You children should talk to your dad as adults.

If he refuse to see reasons, talk to the church leadership.

I think your parents relationship can still be salvaged.

anigbajumo:


Second comment nd seeing here to beat his father. Morally, culturally even religiously is very wrong no matter wat.

Hm! Story!

It actually works!

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

Make no body insult your useless father for the fool he is? Call a black pot for what it is. No wonder you are too weak to do anything. You come online for advice no wan still hear truth. Report him to the church or tell your mum to divorce his loveless arse. Loveless marriage no be marriage at all.

my question is did u marry your dad or joined them together......m not being offensive ooooo...at all

Talk to your dad, speak to the people that can talk to your dad in the ministry, and why is he a violent man, imagine a christian or even a pastor behaving that way, walai if he died today he will land in hellfire because his foot is set on that part. Tell his leaders in church to speak with him.

anigbajumo:


Bro,someone is different from ur father.You can't beat ur father coz of ur mum..Reason it again, it is very wrong...

Yes I can...anyone let it be my sister, my dad, my niece or nephew. They are getting touched if they are beating my mum.

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

The solution lies in the hands of the children.

From what you wrote, majority of you guys are now grown up, so it is time to save your mom.

All of you the children should call the dad and have a chat with him. Let him know that what he is doing is wrong and dangerous especially as he is a pastor.

Also inform him that if he doesn't treat your mom well and stop beating her, then you will expose him in church during service in front of the whole congregation. If he beats your mom, video it and have pictures.

One thing pastor's fear is being exposed to their congregations. By God's grace your mom will be saved.

Try this, it will work.

dominique:



Sharrap! Must you blame the victim? It's not every person that find themselves with an abusive partner that is at fault. Some people are born bullies, they derive pleasure in intimidating and subduing others. That's the type of person Op's dad is. Even his grown up kids are afraid to confront him, that ought to tell you that man is an evil bully. It's your likes that will justify a man battering a woman to the point of death- it has to be her fault somehow. But when a man got stabbed by his psycho wife, you'll be screaming women are evil. FYI, evil knows no gender, in this particular case, the evil one is the man. Deal with it!

Sorry! U dunderheads love to play the victim cards even when ur the ones at fault. I'm sure d mum must have done one or two things d op isn't telling us dat made d man treat her like dat.

Adebanji1950:

If you have to come to a public place like this for advice you're not fit to advice anyone. Africans don't sit their father down or talk down on their father especially regarding his home. You are basically challenging his manhood, it's an abomination, stay away from his marriage, respect your mother's decision also.

it seems you're a pastor too. rubbish

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

Don't u have other important thing to do with ur life

Una no fit beat him?

I WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS MESSAGE VERY SERIOUSLY YOUR FATHER IS SUFFERING FROM NPH( NARCCISSIST PERSONALITY/CHARACTER DISORDER) I CANNOT TYPE LONG EPISTLE NOW BUT THE SOLUTION IS NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS AND YOU JUST HAVE TO RETALIATE. IF YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS CANNOT GANG UP AND BEAT HIM, ORGANIZE BOYS TO DO IT FOR YOU, AND LET HIM KNOW THE REASON FOR THE BEATING. I CAN PROMISE YOU HE WILL BE THE HUMBLEST MAN FROM THEN ON. PLEASE TRY AND READ BOOKS ON NPH. IF YOUR MOTHER DIES AND HE REMARRIES, THE CYCLE WILL CONTINUE. I EXPECT A TESTIMONY VERY SOON. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE. DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER DOWN.

londoner:


Yes I can...anyone let it be my sister, my dad, my niece or nephew. They are getting touched if they are beating my mum.

female king Kong the mighty one, I didn't know you could be a little wacko at times.

multicolored:
Una no fit beat him?

he should be his dad, is that what the Bible tells you?

[color=#006600][/color]

Hector09:
my dad was the one thats operating under spell, well u wont understand brother untill it hapeen to u, my dad castigate my mums name even given his frnds my mums number so that they we ask her out, my dad is a principat at level 18 yet nothing to show for it, instead of that he we collect my mums money nd gave it to his numerous girl frnds cus my mum is a business woman nd she is also a civil servant, there was never peace at home any time my dad is around, it was a bad experience thats why i dnt like marriage as d poster said earlier

And this is exactly why people should get divorced. It is not right for children should grow up in such a home. If people this broken homes damages children, then abusive home destroys their soul and spirit.

