after God fear woooomeeen ..infact these days women no be am

shame to her

From a woman's point of view, I'll say what's good for A is Also good for B, from a a mans point of view I'll say how can u easily forgive a cheating wife, how can u even imagine laying with her again or trusting her, but from a father, a husband and a humans point of view I'll say hey if she's sorry and shows signs that she won't do it again, just imagine if you where given a choice BTW that and her death will u choose the latter, I don't think so. Forgive, watch, pray and try to rebuild the love. Maybe it was to bring u closer to her and make u cherish her even more.

betafuture:
hmm. Because I have cheated before now, it gives her the liberty to cheat under my roof. Ok ooo

The more reason why you need to forgive her and move on with your wonderful family. She has shown remorse and for the sake of your little, innocent and fragile son please, forgive her.

kenex4ever:
it's so sad
I feel your pain
She must have been sleeping with d man either in nigeria or in d US.
It's sad, yes you cheated but i think it was most likely a fling but women cheat with feelings and love.

It's hard to trust her

My opinion
Give her distance but don't chase her out
Tell her you are not connected to her again
Make her suffer
Take care of d baby n provide for them as usual but with no physical contact with her.
Let dis happen for at least six6 months.


She will regret her actions
She will need u
Then let her tell you d truth of what really happened both nigeria and in d US
If she is honest enough
Then forgive her.

Oga she has already regretted her actions abeg. Nawa shaaa...Nigerian men no get mind at all. Ordinary chat, you want to give yourself high BP. @poster see u guys need to have to heart to heart conversation. Confess ur sins to her and admit the mistakes u made in the past and stop lieing against that poor mechanic. She will tell you hers too. Then together,work on making things better at least,for the same of your child.

You do not forgive a cheating wife ? Lol , hmmn . Plenty men forgive their cheating wives they just don’t publicize it ! What moral standing do you have to not forgive a cheating wife when you are a cheat yourself ? It’s such a good thing that there are plenty of married and single men who have no problem sleeping with married women ! As you are humping Jumoke , halima or Nkechi you know there is a Tunde, Obi or hassan targeting your own wife ! It’s all karma

cstr1000:

That is a very terrible advise.

You Do not forgive a cheating wife. That is a cardinal law.
It takes a lot for a wife to cheat, and when she does, it means she has crossed a rubicon- a point of no return.
She has no respect, love or fear for him, and it will take a miracle for it to be restored. Romance cannot restore it. It is an inbuilt something that is introduced from courtship into marriage and when lost, cannot be regained.

If you decide to forgive, then it should be with a realization that it can happen again and you just want the marriage to continue irregardless.

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

saint betafuture, what goes around, comes around.

kenex4ever:
it's so sad
I feel your pain
She must have been sleeping with d man either in nigeria or in d US.
It's sad, yes you cheated but i think it was most likely a fling but women cheat with feelings and love.

It's hard to trust her

My opinion
Give her distance but don't chase her out
Tell her you are not connected to her again
Make her suffer
Take care of d baby n provide for them as usual but with no physical contact with her.
Let dis happen for at least six6 months.


She will regret her actions
She will need u
Then let her tell you d truth of what really happened both nigeria and in d US
If she is honest enough
Then forgive her.

U must be kidding wt dis post!

One thing I found particularly annoying was after she was caught, the sex she had been denying him for weeks with one excuse or the other, was what she was suddenly begging him to have with her. What do these women take men for sef?

Glad he turned the offer down. Again, Betafuture, sleeping on the same bed with her at that point was even risky.

Back to you Op, I wouldn't call it karma, but I believe you now understand how she must have felt when you transgressed? Even though you never admitted to her, I believe she trusted her instincts that the condom was actually used by you, hence she never really forgave you. This, I'm tempted to believe led to or contributed to the "Dead Bedroom" experiences you started having with her. She resents you for the act, yet she still wanted to keep her home.

