SonsOfLiverpool:
when a man takes care of the bill 100% there's no problem. when a woman does close to 90% there'll be problem. so much for gender equality nonsense.

on that note, please keep paying the bills but leave out some and get him tensed. like make him understand its not enough. don't push too far with this though.

anyways, I think he is too relaxed because of your pay. talk sense to him or talk to his family for help.

and yes am not married so this advice is based on common sense.

Rukkydelta:
My problem is not the fact that he only take care of electricity and water bills but he don't help in house chores and he loves to live a expenditure's lifestyle

My thought is that whoever bears the more financial burden of the home will do less house chores. For example: if a man provides 70% income to the home and the woman 30% then the women should take a domestic work load of 70% while the man 30% and vise versa

Op as a gender equality promoter I will advise you and your husband to engage in a peaceful and effective communication to sort out your issues as the illustration I gave. Success in your marital life

SonsOfLiverpool:
not all will be healed. even God won't heal everybody on earth. there's always got to be issues. how we manage it is what matters.

johnson232:

The bold is wrong...u don't make such insinuations when u don't even know the man in question.

SonsOfLiverpool:
when a man takes care of the bill 100% there's no problem. when a woman does close to 90% there'll be problem. so much for gender equality nonsense.

on that note, please keep paying the bills but leave out some and get him tensed. like make him understand its not enough. don't push too far with this though.

anyways, I think he is too relaxed because of your pay. talk sense to him or talk to his family for help.

and yes am not married so this advice is based on common sense.

cruchenuti:


Biko Mummim, i just saw a Man like that oh, he's one of our newly married neighbours

I just love the drama in this family section. Where married women always come out aggressively. Never a dull moment. Haha

Sterope:
This is not about how much he earns. It is about his financial responsibility.


I don't think there is much you can do without him flipping out. IMO, I think k you should conduct you and your children affairs as if you are a single mother, as if he is no longer in the picture. Basically, you have to learn to save no matter what. Let all financials be in you name, not in both of your names. Cut down expenses significantly. You can have a weekly budget etc etc.

PaperLace:
Nairaland guys will always try to shift goal post, the issue isn't that he earns less but he's reckless financially!!! Nobody will tolerate that kind of spouse, be you a man or a woman. A male Nairalander once complained of his reckless wife, I can remember the kinda advice you all gave him.

You people should be objective, it doesn't kill. OP, some of the first page commenters have said it all, don't allow anyone make you feel guilty, you're trying.

Draw a budget of how much you want the family to survive on, remove luxury. If you die of stress, that man will still survive. He has been surviving before you came along. I am sure you're going the extra miles for your kids and he knows it. Tailor your expenses to what you both can afford if you weren't earning 250k. Nne, I am sorry to say, you seem like a married spinster.

Who said men don't complain when they're the sole earner?

segzy0i:
[/b]you have really tried woman like you is very rare[/b] but what I think u can do is prepare him his favourite meal watch his mood may be night or midnight then talk to him about finance in your family let him know that you guys need to plan for the future you can agree on a particular percentage of each money or u give him a part u know you can part with from your salary and let him take the financial leadership of the home let the kids address him for there needs I think by that he will be more responsible sure he will if he's not a drunkard nor a gambler

HaneefahRN:
You are plainly been used.
You are carrying out both the husband's and wifely duties in the Union, while he relaxes and take advantage of it.

Cut back on what you give out, if your children's school fees is expensive, change school, seek a cheaper one also with quality, do not pay the next rent, decide and find with him where he can afford to pay for within his capability, ask him for money for the house upkeep, foodstuffs and the likes, you can augment if not enough.
Stop doing more than yourself, it's cos he knows you will surely carry up all the responsibilities that he decided to live the extravagant life he can't afford like a bachelor. Men earning 40K are taking care of their families, he has no excuse.
And have a fixed savings, have a separate account you drop a fixed part of your salary in every month, I won't advise to have a joint account with him, he could use the I am the head, you are proud cos you earn more mantra to keep having his way yo use that funds anyhow.
And I don't think you should think of having any child for now, unless you can cope with the extra finances.


This is the best advice so far with lots of "buts". Firstly, you need some questions answered before implementing this advice. Now has this always been the case or all of sudden you're now making more money than him? also, what is he spending his money on? there are instances where maybe the man will spend money fixing the car and just ensuring everything is going on smoothly and the woman just sees everything working and does not know money is spent on those things to keep them working. Yes, i agree that the money has to drop money for all the basics. For me, in my faith, the man has to pay for food clothing and shelter. If ure paying rent now, there has to be an agreement that you both cannot live where he can afford and you want to waive that right or responsibility from him else, you need to go get an apartment that he can afford, again this is by my faith. He needs to drop money for food. Have a talk with him it should be sincere, focus and with a purpose, have clear questions, it should not be a put down just clear questions about his spending habits, his responsibilities and what a wife will assist with, Good luck.

He will claim to be the man of the house, the head of the house, he has to provide, you can help augment where necessary but do not allow him take you for granted by living like a single mother while married with another extra big baby.

Imagine not dropping money for foodstuffs and wanting to chop more than a meat per food. Ah ah , who does that.
I hope he turns a new leaf soon, cos your children are still young, the financial burden can only get worse and with a carefree man as husband, it won't be easy.

fergieboy:


You are the head of the family lol

Divorce him asap... Then take care of the kids alone..

Their is no much difference between you and a single mom

dingbang:
Biko please what can 70k salary achieve in this Nigeria... You are not a supportive wife...

dingbang:
Biko please what can 70k salary achieve in this Nigeria... You are not a supportive wife...

Quinn22:
Chai! I pity your future wife
She's going to be a slave woman

dingbang:
please .. Because she is earning 250k and supporting her own family, we won't hear word again.. Women will always want theirs to be heard. If na d man now dey provide, we won't say anything.. Abi are they not her children? Now you tell me.. What can 70k do? How much is school fees per child...

dingbang:
please .. Because she is earning 250k and supporting her own family, we won't hear word again.. Women will always want theirs to be heard. If na d man now dey provide, we won't say anything.. Abi are they not her children? Now you tell me.. What can 70k do? How much is school fees per child...