addiction12:
ok, I ll try this.

Did it work?
*opens eyes*

He loves you but he is not being satisfied sexually.

Maybe he is the quiet type and would have told you once or twice what he likes sexually but you rebuffed him and he was so embarrassed that he never mentioned it again and decided to satisfy himself elsewhere.

Watching porn with him is not the answer. Try and dissuade him from it, but more importantly talk to him about his sexual needs and see if you can improve in that department.

Tell him about the facebook girls. Show your disappointment but do not turn it into a fight.

As for your fake facebook account, i'd say tell him about it but you can still keep communicating sexually with him using it. Since you have already created a channel for him to express himself sexually, you might use it to your advantage by sending and recieving naughty texts and pictures between yourselves. It will be a private sex room for both of you.


All the best.

CrazyQuinn:
you can't stop it or change him, the only way to save your marriage is to love him for who he is and accept his flaws he's flaws might also be useful you know

I dey like ur comment

CrazyQuinn:
you can't stop it or change him, the only way to save your marriage is to love him for who he is and accept his flaws he's flaws might also be useful you know

I dey like ur comments

iPrevail:


Okay.. I think we've found our problem.
Your hubby may be a very sexually active person with lots of fantasies.. And you may not be satisfying him in that aspect.

A man may never cheat on you if having sex with you is something he craves like breakfast.

That said, talk to your man. Don't be scared to approach him.. Get kinky with him sometimes and tell him you love him. Don't be afraid to go freaky if you have to.

If you don't, some Facebook girl will.

he is the type that will never ask for sex unless I make a move. as am typing this tear is rolling down my chicks because he still send very indecent message online. what else can I do cos have cried my eye out in silence.

addiction12:
he is the type that will never ask for sex unless I make a move. as am typing this tear is rolling down my chicks because he still send very indecent message online. what else can I do cos have cried my eye out in silence.

Why do you hide your feelings from your husband?

Ezedon:
Pray and fast

If the only thing you do when you have a problem is pray and fast, then my brother, you have a problem

Mindfulness:


Why do you hide your feelings from your husband?

we have talked several times about it, all he does is to ignore me. he has this I don't care attitude, no matter what I say, it doesn't mean anything to him. sometimes he got wet as a result of his chats. he even sent money to the lady I was trying to divert his attention from and he told me he was broke when I asked him for money.

5minsmadness:
He loves you but he is not being satisfied sexually.

Maybe he is the quiet type and would have told you once or twice what he likes sexually but you rebuffed him and he was so embarrassed that he never mentioned it again and decided to satisfy himself elsewhere.

Watching porn with him is not the answer. Try and dissuade him from it, but more importantly talk to him about his sexual needs and see if you can improve in that department.

Tell him about the facebook girls. Show your disappointment but do not turn it into a fight.

As for your fake facebook account, i'd say tell him about it but you can still keep communicating sexually with him using it. Since you have already created a channel for him to express himself sexually, you might use it to your advantage by sending and recieving naughty texts and pictures between yourselves. It will be a private sex room for both of you.


All the best.

he is only pretending to be quiet. he never ask me anything nor does he ever opened up to me regarding this, he won't just open up exceptt online

addiction12:
he is only pretending to be quiet. he never ask me anything nor does he ever opened up to me regarding this, he won't just open up except online

Ahhh, so he IS the quiet type.
I'm not blaming you or anything, but if he is not willing to open up to you in these matters maybe its because he feels shy about it or he feels he will be judged or called a beast or whatnot. Sex is a very very important part of a man's life. We take it very very seriously. So maybe u can create an atmosphere where he feels comfortable discussing his sexual desires without feeling judged and you will see that you wont have to worry about outside influences anymore.

addiction12:
we have talked several times about it, all he does is to ignore me. he has this I don't care attitude, no matter what I say, it doesn't mean anything to him. sometimes he got wet as a result of his chats. he even sent money to the lady I was trying to divert his attention from and he told me he was broke when I asked him for money.

Men dont get wet.


You're saying he had this "I don't care" attitude before he got married? Or it started after marriage?

addiction12:
he is the type that will never ask for sex unless I make a move. as am typing this tear is rolling down my chicks because he still send very indecent message online. what else can I do cos have cried my eye out in silence.

Why haven't u told him about your discoveries? Why are u punishing yourself? Are u afraid of confronting him with what you have found.