You claimed to be good at love making, handsome, good fashion sense, good provider, desired by married and single ladies alike and ish etc. In all these, do you really have a relationship with your wife? Do you both connect on this very deep emotional level where mere eye contacts, body gestures, intonations etc. are understood by each other or you just assume since your working hard at making your lives better, everything should just fall in place.

I'm at a stage in life where I've come to understand that people would do what they want to do irrespective of our efforts, action and inactions. But sometimes, we need to sit back and ask ourselves some deep questions if we are at fault. And no, I'm not blaming you for your wife's transgressions.

Finally, you need to really calm down and have a talk with you wife. The sooner, the better and please dont have sex with her before you do this, so you can have a clear head. Ask her where you went wrong, what was missing, what does she want (besides forgiveness), her plans on making things right etc. Just ask all the question in your head, but with a calm friendly tone.

I wish you luck.
****

Ladies, forget cheating on smart or tech savvy men. It's only a matter of time, you'll be smoked out.

Meanwhile, I have a strong feeling Mr. Farouk (abi Wetin be him name again) is on Nairaland and is reading or will/has read this.

first of all, I must commend your write-up, very comprehensive and informative


back to the topic, the deed has been done, since she felt remorse already and been seeking for forgiveness, I'm appealing to you on her behalf to forgive her and give her second chance


I want you to know that sometimes we human being engage in weird and needless stuff, which we regret later doing



reading your write-up carefully, you really guided your family with utmost ramification but I'm not sure of the moral&religious aspect. I heard most of Nigerians abroad don't really do have time for church and in your write-up, I discovered you're a Christian. try to organise a brief morning devotion before going out in every morning. bible said a family that pray together, stay together


women generally had a flexible heart which the weak part of them get carried away easily, this is part of their nature. do help her to strengthen her emotional trait thru this biblical discourse



in all, forgive her and neutralize your thought frm the chats. wish you and your family success and long family togetherness

All the ridiculous things people keep repeating to make a cheating wife seem worse than a cheating husband ! So she will kill her husband so she can keep cheating ? What happened to walking out of the marriage? How many women have you seen kill their husband because they wanted to be free to cheat ?

Akexstinger:
It's a very simple thing. You have not been able to ascertain if she actually had a penetration with the guy because that's the only thing that is perturbing you right now. Though, emotional cheating is even worse than penetration.
The two of you should find a quiet place without the intrusion of an outsider and your son, engage in moment of truth. You need to be 1000 meters ahead of her psychologically to persuade her to confess and tell you everything with the assurance that you will forgive her. Women can keep secret sha and they can lie deeply. It's only when you can get to the bottom of the whole thing truthfully that you can know the next steps to take.
She needs to tell you where the guy is, if she has sent the guy her nude pics.
Man if I was in your shoes, we will go our separate ways, because the whole thing will continue to haunt and torment me for life even if I have forgiven her. Life goes on, you both have to decide for your son.
When your woman starts contemplating to cheat let alone cheated on you, your Blockoss and life is at stake. If she's emotionally attached to the person, then the next thing she needs to do is to get u out of the way, Be wise. I have seen and experienced this, married women liking you and the next thing is; they start telling you or complain how their husband is a stumbling block and they don't feel anything for him again, they begin to ask you for suggestions on what to do. Na for that place men de run sharply. Men no Wan be party to anything that will make anyone to kill her husband or render him useless.

u

Questence:


Hmmm humble truth.

I feel I could learn a lot from you. I have been wondering recently what could make women fall out of love with a husband despite all the care, love and spoiling.

Could it be boredom? Like they just get bored of the man,marriage and everything.

Could it be depression, mid-life crisis, sadness or other psychological issues?

Could it be that she just has an innate cheating gene and is eventually bound to cheat

Could it be coincidence, like she met someone who just happened to sweep her off her feet or she met a past lover who still kindles the past passions in her?

I know these issues are complicated and cannot be narrowed down as I have tried to do but kindly provide me a response from what you personally feel and experience.

Thanks a lot.


