I just want to let out some of my pains and fesrs on this faceless forum .maybe it will give me some sort of relief.

I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out.the whole thing is gradually wrecking me emotinally because of my two innocent children.

When I look back at the " good girl" life I have lived, I begin to wonder if its worth it.most times, I just want to do some "very bad things", so that the pains I passed through in my marriage will make sense to me. Why does bad things happen to good people.

Most times, I am scared if I am/ will make a good mother to my kids.can I successfully fill the vacuum of a father in their lives? Why my children? Why must they be caught in this web of ' single parenthood'.God!!! I am so scared of what the future holds for us.i worry about what will happen if my children dont turn out well.I try to be strong especially for my kids but at times I break down. This was never the plan I had for myself. What happened to my dreams?

For how long will I answer questions like: mummy, I want to speak with my daddy; mummy, why is daddy not living with us anymore; mummy, I miss my daddy.this are questions my children ask even though they haven't spent so much time with their father as he was abroad.In as much as I don't want to paint their father as a bad person, I also don't want to give them the impression that I am deliberately keeping them away from their father.so the questions get hard to answer.

How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment. I can deal with it, but its not easy for my kids.maybe its about the belief that" my children will eventually look for their father, their root".how about their education? Don't you care if your children are in school knowing fully well I am unemployed. God!! Please answer my prayers.

It's worse because I can't and will never go back to him. For if i do, he may cause me to commit suicide oneday. Twice , his actions made me raise knife to take my life. I loved him so much that he was my obsession. He was my first and only love.do I hate him now? No, I can never hate the one I once loved so much.I gave him time to change but it got worse.I know we all have our faults including me but not when a man makes his wife an " intimate stranger".

Life itself is not fair.so many questions and questions in my head that beg for answers.at times you need someone to just listen to you. At times i t gets too much for me that I just want to scream out loud.you cry so much and still don't feel any better.its worse because no one else truly knows what I am passing through emotionally.God bless my family for me but then my emotional pains is beyond them.

Do I feel any better writing this? honestly I don't know. Just want to write about how I am feeling. At times I want to loose faith/ hope in God but then I know its only him and myself that can help "me".

I am not new on nairaland.my old moniker is saponification but changed it when I lost my former email.

Sorry Ma, about your troubles you need to be strong for your kids so they turn out well. Pls you need to get closer to God at this trying times for His strength to uphold you.

My dear sis, I can't say that I understand ur plight cos I'm not a single mother but one thing I know is that this too shall pass. Trust me. I've had my own fair share of life trouble n tussle. And during those times I really felt like giving up, but today, I look back n thank God for everything. Be strong for ur kids. Use the Holy Bible if u r a Christian as ur consolation. It shall b well in no due time

I am a single mother of two. I left a very very abusive relationship. So I did not choose single motherhood but that was what life dealt me.

It is very tough on the children. I have been single mother for 4 yrs, the first 3 yrs was really really tough on them. But please you need to make them feel very love. Let them have a fatherly figure in their life, like your brother or father, any male figure that you trust very well. You don’t necessarily have to start dating again if you are not ready. They will adapt but I will not lie, it will not be an easy road at all. They might lash at you sometimes especially if you have boys.

[quote author=Olalan post=66903455]Sorry Ma, about your troubles you need to be strong for your kids so they turn out well. Pls you need to get closer to God at this trying times for His strength to uphold you.


Thanks

@ jennyswtie, thanks

OmoAlata1:
I am a single mother of two. I left a very very abusive relationship. So I did not choose single motherhood but that was what life dealt me.

It is very tough on the children. I have been single mother for 4 yrs, the first 3 yrs was really really tough on them. But please you need to make them feel very love. Let them have a fatherly figure in their life, like your brother or father, any male figure that you trust very well. You don’t necessarily have to start dating again if you are not ready. They will adapt but I will not lie, it will not be an easy road at all. They might lash at you sometimes especially if you have boys.

Thanks so much.yes , I am already seeing that it won't be easy.trust me,single motherhood was never among the plans I had for myself.

