Fathers must learn to save enof for their future. As long as you are financially relevant & wont be a burden to the children & ur wife , you can still earn ur respect.
Some of the illtreatment fathers get is the poisoning of the children's mind by d mothers. I believe a good father meant well for his family. His method may not be the best.

It is callous and ungodly for a child to forget d one who laboured to pay all his/her bill to get to where he or she is. Most children do not know there is a FATHER'S BLESSING which a child must get to excel and live long.

My advise to all men is this 'as u labour 4 ur family, always remember to put something aside 4 urselfto secure ur future. It is known as "Paying Yourself First" so at ur old age u wont hv to wait until u get pocket money 4m ur children. If ur hv an inheritance 4 them , they know there is something beyond u
I thak God Im a man. I couldnt hv wished 4 anything less

quentin06:
Food for thought indeed!!

Many fathers espcially those whose kids have left the nest are in these shoes.

Learn to establish a freindship relationship with your children when theyre young.

Dont involve yourself with business, church programs, politics, career because all that will go some day, the only thing you will have to go back to when you re too old to do anything is your family, the ones you chose to abandon.

...and other women..please include mistresses and side-chicks amongst those they should not involve themselves with .,thanks.

Fathers must learn to save enof for their future. As long as you are financially relevant & wont be a burden to the children & ur wife , you can still earn ur respect.
Some of the illtreatment fathers get is the poisoning of the children's mind by d mothers. I believe a good father meant well for his family. His method may not be the best.

It is callous and ungodly for a child to forget d one who laboured to pay all his/her bill to get to where he or she is. Most children do not know there is a FATHER'S BLESSING which a child must get to excel and live long.

My advise to all men is this 'as u labour 4 ur family, always remember to put something aside 4 urselfto secure ur future. It is known as "Paying Yourself First" so at ur old age u wont hv to wait until u get pocket money 4m ur children. If ur hv an inheritance 4 them , they know there is something beyond u
I thank God Im a man. I couldnt hv wished 4 anything less

Shrekjhon:
I don see dem feminist for here! Dem noe go just talk true

...Keep yapping about 'feminist',a word you have no idea what it means while refusing to learn...Your kids will simply abandon you in your old age to perish in hunger and poverty...its your call.

Ngokafor:



...Gosh i feel bad for you already . .. know it wont be easy,but just try and forgive him

. Babe eh, thanks for ur empathy and advice but that forgiveness card is a very hard one to play. I forgave him a long time ago but I just never want to have anytin 2 do with him... We are world's apart. He has done more harm than good including ruining my first marriage and creating so much issues I can't really relate with online... I am in my early thirties and feel so terrible... Call me and tell me my dad is at the point of death, I won't move an inch... Its that bad between us. I have not spoken to or seen him in a year even though it will just cost #400 to see him... I don't go to his house and when I want to see my mom and siblings, I tell them where to find me... Babe, I have scars - physical and emotional that will never heal - thanks to popsi... And marriage is even a no go area for me cos I don't even know where to start from after the last one... He choose to be a tyrant and made a mess out of my life but I survived and stood for my younger ones so they don't pass thru what I had to pass thru... God be praised, they are all doing well... But for dad, it is a lost cause... We are just father and son by name... To him, I died a long time ago...

jenti:
Fathers must learn to save enof for their future. As long as you are financially relevant & wont be a burden to the children & ur wife , you can still earn ur respect.
Some of the illtreatment fathers get is the poisoning of the children's mind by d mothers. I believe a good father meant well for his family. His method may not be the best.

It is callous and ungodly for a child to forget d one who laboured to pay all his/her bill to get to where he or she is. Most children do not know there is a FATHER'S BLESSING which a child must get to excel and live long.