Questence

Did you miss the part where the op said he once cheated? Or you think women too don't get hurt when cheated on? The memory of what the man might be doing with other ladies behind closed doors is even enough to make a lady resent her cheating man. Some men have this attitude of cheating and rubbing it on their wife's face and they think that it is ok for them to cheat. Now the lie they peddle is that men cheat for fun while a cheating wife can even kill her man just to be with the man they cheat with. That's a baseless assumption to justify their irresponsible lives.

You are lucky the guy and your wife are miles apart. Cheated on her before, but you lied to resolved and she did but admit it and begged over and over and you can't forgive her? Don't give the devil a chance to destroy your home. The only choice you have which is acceptable with God is to forgive her and forget it.

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

bro, my advice.... I know it is hard but you should forgive her. I would implore you to regain your trust in her because trust me, physiological effects will make her do everything she can to earn your trust again. In other words, this is the time to trust her the most.

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

This is a really sad story. I could almost feel your pain from your choice of words. My advice is that you try to relax & calm down. Please try not tp make decisions based on how you feel right now. Try thinking through logically so that your decisions doesn't do more harm in the long run. Its a good thing your wife is remorseful. You both can pick up from there. Also i believe you both need to see a counsellor or Pastor ( if you have a very spiritual & matured one to help, pray over, counsel & restore you ).
Another thing I noticed in your post is that you had trust issues with each other. Transparency & sincerity helps alot here. Dont create room for suspiscion in your home. Seal up the leakages.
I pray God heals and comfort your heart and give you wisdom on how to handle this in Jesus name. May God turns your pains/ tears to testimonies & turn this messy siutuation into a message.
God bless you bro.

The deeper you dig inside yansh, the more you see. Continue digging till you get BP then your eyes will open.

Pataricatering:
All the ridiculous things people keep repeating to make a cheating wife seem worse than a cheating husband ! So she will kill her husband so she can keep cheating ? What happened to walking out of the marriage? How many women have you seen kill their husband because they wanted to be free to cheat ?

Thank you! I thought i was the only one seeing the fallacy in that statement. Some men keep saying trash to justify their irresponsibility.

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

You left hee for long alone that's dangerous. What she did was very bad ..how evrt there is no spark in your lives as per romance etc.. How often do you go it on dates just two of you ..are you close do you discuss issues ? I feel she is in need of attention,complements. Appreciation which she doesn't get from you ..
Farouk is just in it for excitement ..if his wife has done same he would have divorce he knows for sure on that...
Farouk is over there with his wife happy and gisting and you are allowing him spoil your mood at the end who lost? You!
Farouk marriage is intact yours is on red alert .work on it..you should accept blame also ...do you know how she felt when shexsae thst condom? Don't be surprised she knows of your affairs but has no proof .na woman we have strong instincts and we have wide network ..
She didnt sleep with him so forgive ...she did it once what of you that even actualized the physical ?you are to be blamed for this as much as her ..you already have too much on your hands as per PhD,finance don't add more to it ...it will take you time but remember ,she forgave you and condoned much more from you ....what she did should have told you she needs attention ,romance and not send you off completely

Forgive and work on your marriage ...NEVER EVER IN YOUR LIFE SHOUKD YOU DISCUSS SUCH IN PRESENCE OF YPUR SON ...THIS WILL MAKE HIM DISRESPECT HER ANX EVENTUALLY YOU ..BE CAREFUL .LET THIS BE THE LAST TINE YOU DO SUCH RUBBISH.WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ?!

jendoakino:
I don't why people don't get this ,am not making excuses for men but the truth is that women cheats with emotions unlike men that can just have sex with no feelings attached .That's why when a woman cheats on her husband she finds it difficult to have sex with him unlike men

Eyah. I hope u give your daughter this advise if her husband cheats on her or carries on an affair wt another woman. When she has become a miserable shadow of her former self full of mistrust and anger, please tell her to suck it up cos shes a nobody and her feelings dont matter as long as 'mans not hurt'.

