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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. (44169 Views)
Lady Slaps Boyfriend For Refusing Her Proposal After Dating Her For 6 Years / After Dating For 7 Years, Couple Ties Each Other To Seal Their Love In Pre.. / Advice Needed, My Fiancee Removes Our Engagement Ring (2) (3) (4)
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Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Sholeyb: 12:52pm On May 10, 2017 |
I think the underlying issues are multifaceted. I believe you love this guy but you have not set out clearly what your expectations are. The foundation of your problem may also lie in a lack of communication. Firstly, with regard to him watching porn on your computer- you need to work out what actually upset you. Are you upset because he watched it without telling you or because he watched it at all. I ask because, if it is the latter, that may be a huge problem. You need to ask yourself whether you are willing to marry a man who watches porn? If it is the former, then you both need to communicate more. Secondly, how is it that you were unaware of the contents of the gift boxes? I think the contents should have been discussed before he took it to your home. If you genuinely love someone, you can both agree on the value of the contents, the value should not really matter if both parties agree. To an extent, I understand how you feel, if the guy is capable of buying better gifts but chooses not to, it may make you feel like he does not value you. However, if his explanation that he felt that you would not receive them in any event is genuine, he may have bought those gifts with the best intentions. Either way, both of you need to have a long and honest chat about your expectations going forward, that is, if you feel you wish to remain in the relationship. Because a man travels to see you in the US or that you have dated for 7 years does not mean you have to remain in the relationship. Think long and hard about what you really want. 2 Likes |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by openmine(m): 12:58pm On May 10, 2017 |
Some one on this thread said sum tin dat just wrapped it up for the OP..... "U ARE BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP NOT A FACTORY!!!" 1 Like |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by lanrywatt(m): 1:03pm On May 10, 2017 |
Hamature:My little piece oga.... I had to, marriage is not by force. It takes two to tangle and two people to agree. Y would she be fighting when the guy has made up his mind.. ..like I said earlier there is someone better on the way.. One of the problem with have is believing we can't see someone better than who we are currently dating irrespective of our many years we have spent together. U can met someone who will change all that like dey never existed. Na matter of time jare |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Amiblaize77(f): 1:17pm On May 10, 2017 |
PatriotTemidayo: You Sha get time 1 Like |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by CoCoLav(f): 1:19pm On May 10, 2017 |
OP, I guess you are the first/only daughter and you are igbo. First daughters are a symbol of pride and I get where your mum is coming from. Your boyfriend I believe after seven years should have known the kind of family you come from and so should have known the type of gifts to bring. Most of the people commenting here wont dare bring cheap/fake wine to their prospective in-laws. Its because you mentioned gold thats why their mouths are running. As the poster before me said, whatever is worth doing is worth doing well. How can you buy cheap items for the girl you want to marry knowing very well her family background? Its like buying cheap ankara you know her mother will never ever wear. Where is the pride in that? How many of you guys bought cheap ankara instead of hollandis for your prospective mother in laws? You saw that ankara was cheaper but that element of respect wont allow you buy the cheap ankara. I am not saying he should have bought things he ordinarily cannot afford like a car or the most expensive wristwatches but have some respect for the parents of your future wife. Imagine buying something so cheap for your prospective inlaws that the very next day it starts to peel off, wont that be embarrassing? For the mum to have sent the items to the girl, it means she was trying to prove that she was not exaggerating. The guy even admitted that he didnt know the items will get to the girl which means he knew they were cheap items..maybe from Yaba or Tejuosho. This is not the normal gift situation where it is not the value but the thought that matters. This is about showing I can take care of your daughter...thats African culture. If OP had fought because she wants Instagram wedding, thats a different story and she can be blamed. OP you even messed up too. You are supposed to ask what he is taking and plan together so that where you see he is falling short, you add money to it and help him save face in front of your parents. Your manner of approach must have also added to his fury and words must have been said. Next time, try to find a better way to approach the topic, maybe by suggesting he buy additional items and take to your family, you dont have to tell him exactly what your mum said but be tactful and diplomatic. Your mum just wants to be able to show her friends what her prospective son-in-law bought for her especially if you are the only daughter. She may also be worried that he may not be able to take care of you to the standard you were brought up and you may end up being the breadwinner. No parents want their child to suffer. Your parents obviously dont need his money or his gifts, they need him to show how much he values their daughter and it is obvious from the china gifts he bought just how much he values you. 3 Likes |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 1:23pm On May 10, 2017 |
