Idonki:




If he trys to find out,,,
1,He s nt a gud man
2,he knws wt he's doing
3,definitely, he earns mur dan 70k as he said,...

Becus i see knw man n his ryt senses looking forward by all means to knw hw much dy wife earns n a month........

so what's the whole essence of allowing the girl child go to school and work like men if not to take on responsibilities?

please kindly teach me why a man in his right senses shouldn't know his wife's salary.

thanks

cococandy please read the guy I quoted and address him. since most of you ladies avoided his comment. thanks.

Dyt:


No leave union ooo
Biko





Come up with a salary slashed plan

Dyt...where have you been? I like the way you respect union. Are you married?

Mayflowa:


Dyt...where have you been? I like the way you respect union. Are you married?

I have been everywhere


Marriage is just a name

dingbang:
Biko please what can 70k salary achieve in this Nigeria... You are not a supportive wife...

Fkforyou:

abeg carry your ugly face commot from my space

Nairaland guys will always try to shift goal post, the issue isn't that he earns less but he's reckless financially!!! Nobody will tolerate that kind of spouse, be you a man or a woman. A male Nairalander once complained of his reckless wife, I can remember the kinda advice you all gave him.

You people should be objective, it doesn't kill. OP, some of the first page commenters have said it all, don't allow anyone make you feel guilty, you're trying.

Draw a budget of how much you want the family to survive on, remove luxury. If you die of stress, that man will still survive. He has been surviving before you came along. I am sure you're going the extra miles for your kids and he knows it. Tailor your expenses to what you both can afford if you weren't earning 250k. Nne, I am sorry to say, you seem like a married spinster.

Who said men don't complain when they're the sole earner?

dingbang:
abeg carry your ugly face commot from my space

Not until you fix that your ugly thinking.... It's so pathetic....

dingbang:
Biko please what can 70k salary achieve in this Nigeria... You are not a supportive wife...

Did you read the part that she said she pays kids school fees,rent and most expenses? Whst other support please?

Mayflowa:



I am going to disagree with your first sentence. When a man pays most of the bills, they act like God. They are control freaks and demand every form of loyalty and respect from their partner. Often, the women are very will to yield to him. Men are sorta wicked!

When it is a woman turn to pay all the bills, the man still wanna call the shot, do little or nothing to help and still hope to get all the respects men providers get. Nay... you can't have it both way bro. Men are very inconsiderate. I have looked into this as a research.

Thank God you know the way a large percentage of men behave.

ImaIma1:


Did you read the part that she said she pays kids school fees,rent and most expenses? Whst other support please?

how can 70k salary pay fees. Don't get me pissed with you

Why on earth will someone be earning 70k and all he does is pay NEPA and water bills haba that's not fair nau, not even chopmoney .

I know one thing common with people that work with govt, they do use the cooperatives as a form of savings sometimes, and just withdraw the cash they have or take a loan slightly higher than what they have saved. It does help when its time for bulk payments like school fees, house rent building project etc.

This one he's not even paying most of the fees and house rent then what is the 40k monthly deduction for? I just don't gerrit. Is there a project somewhere or he's just spending money recklessly.

Reckless spending can't be cured by making more money , you have to change his orientation about spending pls.

I was once in your shoes and my question to you and your husband regarding this matter is this.....God forbid if you were to drop dead today, will your husband be homeless? Will he not pay rent? Will the kids stop feeding or schooling?
If the answer is yes, then God help u but if your answer is No, then ur husband and his family have been taking u for a ride.
Don't hide ur income, but cut the excesses and reign in on his self entitlement before it gets too far.
Serve him one meat, if he complains, tell him that's all you can afford he should bring more money.
When rent is due, tell him you had family emergency and so can't pay the rent either.
Stop sending money to his family as well so that you lessen the burden and expectation on u.

