esan1:
This is real, God bless you for opening our eyes

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Bobby808:
I have read many posts from this thread including this one. Am just wondering the way most people, especially this era reasons. I mean the way the todey Nigerian thinks. I am a grand father. From records, no woman has successfully managed the home alone. Both mother and father does it together but when the father dies prematurelly, the mother and the children most time do not do well because, it is very difficult to manage the children without the father. Most children do not obay the commands and instructions of the mothers without the support of the father hence the father is described as always shouting. If the father do not shout especually the today jet age where children are very arrogant, desrespectful etc. All these children who posting and are sounding insultive to father and those who prefers to talk down, those children who misbehaves because the father is aged should have a change of mind. The bible describe the mother as a helper. Helper means to assist the father. Therefore, the father is expected to take the lead and to lead involved using all manners of methods to ensure that at the end, a good reault is achieved.
My second son, now a millitary officer in defence headquarters was living with his mother, while I was transferred to PH to work. My wife was always complaining so much so that I was forced to remove him, take him and lived with me until he was able to finish school (university)and now an officer. So if you are still a young man under parents, please, always respect your father when he is old. Do not say he was using force on me and now that I am on my own, to hell with him.

. @ Sir Fabian, I understand your sentiments but disagree with you on so many levels. 1). Kids also listen to their moms and do according to what they are told 2). I have seen many women who brought up their children successfully without the husbands and the children turned out extremely well... Case in point renowned Neuro-Surgeon Dr Ben Carson, world class Basketballer Shaquinille O'Neil - his mother's name is Lucille Harrison... Please use google sir... 3). You don't have to be a beast to get ur kids to fall in line. Instead of shouting, why don't you just raise the value of ur argument... Ur kids will listen. Do you know why white kids will stay indoors when they are told YOU ARE GROUNDED? The parents don't shout... Those 3 words are what white kids detest the most. Please watch the movie KYLE XY and notice how the parents talk and relate with their kids... Do your parenting with love and care...form a bond and see ur kids excel... Parenting is a responsibility given by God... Its not a war... My dad saw it that way and today, he is lonely... U remember his aunt trying to settle a dispute between me and him and she said 'JOE,YOU LOST YOUR SON LONG AGO...' And that was the truth. My own dad was a tyrant who saw happiness in his children's pains... How would u describe a man that keeps beating u for no reason and keeps telling u that he did not beg God to give him kids and ur death will make him glad... Please sir don't bash me... If you want to confirm my story, I am more than ready to allow you meet the who family so you see the damage popsi has done...I was never a bad kid...EVER!!!! BEING A TYRANT IS NOT PARENTING

smithsydny:
its just crazy bro. I see things everyday.. Ryt now my dads younger brother flinged his wife away with 3 kids brought in another now has 3 kids. Will someone wakeup 2mro say just forgive him? After there mum has taking care of them for going to like 10 years now.

I just learn things each an everyday. As not to male silly mistake wen am there. Am in my late 20s now wch any moment I will be there but how prepared am I that's the question I ask my self..

We have different experience in life. My dad has been really trying sometimes e dey enter him too.. But his been trying to see that things work out good.. So am grateful too God.. So bro its your turn to correct any mistake that was done before. Bless u

. Thanks bro. I know its my turn to correct their the mistakes so I have learnt to tell any lady I am involved with to never lift a finger on my kids... But give room to love in bringing up my kids... I don't want them to see what I saw... Aside from destroyying the bonds they are supposed to build with u, it damages their self esteem inside and outside the house. Watch closely and u will see that smart kids have their parents backing 100%...they act the way they do cos they know that papa and mama has got their backs... That's how I want my kids - to my unborn sons and daughters... Papa loves you

While growing up my dad made sure he disciplined us and at the same time bonded with us cos most of the time my mum was away for her school programmes my dad took charge, I mean prepared our meals, washed, cleaned etc.. I always pray to God to give me a husband as caring as my dad... Well am daddy and mummy's gal.

bencarson007:
. Thanks bro. I know its my turn to correct their the mistakes so I have learnt to tell any lady I am involved with to never lift a finger on my kids... But give room to love in bringing up my kids... I don't want them to see what I saw... Aside from destroyying the bonds they are supposed to build with u, it damages their self esteem inside and outside the house. Watch closely and u will see that smart kids have their parents backing 100%...they act the way they do cos they know that papa and mama has got their backs... That's how I want my kids - to my unborn sons and daughters... Papa loves you

yes boss ... When they misbehave u beat there leg and bum and tell them what u did is not correct OK. U do it next I beat your legs.. U now ask them u want that u go hear loud nooooo.. Lol .. U just take them out for play play things tell them big big things. If u pass very well dad will..... Lol. Just tease them surprise them.. The love ehh nah them.