I try to show my angels so much love while at the same time not sparing the rod.

Thanks a lot for sharing your own story.

Tinamoore:


Thanks so much.yes , I am already seeing that it won't be easy.trust me,single motherhood was never among the plans I had for myself.

I try to show my angels so much love while at the same time not sparing the rod.

Thanks a lot for sharing your own story.

Trust me, it will get better, I was an emotional wreck. I had to seek professional counseling for 2yrs. If you can, you should think of seeing one. Do not see a pastor or Alfa or any spiritual leader. They will only make your emotional health worst, I am talking from experience. But it will get better, just take it one day at time. Please remember to be selfish a little and put yourself first.

Your number one priority should be your kids...
Some people think money solves all but showing your children LOVE is key .... remember that ! Always do what you can for them
My mum is a single mum even though situation is different because she had a job so finacially was stable and didnt have that burden ...but we love her so so much for her strength .. so dont doubt yourself as a mother .

[this is why i advocate for ladies to have something doing before they marry , having kids just because one man said he will do everything doesnt work anymore you have to have something to fall back on ... ]

So just keep pushing your children will see all the struggles and love you more for being strong, it will build them up . As for their father just leave it to God ... later on in life he may change and have a better relationship with his children .

Never too late
Be strong and know alot of women pull through this

Lalas247:


Your number one priority should be your kids...
Some people think money solves all but showing your children LOVE is key .... remember that ! Always do what you can for them
My mum is a single mum even though situation is different because she had a job so finacially was stable and didnt have that burden ...but we love her so so much for her strength .. so dont doubt yourself as a mother .

[this is why i advocate for ladies to have something doing before they marry , having kids just because one man said he will do everything doesnt work anymore you have to have something to fall back on ... ]

So just keep pushing your children will see all the struggles and love you more for being strong, it will build them up . As for their father just leave it to God ... later on in life he may change and have a better relationship with his children .

Never too late
Be strong and know alot of women pull through this

Hugs to you dear.your words mean so much to me.its an inspiration.

One day at a time.

Cry when you are down butvremember you have two souls depending on you so you must get up, wipe your face and push on.

Don't rush to date. Take your time.

You need money, plenty of it,so get something doing.

You will be fine last last.

This is so sad, I hope you feel better soon. I don't know exactly what you are going through but I know it gets better every day. It's just like a wound, you'll feel better and your life will be easier. Time is a healer and it gets better.

Some days will be harder than others but try and get help from people that care about you, go out, exercise and stay in shape, if you have a little money to spare go ahead and spoil yourself and your children. If you will feel better after crying, lock your door away from your kids and cry but you have to be strong for them.

My thoughts are with you.

ifyalways:
One day at a time.

Cry when you are down butvremember you have two souls depending on you so you must get up, wipe your face and push on.

Don't rush to date. Take your time.

You need money, plenty of it,so get something doing.

You will be fine last last.

Thanks ify.my priority is my two angels now.dating is the last thing on my mind now.

I honestly pray to be fine at last.today is one of those days the whole pressure weighs me down.

I read ur story and felt like crying for u cos I am in similar situation right now, the only difference is that my is domestic violence related. I understand what you passing through and am happy that u have ur family support.

Yes, single motherhood has its good and bad days, but u need to prayerful, bold and courageous for the sake of yourself and kids. Get something doing, if you can teach, find a teaching job but if not venture into business. It doesn't matter even if it is 1k that u have as capital but be hopeful that better days lie ahead.

Don't let depression set in for u, believe that u will survive it... if kids are still young, whenever they ask for their dad, just keep hopeful on that, as they grow old share some stories that led to ur separation with them that does not mean u are painting their dad as bad person but for them to learn lessons from it.

I pray God will see u through your hurdles remember tough time never last tough people do...

nana228:
This is so sad, I hope you feel better soon. I don't know exactly what you are going through but I know it gets better every day. It's just like a wound, you'll feel better and your life will be easier. Time is a healer and it gets better.

Some days will be harder than others but try and get help from people that care about you, go out, exercise and stay in shape, if you have a little money to spare go ahead and spoil yourself and your children. If you will feel better after crying, lock your door away from your kids and cry but you have to be strong for them.

