He has come to my office two times. Lean and dark, trying very hard not to betray his deep sadness as he manages a smile each time he looks at me. His eyes remain sad, deep and penetrating, his gaunt look making his oversized jacket hang on his dour frame with pity at his condition. His sadness infects me as I remain almost helpless in solving his immediate problem which is to assist him get a job.

The saddest thing in all these, is his firm believe that I can assist him. For each time he sees me, his tired eyes light up with hope and this throws a huge burden on me. Yesterday, he came in as usual and I promptly forgot him in the reception. Deep into my own issues I continued fighting the fires that threaten to consume me. The Gringe is at it again, generally disturbing me so I forgot that my friend was patiently waiting in the reception. On my way out I saw him and asked him to come in. We had a brief chat and I saw that he did not really have enough skill set to work in any of my platforms not like we could even afford him since we too were struggling. But his enthusiasm and earlier mentioned 'hope' spurred me to try my best.

I asked him to remind me later at night to discuss with Segun in a bid to see if Segun could assist him and that opened the floodgate. He sent me a text begging for this opportunity and in the text he mentioned that his wife left him cos he lost his job.

That hit me, this was the second time I was hearing this and my mind went straight to my mother's advise when Nicholas the big headed argonaut sacked me for nothing. My mum advised me not to tell my wife since I could not guarantee her reaction. So I did not tell her o. I told her I was on leave and would be using the opportunity to start something for myself. When the 'leave' time passed, I started going out with my suit and lap top every morning like I was going to work but always ended at the Southern Sun Hotel to seat down and pretend I was working on a project and after 'work' I will go home and tell her how busy I was today and how work will soon kill me.

So this my brothers revelation and my mums advise got me thinking. What kind of a woman will leave her husband because he lost his job? Is it no longer 'for better for worse'. Is this truly a trend? Are women this fickle and heartless-staying when the going is good and jumping out at the slightest stress in the marriage.

When it happened to my former secondary school classmate I threw up the issue on our class forum and it was debated heatedly. For me it is good riddance and no single tear should be shed for such a Jezebel. She should be swept away and everything she touched should be burnt the way you burn everything touched by an Ebola victim. That woman would have eventually killed you even if you did not loose your job.

As I write, I am told to listen to both sides. For me there is no both sides according to my friend, Lanre Olusola the life coach any woman carrying out this evil act would only be looking for a justification for an act that already been perpetrated long before the job loss. To me the woman should be hung out to dry up and be treated like a confessed witch burnt at the stake with her breast thrown out there for the cats to devour.

My father lost his job and for eight years we had real life poverty as a direct cousin. My father was a wreck emotionally as he lost the will to live. A very proud and handsome man was turned into a wretch and in the wake of his job loss became depressed and almost suicidal. So apart from the obvious financial distortion we had the additional stress of carrying out a suicide watch with me sneaking into his room intermittently every other night to watch his famous pot belly to see if it was still moving. The Afang my mother fed him with made sure he woke up the next morning. Despite his mood he still loved his freshly made Afang soup and his chilled bottle of coca cola.

But the story is my mother's reaction to all this. She immediately became the General in the house. Moving the troops and not letting us relax or fall into despair. She used to vow that our standard of living will not drop and that she will die instead of letting us drop out of school. We started hawking bread and I was the main champion. You can imagine me just getting into my teenage years complete with comb hanging from my back pocket and flying my collars and winking at the luscious babes that littered shomolu then and now hawking bread. It was a terrible experience, but I could not dare refuse, my mother would skin me alive furthermore I understood why I had to hawk the bread. My people I hiked bread so much that when we eventually came out of it and I surfaced at the University of Ibadan anytime someone shouted 'Omo oni bread' I will subconsciously turn my head. It got to a point where my then darling, the lusciously gifted and eternally beautiful Ms. Toyin Olosunde once asked me why I always turned back when they called bread seller, I told her that it as out of pity for the bread seller that I hated hawking and when I got rich, I would liberate all bread sellers in the country. She hugged me and thanked God for this angel of a boyfriend. If only she knew.