bencarson007:
. @ Sir Fabian, I understand your sentiments but disagree with you on so many levels. 1). Kids also listen to their moms and do according to what they are told 2). I have seen many women who brought up their children successfully without the husbands and the children turned out extremely well... Case in point renowned Neuro-Surgeon Dr Ben Carson, world class Basketballer Shaquinille O'Neil - his mother's name is Lucille Harrison... Please use google sir... 3). You don't have to be a beast to get ur kids to fall in line. Instead of shouting, why don't you just raise the value of ur argument... Ur kids will listen. Do you know why white kids will stay indoors when they are told YOU ARE GROUNDED? The parents don't shout... Those 3 words are what white kids detest the most. Please watch the movie KYLE XY and notice how the parents talk and relate with their kids... Do your parenting with love and care...form a bond and see ur kids excel... Parenting is a respondibily given by God... Its not a war... My dad saw it that way and today, he is lonely... U remember his aunt trying to settle a dispute between me and him and she said 'JOE,YOU LOST YOUR SON LONG AGO...' And that was the truth. My own dad was a tyrant who saw happiness in his children's pains... How would u describe a man that keeps beating u for no reason and keeps telling u that he did not beg God to give him kids and ur death will make him glad... Please sir don't bash me... If you want to confirm my story, I am more than ready to allow you meet the who family so you see the damage popsi has done...I was never a bad kid...EVER!!!! BEING A TYRANT IS NOT PARENTING

wtf!!! Did those words just come out..



For all those saing ya papa is ya papa.. Bible obey ya father and ya mother abi? The same bible said parents don't provoke ya children. Or am I missing something?


All this parents wah dey claim don't make unah just respect unah self ooo.. God is not a partial God.

bencarson007:
. @ Sir Fabian, I understand your sentiments but disagree with you on so many levels. 1). Kids also listen to their moms and do according to what they are told 2). I have seen many women who brought up their children successfully without the husbands and the children turned out extremely well... Case in point renowned Neuro-Surgeon Dr Ben Carson, world class Basketballer Shaquinille O'Neil - his mother's name is Lucille Harrison... Please use google sir... 3). You don't have to be a beast to get ur kids to fall in line. Instead of shouting, why don't you just raise the value of ur argument... Ur kids will listen. Do you know why white kids will stay indoors when they are told YOU ARE GROUNDED? The parents don't shout... Those 3 words are what white kids detest the most. Please watch the movie KYLE XY and notice how the parents talk and relate with their kids... Do your parenting with love and care...form a bond and see ur kids excel... Parenting is a respondibily given by God... Its not a war... My dad saw it that way and today, he is lonely... U remember his aunt trying to settle a dispute between me and him and she said 'JOE,YOU LOST YOUR SON LONG AGO...' And that was the truth. My own dad was a tyrant who saw happiness in his children's pains... How would u describe a man that keeps beating u for no reason and keeps telling u that he did not beg God to give him kids and ur death will make him glad... Please sir don't bash me... If you want to confirm my story, I am more than ready to allow you meet the who family so you see the damage popsi has done...I was never a bad kid...EVER!!!! BEING A TYRANT IS NOT PARENTING

But the examples you gave, am sure, are all oyibo people. If we are talking of extreme cases, I will not support, but what the thread is talking about is not about extreme cases. Even if we are talking of extreme cases they are very few. Your points are also ok. Its all right. Bye for now

fabiano09:

You don't realise where you differ from so many fathers,you had the insight and probably love to move your son to live with you,now he's a military officer ,just imagine if you hadn't done that,I promise you that child will hate you ,you won't even know

Agreed but as fathers, we should remember to always rebuke children. It is not out of place to do that especially when many of today children are very fast. Father should know that this jet age is not the best of times. We should remember that till this moment, what a father sees when he is sitting down, the child cannot even if he is on top of the roof.

Ngokafor:


...'Father-hood' is a thankless job indeed ..

..Rather than playing victim here,Nigerian fathers and potential fathers should up their game abeg cos they are loosing it....They are not doing enough for their kids in so many ways i dont even know where to start...I have a gazillion true-life instances to give,but i will leave it for now.

..I am yet to see a responsible man who took care of his family like he should (WIFE included)..,abandoned by his children when he is old..Children are not fools,if you maltreat their mom,they will realise that and DISLIKE you thoroughly in the long run.cos such mal-treatment usually trickles down to the kids.

..I will end by saying in life...You reap what you sow..period!

Thank you

VanBommel:
sir, no one is complaining about the way their father flogged them when they were young, what we're talking about is the bonding which never existed between father and child. If I tell you how it was in my home, you'll get to understand the reason for the resentment I have towards him. Now he's trying to come close to me and my siblings, but it's not just working out. The way you handled your children isn't the way other men handled theirs, I have friends and family members that loves their fathers so much.

