Let's start with a statement by Barrister Udo Oreye, CEO of the Peace Talk Double Phone people:
"I remember vividly telling the bank officials that the issue of interconnectivity was like the marriage they used to have in Ebele, a village in Edo State, where I hail from. There, a girl’s parents would be approached for their hands in the marriage of their daughter. And after the discussions and all that, but unknown to the girl, as she is on her way to the market, some people will just pick her up, kidnap her, and take her to the husband’s house. She will shout and shout, saying she doesn’t like the man.

But eventually, older women will come out to say that the same way you were picked up on the way to the market was how we were picked up too and we now have kids. And that marriage by force worked."

Now what stops the parents from discussing with the daughter before accepting the proposal?

Had they discussed the proposal with their daughters, it would not have been called arranged marriages. In my home town, Ibadan, wives were 'married' in the same barbaric way. The funny thing however is that these marriages lasted and the couples seemed happy enough. That much can not be said of the majority of marriages that obtain today. Reason being that before parents of both parties can mutually agree to give their daughter’s hand in marriage to those asking for it, they must have studied the groom's/bride's family, as the case may be and be certain to a very reasonable extent that the man will make their daughter a very good husband and vice versa. No parent will give their daughter's hand in marriage to any man who is short of responsible or lacks good character. Although, to every rule there is an exception. There must have existed cases where the marriages turned out less than perfect but family involvement and expectations restrained the man from out rightly misbehaving and equally compelled the woman to live up to her expectations. With the grand entrance of civilisation however, things have changed significantly.

For the better or otherwise remains to be decided. Today boy meets girl on the road, in church, in school, at a party, wherever and one thing leads to the other. They court for a while and eventually meet the parents. Whether or not the boy has spells of mental incapacitation when it rains, no one knows. If the girl finds it difficult to stay with one man, it is unknown to everyone. Are we better off now in making independent choices or then when partners were arranged by parents with their children's best interests at heart?

There are downsides and there are positive sides, it is however unclear which outweighs the other.

In other words, you think it is ok for a woman to be forced into marriage by her parents.

Women.

Please don't let me hear you talk about 'female emancipation' tommorrow!

Roll your eyes all you want, my dear. How typical of a guy to read my post out of context!

I am not supporting the barbaric notion of forcing a woman into marriage. Never! I was simply stating that in the days when parents ‘arranged’ for a certain young and upwardly mobile man, whose family they had thoroughly scrutinised and found worthy of their daughter, to have her hand in marriage, marriages lasted and couples seemed much happier than what obtains these days.

Like it or not, the family one marries into matters almost as much, if not much more, than the individual one is marrying. His/her family, to a reasonable extent, makes or mares your marriage. In a nutshell, I was suggesting that it's better for all parties concerned to know the kind of family one is marrying into, be aware of their strong points and shortcomings (there is no perfect family) and be ready to live happily ever after. That sure sounds better to me than not-too-pleasant surprises springing up in marriages and all.

Capische?

The old arranged family is more or less family affairs. That is, two families were getting married and not just a man and a woman. So, in this case, the young woman has no say in this matter. If her parents decided that she is going to marry a particular man, she has no say in the matter. If she refused, her resistance will soon be overpowered, or she will simply be abducted toi her husband's house.

And surprisingly, the forced or arranged marriage works for them, as postulated by Ra. This is because the women then had little or no education, and so they are not as exposed as today's women. Also, the women had been taught total submission to their husband as the head of the home. And may I add also, the woman will not want to disgrace the family she came from by making things difficult for her husband. It doesn't matter whether she loves him now or not. The love will come later, or they will grow up loving each other.

I don't succumb to that form of marriage nowadays. Anyway it can't happen again as today's women are more enlightened and had found their voice against men dominated world. If a parent want their daugther to marry a particular man, let them discuss it with her in a gentle and loving manner, and avoid forcing the man on her if she eventually refused.

I must make haste to say that the insight and wisdom of parents in marriage matter is still invaluable nowadays. Any man or woman that ignores parental counselling and guidance in the issue of marriage does it at his or her own perils.

It is possible that those marriages did not work as well as you people are saying. People tend to look at the past through rose-colored glasses. The fact that a marriage does not end in divorce does not mean it is working. Or is it?

Parents are not necessarily unbiased judges of character; it is quite easy to have children and grow up without learning some basic things. However, if they are going to [I]meddle[/I] in your marital life then maybe things will turn out much better if they are in full support of your spouse. Which is the case if they are the one that picked him/her!

sometimes it the parents plan to force child to marry someone "cos theere rich and thta does not really work

Forced marriage isn't good> it ends up in chaos.
There won't be love and affection.

Greatpeter:

Forced marriage isn't good> it ends up in chaos.
There won't be love and affection.

Do they still practice this nonsense? In Nigeria?