In some marriages, the salary difference will not be a problem when the man is responsible. I believe that your husband is laid back and has so much faith in your salary. If he were to do the right thing, the woman will not feel the pressure.
But apparently, he is spending on frivolities and living above his means expecting you to shoulder most of the responsibilities. How much is light and water bill? In my area in Lagos, that is less than 10k. He is not pulling his weight.
A lot of guys here will always somehow bring it back and make you feel like you are not trying. Please ignore them.
A man is the head of the family. He should not leave that responsibility to the woman even if he is earning less. There are many ways he can make up for it like helping around the house and making life easier for her and also giving a bulk of his salary not peanuts. Being helpful with logistics and some things that she might not have time to do readily.She will respect him more that way. But most of these men are egocentric and have this empty pride even if they have nothing. It cannot help the marriage. The two people have to work together in such a way that a third party will not even know who earns more.
Poster be patient and then talk to him about sharing expenses more reasonably. If that doesn't work, you might need to take more drastic steps. Think!! I dont like to tell other married couples what to do when it comes to their marriage. God be with your family

dingbang:
but it was stated there he pays the light and water bills... My brother... 70k is nothing in this time...take it or leave it

Light and water bills is not more than 10k.
For a man with two children, he's wicked if that's all he drops at home from a salary of 70K.
Don't be surprised he's going to be one of the best dressed men in his office, wearing expensive shoes.
Do you want to tell me that before he got married, he was only spending 10K monthly where he was living? Won't he pay rent, buy food, pay same water and electricity bills?
Rather, he's seen a cashcow to milk .
70K is indeed nothing, but I'm sure if he gives his wife half of the 70K every month, she would still be thankful, and wouldn't mind so much dropping her own money as she's been doing for 4years now. Don't forget school fees, rent, feeding are all on her.
I would have been more sympathetic towards the man if he was jobless, believing its just circumstances. But in this case, I'm seeing him as irresponsible, even borderline wicked. He doesn't seem to realise what it takes to be a parent. You just have to provide for your children's basic needs such as education at all costs. Their needs should always supercede yours.
God forbid, anything bad happens to OP.

dingbang:
how can 70k salary pay fees. Don't get me pissed with you

Get pissed with me? Why? And if you do, what will happen?

Anyway, school fees is not paid monthly. If he keeps a small amount aside monthly, it can augment what the wife pays. How much is light and water bill? Less than 10k. What does he use the remaining money for? For himself.
If he knew 70k is not enough to pay fees and rent, pls why did he get married and have kids? Pls be objective for once. Separate your ego from your reasoning.

I think the man is scared that u might do something meaningful with your salary so he is trying to make u squander it, 250 a month is a whole lot of money if u add his 70k to it that's 320k for the family, both of u can agree on a monthly budget and save the rest for investments and planning for the rainy days,

see as I dey vex for ur hubby, my hubby bought his first Land at the rate of 750k per plot, then his salary wasn't even up to 150 and I was just an alawee earner. today we own properties. everything is about planning.my dear you need to set up a family Goal. plan , ur hubby has no single plan for the family that's why he is acting like that.

dingbang:
how can 70k salary pay fees. Don't get me pissed with you

what if the wife isn't working.

aren't there families surviving with lesser amount?

eyinjuege:


Light and water bills is not more than 10k.
For a man with two children, he's wicked if that's all he drops at home from a salary of 70K.
Don't be surprised he's going to be one of the best dressed men in his office, wearing expensive shoes.
Do you want to tell me that before he got married, he was only spending 10K monthly where he was living? Won't he pay rent, buy food, pay same water and electricity bills?
Rather, he's seen a cashcow to milk .
70K is indeed nothing, but I'm sure if he gives his wife half of the 70K every month, she would still be thankful, and wouldn't mind so much dropping her own money as she's been doing for 4years now. Don't forget school fees, rent, feeding are all on her.
I would have been more sympathetic towards the man if he was jobless, believing its just circumstances. But in this case, I'm seeing him as irresponsible, even borderline wicked. He doesn't seem to realise what it takes to be a parent. You just have to provide for your children's basic needs such as education at all costs. Their needs should always supercede yours.
God forbid, anything bad happens to OP.

Thanks everyone for your contribution.

Above poster, u are right. He is best dressed at work and most likely with most expensive phone. You have stated a lot of things on my mind. He was paying his rent before we married. If he would even give me 10k for feeding once in a while I would give even more just cos of that gesture. I have said these tins over and over again. I even jokingly tell him I'm his maga sometimes. All these complains he says I'm nagging just because of money.

Someone said I shd report the issue. The people he r espects mostly are his parents. They probably have an idea I earn more but they don't know he doesn't gI've me nada. If I report he will be very furious with me and they may also take sides sef.

In all of this our sex life is almost non existent. I practically have to beg for it or complain so much. Till I stopped. Maybe like 3 or 4 times since this year. always say he's tired. We can be in the house no going out for one week n he will still complain of tiredness. He's not cheating. I've checked his fone n Co.