My mother stood behind my dad. Shielding him from the shame of a job loss. Fighting everybody from the NEPA people who came to disconnect us, to errant landlords who did not understand why we could no longer pay the rents. She worked two jobs as a Nurse, Hawked bread, sold one of the cars and much more importantly became the father and mother and today she single handedly trained five graduates complete at the prestigious University of Ibadan. Today she is nestling in comfort and bliss in Uyo enjoying the products of her struggle.

So I will never understand this growing phenomenon of women jumping out and in my minds eye I see no justification. My mother used to laughingly joke with my father those days. She used to say, the former Governor of Akwa Ibom was her toaster and if she had known she would have agreed but see where her search for handsome husband has landed her. My father will burst into tears and we will all laugh at him and throw his Afang his way to appease him.

My people I plead with our women to be like my mother. For eight years she stood and made sure her husband did not really feel the humiliation of a job loss, the loneliness of your essence rudely dragged away from you by terrible economic conditions and the absolute worthlessness you begin to feel as a result of your inability to be a man.

So to my friend I say good riddance. Do not beg her, she does not deserve you and she will perish in the wilderness of perfidy with her carcass fed to the vultures and hyena's of opportunity who prey on such embodiments of greed and selfishness by sucking their disease filled bodies drying it up and leaving them a worthless carcass to be dragged around the street by mangy dogs and spat upon. You have been liberated. Congratulations.

My mama try sha. Kai, I never give am her chop money in three months o.

eyinjuege:
and your father as a man who's sole purpose in life is to eat afang soup

A well written article. I dunno why people are attacking the messenger instead of appreciating the simple message the op is trying to share.

My people I plead with our women to be like my mother. For eight years she stood and made sure her husband did not really feel the humiliation of a job loss, the loneliness of your essence rudely dragged away from you by terrible economic conditions and the absolute worthlessness you begin to feel as a result of your inability to be a man.
Cc: lalasticlala

VikingsOO7:
A well written article. I dunno why people are attacking the messenger instead of appreciating the simple message the op is trying to share.

Onegai:


Because when you constantly complain about a certain group of people, bash them continuously (seriously why are you guys still toasting Naija women, abeg gwan marry foreign babes and be happy, Ghana and Kenya is also #TeamForeignBabes o) and then tell them you need to change, without you accepting that maybe you're part of the problem, that other group eventually starts acting up, determined to prove your worst predictions right.
If you keep calling your child a thief, one day it will come true. As you name it, so shall it be.

Reading Nairaland has shown me you cannot win in life being a Nigerian woman.

Ovoko! I honestly dunno why something as simple as this is turning to a war.
The OP' message is simple. Stick with Your husband no matter how bad things are. Support him, encourage him.

Ffs, is the "For better for worse" vow now a poem You guys just recite in church? Nobody is saying the husband is blameless.
The message is: Don't dump Your marriage when things go bad for Your husband.
Nothing lasts forever.

VikingsOO7:
Ovoko! I honestly dunno why something as simple as this is turning to a war.
The OP' message is simple. Stick with Your husband no matter how bad things are. Support him, encourage him.

Ffs, is the "For better for worse" vow now a poem You guys just recite in church? Nobody is saying the husband is blameless.
The message is: Don't dump Your marriage when things go bad for Your husband.
Nothing lasts forever.

Onegai:


and you're seeing trouble where there is none: your intended audience is telling you to also address that message to your fellow men. Simple and logical. The End.

Abeg, let me leave this section for una. No be my pikin una go marry so e no concern me

Onegai:
keepingmum, dyt and eyinjuege, how dare YOU imply that women are caring, a lot of them are supporting their families uncomplainingly and standing by their man?! How dare you say that some men cause their own wahala with their hands, are you trying to say men should take responsibility for some of their own woes, that after they have made their beds, they have to lie on it?? Are you honestly trying to imply that women actually carry their weight times two in caring for their families?! Don't you know women are useless and are not as great as their mothers! hian, Are you Feminists!!!