PatriotTemidayo: Couldn't have said it any better. She's selfish |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 1:24pm On May 10, 2017 |
@ Nobody. Just take a step back and think about all that made this work all these years and put that in perspective. Something definately has been working for you guys. But, you need to ask yourself why pick a fight and refer to the things he brought as cheap, that could really pinch a man's ego and nerve. Though you didn't say if he is well to do financially and probably should have brought more than he did for the introduction but you have to realize that communication is key at this junction you guys have reached. The point is you have made him feel like every effort he might make wouldn't count. You can still have a long talk with him and iron things out but in a subtle loving and understanding manner devoid of rancour. Don't give up just yet. If you both love each other then know you both can fight for this love. Nothing good comes easy, no relationship is perfect but true love ROCKS. GOODLUCK. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 1:28pm On May 10, 2017 |
CoCoLav: Well said. This is exactly the point of view I've been looking for on this thread. But she should have explained this point to her guy. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by dangotesmummy: 1:29pm On May 10, 2017 |
CoCoLav:best advice ever.perfect response. Exactly my sentiments |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 1:34pm On May 10, 2017 |
@ Nobody. Just take a step back and think about all that made this work all these years and put that in perspective. Something definately has been working for you guys. But, you need to ask yourself why pick a fight and refer to the things he brought as cheap, that could really pinch a man's ego and nerve. Though you didn't say if he is well to do financially and probably should have brought more than he did for the introduction but you have to realize that communication is key at this junction you guys have reached. The point is you have made him feel like every effort he might make wouldn't count. You can still have a long talk with him and iron things out but in a subtle loving and understanding manner devoid of rancour. Don't give up just yet. If you both love each other then know you both can fight for this love. Nothing good comes easy, no relationship is perfect but true love ROCKS. GOODLUCK. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 1:34pm On May 10, 2017 |
@ Nobody. Just take a step back and think about all that made this work all these years and put that in perspective. Something definately has been working for you guys. But, you need to ask yourself why pick a fight and refer to the things he brought as cheap, that could really pinch a man's ego and nerve. Though you didn't say if he is well to do financially and probably should have brought more than he did for the introduction but you have to realize that communication is key at this junction you guys have reached. The point is you have made him feel like every effort he might make wouldn't count. You can still have a long talk with him and iron things out but in a subtle loving and understanding manner devoid of rancour. Don't give up just yet. If you both love each other then know you both can fight for this love. Nothing good comes easy, no relationship is perfect but true love ROCKS. GOODLUCK. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by georgee(m): 1:41pm On May 10, 2017 |
With all the comments av read from guys on this thread, it shows that most of Naija guys still av it in dem. I love those comments so much dt i had to nod my head in approval.. No matter how humourous, responsible, loving etc we try to be, we must never lose that sense of manhood. Kudos guys. . If that Op get sense, make she quickly run to that guy and srart doin serious beggin i.e if the guy sef wan take am back nni ooo... Cos me i no fit marry such girl, my man-ego wuld not even allow me date her for that long. . She dey yankee, carry yankee mentality wan dey operate for naija parole, na sorry be her middle name. . @Op, that ur bf is a good example of a very correct. Go and maary ur parents and expensive Gold 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by ManTiger(m): 1:55pm On May 10, 2017 |
Urukpe:Thats the reason why they forwarded the items to her, most likely they forwarded the worst looking of the items and the gal is not too smart to figure it out. They 2 families belongs to 2 different class group. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by deflover(m): 1:57pm On May 10, 2017 |
neocortex: So the excuse isn't enuff Kuku kill him cos him no buy gold Tomorrow una go say my family doesn't charge much So putting ur eggs in one basket is bad A cheat is just a cheat No wonder u gals die single 1 Like |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by gucci20(m): 2:05pm On May 10, 2017 |
praisehim:Wise talk my brother! |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 2:19pm On May 10, 2017 |
CuddleMe:I folo u to hell. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by CuddleMe(f): 2:21pm On May 10, 2017 |
elfmann:What are we going to do in hell..LOL |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 2:22pm On May 10, 2017 |
CuddleMe:English language.. don't u love it? |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by CuddleMe(f): 2:24pm On May 10, 2017 |
elfmann:Hmmmm... |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by CuddleMe(f): 2:26pm On May 10, 2017 |