My advise to all men is this 'as u labour 4 ur family, always remember to put something aside 4 urselfto secure ur future. It is known as "Paying Yourself First" so at ur old age u wont hv to wait until u get pocket money 4m ur children. If ur hv an inheritance 4 them , they know there is something beyond u
I thank God Im a man. I couldnt hv wished 4 anything less

. You are missing the point... What good will it do to pay your child's school fees and still torture them emotionally... They will just fail. It is a rare incident for moms to turn the kids against their father... And even in such situation, a loving father always wins the day... Be a responsible and loving father at home and not a war general to ur kids... Your home is not a war front... Stop all this pay urself first mentality... It shows weakness... Haba even in the bible, Esau and Jacob took care of Isaac in old age, Joseph took car of Jacob, Abraham took care of Terah and a lot of other cases... Its is cheaper to show love than pay urself first... I guess ur saved up money will give u emotional support when u are old and grey ba ? Money can't buy love or happiness... It may buy u a bed but only peace of mind can get u sleep... Be wise. Have a great evening bro

lovelygurl:
Op you are sooooo right! Number 8 and 13 is enough for those with a functioning brain.

The mistake most dads make is they think respect is sth. to be enforced on the kids, which results in forming boss, bringing up rules that don't make sense and barking around like dogs.
The truth is they will "respect" you because they are SCARED of you. They will do those things you want them to, also because they are scared of your actions BUT what happens if they dont have a reason to be scared of anymore? You don't earn respect by instilling fear in people, that's just pathetic.

Also most of them think they don't have to be close to their kids because of this and that. It could be because they think it's the mother's job or whatever. All they have to do is bring money to the table. How naive! Building no emotional connection to YOUR own kids. Jeez which kind of life are you living?

Well like op said when you retire and then seek for emotional bonding etc because you feel lonely, there is higher chance that you are not getting it.

Oh and it's also sad that most Nigerian men are brought up thinking showing feelings whatsoever makes them look weak

nice write up but you got some things wrong, I agree must dads go too much to the extreme but I blame the mothers more, it's very wrong for you as a mother to spoil your husband before your children, any mother who can't build the bridge between her kids and husband has failed

rossyc:
While growing up my dad made sure he disciplined us and at the same time bonded with us cos most of the time my mum was away for her school programmes my dad took charge, I mean prepared our meals, washed, cleaned etc.. I always pray to God to give me a husband as caring as my dad... Well am daddy and mummy's gal.

. Ur dad is the true definition of a father - DISCIPLINED and CLOSE TO HIS KIDS,CARING TOO... To some, a father is anyone who donated sperm to bring you to life and have a manhood dangling between their legs... WRONG

Gr8amechi:
nice write up but you got some things wrong, I agree must dads go too much to the extreme but I blame the mothers more, it's very wrong for you as a mother to spoil your husband before your children, any mother who can't build the bridge between her kids and husband has failed

. I said it is rare for women to do that not that it does not happen... What I am trying to say is that majority of the fathers we have today see their home as a war zone which they have to conquer and this is VERY VERY wrong...

YTderin:


Old age.
Bearing in mind that we were so scared if him while growing up... Imagine a scenario whereby, you hear a knock on the gate, and we realize it's Popc, the sitting room gets deserted immediately, laptop, phones, earpieces, chargers,TV goes off.. . everyone of us literally scamper to safety. Then we start arguing on who will go and open the gate for the man . Dad really scared us sha ooo. Amongst other things
I've talked to my siblings severall about letting it go. I hope they grow more sensible as they grow older.

