very good friend of mine told me yesterday that my fear alone is a hindrance to my moving forward that, I should not let my fears stop me from focusing on my future.
That's what I'm going to do and I pray God protects her like he has been doing these years. Amen

This is good

MarvellousGod:
Am I fighting with you? ? Can't you be a bit polite??
Seems everything na fight in this family section, unfortunately I have no such strength. ... Even the op I asked answered politely and you're here disturbing yourself..



And that meant I was justifying a man trying to strangle his wife? ? I only asked cos I wanted to know what led to the fight, maybe they were exchanging words or something but from what I read later, it's been like that since their childhood, so the man definitely has issues. .

Can a man wake up and start acting weird? ? Except he's mentally ill, I feel there are causes.. is he financially unstable? Is he a drunk or a smoker?.Something must be frustrating him.... That I asked whether the woman is verbally abuse didn't mean I was blaming the woman or justifying the man's action..
To solve a problem, you must know the causes.. Except the op and her mum will run away forever as some people advised. ..

While I agree one must know the root cause, asking If the wife was verbally abusive is not a cause.

Nothing justifies attempting to strangle a Person contiunously. If the man cannot cope with the woman, he has the option of separation or divorce.

MarvellousGod:
Am I fighting with you? ? Can't you be a bit polite??
Seems everything na fight in this family section, unfortunately I have no such strength. ... Even the op I asked answered politely and you're here disturbing yourself..



And that meant I was justifying a man trying to strangle his wife? ? I only asked cos I wanted to know what led to the fight, maybe they were exchanging words or something but from what I read later, it's been like that since their childhood, so the man definitely has issues. .

Can a man wake up and start acting weird? ? Except he's mentally ill, I feel there are causes.. is he financially unstable? Is he a drunk or a smoker?.Something must be frustrating him.... That I asked whether the woman is verbally abuse didn't mean I was blaming the woman or justifying the man's action..
To solve a problem, you must know the causes.. Except the op and her mum will run away forever as some people advised. ..

He smokes weed but he hardly consume alcohol. He always says he regrets marrying my mum that she's a fool and calls her all sort of names. He has lovers and mum once approached one and talked to her, I still remember what happened after the girl told dad. when ever mum goes out, he says she has gone to meet her male friends when he knows that she went to church or her sisters(church women that's what she calls them) place.

I wish they dissolve the marriage and go their separate ways but the bible is against it according to what my mum believes

bukatyne:


While I agree one must know the root cause, asking If the wife was verbally abusive is not a cause.

Nothing justifies attempting to strangle a Person contiunously. If the man cannot cope with the woman, he has the option of separation or divorce.

That is what he wants 'A divorce' but mum doesn't want that

redgem:


That is what he wants 'A divorce' but mum doesn't want that

Can you guys focus on addressing the issues instead of This window dressing and your friend telling you bout fears?

If your dad wants the divorce So bad, he will abandon your mom in the house/lock her out/or kill her.

Why does your dad want a divorce? How long has he wanted it?

I still believe you and mom move out while you address the issues from the safety of outside the home.

This your fear is real and you have to face it. Pretending it is not There and filling the void with a job or whatever doesn't solve the problem or make it disappear.

Why does he want a divorce? Your information is not clear enough. What caused the incident that made him threaten to kill her? Since he is not here, it will be good to open up on these so that we can make informed contributions.

redgem:


He smokes weed but he hardly consume alcohol. He always says he regrets marrying my mum that she's a fool and calls her all sort of names. He has lovers and mum once approached one and talked to her, I still remember what happened after the girl told dad. when ever mum goes out, he says she has gone to meet her male friends when he knows that she went to church or her sisters(church women that's what she calls them) place.

I wish they dissolve the marriage and go their separate ways but the bible is against it according to what my mum believes

He smokes weed?? That explains it a little. ..

So your mum will rather remain in a life threatening situation than take a walk?? You need to talk to her..

Maybe your Mum is the one with huge issues here, her church had a hand in what is happening in her marriage. Let them continue to deceive her until the weed smoker kills her. Bible abhors divorce.. .... my left black ball!!!!!!!

Caracta:

@dave.P Thanks.

ma binu. Oro yen lagbara gaan. Not like its a pattern i wish to keep treading.

redgem:
A very good friend of mine told me yesterday that my fear alone is a hindrance to my moving forward that, I should not let my fears stop me from focusing on my future.
That's what I'm going to do and I pray God protects her like he has been doing these years. Amen

This is a messed up situation when a child is now the mother and the mother has become a helpless child
You need to grow up and stop worrying about your mother who has chosen the lifestyle she has chosen
Chart your own course
Sad to say but that is what you must do
Take that job and move
When you get to Lagos look for a good couple you can associate with and learn what a family ought to look like
You need it so your case will not be a repeat of your mom's

I really do feel sorry for you because not only do you not have a father,you don't also have a mother

bukatyne:


You introduced If the mom was verbally abusive into the mix

I wonder how people come on a thread with preconceived lines to write and insist on delivering them come what may
The OP is pretty clear on the situation,the dad strangles the mother several times,he is really very violent and everyone can read the desperation and fear in those lines and some person appears to ask if she is verbally abusive.
Nonsense

Redgem your friend is right, you cannot live your parents life for them. Don't attempt to parent your parents they should be the ones looking out for you, protecting you and keeping you and your siblings safe. Since they have decided that they must exist in this dysfunction please save yourself.

