PMIcon:
You both should see a pro-marriage professional counselor.

Some people just talk about divorce as if nobody gets hurt- even the person initiating gets hurt by it. It only worsens issues. Statistics show that one divorce and remarriage is potentially going to end in another divorce. May be that's why the Bible's prescription is separation and reuniting if it has gotten to that point of moving apart. Just food for thought.

Heart to heart talk, yes. But about what? What should you talk about? How prepared are you to hear the details? What productive steps should you take to make your marriage better? That's why BOTH of you need a pro-marriage professional counselor.

If you can't get one, buy books they've written. Books like The Complete Marriage Book by Dr. David Stoop& Dr. Jan Stoop will be of help especially in communication and dealing with emotions in marriage. Please read together. I wish you the best.

freelance777:


Does that counseling of a thing truly do work? I am in a big doubt to that.

freelance777:


Does that counseling of a thing truly do work? I am in a big doubt to that.

freelance777:


Unfortunately we have kids together, 2 kids to be precise. So am on some serious hanging here. If not, I might probably have parted ways with her.

mkpikpub:
If this woman has not already cheated on you with this guy, it's just a matter of time. Confront the guy and report him to his wife. Chikena

Goldenboy007:
My guy go and get a job. You have too much free time in your hands...wow..get a life for heavens sake !! Are you a monitoring spirit ?? I pray you don't die of hypertension ! It takes a thief to catch a thief ! It seems your hands sef are not clean !!!! Ahan !!!! Why find what is not lost !!! Why don't you just buy hijab for your wife so that no man will look at her !

freelance777:
Dear Nairalander's

How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing well? I am writing this post to express my fears of the unknown, because I have been a very trusting and reliable husband to my wife.

Before marriage, my wife have once told me about his ex who is supposedly his best date ever in her life before she met me, that apart 2 years into our marriage, we had an arguement in which she confronted me about a number saved with a lady's name on my dialled list. I openly and honestly told her it was my old school mate whom I missed her call and had called back. But she wanted to know more like I was doing something shady, that got me all roused up and I just told her to leave me be.

A week later, I received a call from her straight from work that my daughter had a serious cut on her lips due to an
accident, I quickly rushed down to the school, but met them at the nearest clinic where my daughter's lip was being stitched, few mins later I walked down to her school where she works nearby to pick up her car key then bring her car nearby so we could all go home, surprisingly, I found her wedding ring inside the glove compartment. A ring she wore out to work that very morning.

I didnt question her immmediately until the night of that day, I asked her why she had removed her ring and kept it in the glove compartment knowing fully well that the wore it out that very morning, she said it was because I have had mine removed since the past 1 month, so she also had the same reason to remove her's.

A week later, she opened up to me that she has been talking to her ex whom I described above, I asked her about what? She said she has been taking advise from him whenever we have issues. I kept shut and moved on.

2 more years into this marriage, I recently found out that her ex had sent her a whatsapp message, but she didnt respond, so I opened up a discussion with her based on ex's. I asked her if keeping contact of ex's or communicating with ex's is good for married people be it the man or woman, she said its a no no, that infact she will never accomodate such and that its wrong for anybody to do that. I immediately told her to open up her whats app, she did and I showed her her ex's whats app message, she at first was scared, wanted to cover up the phone somehow, but due to fear, she slowly relaxed herself and she said well that I can see that he is just talking and she has not been responding, and that its possible for someone you do not have on your contact list to send you a whatsapp message, I agreed, but countered her saying you also have saved his number with Abbreviation, if you never intend having future communication with him, why then did you save his number thereafter? I didnt get an answer, until later after two weeks when she told me she was in communication with him in order to secure a job for his younger brother. ( Very hard to believe) I moved on.