. Seems you are a prophetess... You just decribed my home and my dad...don't wait to see dad come in, you will be shot on sight...

bencarson007:
. Babe eh, thanks for ur empathy and advice but that forgiveness card is a very hard one to play. I forgave him a long time ago but I just never want to have anytin 2 do with him... We are world's apart. He has done more harm than good including ruining my first marriage and creating so much issues I can't really relate with online... I am in my early thirties and feel so terrible... Call me and tell me my dad is at the point of death, I won't move an inch... Its that bad between us. I have not spoken to or seen him in a year even though it will just cost #400 to see him... I don't go to his house and when I want to see my mom and siblings, I tell them where to find me... Babe, I have scars - physical and emotional that will never heal - thanks to popsi... And marriage is even a no go area for me cos I don't even know where to start from after the last one... He choose to be a tyrant and made a mess out of my life but I survived and stood for my younger ones so they don't pass thru what I had to pass thru... God be praised, they are all doing well... But for dad, it is a lost cause... We are just father and son by name... To him, I died a long time ago...

..I may not have your experiences but i understand how you fee bro..I pray you find happiness and healing eventually..cos you deserve it.,stay strong.

KevinDein:

Marie, I do appreciate that some fathers are genuine assssholes and this group men have only themselves to blame for being alienated by their kids in latter parts of their lives.
However, some other men find themselves in situations they can't help. They have to live and work far away from the wife and kids just so the family can have the highest possible standard of living. Of course this group of dads will still be underappreciated by their kids for obviously no fault of theirs.

I understand this but honestly this saying rings true "if it's important people will make time for it, if it's not people will make an excuse for it"

I have lived in the same neighbourhood with single mothers and have cousins who are single mothers. They are there hundred percent for their children; birthdays, graduations, sleeping overnight in the hospital while being sick, helping them with their assignment, going to the market to get them their things for school, discussing with them about their lives and not just "what do you want to be in the future", being their confidant when they're down etc while also PROVIDING for their needs ALONE.

If these fathers want to make these memories and this connection with their children they will make the effort.

Ngokafor:



..I may not have your experiences but i understand how you fee bro..I pray you find happiness and healing eventually..cos you deserve it.,stay strong.

. Thanks and amen.

megareal:
True. But some children simply abandon their father because of separation and divorce. A man goes on to marry another woman while the children are being singlehandedly raised by their mums, hence the abandonement.

For the intact homes, dictatorship and lack of care are the culprits. Some married women singlehandedly cater for their kids while staying under a roof with the supposed head of the house.

'Singlehandedly' you think, do you know the countless number of times the man would have given her money for the kids while they will never be in the know?

MarieSucre:


I understand this but honestly this saying rings true "if it's important people will make time for it, if it's not people will make an excuse for it"

I have lived in the same neighbourhood WOTH single mother's and have cousins who are single mother's. They are there hundred percent for their children, birthdays, graduations, sleeping overnight in the hospitals while being sick, being their confidant when they're down etc while also PROVIDING for their needs ALONE.

If these father's want to make these memories and this connection with their children they will make the effort, but I guess they don't just care.

Very easy to see it from the woman's angle alone and pass judgement. Do you know how many women who are thorns in the flesh of which ever man that come their way? Or do you think all or most men love philandering for no just course? More men in marriages are there for the sake of their kids alone, not happiness or peace of mind. So cut some errant dads some slacks as those kids will grow up to see exactly what their fathers passed through in the hands of their mothers when they themselves get married.

my dad was a disappointment. when he collects is monthly we hardly see till after like 3days when he has finished spending the money. mum will be left to cater for her 3 kids. Though both of them are late, I only missed my mum. my dad is a disappointment to parenthood. if there is a way I can replace his name with that of my mum's name I would have done it long time ago even if he were alive. Some men are useless