Actually I'm just getting frustrated and irritated although I'm not showing it. I'm beginning to think marriage is over rated. Single women, pl's don't ever feel bad that u are not married yet. Just rock ur life till the right person comes

I'm pretty sure if he was taking care of 90% of the bills, takes care of the children, cooks and feeds his wife who will then complain that there's only one piece of meat in the food, they will probably not still be marred by now. I'm almost sure of that.

Some of you men are users. So shut up and stop supporting evil.

The women won't complain if they take care of the bills while the men faces the housework all by himself. No you want to fold your arms and watch her do both. Then use blackmail to make her feel guilty on top of it all. How's that's equality in your world? Well maybe it is. Because most of you are selfish.

SonsOfLiverpool:
when a man takes care of the bill 100% there's no problem. when a woman does close to 90% there'll be problem. so much for gender equality nonsense.

on that note, please keep paying the bills but leave out some and get him tensed. like make him understand its not enough. don't push too far with this though.

anyways, I think he is too relaxed because of your pay. talk sense to him or talk to his family for help.

and yes am not married so this advice is based on common sense.

In our house, men are human beings.

BTW gods have super powers. A man would have to have that and use it to my advantage before I'll ascribe the status of a god to him.

Otherwise put your khakis on, do grunt work, take responsibilities,apologize when you need to and accept your share of the blame/joy/fun/sadness wherever appropriate like the rest of us humans.

gods. Pfft

SonsOfLiverpool:
in every society even the family structure yes there must always be a god. but remember even God has Jesus and the holy spirit as allies.

society and nature has given the man the roll of the god. and any proposition that deviates from this is seen as a taboo. money or no money.

there are good people. there are bad people. men or women

boma296:



Thanks everyone for your contribution.

Above poster, u are right. He is best dressed at work and most likely with most expensive phone. You have stated a lot of things on my mind. He was paying his rent before we married. If he would even give me 10k for feeding once in a while I would give even more just cos of that gesture. I have said these tins over and over again. I even jokingly tell him I'm his maga sometimes. All these complains he says I'm nagging just because of money.

Someone said I shd report the issue. The people he r espects mostly are his parents. They probably have an idea I earn more but they don't know he doesn't gI've me nada. If I report he will be very furious with me and they may also take sides sef.

In all of this our sex life is almost non existent. I practically have to beg for it or complain so much. Till I stopped. Maybe like 3 or 4 times since this year. always say he's tired. We can be in the house no going out for one week n he will still complain of tiredness. He's not cheating. I've checked his fone n Co.


Actually I'm just getting frustrated and irritated although I'm not showing it. I'm beginning to think marriage is over rated. Single women, pl's don't ever feel bad that u are not married yet. Just rock ur life till the right person comes

My dear pls whatever It is don't involve his parents that is 3rd party in Marriage besides they will only sympathise in your presence and gossip @your back when you leave they may even make matters worse for you. Just focus on your kids, be smart and always carry your brain along. In all this, don't forget to save incase the worse happens. Even if it is 20k monthly, try squeezing it out...just have a separate account with no atm card where you deposit the money monthly. Cheers

cococandy:
I'm pretty sure if he was taking care of 90% of the bills, takes care of the children, cooks and feeds his wife who will then complain that there's only one piece of meat in the food, they will probably not still be marred by now. I'm almost sure of that.

Some of you men are users. So shut up and stop supporting evil.

The women won't complain if they take care of the bills while the men faces the housework all by himself. No you want to fold your arms and watch her do both. Then use blackmail to make her feel guilty on top of it all. How's that's equality in your world? Well maybe it is. Because most of you are selfish.

don't be too sure. like I said earlier on, there are good people and there are bad people. goes both for male and female.

and also like I said, the society ascribes roles for each gender and each work towards that consciously or otherwise. that can nor easily be broken no matter how meaningful you may feel so talk.

lastly, not every man would behave the way the husband does, likewise the woman.

cococandy:
In our house, men are human beings.

BTW gods have super powers. A man would have to have that and use it to my advantage before I'll ascribe the status of a god to him.

Otherwise put your khakis on, do grunt work, take responsibilities,apologize when you need to and accept your share of the blame/joy/fun/sadness wherever appropriate like the rest of us humans.

gods. Pfft

don't take me literarily my dear. I believe you know what I mean.

when/if I finally get the chance to get married I'll be the god. no I won't be an arrogant one but there must be control whether it makes sense to you or not is another story.

the only issue you have is the word "god". ma, there's always going to be a leader in every kind of societal settings.