A few days later again, I was on my way to help her fix her iphone which she has abandoned like a year and the half, something just prompted me to dial his ex's number on that phone, behold she had saved the number as 'rsif' someone who bears Williams. Anyway I kept quiet still. The the final incident that gave me a final warning that this my wife might be cheating on me unknowingly was just a month ago when she told me she had met this dude on the same estate we reside, that he was into business and had also gave her his complementary card, I asked what he does, said he is an estate agent, I responded saying estate agency does not correlate with what you do, she said at least he can provide us good offer for housing by the time we are ready to move. When all of a sudden, she said that same guy had asked her to help cook since his own wife had travelled to the USA to give birth. She asked if it was right for her to go ahead and do the cooking, I immediately denounce that move that it is wrong, and that the guy has another motive entirely. I told her to tell him that he should ask his own family member to cook for him, and that she should immediately cut communication with him if she wants to last long in the marriage.

My wife responded by saying, she does not think the guy has bad intentions and that he is a cool and nice person with a very mild personality,that if the dude has such intentions, that it would be the most surprising occurence to her. I said well just do as I have said. Lo and behold, I investigated her phone and I found out that she had already cooked for this dude even before she asked me the question. I confronted her, and she said it was because I might not find it funny and thats the reason why she kept it a secret at first. I then promise to show her that the dude was infact a cheater whom is planning to cheat on his wife with my own wife. One day, I impersonated my wife, and started sending text as such as that am ready to give him what he wants, lo and behold, this dude was responding and was even asking where I was at, that he is ready to heal my wounds, a hug and everything that I needed. I showed my wife the text message, and she acted all surprised, but I was not, because based on the conversations that I have seen, it seems to me that whenever I have issued, he rushes to call the guy and tell him everything, which was a good avenue for the guy to provide emotional consolation in order to get what he wants.

I apologize for this long story, but I just needed to detail this story well, so that I can get insight of what I need to be thinking, what I need to do, and the right steps to take.

Thanks all.

PMIcon:

He doesn't even have to spend money. There are those who will help them free but they are trained for that. Please don't advise him against something that important.

freelance777:


Unfortunately we have kids together, 2 kids to be precise. So am on some serious hanging here. If not, I might probably have parted ways with her.

repogirl:
Your wife cannot communicate with you obviously, she is scared you would read the wrong meaning and jump into conclusion which you always do from all you have said.....

I agree that its wrong for her to keep these relationships but maybe you also over react when you find out about them. You are right in how you advice her against these men but try not to get her scared like you have caught her doing something she shouldnt be.

Make her safe in your home and let her be able to relate with you freely or you will scare her off into doing something you will both regret.


Your wife is also at fault and needs a good talking to but since you are the one here, its your own part I am focusing on.

jossy26:


are you married?

repogirl:
Your wife cannot communicate with you obviously, she is scared you would read the wrong meaning and jump into conclusion which you always do from all you have said.....

I agree that its wrong for her to keep these relationships but maybe you also over react when you find out about them. You are right in how you advice her against these men but try not to get her scared like you have caught her doing something she shouldnt be.

ottizz:


Are you for real? And you say you are married?

repogirl:

Yes, I said i was married and my husband doesnt have time to snoop through my phone or accuse why I am not wearing my ring, why?

Mutual trust garnered from frequent communication. If you dont have a certain trust and dependency in marriage, that marriage is a sham.

ottizz:


You were contradicting yourself in the original post I responded to. You mean to tell me that it was okay for the wife to go behind the husband's back and mingle with an ex, just because she felt the husband would overreact when he hears about it? Common sense dictates that anyone that does this kind of thing, be it a man or woman, is only inviting trouble to the partnership. This has nothing to do with trust. This has more to do with a woman with a miniscule regard for her husband.

OCTAVO:
Hmmmmmmmm @Godstreasure23

bellong:
If you think she is cheating, buy micro-bugging devices to monitor her movement....

wagazala:
Bros, begin find new wife.

If your wife would go as far as cook and confide in another woman's husband other than you then obviously something is wrong. The usual template answer most people will give you on this forum is have a heart to heart talk about it to your wife, pray about it, etc. Forgerrit, if you don't have kids yet, i'll suggest you start packing your bags.

Goldenboy007:
My guy go and get a job. You have too much free time in your hands...wow..get a life for heavens sake !! Are you a monitoring spirit ?? I pray you don't die of hypertension ! It takes a thief to catch a thief ! It seems your hands sef are not clean !!!! Ahan !!!! Why find what is not lost !!! Why don't you just buy hijab for your wife so that no man will look at her !