Allow the bygone go. Better forgive him so that he will last long. You dey hear?

Fathering a child isn't a load of work, Some dumb African men make it seem so....You should be a friend as well as a disciplinarian to your kids, seen this in some white homes, and it's achievable here also.

KevinDein:
I've long accepted that fatherhood is a thankless job. I'm prepared for that. However, I'd still give my all to see that my offsprings turn out great.

They can save the emotional stuffs for the mom; I don't need that. I just want them to be the best scientists, sportmen etc. That's enough for me.

Fatherhood is not necessarily a thankless job. Do good and raise your children to do right. Show them the examples by the way You live and treat their mom (even if there are more than one woman). I strongly believe that if i dont mess up, it will be difficult for my sons to snatch my wife in old age. They know it's not possible. Kolewerk.

As per discipline, I told my son "I will rather have a successful son that is not too close to me than have bum that loves me to the moon and back"

Let no child worry about taking care of me in my old age. I don begin to dey price senior citizens' apartment self and I already told my wife that we should factor that into our retirement plan. I pray that my children all turn out great and mighty but I still want to take care of myself and my wifey till the last person drops. The kids are always welcome to take care of our luxuries but our basic necessities should be covered in our plans.

Bobby808:
Allow the bygone go. Better forgive him so that he will last long. You dey hear?

I've forgiven him, sometimes I try to visit him and raise conversations but at the end he tries to exhibit some attitude that I don't like and the issue arises again

Nice post.

In my opinion, there should be a good balance between being a disciplinarian and a 'friend' to the child in order to foster very solid personality development. Somehow, fathers always seem to provide the former in the home.

I love my son to the moon and back; will do anything to see him become the best man he can be, but will not tolerate him or make excuses for him if he acts silly at any point...

I only started becoming closer to my Dad when I got married and more so, when I had my son. Perhaps I now understand 'husband'/fatherhood challenges as well as family dynamics better... it appears we understand ourselves better these days

Bobby808:
But the examples you gave, am sure, are all oyibo people. If we are talking of extreme cases, I will not support, but what the thread is talking about is not about extreme cases. Even if we are talking of extreme cases they are very few. Your points are also ok. Its all right. Bye for now

@Bobby808, those cases I mentioned are all ordinary cases that became success stories... And with all due respects, what makes a white man different from a black man... Both the Shaq and Bencarson are black people. Parenting has notin to do with the colour of our skin... They are not extreme cases. #Respects bro

vantage001:
Only an idiott will neglect his father because he is too strict or did not console you emotionally, especially when he is not a dead-beat dad.
If your father took you the same way your mother did, you will not be anything in life or atleast very unbalanced.
Paying school fees is more important to a child's future than all the kisses and hugs.

a very senseless post

bencarson007:
. Thanks bro. I know its my turn to correct their the mistakes so I have learnt to tell any lady I am involved with to never lift a finger on my kids... But give room to love in bringing up my kids... I don't want them to see what I saw... Aside from destroyying the bonds they are supposed to build with u, it damages their self esteem inside and outside the house. Watch closely and u will see that smart kids have their parents backing 100%...they act the way they do cos they know that papa and mama has got their backs... That's how I want my kids - to my unborn sons and daughters... Papa loves you

when my siblings and I were younger, we used to be very smart and up and going, but as we were growing no happiness, we lost our self-esteem, we were always angry with ourselves and with the world. People see us from the outside and think that all is well but deep inside we knew that all isn't well. We're just trying to develop ourselves but the scar is already there.

babaireti:
God bless the OP ,I have really learned a lot from this piece,I will go back home to take it easy with Ireti,her younger ones and their Mummy.

their mummy or my wife. Seems you don't love her

Bobby808:
I have read many posts from this thread including this one. Am just wondering the way most people, especially this era reasons. I mean the way the todey Nigerian thinks. I am a grand father. From records, no woman has successfully managed the home alone. Both mother and father does it together but when the father dies prematurelly, the mother and the children most time do not do well because, it is very difficult to manage the children without the father. Most children do not obay the commands and instructions of the mothers without the support of the father hence the father is described as always shouting. If the father do not shout especually the today jet age where children are very arrogant, desrespectful etc. All these children who posting and are sounding insultive to father and those who prefers to talk down, those children who misbehaves because the father is aged should have a change of mind. The bible describe the mother as a helper. Helper means to assist the father. Therefore, the father is expected to take the lead and to lead involved using all manners of methods to ensure that at the end, a good reault is achieved.
My second son, now a millitary officer in defence headquarters was living with his mother, while I was transferred to PH to work. My wife was always complaining so much so that I was forced to remove him, take him and lived with me until he was able to finish school (university)and now an officer. So if you are still a young man under parents, please, always respect your father when he is old. Do not say he was using force on me and now that I am on my own, to hell with him.