Pls stop this crying in silence thing, talk to him about it this evening when u r both relaxed and free. Keeping it to fester in your heart is not good for you. Remember you said he is a calm devoted husband who loves you. So if you had never found out about this you wouldn't have been this miserable. Nothing has changed, you have simply discovered what many other married women will discover in marriage, that sex is a very big deal to men and they will find an outlet for it sooner or later.


Tell him about your discovery in a calm manner. Show him proof of the girls (i hope u have the proof with you), then ask him why he doesnt express himself like that with you. Most respectable husbands don't express thier sexual selves to thier wives for fear of being laughed at or insulted. Other men have the wrong notion ingrained in them that sex is a dirty thing and feel it will be disrespectful performing thier sexual desires on thier wife.


Sha talk about it in a calm, serene, non-judgemental environment. See how it goes.

addiction12:
we have talked several times about it, all he does is to ignore me. he has this I don't care attitude, no matter what I say, it doesn't mean anything to him. sometimes he got wet as a result of his chats. he even sent money to the lady I was trying to divert his attention from and he told me he was broke when I asked him for money.

If I were you, I would get busy and focus on myself, my kids, my life, my job (inside or outside the house), socialize and most importnatly my happiness. If anything can help you, then this. Don't let anyone walk all over you and treat you this way. He doesn't respect you so you need to learn how to respect yourself.

Keep your interaction with him formal, be polite but reserved. Just interact to organize family life and do as much as you can without him.

My two cents.

Mindfulness:


If I were you, I would get busy and focus on myself, my kids, my life, my job (inside or outside the house), socialize and most importnatly my happiness. If anything can help you, then this. Don't let anyone walk all over you and treat you this way. He doesn't respect you so you need to learn how to respect yourself.

Keep your interaction with him formal, be polite but reserved. Just interact to organize family life and do as much as you can without him.

My two cents.

thank you and I appreciate your advise, u seems to really understand my situation. I never expected my husband to be like this. I just have to let him be and focus on my life, am even finding It difficult to concentrate at work.

5minsmadness:


Why haven't u told him about your discoveries? Why are u punishing yourself? Are u afraid of confronting him with what you have found.

Pls stop this crying in silence thing, talk to him about it this evening when u r both relaxed and free. Keeping it to fester in your heart is not good for you. Remember you said he is a calm devoted husband who loves you. So if you had never found out about this you wouldn't have been this miserable. Nothing has changed, you have simply discovered what many other married women will discover in marriage, that sex is a very big deal to men and they will find an outlet for it sooner or later.


Tell him about your discovery in a calm manner. Show him proof of the girls (i hope u have the proof with you), then ask him why he doesnt express himself like that with you. Most respectable husbands don't express thier sexual selves to thier wives for fear of being laughed at or insulted. Other men have the wrong notion ingrained in them that sex is a dirty thing and feel it will be disrespectful performing thier sexual desires on thier wife.


Sha talk about it in a calm, serene, non-judgemental environment. See how it goes.

he wont just listen. maybe because he doesn't respect my view. that is who my husband his, he believes he knows it all and nothing I say makes sense to him.

addiction12:
thank you and I appreciate your advise, u seems to really understand my situation. I never expected my husband to be like this. I just have to let him be and focus on my life, am even finding It difficult to concentrate at work.

And you prefered this advice.

To ignore the problem and become selfish and pursue your own happiness and do things without him thereby increasing the rift between you.

He did wrong so you must do wrong as well.

I wish you luck.

addiction12:
he wont just listen. maybe because he doesn't respect my view. that is who my husband his, he believes he knows it all and nothing I say makes sense to him.

Have u done it to know he wont listen? Have u caught him with girls before and talked to him and he didn't listen?

You have already defeated yourself by your assumptions.

5minsmadness:


Have u done it to know he wont listen? Have u caught him with girls before and talked to him and he didn't listen?

You have already defeated yourself by your assumptions.

no sis, I hv never seen him with any body that is why this is really affecting me emotionally. I spoke to him about the lady he chat with on Facebook and he told me he met d lady even before he met me nd thier friendship its just casual. He has never brought anyone home nor does he keep out late except his online frnds that he flirt wt to d extent of exchanging thier nude pictures. And I fought with him regarding his chat but he wouldn't listen and that was what led to me opening a fake account just to divert his attention but I won't lie to u, my husband has revealed alot more than I expected to me though da fake account and that was how I got to know he is addicted to porn.