@betafuture ur wife knows u cheated. She has stopped loving u a long time ago. She has just bn going through the motions. As u said, theres no love without trust. The image of dt ur used condom never stopped playing in her mind too & d same way u think she was sleeping around in nigeria is the same way she thinks u sleep around wt everything in skirt.
You broke ur marriage & invited all these. You can suck it up & u guys walk through ur trust issues (real talk, not this fake apology she just gave u without d real reason shes loving someone else) or you move on but u have no right to be this angry. Hypocrite.

Cos your mom does not mind standing up while her husband sits when she is talking to him does not mean other women wouldn’t mind ! It’s a generational thing - you will hardly ever find a woman less than the age of 35 who will do that for any man - that mentality is very old school! I’m over forty and I seat down when I talk to my husband , I respect him as much as he respects me !.

Afonjanightmare:


A man is a male human, a natural leader and the head of every "normal" family. My parents are still married after 36yrs, my mother still brings my dad his meal and carries the plate to the kitchen till date, my mom stands in front of my dad when he's talking (my dad is seated o!) note: my mom is a masters degree holder and an Assistant director in the federal ministry of labor and employment, no power tussle @ all in the family, everyone knows their place. See, this feminist movement brought by the whites won't work in Africa, quote me anywhere, let women submit to their husbands just as the Bible says, in Islam, you are allowed to marry 4wives hence you can take care of them.

In summary, the op is a weak and effeminated male who is not only a disgrace to humanity but a disgrace to other male species in the animal kingdom.

DOUBLEWAHALA:
I will appreciate anybody with a summary

you rock!!

Pataricatering:
Cos your mom does not mind standing up while her husband sits when she is talking to him does not mean other women wouldn’t mind ! It’s a generational thing - you will hardly ever find a woman less than the age of 35 who will do that for any man - that mentality is very old school! I’m over forty and I seat down when I talk to my husband , I respect him as much as he respects me !.

Stereotypes have changed then, would love to be adored by my wife how my mom did to my dad, don't know who started this equality stuff sef . See what they have turned the world into, a place where women cheat and want everything to be settled with make up sex.

I read few stories like yours on social media, either because such OPs don't need such advice or they just want to waste precious time.

However, your story sounds real, and I got caught in the whole drama and I felt I should add my voice to the numerous ones already given.

First, you need more than casual advice to forgive your wife and move on either in the marriage or breaking the marriage outrightly.

Except you've experienced the kind of forgiveness from God to mankind through Jesus, No way! You'll always play back the whole drama, I feel for you dear brother.

Anyone who doesn't see a big deal in what you've explained here, is either serial cheat himself/herself or marriage means little to them.

I also feel for your son too, so young but mature to know what's going on already; what a smart boy. Please, for his sake, let's find a sure way to slove this dilemma.

My counsel is this:

Seek the forgiveness of God through the gift of Jesus to mankind, in order word words, surrender your life now to Jesus and first and foremost enjoy the real peace if God. What you had initially was just the peace of the graveyard.

Leave your wife's case for now on suspension, don't do anything funny, just stay calm, even with your pained heart, you'll be surprised that with Jesus coming into your heart, the drama of your wife will take a back seat temporarily. Jesus will show you a few things about you, and about her that you don't even know yet, then you'll really be able to understand each other beyond the usual "I love you, I love you syndrome " around us.

You'll be surprised how everything will begin to shift ground between the two of you, and how the real strength to forgive her will come from.

You need to forgive her, but don't let it be artificial. Reason is that there must be a reason for the cheat from her end, that of men is understandable because, a little denial of sex by your wife is enough to distract a man, but for women, they are not that quick to open their legs or even play on their emotions with any man. So you need to find out from her what led to the cheating. Remember, your encounter with Jesus if it's genuine, has put you in a position to let go of your previous anger, because Jesus will help you realize that you too got forgiven now!

Your open discussion with her on the reason behind the lack of trust and fidelity on her part is key to going successfully forward.

If you waste time in the mood you're in now, danger looms ahead. Take this decision and let Jesus help you.

