NUkachukwu:


@poster, I have some questions for you:

(1) Kindly explain the meaning of buckle up with regards to your post?
(2) Assuming she is willing and ready to work, can she instantly get a job?
(3) Perhaps she decides to start a petty trade as a result of not finding a job with ease, can she easily access funds?
(4) Putting yourself in the Op's situation, what exactly and I mean PRECISELY would you do to change the situation(perhaps the Op will learn from the solution you profer)

Thanks in anticipation for an expected value adding response.

freecocoa:
My own mum literally gave her all to my dad's siblings, that's what family does, marriage shouldn't cut you off, it only extends family, not divide them.

Sadly many people are too selfish.

Askseek:


You make too much sense for her to understand. Why come up with a solution when we can heap insults on the brother and invoke the dead parents on him. Why think of all other reasons why he was unable to help her out at that moment when nameless and faceless people can join op to heap curses on a young couple. Who knows why the Inlaw needed money or when she asked, how did she even know it was his Inlaw he sent money to from the muffled 1way conversation she had. Too many gaps in the story but it's a story that comes from the "my Inlaw/mother or fathers brother or sister" is being mean to me group of people so most take her at her word and woe betide anyone who questions them or profers a solution. Don't waste your time jare.

byvan03:
What did you demand money for? I don't see myself responding to a sibling that needs money for sorting in school even if am sitting on billions.

Prettiepearlz:

1.What I meant by buckling up is she facing her life squarely and quitting being pitied.
2. She might not be able to get white collar jobs because she isn't a graduate but she will still be able to get petty jobs she could do after classes but that's not advisable anymore as she is in her finals and she needs to devote time to her project and all that.
3. As regards funds, she should be able to get funds, because she should have "good friends" who should be able to lend her some funds for a petty business like you said (I have done that for people while I was in school and financially buoyant). Or even from the little her brother sends once in a while she could save from it. At least the brother gives her money but not all the time like she said. And she mentioned here that she was into hairdressing before I feel she shouldn't have stopped because this is the time she needs money most and now she has been left to fend for herself by her elder brother.
4. If I am the one in her position, I would do everything decent to survive even if it means sucking up my pride and being sales girl in shops, and every business outlets in school, or by being a lesson teacher to the kids of the indigenes of the state (depending on the state the school is most especially if it's outside Lagos even in Lagos you will still get parents that would need a competent teacher who are not too expensive for their small kids), use the salary I get to start a petty business (like selling shoes, the flat ones female students wear popularly called "doll shoe", there is gain in selling it) and with diligence the business would grow (while I was in school I have seen a friend's business grow from small to a big one and she was able to see herself through school). See I am not blaming her, I just want her to quit complaining and focus more on herself. If her brother won't help her, he won't and there's nothing she can do about that. If that's the case, what is she gonna do? Drop out of school? No I want her to accept her cross and strive to make it and come back to give us success stories. Not her coming to complain about her brother and his wife all the time for some people to insult them. People insulting her brother and backing her up online all the time wouldn't help her, instead it will make her dwell in self pity and I tell you that's depressing enough. If I had the means I would help her and if I have the means I will help her. I think she needs help but she needs to help herself first.

ahnie:
Some monikers on nl are mean...selfish n wicked,you know yourselves.


Wicked women...one was even advisin the Op to go and marry and stop doing osho-free.

marcopollo:

You dey mind dem? What do know. Many of them talking have nothing doing themselves. Because they have access to internet they hide behind their phones or computer to type nonsense.

crackhaus:

You don't need to leave the house, what I meant by seek your fortunes elsewhere is that you seek other avenues to get the money you need - could be from friends or course mates.

As for your brother, try approaching him again when his wife isn't at home to have a discussion with him regarding the fees you need to pay before the school can let you go.
He is your brother, has always been your brother, and will always be your brother - there's no way he wouldn't want you to go for your NYSC assuming his wife hasn't completely messed up his head.

In the meantime, try as much as possible to avoid anything that will cause direct altercations between you and his wife...do your chores, mind your business, and stay out of her way - you're the one who needs their help and even if you don't like your SIL, false humilty and loyalty always works wonders.

Remember to only have discussions with your brother when you both are alone.

humbledbyfaith:
hi family landers,

I am so depressed as of right now..

I have a bro who recently got married to his fiancée..

we were happy as a family until my bro's wife started interfering in between my bro and I..
it all started when I had an urgent need in school, I approached my bro with the most humble scenery one can ever imagine, his wife just cut me short, and said they was no money, I was shocked as my bro sided with her and said they was no money.
I took it in good faith and went away.
later that day ,when they were back from work,I overhead my bro talking to someone in his bedroom..
I went closer and behold my bro was talking to his wife sis asking her if she had seen the alert of the money he sent to her..immediately I heard that,I just sat on the floor and sobbed loudly..