5minsmadness:


And you prefered this advice.

To ignore the problem and become selfish and pursue your own happiness and do things without him thereby increasing the rift between you.

He did wrong so you must do wrong as well.

I wish you luck.

what do u want me to do?

addiction12:
Good day good people of Nairaland. I got married 3 years ago thinking he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. my husband is calm, easy going, no alcohol or too much friends and also very devoted. I discovered recently that he has a lady on Facebook he normally have an erotic chat with which am not comfortable with. three weeks ago I decided to open an account on Facebook and added him just for me to divert his attention from this lady but was shocked to see the level at which my husband can go while online by sending me a picture of his manhood. I was speechless, he has beginning to lie to me that he got a contract in Abuja and that he is going next wkend for inspection of which I was the one who invited him with my fake account. mothers, sisters or even fathers and uncles on this forum pls help me save my marriage, he told me he his addicted to porn which I never noticed in him. how can I stop him and should I stop the chat with him?

This is not just about pörn but the fact that your husband planned to go on a rendezvous with someone else I think you need to be clear about what worries you the most that he wants to go cheating or he is looking at pörn because they are not the same thing.

addiction12:
thank you and I appreciate your advise, u seems to really understand my situation. I never expected my husband to be like this. I just have to let him be and focus on my life, am even finding It difficult to concentrate at work.

I do understand your situation and I can also understand how the situation is driving you crazy. His behavior is absolutely unacceptable and since you have already tried talking to him and he ignores you and acts like he doesn't care about you and your marriage and additionally disrespects you in the worst ways possible, you better take of yourself before you go insane. Emotional stress can make you sick and even kill you and you deserve better, everyone does.

Focus on yourself and your happiness and if he cares, he will come back. If he doesn't, then good riddance to bad rubbish. It would be extremely stewpid to continue stressing and killing yourself because of someone who doesn't give a fvck. Sorry for the harsh word but this is what it is.

Life and marriage is meant to be enjoyed. Anyone who tells you anything else must live a miserable life him- or herself. Love yourself!

5minsmadness:


And you prefered this advice.

To ignore the problem and become selfish and pursue your own happiness and do things without him thereby increasing the rift between you.

He did wrong so you must do wrong as well.

I wish you luck.

The man is already pursuing his own happiness on net and possibly with any woman who invites him to Abuja. The woman said she has talked to him before and he does not listen to her. Why should she continue to suffer over a problem she has no power to change when the man with the power to control himself refuses to acknowledge there is a problem?

5minsmadness:


And you prefered this advice.

To ignore the problem and become selfish and pursue your own happiness and do things without him thereby increasing the rift between you.

He did wrong so you must do wrong as well.

I wish you luck.

Caring about yourself, your sanity and happiness is wrong?
Licking your husband's azz who treats you like a piece of sh.it is right, isn't it?

Sick!

hmmmn, life

Mindfulness:


Caring about yourself, your sanity and happiness is wrong?
Licking your husband's azz who treats you like a piece of sh.it is right, isn't it?

Sick!

andromida:


The man is already pursuing his own happiness on net and possibly with any woman who invites him to Abuja. The woman said she has talked to him before and he does not listen to her. Why should she continue to suffer over a problem she has no power to change when the man with the power to control himself refuses to acknowledge there is a problem?

Apologies ladies.


@addiction12, you married a monster. Divorce him asap.

5minsmadness:




Apologies ladies.


@addiction12, you married a monster. Divorce him asap.

Now you are just being dramatic. No one is suggesting divorce just how to care for her self in this situation not keep focusing on the problem.

5minsmadness:




Apologies ladies.


@addiction12, you married a monster. Divorce him asap.

tnx but that is not d solution am asking for. I still appreciate your concern

This woman,what exactly do you want? You set up a fake account to seduce your own husband and you are here complaining. You were able to influence your husband because you know his weak points.Shame on you

andromida:


Now you are just being dramatic. No one is suggesting divorce just how to care for her self in this situation not keep focusing on the problem.

No i'm not being dramatic.

Why should she continue living on with someone that treats her like sh!t, someone that does not respect her or give her happiness or has never listened to what she says? Someone who is already pursuing his own happiness and making her miserable? He must be a terrible husband and she is doomed if she spends the rest of her life with him.