I'll love to advice the more if need be going forward on the progress you're making in this direction, but definitely in a private chat, because I do not stay that long on Nairaland and I may not be able to follow the thread after now. So if you feel it's necessary, You can reach me via:

mydailyguide2787@gmail.com

Take heart and don't be rash in your response to her remorsefulness. I wish she can get away from the relationship as she has promised, it's only that it might be deeper in her emotions than she realises.

Seriously, you have a good wife and I want you to believe that . It always happens that way for a woman or man to have return urge for their ex's but look at your own case , they are far away from each other, that alone is a + for you .

secondly, despite the power over domestic violence given to women in developed country , she is still admit to her fault and apologises to you of which many women should have make use of the opportunity to put you in trouble by engage in fight with you which am sure you knew the consequence.

Call your wife, talk to her, make her promise you never to return to the act again and you too forgive her for the sake of your innocent boy.

May God bless your home bro.

DOUBLEWAHALA:
I will appreciate anybody with a summary

lazy being sighted

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

mehn this your story dey very touching o... really i know not the best advice to give to you or anyone in this situation, i have also experienced what your going through, the only difference is am not married and it happened while i was dating her. with women you can never just tell what or where the problem with them is from. basically just move on with life, do your best for yourself and your son, if you feel you cant tolerate her in your life or house, get separated from her and if possible divorce her now before you become rich cos once you become rich i think she becomes entitled to a huge settlement. its better she is out of your life now than for her to be in your life and you are slowly dying inside and at the end of the day you will be pushed to do something tragic that will not benefit you or your son. in as much as it is good to forgive, but never lie to yourself if you cant forgive, it is better to be truthful to yourself than to lie to yourself.

ALL married men and women with at least one of two exes would at one point do what your wife has done.

You've done yours, she's done hers. Everyone is now fine, move on



If you think you can meet a woman that will never recount the good moments with her ex, then you're probably going to mold the woman yourself. Truth is all women at one point imagine and remember the good old days.

First thing first, please put your emotion under check so you won't make a rash decision Yes you caught your wife cheating this should give you an idea of what it feels like when one partner cheat on another, am justifying her action and will never do that... I believe this her first time and give her a stern warning that such should never repeat itself again, God forbid the moment you push her that she hits her head against the Wardrobe and she died what will be your explanation? I understand how you feel sir but your marriage can still work again, she messed up no doubt

The rubbish men face with women that wont let go of their ex.

[quote author=betafuture post=62713728]I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.



What is good for the goose is good for the gander.


If you have not cheated before I would have advised you but since you did take it as pay back.


Why do men feel they can cheat any how and women are not suppose to.

Her action is bad though..

1. dpsam
2. josade44
3. lazygal
4. industrialfan
5. omoelerin1
6. tsmith
7. nyben4eva
8. mastercc
9. okangprecious
10. henribj




Dear Nairalanders, send your last messages to these monikers.

Since they refuse to listen despite my clear warning.

December will be their last on earth.

My Word is Bond.

betafuture:
I am very sorry, it seems like anytime I post on Nairaland is actually the time I have great challenges in my life, however, my posts also reflect the chronicle of my life. You may wish to check out my last posting about how I was sacked in the Bank with a debt that was guaranteed by a junior staff, whose job was threatened by the loan I obtained and she guaranteed for me. please find the link https://www.nairaland.com/2282140/loan-incured-before-termination-appointment Like I mentioned in that post, I got a job as with a Rep member and he appointed me as the Special assistant on a salary of 80k monthly and my boss paid my rent, of which I engage with my lender to take 50k with me monthly and right off the excess interest and stop disturbing the junior colleague, an arrangement they agreed to and everybody was fine, save that I had to struggle to cope with 30k monthly as a family man, working in Abuja. My wife never complained. I just gave her 25k from the salary, once received, to buy food for the family why I tried to manage with the remaining 5k. It was tough! Luckily, a junior lady cousin who works in a bank was posted to Abuja and we had to accommodate her. She was very kind and understood my plight. Sometimes, she drops up to 50k for my wife to augment the house expenses. She would tell me and sometimes, I would take additional 10k to ad to my pocket money.