Nice one granny, but i think you made a mistake "Hell"?? heaven should be more appropriate.

KevinDein:

Marie, I do appreciate that some fathers are genuine assssholes and this group men have only themselves to blame for being alienated by their kids in latter parts of their lives.
However, some other men find themselves in situations they can't help. They have to live and work far away from the wife and kids just so the family can have the highest possible standard of living. Of course this group of dads will still be underappreciated by their kids for obviously no fault of theirs.

Mr man, fadahood is not a thankless job.. Even if you see your children once a year, what happens to treating then like royalty for that once? Or call them periodically and form the bond? No good father will be neglected by their kids

bukatyne:


Thank you

..You are welcome..

thats why i want a girl too...they always look back no matter whats to their fathers

MissCuppy:
No matter how strict my dad is, I still love him and will not neglect him when he gets old.

farouk0403:


Nice one granny, but i think you made a mistake "Hell"?? heaven should be more appropriate.

Thanks my young man

omiaruk:
their mummy or my wife. Seems you don't love her

lol very observant

Op your line of reasoning is outdated and fast fading, since the advent of the working mum, the balance of love is shifting.
For your information, kids are getting more in love with tech and junk food, and guess who brings it home.
Yeah dad.

I DON'T STILL DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY I SHOULD NEGLECT MY FATHER WHILE TAKING CARE OF MY MUM, I TREAT BOTH OF THEM THE SAME WAY THOUGH MY DAD WAS SO HARSH WITH US WHEN WE WERE GROWING UP WHICH I BELIEVE IT FOR OUR OWN GOOD, BUT I WONT TREAT THEM DEFERENTIALLY CUZ OF THAT.

KevinDein:
You'd grow up and find out that fatherhood is a thankless job.

so deep

fastgyal:
lol. my dad doesn't instill fear in me. I love him so much than I love my mom..I share secrets with my dad. only my dad knew my first boyfriend. then when I was younger, my mom wouldn't hear me mention a guy's name..lord! she'd kill me. God bless u daddy. I pray you live long so I can pamper you just the way you've done to me

this is one fyne DADA's gyal

Rubbish your father is not your friend let us leave all these of oyinbo ideas. At the same time children are not a pension scheme. A sensible man should plan his retirement both pension and occupation.
Having said that some fathers are nasty but this is often a former of generational trauma where they just replicate their childhood. Regardless of how nice they are power will always change hands. That is natural

it just occurred to me that men actually show love by providing and protecting
that's the way their DNA was wired and find it feminish to cuddle n do all those other things.

so by providing for and protecting their children a lot of men assume that they have shown all the love in the world only for them later in life to begin scratching their heads and wondering where they went wrong.

while women show love by cuddling and doing acts of service ( also in their DNA)

just wondering if their DNA is the cause

MARKETfund:


You have a point there.
However knowing that he caused my birth will be a motivating factor to extend my forgiveness to him.
My father is my father no matter what

Agreed, some may forgive but since there simply was no relationship before, it's hard to slip into the role of a caring child .

bencarson007:
. @ Sir Fabian, I understand your sentiments but disagree with you on so many levels. 1). Kids also listen to their moms and do according to what they are told 2). I have seen many women who brought up their children successfully without the husbands and the children turned out extremely well... Case in point renowned Neuro-Surgeon Dr Ben Carson, world class Basketballer Shaquinille O'Neil - his mother's name is Lucille Harrison... Please use google sir... 3). You don't have to be a beast to get ur kids to fall in line. Instead of shouting, why don't you just raise the value of ur argument... Ur kids will listen. Do you know why white kids will stay indoors when they are told YOU ARE GROUNDED? The parents don't shout... Those 3 words are what white kids detest the most. Please watch the movie KYLE XY and notice how the parents talk and relate with their kids... Do your parenting with love and care...form a bond and see ur kids excel... Parenting is a responsibility given by God... Its not a war... My dad saw it that way and today, he is lonely... U remember his aunt trying to settle a dispute between me and him and she said 'JOE,YOU LOST YOUR SON LONG AGO...' And that was the truth. My own dad was a tyrant who saw happiness in his children's pains... How would u describe a man that keeps beating u for no reason and keeps telling u that he did not beg God to give him kids and ur death will make him glad... Please sir don't bash me... If you want to confirm my story, I am more than ready to allow you meet the who family so you see the damage popsi has done...I was never a bad kid...EVER!!!! BEING A TYRANT IS NOT PARENTING

...Gosh i feel bad for you already . .. know it wont be easy,but just try and forgive him