SonsOfLiverpool:
don't take me literarily my dear. I believe you know what I mean.

when/if I finally get the chance to get married I'll be the god. no I won't be an arrogant one but there must be contro whether it makes sense to you or not is another story.

the only issue you have is the word "god". ma, there's always going to be a leader in every kind of societal settings.

signs of egomania

cococandy:
signs of egomania

that's what keeps every society in order. law, rules are meant to control conducts.

call me whatever fancy name you like

If 70k is all he earns monthly and you go ahead to put your kids in a 200k/term school, then get ready to pay the bills alone.


You're being sympathetic to the whole situation. I believe you know how much he earns before you married him, so try and adjust events. If he fails to renew the coming rent, then you guys should relocate to a 1 room apartment, anywhere his 70k salary can acquire.

For as long as you (especially) is not ready to see your kids stay out of school; or reduce your meal to 1-0-1; or change from beef to kpomo, there is NOTHING he can do about it. His salary is fixed, and you know this before you married him!

chuks000:
Hmmm...seems like a good man to me....just alittle councelling would do d magic

Good man kwa?

.

SonsOfLiverpool:
when a man takes care of the bill 100% there's no problem. when a woman does close to 90% there'll be problem. so much for gender equality nonsense.

on that note, please keep paying the bills but leave out some and get him tensed. like make him understand its not enough. don't push too far with this though.

anyways, I think he is too relaxed because of your pay. talk sense to him or talk to his family for help.

and yes am not married so this advice is based on common sense.

90% of the time, when a man pays all the bills, the wife handles all the chores (division of labour).

90% of the time, when a woman pays all the bills, she is still expected/handles most of the chores herself else she is proud and using the husband as her 'houseboy' (the labour is only on her shoulders)

When you see a husband who has no qualms providing fully and doing all the chores when the wife is not sick, quote me.

RadicallyBlunt:
Lol, indeed life has 2 sides, only the concerned would understand. sincerely I do not support the husbands attitude but funny as it sounds what I see here is d inverse case of what some men face with their wives who claim to be supportive. Though they bear it somehow but a woman would bear such only to a limit. Spending is sweet but being the provider is never an easy thing.

I admire your action op to ask for advice. Some would rather act rashly. I dont know where and how you get to talk to ur husband that the talk enters his mind deeply and he considers whatever you say. You need that means now to make him understand that you both have to have a plan. His getting loan from work and receiving 30k is an instinct in men generally...an instinct of taking financial risk to yield more money or thereabout.

However in a case like this, he needs to tell you what the loans are for, you deserve to know. His unsupportive attitude and disgusting complain abt the food too is unnecessary pride.
Asking for more than one meat is normal..he's d head na..you both agree on marrying each other with d huge income gap so don't go that way...pls give him his meats.

If after talking to him and he doesn't wanna understand, then I bet a third party's intervention would be pertinent...most preferably an elderly pastor he respects not family member yet who can blow out the secret of you earning more than him... God help you ma'am

Asking for more than one meat is 'normal' when they can't afford it?

eyinjuege:


Even a man taking care of 100% of the bills always complains. So don't fault her for complaining. Its not easy to be honest.
Op is still taking care of all the other aspects of running the home, despite being the financial pillar. I can't imagine a man bringing in the money , and still doing the cooking, housework, childcare etc. You can see there's no equality in that either.
Her husband brings in less than 10k ( used for water and electricity bills) monthly. I'm sure even as a bachelor, he didn't use10k as living expenses.
How much more as a family man now with 2 children, and he's comfortable bringing in 10k?
A man earning peanuts compared to his wife should be giving her his whole salary (save for transport and small daily expenses for work), so that she can disburse the money as necessary. That way, there won't be any resentment from her. Rather he's taking out loans on frivolous things, and putting further financial pressure on his wife.
Infact he should be given cane everyday

SonsOfLiverpool:
so what's the whole essence of allowing the girl child go to school and work like men if not to take on responsibilities?

please kindly teach me why a man in his right senses shouldn't know his wife's salary.

thanks

cococandy please read the guy I quoted and address him. since most of you ladies avoided his comment. thanks.

You are not serious.

A god doesn't depend or expect anything from his subjects..... he provides everything as in everything. Life. Protection, provision, favour, mercy..... every single thing you can think of.

If a man wants to be a 'god', he better provide.

You cannot eat your cake and have it.