The home was running, my son, my wife and my cousin, including myself were very happy. As a banker, I had learned the skill of marketing and networking and negotiation. In the course of my sojourn in the national assembly I met a head of a parastatal wjo needed me to do some strategic alliance between his organization and my boss. We later became great friends, and i realized I could access a scholarship to study in the UK through him. To cut the story short, I pursued this opportunity to the latter and I got a Federal government scholarship to pursue a Masters degree in the UK. I saw this as an opportunity to rewrite the story of my life. Two months in the UK, I began to look for means to bring my wife and son to join me in the UK. While I was in UK, I made it a point of duty to send 150k to my wife in Nigeria on monthly basis (Remember I was on scholarship) and I also do student work in the UK. Because we did not sell our car during the crisis, I also gave the custody of the car to her.

FIRST SUSPICION

When she was about coming to the UK with my 7 years old son, we decided to give out some of our home appliances and sell most of them including the car. Since I was not in Nigeria, she was to manage the transactions. Because I opened her e-mail address, i do see her mails, so i could see the alert on her GTB. The first thing that prompted me was that the amount she received for the sales of our car was 100k higher than what she declared to me. (The fund was meant to buy the flight tickets for her and my son). There were other expense transactions that were over declared, but the actual amount debited to her account were quite low. I did not confront her on these issues until she arrived UK with my son. When I did, I could see the way she manipulatively and professionally lied her way out of the whole issue. I did not pick an offense, hence i made her to understand that I was never convinced. Since then my instinct told me that if she could lie to me so much on finance, maybe there are other things going on in her life that I never known. However, I opened her Facebook account for her years ago in Nigeria, but I never bothered to check it. Out of curiosity, I tried login into her Facebook account and I discovered she has changed the password. My first reaction was to check it, but had I done that, she would have been conscious, then I used my skill as an trained IT security expert to crack her password and then access her Facebook. I ran through all her messenger message and everything was fine. Apart from a certain guy who always beg her for assistance and prayer, there was nothing really suspicious about her messanger and then, we continued with our normal life.

After a week in UK, she started to work as a carer (her visa permitted her to work fully), and she began to make money. I know how much enters her account and we decide how to spend. My son also start schooling and life began to have meaning again. I finished my masters with a distinction and the best graduating student in my department and my University offered me automatic admission for PhD, with part scholarship.l To remain, we needed to source funds to show evidence that my family can stay with me in the UK and show evidence of the balance of school fees. We sourced for money everywhere. She brought all she had and we had to borrow both from UK and Nigeria. My boss was very supportive and I commenced the PhD this September. As a family, we have a problem. My son is now 8 years and we have been trying to make another baby but it does not seem to be forthcoming. We have been to hospitals in the UK, we were both tested and once told my sperm motility was low, treated, but later we were considered both ok.

Since her arrival in the UK, I noticed that my wife suddenly repel sexxx. Sometimes, we had sexxxx just once in a month, she would find a way of brushing away by advances. At a level, i had to ask if there was any problem, but she said it was because of the new environment, her jobs and what have you. This further told me that all was not well in my marriage. She knows I love her and I would do anything for her. While we were yet trying to pay my tuition, her mum got a US visa and all the children were making contributions for her journey, I had to take from my school fees and send to Nigeria and manage my school to give us more time. I tried to ensure that we continually live like one happy family.