I wonder why my bro will be treating me and my junior bro like this ,we are orphans (lost dad and mum the same day in a car accident)my bro is in jss3 in a public school(my bro's wife changed him with the pretext that they couldn't afford the private school fee).me,I'm in my final year in the university, just remaining my project and my final year school fees..
I am really depressed as my mates have already gone to nysc..

I can't go to anywhere because of clearance and my bro has turned a deaf ear to my appeal to set me up with something I can do to at least clear my self in school..
I am not a lazy person, God forbid that I be lazy but I don't have the necessary incentive to startup something..

I am just fed up with the whole scenario, I have thought of suicide, but ithat will be foolishness as my junior bro will be left in this world to suffer alone..

If my parents are seeing all that is happening, they should please intervene on our behalf because I'm almost giving up... ;'(

sorry for bothering you all with my trouble

humbledbyfaith:


by dear..

it seems everyone doesn't get the real picture..

@taryour..
I virtually paid my school fees since my year 2 up till my finals..

I hustled through hair dressing and all but I have stopped all that now.. as I want to fully concentrate on my final year of study..
mind you,upon inception, I literally take care of my self and my little bro..
my bro treats us with apparent disdain...
whatever the wive have spoken to him I don't know...
I have tried to bring her to my heart as a sister Inlaw but it seems she sees me as a competition for her husband..
well,I leave everything to God Almighty...

thanks dear

semitunde:
Despite the emotional hues and cries on this thread, cococandy ( and some like her) have made the most realistic sense.

Many are just wailing here ( some referring to their stories as if a lot of ppl viewing don't have worse); point is, op is here for advise, what would be yours? Pet her like a good child crying, form a pity party around her? Lambast the brother and tell her sibling is the real family ( am sure peter square is eyeing somewhere)?

Let's assume the bro is under a trance and the wife is a witch, what should op do? Come to Nairaland and look for who would lambasted the bro with her? To what purpose. I'm not saying she can't be emotional for her state but this isn't the time for tears, its not a nolywood movie; she should get a grip of her situation ( no mater how bad it is) and work her way out.

P.s. The fact that op brought the issue here doesn't mean that the brother, or in fact the wife, isn't the real victim here. I'm talking emotional and psychological victim, economic victim etc.

Too many naive emotional comments.

galantjoe:
Don't commit suicide. We had enough suicide for this buhari period.
Seek your help elsewhere.

People can help.

johnson232:

sharrap if u got nothing reasonable to say?
so when someone is ill, is now a wrong thing to tell them sorry?

anyone who has spent 2hrs in this family section knows cococandy & her likes, because of her selfish, bias & insensitive comments. i pressume those quoting her & her likes saw this topic on home page.

@bold, what are u trying to say?
if u are tagging a working class man economic victim, what abt a student?

humbledbyfaith:
hi family landers,

I am so depressed as of right now..

I have a bro who recently got married to his fiancée..

we were happy as a family until my bro's wife started interfering in between my bro and I..
it all started when I had an urgent need in school, I approached my bro with the most humble scenery one can ever imagine, his wife just cut me short, and said they was no money, I was shocked as my bro sided with her and said they was no money.
I took it in good faith and went away.
later that day ,when they were back from work,I overhead my bro talking to someone in his bedroom..
I went closer and behold my bro was talking to his wife sis asking her if she had seen the alert of the money he sent to her..immediately I heard that,I just sat on the floor and sobbed loudly..

I wonder why my bro will be treating me and my junior bro like this ,we are orphans (lost dad and mum the same day in a car accident)my bro is in jss3 in a public school(my bro's wife changed him with the pretext that they couldn't afford the private school fee).me,I'm in my final year in the university, just remaining my project and my final year school fees..
I am really depressed as my mates have already gone to nysc..

I can't go to anywhere because of clearance and my bro has turned a deaf ear to my appeal to set me up with something I can do to at least clear my self in school..
I am not a lazy person, God forbid that I be lazy but I don't have the necessary incentive to startup something..

I am just fed up with the whole scenario, I have thought of suicide, but ithat will be foolishness as my junior bro will be left in this world to suffer alone..

If my parents are seeing all that is happening, they should please intervene on our behalf because I'm almost giving up... ;'(

sorry for bothering you all with my trouble

Okijajuju1:




Hi OP,

Sorry for the hardship you and your sibling are experiencing. I will just like to ask you some questions to better understand things as much as I can.

What is your brothers financial status. Basically what does he do?

What is/was your relationship with your brothers wife prior to and after the marriage.

Do you and your sibling live with him?

Was he married before your parents passed on or after?

What was the relationship between your parents and the wife?

Is your brother the bread winner of his home or his wife?

Between them, who has the money?


Basically I will like to get a clearer picture of the dynamics in his home and the relationship between you all.

uplawal:
shes doing peety peety hairdressing,but she cant do much now as she has to concentrate on her finals.