My thoughts are with you.

Yes Nana, some days are harder for me.I am not somebody that seeks for cheap sympathy but the whole thing I am passing through overwhelmed me today.

Yes most times I cry.I cry even as I write this.my angels are sleeping so I don't have to hide.

Thanks for your words.

Aim07:
I read ur story and felt like crying for u cos I am in similar situation right now, the only difference is that my is domestic violence related. I understand what you passing through and am happy that u have ur family support.

Yes, single motherhood has its good and bad days, but u need to prayerful, bold and courageous for the sake of yourself and kids. Get something doing, if you can teach, find a teaching job but if not venture into business. It doesn't matter even if it is 1k that u have as capital but be hopeful that better days lie ahead.

Don't let depression set in for u, believe that u will survive it... if kids are still young, whenever they ask for their dad, just keep hopeful on that, as they grow old share some stories that led to ur separation with them that does not mean u are painting their dad as bad person but for them to learn lessons from it.

I pray God will see u through your hurdles remember tough time never last tough people do...

Thanks dear for the advice. I am so sorry for whatever you may be passing through.

Amen, God will surely see us through our hurdles.

Are you financially stable? This is the one way to drive the singlemotherhood train with ease. If not, you really need to get get something doing. You need money! Consistent cash flow to avoid complete breakdown. This too shall pass. Hugs

Sorry ma, I want you to be strong if not for anything but for the sake of your little angel because they truly need you. Always remember one thing that it will end in praise ma. Much love for you & ur angel

Tinamoore:
I just want to let out some of my pains and fesrs on this faceless forum .maybe it will give me some sort of relief.

I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out.the whole thing is gradually wrecking me emotinally because of my two innocent children.

When I look back at the " good girl" life I have lived, I begin to wonder if its worth it.most times, I just want to do some "very bad things", so that the pains I passed through in my marriage will make sense to me. Why does bad things happen to good people.

Most times, I am scared if I am/ will make a good mother to my kids.can I successfully fill the vacuum of a father in their lives? Why my children? Why must they be caught in this web of ' single parenthood'.God!!! I am so scared of what the future holds for us.i worry about what will happen if my children dont turn out well.I try to be strong especially for my kids but at times I break down. This was never the plan I had for myself. What happened to my dreams?

For how long will I answer questions like: mummy, I want to speak with my daddy; mummy, why is daddy not living with us anymore; mummy, I miss my daddy.this are questions my children ask even though they haven't spent so much time with their father as he was abroad.In as much as I don't want to paint their father as a bad person, I also don't want to give them the impression that I am deliberately keeping them away from their father.so the questions get hard to answer.

How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment. I can deal with it, but its not easy for my kids.maybe its about the belief that" my children will eventually look for their father, their root".how about their education? Don't you care if your children are in school knowing fully well I am unemployed. God!! Please answer my prayers.

It's worse because I can't and will never go back to him. For if i do, he may cause me to commit suicide oneday. Twice , his actions made me raise knife to take my life. I loved him so much that he was my obsession. He was my first and only love.do I hate him now? No, I can never hate the one I once loved so much.I gave him time to change but it got worse.I know we all have our faults including me but not when a man makes his wife an " intimate stranger".

Life itself is not fair.so many questions and questions in my head that beg for answers.at times you need someone to just listen to you. At times i t gets too much for me that I just want to scream out loud.you cry so much and still don't feel any better.its worse because no one else truly knows what I am passing through emotionally.God bless my family for me but then my emotional pains is beyond them.

Do I feel any better writing this? honestly I don't know. Just want to write about how I am feeling. At times I want to loose faith/ hope in God but then I know its only him and myself that can help "me".

I am not new on nairaland.my old moniker is saponification but changed it when I lost my former email.

God will be with you and strengthen you.

If you can, please be closer to your parents for support.

What did you do why your ex-husband abandoned you and the children? Hardly will a father just abandoned his children without any serious reasons. Especially if the said children are his pure blood.