Do not let me sound like one perfect good guy. I had also lived a rough bad life in the past and she is aware. During my days in the bank, I had been sexually reckless and irresponsible. There was a time I left office to a gal house, fckked her and I never knew that the condom we used was stick to my shoe. I drove with it home, entered home very late at night, my wife was already angrily waiting for me in the house, only to see a used condom with sperm inside attached to the soul of my shoe. It was an issue that we had to battle with for weeks, even though I never confess it was from, I told a story that it must have got gummed to me at the mechanic village where I had gone to pick my car in the evening (She was aware that someone has accused my mechanic of having sexxx in his car, leaving condom at the back seat). after few weeks, we resolved the issue and we continued leaving normal life. However, there was also a time I suspected her activities on Facebook and I realised a guy whom she has known in the past has been pestering her and she seems to be encouraging him (That was during our period of financial crisis). I had confronted her, she had denied they never had anything but the guy was just pestering her. I apologised and went sober. I called the guy (who was also married) and lived in another faraway city. The guy denied having anything to do with her that she just knew her while growing up. The guy originally blasted me, but later called back and apologized and promised never to disturb her again. I was hurting for months, after which I forgave, forgot and moved on. Let me also state that during the period of my financial crisis, I made a covenant with God, after listening to a message, that whatever the case maybe, I will remain faithful to my wife. This I have manage to keep despite advances from both married and single friends and acquaintances.

THE REAL ISSUE

Now, we are living in the UK and very happy, she is working full-time, while I pursue my PhD full-time, work part-time and my son schools full-time and we were all happy, save the issue of delayed pregnancy and (to me, the poor sex life from her). Let me also state that I bought her a Samsung phone (when she arrived last year), which I have full access to because I know her password. Few months ago, she told me she wanted a bigger phone that she would send the one I bought her to my younger brother in Nigeria who had been disturbing her for a phone. Even though, I thought we did not need to spend money on a new phone at that crucial time because of the looming school expenses, I consented just for her to be happy and she got herself a Samsung galaxy s8 plus for 700pounds, which she would repay of 2 years. The first thing that prompted me about the phone was that she changed her password, but I never mind because I thought she was preventing my son, who always loved to play game on her phone from accessing the phone. However, after few weeks, I began to feel very uncomfortable about the whole stuff. My instinct just told me all was not well. Whatever was it, I could not place my finger on it. But after reviewing my work with my supervisor in the University yesterday, I just felt like going home to rest, instead of studying in the school and then, I met wife in the house with my son. She was trying to order some items online for my son for Christmas and on arrival, she gave her phone to select what we should buy for him, and then, the FB message came into her phone and I could read...'it is not what you think, I have been very busy'

I selected the item I thought was ok, gave returned her phone, picked my laptop and logged in to her Facebook. My wife pretended she was enganging me in discussion, but was responding to the message from a guy, who obviously was her lover and she wrote (I was reading from my computer without her knowledge) 'You know I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU'. and the other guy responded 'I love you more baby' (By this time, I was already burning on the seat, but I somehow managed to keep my calm). She wrote 'But you don't call me' ...and she stood up and went to the kitchen (I wanted to gather enough evidence before I reacted), but immediately she got to the kitchen, she deleted the conversation. At this time, I could not take it. My son was in the sitting room, watching cartoon. I went to her in the kitchen and aggressively confronted her. She originally pretended she did not know what I was saying, but when she say the aggression and seriousness in me she started begging and crying. I lost control of my emotion. I was angry and shouting. My son was there. He was too young, but very intelligent. he understood everything and began to blame his mum, at the same time asking me ti give mum a second chance. I was bitterly hurting. I felt like tearing her into pieces, but if I tried that in UK, it will be straight to jail. She could not state the reason behind her action. She was still trying to lie. She said the guy was her ex and they recently became friends on Facebook and the guy is trying to rekindle the old relationship. The guy is based in Nigeria, they do not even see. Everything she said was incoherently sense. All she wanted was that I should forgive her. I should not tell anybody. She cried, wept and what have you. I was hurting. If it were to by Nigeria, she would have left my house yesetrday, but in UK, it is difficult. The love turned to hatred. She managed to convince me to enter room with her, so that she will discuss the issue with me, without getting our son involved. In the room, it was the same crying and plea for forgiveness and a promise it would never happen again. I told her i was ok, but she would not let me out. I had to angrily shove her away from the door and she hit her head against the wardrobe. i was too angry, too sad, and too hateful to care. i called her all manners of unprintable names. I cursed her, I was just too angry. She kept begging. I left for the sitting room and she came back, knelt down before me and kept begging. My son was crying that two of us were making him sad. The young boy even threatened to tell his teacher in the school on monday. I was too angry to listen. I just told her to let me be. She stood up with tears in her eyes to enter the toilet, I checked her Facebook account again and realised that the lover had sent another message thus: "My dear I don't call you always to protect your home, but I always check your pictures every night before I go to bed" As I was reading, she stupidly deleted that again in the toilet. (Please note that my wife always post our family pictures on facebook, stating how I am the best husband in the world).