[quote author=Adebanji1950 post=62980156]
If you have to come to a public place like this for advice you're not fit to advice anyone. Africans don't sit their father down or talk down on their father especially regarding his home. You are basically challenging his manhood, it's an abomination, stay away from his marriage, respect your mother's decision also.[/quote
did you just say stay away from his marriage? she is his mother and if she looses her life (Godforbid) it is still people like you that would say what about her children and relatives? didn't they advice her to leave. she is going through physical torture here. Imagine if she was your sister.

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

Another foolish male child!

cherriex:


You are right and again the little I understand from this issue is a case scenario of a man marrying for love in the eighties,now more educated, more exposed and sophisticated, d problem is He upgraded alone and now in a modern world, with posh pastors and their eloquent wives all around, He's now ashamed of His wife,wishing she is as presentable, educated, and eloquent as the rest, Of course instead of upgrading or just continues to accept her the way she is, He resents her, and resentment leads to abuse, because clearly He needs more and she's in d way and as a pastor he can't easily replace her.

Exactly! This is the problem with our African men, they thought the women should be and remain in the house bearing children and cooking. Even when they go abroad to study, the women end up as nanny so that they can raise money for the husband's tuition. An average African woman believes that once she is married she doesn't have to look good again and the ones that look good are being accused of cheating.

Op talk to a more senior pastor in d church if they are not of d same feather, Most of dis pastors are wolf in sheep clothing,unfortunatelyour mothers still respect d olden days tradition or thinking of wat pple will say if she leaves,Baba God i no wan marry pastor or policeman o

londoner:


Yes I can...anyone let it be my sister, my dad, my niece or nephew. They are getting touched if they are beating my mum.

Story teller

She has to decide on her own.

Don't use the Modern Divorce word to ruin her home
Been der from day one till 50z
Call a meeting and confront ur daddy
Tell him u ain't happy abt it all,dat any fin dat happens to ur mummy is on him cos of his actions
If she eventually separates it will disturb her and u all

You should help Enroll her in Night school
She can pick up from der
Encourage her always

Icon79:
Thank you, my dear. I laugh each time I see naija people trying to put themselves in other people's marriage.

Only the TWO people involved (along with their God) know what's going on their marriage! Hence, it's best to keep yourself out of it. And if you must intervene, ensure that you hear BOTH sides of the story!!

Spot on!

Your father is obviously a fake pastor. Don’t protect your mother o. You guys are obviously weaklings, for your dad to still be able to do those things to her, when he has adult children.

My uncle used to beat his wife, until the day his twin sons beat him up over that when they just turned 17, after writing WAEC.

He didn’t agree to pay for them to enter university for up to a year, but it ended all that physical abuse rubbish.

Fear won’t even let him think of laying his hands on their mother again.

I get a sense that your father still feeds you people, that’s why you can’t do anything to him.

If you’re scared of being cursed, don’t be. He’s a fake pastor, his curses won’t work.

If you like, allow your mother to stay there and die.

Wrong

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

So that u can marry her abi?

oruma19:
bros, he that comes to equity must come clean. We can't be fighting wrongdoing with wrongdoing. Much as I hate what useless pastors are doing now I don't supot telling lies to make the story look good. A man that has ten children from one woman must be above 60 or thereabout using average calculation, a sixty year old pastor with 10 children will be maltreating his wife and children that some are big enough to be on Nairaland. Haba, make we use our brain na. An average boy of 16 will beat up his father if he abuses the mother in their presence. Let alone 10 children. Them for don kill d papa sef if na true story. U cannot beat the mother of ur grown up children and go free. Ask any young boy, he will tell u what will happen to the father if he tries it. The story is cooked and a very big lie.

I wish this story was fake but you can see others corroborating that it's happening to them too.
Op, no father can continue beating his wife when they have grown children.
People get away with impunity when unchallenged. Calling your dad to order isn't disrespectful. It is a mark of love.