Your father wants a divorce, your mother is refusing, he smokes weed, he has anger issues. You can do nothing about all these except continue to be at the receiving end feeling disempowered.
Get a job and move out while away you can continue in the place of prayer for them.

dinachi:
Why does he want a divorce? Your information is not clear enough. What caused the incident that made him threaten to kill her? Since he is not here, it will be good to open up on these so that we can make informed contributions.

It's not one incident
Can't you read?

babyosisi:

It's not one incident
Can't you read?

End time marriage counsellor, keep off!

dinachi:
Why does he want a divorce? Your information is not clear enough. What caused the incident that made him threaten to kill her? Since he is not here, it will be good to open up on these so that we can make informed contributions.

From the little she wrote, the mum is a poster child of what every male nairalander wants as a wife....quiet, submissive, not contemplating on divorce even if she is maimed, humiliated and strangled infront of her children and the world and you're still asking for more as if the parties in question are here laying the complaints.
Honestly, would've loved to be married to such a down to earth wife if I am a weed smoker.

Tell the girl what you think will solve her problems in these quagmire, the parents can sort themselves out as they used to, even if it means the weed smoker succeeds in strangling the wife.

VintageCocktail:
From the little she wrote, the mum is a poster child of what every male nairalander wants as a wife....quiet, submissive, not contemplating on divorce even if she is maimed, humiliated and strangled infront of her children and the world and you're still asking for more as if the parties in question are here laying the complaints.
Honestly, would've loved to be married to such a down to earth wife if I am a weed smoker.

Tell the girl what you think will solve her problems in these quagmire, the parents can sort themselves out as they used to, even if it means the weed smoker succeeds in strangling the wife.

@bolded: very funny

Will leave the house once I get a place to stay...can't stay in my friends place with her husband.. Called her and she promised to get a place for me.

Thanks so much
Babyosisi
Andromida
Davep
Caracta
Bukatyne
MarvellousGod
VintageCocktail
Pickabeau1
Cococandy
And those I wasn't able to mention

Will keep you all posted and will require advices of more issues arises.
He is currently not around, he went out
I tried apologising but he didn't let me talk, he said he just wanted a little rest then he will get back at us, that we should be grateful that he let us sleep in the house and we've exhausted our stay. He began shouting but mum and I kept quite like we were advised to, he talked from 10 till to 12 then He got a call from his friend and he left the house.

redgem:
Will leave the house once I get a place to stay...can't stay in my friends place with her husband.. Called her and she promised to get a place for me.

Thanks so much
Babyosisi
Andromida
Davep
Caracta
Bukatyne
MarvellousGod
VintageCocktail
Pickabeau1
Cococandy
And those I wasn't able to mention

Will keep you all posted and will require advices of more issues arises.
He is currently not around, he went out
I tried apologising but he didn't let me talk, he said he just wanted a little rest then he will get back at us, that we should be grateful that he let us sleep in the house and we've exhausted our stay. He began shouting but mum and I kept quite like we were advised to, he talked from 10 till to 12 then He got a call from his friend and he left the house.

It is well

Great. Bless you

redgem:
Will leave the house once I get a place to stay...can't stay in my friends place with her husband.. Called her and she promised to get a place for me.

Thanks so much
Babyosisi
Andromida
Davep
Caracta
Bukatyne
MarvellousGod
VintageCocktail
Pickabeau1
Cococandy
And those I wasn't able to mention

Will keep you all posted and will require advices of more issues arises.
He is currently not around, he went out
I tried apologising but he didn't let me talk, he said he just wanted a little rest then he will get back at us, that we should be grateful that he let us sleep in the house and we've exhausted our stay. He began shouting but mum and I kept quite like we were advised to, he talked from 10 till to 12 then He got a call from his friend and he left the house.

Exactly

VintageCocktail:
From the little she wrote, the mum is a poster child of what every male nairalander wants as a wife....quiet, submissive, not contemplating on divorce even if she is maimed, humiliated and strangled infront of her children and the world and you're still asking for more as if the parties in question are here laying the complaints.
Honestly, would've loved to be married to such a down to earth wife if I am a weed smoker.

Tell the girl what you think will solve her problems in these quagmire, the parents can sort themselves out as they used to, even if it means the weed smoker succeeds in strangling the wife.

You're welcome Redgem.. It's well...

But don't you have other siblings?

Onegai:
Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

You will never beg your father enough. This is not your fault or your mother's fault. He has been doing this since you were young, so why do you think it is still your mum's fault or your fault?

Some men and women have demons that you cannot fix. You are not supposed to fix them, stay away. An abusive person doesn't change because of any prayers. I know too many women and men in your situation, you staying there will help nothing, think of your siblings and think what your mum has taught them that it is acceptable.

Everyone has a temper but abusive people justify their lack of control, weakness and need to hurt people with that fact. It is not normal.

Leave that house or bury someone in the future. And btw, children from abusive homes never come out right without help. Better a separated home than an abusive home.

What is this one saying,she should get out of that house,is dat the best advice you could give to her?All I see here is kids with silly advice!

MarvellousGod:
I see you don't want to involve the police. .. is there anyone your dad respects who you could approach to talk to him? Maybe your pastor, his mum, dad, or whoever?

Besides, hope your mum isn't verbally abusive? ? Also, why is your dad resenting you? Hope you haven't taken sides with your mum and insulted him??
Just want to know what may hv caused your dad to behave this way...

He tried to strangle the Mum and you except a child not to take sides

Beat ur father to death before he beats your mother to death