bencarson007:
. @ Sir Fabian, I understand your sentiments but disagree with you on so many levels. 1). Kids also listen to their moms and do according to what they are told 2). I have seen many women who brought up their children successfully without the husbands and the children turned out extremely well... Case in point renowned Neuro-Surgeon Dr Ben Carson, world class Basketballer Shaquinille O'Neil - his mother's name is Lucille Harrison... Please use google sir... 3). You don't have to be a beast to get ur kids to fall in line. Instead of shouting, why don't you just raise the value of ur argument... Ur kids will listen. Do you know why white kids will stay indoors when they are told YOU ARE GROUNDED? The parents don't shout... Those 3 words are what white kids detest the most. Please watch the movie KYLE XY and notice how the parents talk and relate with their kids... Do your parenting with love and care...form a bond and see ur kids excel... Parenting is a responsibility given by God... Its not a war... My dad saw it that way and today, he is lonely... U remember his aunt trying to settle a dispute between me and him and she said 'JOE,YOU LOST YOUR SON LONG AGO...' And that was the truth. My own dad was a tyrant who saw happiness in his children's pains... How would u describe a man that keeps beating u for no reason and keeps telling u that he did not beg God to give him kids and ur death will make him glad... Please sir don't bash me... If you want to confirm my story, I am more than ready to allow you meet the who family so you see the damage popsi has done...I was never a bad kid...EVER!!!! BEING A TYRANT IS NOT PARENTING

wtf, mehn i feel ur pains bro. Dats y i dont jump into conclusion by attacking pple who hv issues wit dem parents. Dere is something deep inside dat hurts & one may nt understand! Until he/she asks, digs deep & finds out. Some pple r not worthy 2 be called parents! I av seen dat in some families too!

smithsydny:
u can imagine how bad it can be.. People that did the whole ish has left. Innocent people will now face it. This is guys date there cousin or so wirh out even knowing your related..

very true

VanBommel:
when my siblings and I were younger, we used to be very smart and up and going, but as we were growing no happiness, we lost our self-esteem, we were always angry with ourselves and with the world. People see us from the outside and think that all is well but deep inside we knew that all isn't well. We're just trying to develop ourselves but the scar is already there.

. Those scars take time to heal...

sleuthhound:
wtf, mehn i feel ur pains bro. Dats y i dont jump into conclusion by attacking pple who hv issues wit dem parents. Dere is something deep inside dat hurts & one may nt understand! Until he/she asks, digs deep & finds out. Some pple r not worthy 2 be called parents! I av seen dat in some families too!

. Mehn, it aint a pleasant thing men... At past 30, my wounds have still refused to go away...

bencarson007:
. Mehn, it aint a pleasant thing men... At past 30, my wounds have still refused to go away...

Try n let go.

I know its hard.

Buts it's for you. You need it.

obikirinoni:



Try n let go.
I know its hard.
Buts it's for you. You need it.

. Wise advice... Thanks bro

megareal:
True. But some children simply abandon their father because of separation and divorce. A man goes on to marry another woman while the children are being singlehandedly raised by their mums, hence the abandonement.


For the intact homes, dictatorship and lack of care are the culprits. Some married women singlehandedly cater for their kids while staying under a roof with the supposed head of the house.

this is me bro

bencarson007:
. I said it is rare for women to do that not that it does not happen... What I am trying to say is that majority of the fathers we have today see their home as a war zone which they have to conquer and this is VERY VERY wrong...

yea I get your point, but that's why marriage is for two, that's when the lady needs to help the man, until ladies discover that they are mothers to both their kids as well as husband some of these little issues can't be solved

Not true, my dad once taught me how to solve a mathematical problem over the phone.

Let's ask those men what they do with their kids whenever they are able to go back home.

KevinDein:

Marie, I do appreciate that some fathers are genuine assssholes and this group men have only themselves to blame for being alienated by their kids in latter parts of their lives.

[b]However, some other men find themselves in situations they can't help. They have to live and work far away from the wife and kids just so the family can have the highest possible standard of living. Of course this group of dads will still be underappreciated by their kids for obviously no fault of their[/b]s.

chukzyfcbb:
How many of us have had our fathers look us in the eye and say
- I love you or
- You have done well
- You make me proud

I can guess the answer, few. In fact it could be 1 person in 50. That you have a Dad in the house doesn't mean he is fathering you.