Onegai:


Because when you constantly complain about a certain group of people, bash them continuously (seriously why are you guys still toasting Naija women, abeg gwan marry foreign babes and be happy, Ghana and Kenya is also #TeamForeignBabes o) and then tell them you need to change, without you accepting that maybe you're part of the problem, that other group eventually starts acting up, determined to prove your worst predictions right.
If you keep calling your child a thief, one day it will come true. As you name it, so shall it be.

Reading Nairaland has shown me you cannot win in life being a Nigerian woman.

VikingsOO7:
A well written article. I dunno why people are attacking the messenger instead of appreciating the simple message the op is trying to share.

tron23:
I weep for my generation, there is something fundamentally wrong with people these days. Recently, I heard that Gov. Serike of Bayelsa was blessed with 3 kids after years of delay. Yet he didnt throw away his wife. He stood by her side all the time.

You see, young ladies need to understand that being loyal is a virtue. Personally, I believe that marriage is for better or for worse. My late Grand father (Maternal Side) lost everything (houses, 5 cars in Kano) during the civil war. But I can tell you that by 1990, he has 5 cars and 2 houses. His wife stood by him for years, once he came back online he sent her on foreign trips -first to Jerusalem, then to the US. Now, that's what I call manning up...and repaying your woman for her loyalty.

I still dont know why people cant be sincere. Believe me, when you stand by your spouse when they are down, once they come back online things will be totally different. Recently a lady left her husband after he lost his job, just here -mid 2015. Now he just got a new job and relocated to the US, NOW SHE CANT BEG, SHE CANT TALK. SHE IS JUST MOPPING.....

Why is it so difficult for people to endure...just for a little while till things get better. Believe me no negative or bad situation is permanent.

Anyway, a word is enough for the wise. I

Ujoan:




But heaven sees it all. If the woman was irrational to leave, let her pay for her actions. But if she was right to leave, may God grant her the strength to stand strong and ignore the busy bodies.

tron23:
I weep for my generation, there is something fundamentally wrong with people these days. Recently, I heard that Gov. Serike of Bayelsa was blessed with 3 kids after years of delay. Yet he didnt throw away his wife. He stood by her side all the time.

You see, young ladies need to understand that being loyal is a virtue. Personally, I believe that marriage is for better or for worse. My late Grand father (Maternal Side) lost everything (houses, 5 cars in Kano) during the civil war. But I can tell you that by 1990, he has 5 cars and 2 houses. His wife stood by him for years, once he came back online he sent her on foreign trips -first to Jerusalem, then to the US. Now, that's what I call manning up...and repaying your woman for her loyalty.

I still dont know why people cant be sincere. Believe me, when you stand by your spouse when they are down, once they come back online things will be totally different. Recently a lady left her husband after he lost his job, just here -mid 2015. Now he just got a new job and relocated to the US, NOW SHE CANT BEG, SHE CANT TALK. SHE IS JUST MOPPING.....

Why is it so difficult for people to endure...just for a little while till things get better. Believe me no negative or bad situation is permanent.

Anyway, a word is enough for the wise. I

tron23:
I weep for my generation, there is something fundamentally wrong with people these days. Recently, I heard that Gov. Serike of Bayelsa was blessed with 3 kids after years of delay. Yet he didnt throw away his wife. He stood by her side all the time.

You see, young ladies need to understand that being loyal is a virtue. Personally, I believe that marriage is for better or for worse. My late Grand father (Maternal Side) lost everything (houses, 5 cars in Kano) during the civil war. But I can tell you that by 1990, he has 5 cars and 2 houses. His wife stood by him for years, once he came back online he sent her on foreign trips -first to Jerusalem, then to the US. Now, that's what I call manning up...and repaying your woman for her loyalty.

I still dont know why people cant be sincere. Believe me, when you stand by your spouse when they are down, once they come back online things will be totally different. Recently a lady left her husband after he lost his job, just here -mid 2015. Now he just got a new job and relocated to the US, NOW SHE CANT BEG, SHE CANT TALK. SHE IS JUST MOPPING.....

Why is it so difficult for people to endure...just for a little while till things get better. Believe me no negative or bad situation is permanent.

Anyway, a word is enough for the wise. I