Think of what can happen to your family if you don't do what is right : your dad 'accidentally ' kills your mom and goes to prison. Ten orphaned children! Do something and do it fast otherwise you'll regret the disaster your inaction can cause.

Let me summarize the suggestions :
1. Record an abusive scene
2. All the children 18+ ask your parents to sit down for a meeting. Lead a prayer asking God to be the leader of the deliberations
3. Start on a positive note. Tell dad he's your hero and mentor and you appreciate all the sacrifices he's making to provide for his large household
4. Tell him that you don't like his treatment of your Mom and you all demand it stops immediately so that he doesn't destroy his life, family and ministry
5. Add the subtle threat that you will expose him to shame if there's no change.
6. Let one of your siblings lead the closing prayer asking God to deliver your dad from a hypocritical life that will send him to hell fire.

The abuse will stop.

People can make up stories for their mum but if it is their dad that is maltreated you won't hear anything ....non sense

adeniyisamuel59:
People can make up stories for their mum but if it is their dad that is maltreated you won't hear anything ....non sense

dnt mind all these kids.were u d one dat married dem? Did op know how dey met?op there r alot of things u dnt know about marriage.u might think u do but believe u dnt.until I hear from yr father no comment.i v been married for 13yrs now so I shud know to some extent

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

You go and get time married, ure not in marriage to know what marriage is about

Chrisrare:
Sorry! U dunderheads love to play the victim cards even when ur the ones at fault. I'm sure d identify⅝ must have done one or two things d op isn't telling us dat made d man treat her like dat.

In other words, all woman that are victims of domestic violence are at fault because all men are innocent saints. Even the one that was beaten to death by her husband while she was in labour was also at fault. She must have done something to provoke the man so badly that she and her baby had to pay with their lives for it. But poor innocent Bilyamin did nothing to provoke his evil wife. She just decided to go on a stabbing rampage because all women are evil according to you.

I don't blame you, it's the dunderheads that raised you with such a silly mentality that I blame. Thank God it's not me that will come and marry your likes. A man that cannot identify the wrong doings of his fellow man and always want to push the blame to the opposite gender, is that one a man?

It's obvious your mum hasn't divorced him yet because she has no place to go and you are children aren't comfortable in life at the moment . If not you won't even bother to type this for you would have taken the right action by now.
My mum's husband she had i and my siblings for, did the same thing for almost 25 years before my mum broke loose. Your own case is even better . This man beats my mum every single day that up till now blood rushes out of her nose. He ties her up and cuts her hair with blade and refuses the neighbours entrance when they tried to intervene. Nobody should please say she did something wrong because she didn't, she was the most submissive and quiet woman i have ever came across. Her only crime was that she didn't have any firm of livelihood and that was because he always made sure to spoil her chances and people even her co workers avoided her because of him, he would insult and fight anyone who got close to her and he also made sure she was fully dependent on him for her survival. Mind you she was an orphan so her extended family weren't helpful at all, he locks her in and takes the key, she doesn't go to church even or else the pastor and the whole congregation are in real trouble. He was possessive, jealous, arrogant, and a chronic womanizer and he has a sickening temper. He sleeps with the neighbours, fish sellers, hairdressers just name it. He spends our tuition fees at the time on all these women and we dropped out of school so many times am even surprised am where I am today.
I pleaded and cried for us to leave so many times but she always says to where?.
Till two big of my brothers graduated, got a very job and on one fateful day he went out philandering as usual, we all escaped. Now we are all in a better place but we don't even know if he exists or Not, though we learnt he brought in another woman instantly.
Why did I type all these, because I know if you are comfortable you won't even ask what you should do because by now you would have taken your mum out of that dungeon you called marriage.
Now to all the ladies out there, I know how the society pressures you to get married, but am pleading with you if you are not settled in life don't try it or that man will treat you like thrash and act like your messiah for he knows you are handicapped and he will never respect you.
Take it from someone who isn't desperate for marriage, someone who no man can trample on, for my standards are very high and thanks to my mum's husband I know the kind of man I want in my life and the ones i ought to avoid.