elfmann:Move on and quote those with good command of English and leave me alone. Stop embarrassing me |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by newslifeop: 2:27pm On May 10, 2017 |
Hmmm |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by slurryeye2: 2:48pm On May 10, 2017 |
Trina0936: I believe I was having conversation with someone that can comprehend. But If you have difficulty in understanding my previous post, then good luck to you. However, this is my advice to you. Instead of living your life with inferiority complex of believing that white lifes are better than black, I will advise you to blanch off your melanin, restructure your face and join the white race. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Urukpe: 2:51pm On May 10, 2017 |
ManTiger: U are right man |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 3:14pm On May 10, 2017 |
Dear you are the cause of the break up, you value your degrees more than him, imagine, pre-degree, degree, post degree and advanced degree. You dot have time for him so he resorted to watching porn, this problem is a sex problem. Dont be surprised he dumped you for an ssce holder who gives him what he wants, my condolence.Just move on. Its not the quantity o degrees that makes you value to a man, its the willingness to give him your heart and time. 2 Likes
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Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nancy2016: 3:18pm On May 10, 2017 |
aribisala0: Your argument doesn't hold water. She never said it was her work laptop. Most people don't let others use their work laptops. I have never used my husband's work laptop and I don't even know his password. Also your claim that people have been turned away at US airports because they had porn on their laptops seems to be a tall tale. Remember that America prides itself on being the land of freedom, there is no way the US authorities would get away with such overreach of authority. If you are over 18 you can watch porn as long as it doesn't involve minors. 1 Like |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Aragon: 3:21pm On May 10, 2017 |
Just like you, I am also embarrassed that someone that lives in the WEST could be going off about GOLD! Can't you buy it yourself? Your Mum is annoyed that the Gold is not Real even though they didnt collect so much from him. Just listen to yourself. Truly Shameful. Here is how a Proper girl with a good family behaves "A guy from Europe went to Nigeria to also pay his girls bride-price and they put lots of Money in a Bowl and gave tp the Girl Family, they took 20naira out, Returned the Rest saying they should use it to take care of their Daughter" Back in Europe the girl was overjoyed that it all went " That is how good people that are ready for Marriage act. It seems you and your Family are not. I can't blame the poor guy. Nobody wants all this type of Drama. 6 Likes |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by technicallyrich(m): 3:26pm On May 10, 2017 |
Nmen ntoor gold digger.oya come and take gold. You are a fool is he a gold mine,if u want gold buy for yourself.all these feminism will be deceiving you people now you are heart broken That guy is a real g, 1 Like |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by freetongue(m): 3:28pm On May 10, 2017 |
I met him in 2010, and I had to leave for graduate school in 2012. We continued dating and he visited me in the U.S as often as he could. After one of such visits, i discovered he had used my laptop to watch pornography. We had a fight, broke up, then made up again. So you expect to get good advice here.... Why are you still blind to yourself. To know what to do really, get a life coach or certified counsellor or even your religion head. However, I think praying to your God for direction is the best. However, for my own opinion based on what you have said here, I think you should let him go. Then,evaluate your own attitudes to issues, check your value system and then determine what kind of partner you really want.....I pray God will direct you in this challenging phase of your life. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Aremuagan144(m): 3:54pm On May 10, 2017 |
[quote]I met him in 2010, and I had to leave for graduate school in 2012. We continued dating and he visited me in the U.S as often as he could. After one of such visits, i discovered he had used my laptop to watch pornography. We had a fight, broke up, then made up again. I am currently studying for my Doctorate and my greencard application (thru sister) is pending, therefore, i cannot travel out of the country now. So last year we decided to do our wedding in the U.S, and he and his family went to my family in Nigeria to pay my bride price. My dad gave them a small price because he said we don't need their money and he is not selling me. But the problem was that the boxes of items they were to bring for me ended up being all cheap stuff, not even one single set of gold jewelry. My mum was unhappy and embarrassed, and i was terribly unhappy too. His excuse was that they didn't think the stuff would actually get to me since i am far away. My mum actually sent some of the stuff to me to see for myself. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by cobsol(m): 4:48pm On May 10, 2017 |
neocortex:MUMU like you. 2 Likes |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by Nobody: 5:00pm On May 10, 2017 |
CuddleMe:Wow..did u take it in d wrong? U are good thou. |
Re: After Dating For 7 Years, He Called Off Our Engagement. by byvan03: 5:03pm On May 10, 2017 |
Drama queens and kings are terrible to be with . I don't blame him too, I would have done the same . |
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