Two wrongs don't make a right. If she is not ready to forgive and seek a solution, if she would rather separate herself more from him, treat him formally and coldly with no love, thdn she will over time create a more toxic environment. Why cohabit in such a miserable existence?

She should divorce him.

But how can someone's husband be addicted to porn?

Onegai:
Porn is not something anyone should consume. It is unhealthy. It is not attractive, no-one filming it thinks it is sexy, it is a fantasy and not really a good one. Let me paint a vivid picture for you:

Everyone, crew and cast come to set (someone's house). Whilst crew is putting up lights and rigs, sound is checking his boom (big mike) and director is talking to actors (who probably just met that day). There's no where to change they just go to one corner and remove cloth and if the actors are smart, they will carry their own bathrobe and slippers to be wearing around. The male actors take pills to keep that "stuff" up and most times he barely talks to the woman (they just met and this is a job). Makeup covers the actors bodies with foundation and powder (even their bumbums are powdered so it won't shine on camera and they have to cover boob surgery cuts, weird offensive tattoos, cellulite from eating too much bread, drug usage wounds because a lot of porn actors use drugs) and also mix the "money shot" liquid (oh, did boys think all that was real and natural?) They get on set and decide on condom usage (most directors don't like it because it doesn't sell well). They shoot, take breaks of upto 1 hour to change lights and soundproof and the man has to keep that stuff hard all through that (because they rented the lights and cameras and wasting time costs money and if any actor causes delay no-one will work with them). So everyone has to be ready once the director calls them. No "abeg let me try and get it up". But if he needs to, there's a prosthetic on standby that looks bigger that can be held by the man. By the way, females are paid higher than men and a lot of men tend to work in gay porn (which pays them higher). Now, for all those close-up shots, the camera man has to kneel down in between the legs of the actors and point the camera upwards, which is why you get scenes like man and woman standing and lifting one leg (they are trying to get a better shot). Try holding yourself in that position for 15 minutes without getting a painful cramp.

So, does this sound sexy? Why are you watching something so uncomfortable and why do we keep telling women to watch it? How does this improve life, how can any person throw away their marriage over something even the performers are only doing to get paid to pay for a mortgage on their house? How??

OP, show your husband what I typed. Tell him I got that info from people who work in the industry (even photogs in Nigeria exist who shot this and they will prefer shooting your average housewife than a stripper because strippers have dead eyes and frankly don't do well on camera). But it is NOT a glamourous job and they love-vendor their models out to politicians and rich men.

Now, for the cheating, calmly confront your husband. Tell him that if he is willing to risk his life for something so tawdry with a random stranger who can infect him with anything or even set him up and kill him, he is an adult but you will not be part of it. Tell him his fantasies are built on lies and it is better you and he stay in bed and figure out what really works than to be jumping like a housefly from poop to poop, never satisfied. And that if in this economy he is willing to spend much-needed, scarce money to fly and lodge in Abuja to meet up with a random stranger for an encounter that he will forget before 40, then you must question your own judgement in marrying him. Ask him to be a Man (not all these boys parading as men). And focus on what is important. Be calm when saying this.

People think porn is all real?

addiction12:
tnx but that is not d solution am asking for. I still appreciate your concern

A solution was given to you.


Face the problem head on instead of ignoring it or running away from it. Thats the mature thing to do. I believe u are a grown woman. In marriages a lot of obstacles come up, obstacles by far greater than this one, emotional, mental, physical and financial. Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is hard work, scarifice and dedication. You chose to live with this man for the rest of your lives. In this long journey, you will definitely come across flaws and weaknesses. Today its him, tomorrow it could be you. Today its emotional, tomorrow it could be financial. You dont just throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. If you do then your love is worthless and superficial. Some of the people advicing you gave up at the first sign of trouble and they are divorced today and looking for who to be miserable with. Others advicing you are having far worse problems than you are and are enduring it but they come online to nairaland to vent their frustrations. Yet others are single girls whose idea of love comes from watching telemundo fantasies and reading mills and boon.


You married this man. If you feel he isnt worth the trouble of fighting for him, then i wonder why you married him in the first place.


Apologies. I have stuff to do. I'm out.

freecocoa:
But how can someone's husband be addicted to porn?

A sexually starved man will ALWAYS find an outlet.