My anger erupted again and I rushed to meet her in the bathroom and asked her why she deleted the last message of the guy and she tearfully answered that she did not want me to see anything that could aggravate my anger the more. I angrily snatched the phone from her and smashed it on the floor. She knelt down at my feet and continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I was hurting so badly. I left for sitting room again and my son was confusedly crying. She came back and knelt before me and continued begging and weeping and begged we should go back to the room to discuss, at least to protect our son. After a while, i followed her. There was nothing to say; the same weeping, crying and promises to not do it again and swearing that they never had anything together. I told her I needed to talk to the guy and she pleaded I should not. I told her she is giving me an impression that she is protecting the guy so that she could continue her illicit affairs with him and told her it would not work. The can change tactics, but its is only a matter of time. I told her, I would forgive her, but I cannot trust her again and when there is no trust in marriage, the marriage is gone. I also told her I must engage that guy that she should give me his number, but she said her phone is no longer working. I made her feel comfortable that I have forgiven her, but honestly I am hurting. I went back to my laptop, continued chat with the guy on her messenger, but he was now online. We both slept on the same bed, i realised she could not sleep. In the middle of the night she woke me up to beg again, she was offering a make-up sexxx, but I was not interested. I told her i had forgiven her, but I am still hurting and there is no way i could have erection with her. In the morning, I checked her messanger, i discovered the iddiot has responded, still claiming to love her. I checked his profile, I realised he is a muslim, who has a wife with two kids. His location was not shown, but most of his pics her in Nigeria apart from two which have foreign background. I also realize he has limited posts on FB, but the phone number on his FB page is US phone number.

From my wife's FB account, I sent a message thus:

Hi, Mr Farouq, my name is Adams, I am Grace husband
I just wish to inform you that all the rubbish you have been doing with my wife are now exposed to me
I advise you in the name of whatever thing you believe, STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

I also realize you are a married man. If you have any moral integrity and respect for family values, you will know that
responsible men do not run after married women or break homes.

I do not care whatever you claim you think of her, just heed this warning STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

He read it an never respond. I went to her facebook setting and unfriended him.

I left home in the morning to go study in the library, but honestly, I could not assimilate anything. I am so emotionally broken down, so psychologically disturbed. The whole event kept playing in my head. I found it difficult to rationalise it. I continued to find fault in my being and my personality. I know I am very attractive handsome young man. Despite showing I am married, ladies still flock around me. I am also a passionate lovemaker. I dress well and look neat. I don't seem to understand where I have failed. Sometimes I just close my eyes and i feel tears dripping, but I have got to be strong. As for her, she has remained in the room since morning, hiding her head in shame and crying profusely. I have cut off communication with her since I came back from school and I have enganged myself in drinking spirit maybe my spirit will be strenghtened.

This is my story, this is my ordeal. Please I need advice.

Thanks.

hello bro really feel your pains..please try to forgive nd give her second chance...we are not perfect.

betafuture:
hmm. Because I have cheated before now, it gives her the liberty to cheat under my roof. Ok ooo

You are such a typical Nigerian man.
Apparently, You are the only one who SHOULD cheat abi?

Yeah she messed up, but given that YOU brought this demon of infidelity into your home, you have no f*cking right to be getting TOO bent out of shape over it. Take responsibility for YOUR PART in this, cool the f*ck down, and have a heart to heart forgiving conversation with her. Where in you blame yourself for introducing this cheating concept to your family, and how it will do nothing but break the fam and how the fam is better off without such.