Never!
my own was always "I diat! Foool! Baskard..I disown you,its better to train a dog than have you as children"

Chai! my father made my childhood terrible
now,am an adult but we can't be close
he pushed me too far away,i dont need him
the only memory of him I have is a "wicked,heartless man barking out harsh painful abusive words,holding rod of correction"
And the scars on my skin I got from the unending regular beatings...Gosh!
To hell with such devil.
Tufiakwa!!

You must find a way to blame women. So it is women that ask men to act like tyrant because they are men abi?

Gr8amechi:
yea I get your point, but that's why marriage is for two, that's when the lady needs to help the man, until ladies discover that they are mothers to both their kids as well as husband some of these little issues can't be solved

Let's blame women again....Last time I checked it is not women that go about on this forum to prove how and why men are polygamous in nature. Your argument is dead on arrival. Try again!

Ifebazz:

Very easy to see it from the woman's angle alone and pass judgement. Do you know how many women who are thorns in the flesh of which ever man that come their way? Or do you think all or most men love philandering for no just course? More men in marriages are there for the sake of their kids alone, not happiness or peace of mind. So cut some errant dads some slacks as those kids will grow up to see exactly what their fathers passed through in the hands of their mothers when they themselves get married.

Someone has been lying to you sir.

lenghtinny:
Reminds me of my late uncle...

He was a civil servant working in another state different from where his family resided. His wife was an housewife with 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls)...

He was not always around, so he didn't know his wife was poisoning the mind of the children against him...
After funding all 4 through higher institutions and they graduated, they now realized that he has been maltreating their mom due to his absence from home.
When He was about to retire from service, trying to finalize his paperwork; this kids took off with their mum without informing him..
For 10 good years he didn't set his eyes on them before he died meanwhile his wife family knew where they were but didn't disclose it.. When their mom died, they buried her without informing him.
He died of liver related problem because he turned to alcohol as consolation and the kids still didn't didn't show up at his burial...
It's been 10 years now

mctowel01:

Many of them quoting are totally ignorant. I don't pray they have one illness or the other and watch their kids ignkre them, simply because there was no emotional connection, simply business of feeding and paying school fees. I ve seen some guys say they want to refund their dads what they spent on them, so it won't look like they owe them anything.

it's over 4 years I asked my dad to give me a total of what he has spent on me.I am ready for full refund.I don't want it to look like I owe him anything..
I don't want any form of association with him.Its too late

Ifebazz:

Very easy to see it from the woman's angle alone and pass judgement. Do you know how many women who are thorns in the flesh of which ever man that come their way? Or do you think all or most men love philandering for no just course? More men in marriages are there for the sake of their kids alone, not happiness or peace of mind. So cut some errant dads some slacks as those kids will grow up to see exactly what their fathers passed through in the hands of their mothers when they themselves get married.

I think you're replying to the wrong person because what you're saying has no correlation to what I wrote.

What does a woman being a thorn in a man's side have to do with him bonding with his children?

What concerns a man philandering up and down with him being there 100% for his children?

The summary of my comment is simply SINGLE MOTHER'S WORK AND PROVIDE EVERYTHING ALONE FOR THEIR CHILDREN AND STILL FIND TIME TO BOND WITH THEIR CHILDREN SO IT SHOULD NOT BE AN EXCUSE USED BY SOME FATHERS SHIKENA. Make time to bond with your children.

And now that you mention it, I will not cut errant father's any silly slack, I cannot support such nonsense. What's the point of being the "superior gender" or the "stronger vessel" or the "head of your family" if you cannot take responsibility for your actions and attend to issues as appropriate. A parent is a child's role model. Stop supporting bad thing.

Gr8amechi:
yea I get your point, but that's why marriage is for two, that's when the lady needs to help the man, until ladies discover that they are mothers to both their kids as well as husband some of these little issues can't be solved

Mother to your husband?! Contradiction loool.

He is your head. The end. If he wants you to act like his mother, then he must take orders from me like he would from his mother.