It could be that you have changed as a loving wife to troublesome wife or you made the house unbearable for him to come to.

There are many questions that need answers from OP.

yettymuse:
Are you financially stable? This is the one way to drive the singlemotherhood train with ease. If not, you really need to get get something doing. You need money! Consistent cash flow to avoid complete breakdown. This too shall pass. Hugs

Thanks dear

bukatyne:


God will be with you and strengthen you.

If you can, please be closer to your parents for support.

Yes dear, if not for my family, I would have been a complete wreck by now.

Thanks

Tinamoore:


Yes dear, if not for my family, I would have been a complete wreck by now.

Thanks

Thank God.

Continue leaning on them and appreciating them.

@husband: is there no hope of reconciliation?

edoman2016:
What did you do why your ex-husband abandoned you and the children? Hardly will a father just abandoned his children without any serious reasons. Especially if the said children are his pure blood.

It could be that you have changed as a loving wife to troublesome wife or you made the house unbearable for him to come to.

There are many questions that need answers from OP.

Hello, I came here to write yesterday because the pains of what I am passing through overwhelmed me.I didn't write to tell my story here because if I do, it will be impossible to believe it.

What did you do why your ex-husband abandoned you and the children? Hardly will a father just abandoned his children without any serious reasons. Especially if the said children are his pure blood.

The bolded comment of yours, is the reason why its weighing me down so much. many questions in my head that begs for answers.

However, you are entitled to your own opinion.

bukatyne:


Thank God.

Continue leaning on them and appreciating them.

@husband: is there no hope of reconciliation?

No dear.for my sanity, there is no hope.

Tinamoore:


No dear.for my sanity, there is no hope.

It is well.

Tinamoore:
I just want to let out some of my pains and fesrs on this faceless forum .maybe it will give me some sort of relief.

I know that I am not a perfect person but i know that i gave my all to my marriage to make it work but it didn't work out.the whole thing is gradually wrecking me emotinally because of my two innocent children.

When I look back at the " good girl" life I have lived, I begin to wonder if its worth it.most times, I just want to do some "very bad things", so that the pains I passed through in my marriage will make sense to me. Why does bad things happen to good people.

Most times, I am scared if I am/ will make a good mother to my kids.can I successfully fill the vacuum of a father in their lives? Why my children? Why must they be caught in this web of ' single parenthood'.God!!! I am so scared of what the future holds for us.i worry about what will happen if my children dont turn out well.I try to be strong especially for my kids but at times I break down. This was never the plan I had for myself. What happened to my dreams?

For how long will I answer questions like: mummy, I want to speak with my daddy; mummy, why is daddy not living with us anymore; mummy, I miss my daddy.this are questions my children ask even though they haven't spent so much time with their father as he was abroad.In as much as I don't want to paint their father as a bad person, I also don't want to give them the impression that I am deliberately keeping them away from their father.so the questions get hard to answer.

How can a father abandon his own blood? No calls, emotional or financial commitment. I can deal with it, but its not easy for my kids.maybe its about the belief that" my children will eventually look for their father, their root".how about their education? Don't you care if your children are in school knowing fully well I am unemployed. God!! Please answer my prayers.

It's worse because I can't and will never go back to him. For if i do, he may cause me to commit suicide oneday. Twice , his actions made me raise knife to take my life. I loved him so much that he was my obsession. He was my first and only love.do I hate him now? No, I can never hate the one I once loved so much.I gave him time to change but it got worse.I know we all have our faults including me but not when a man makes his wife an " intimate stranger".

Life itself is not fair.so many questions and questions in my head that beg for answers.at times you need someone to just listen to you. At times i t gets too much for me that I just want to scream out loud.you cry so much and still don't feel any better.its worse because no one else truly knows what I am passing through emotionally.God bless my family for me but then my emotional pains is beyond them.

Do I feel any better writing this? honestly I don't know. Just want to write about how I am feeling. At times I want to loose faith/ hope in God but then I know its only him and myself that can help "me".

I am not new on nairaland.my old moniker is saponification but changed it when I lost my former email.

First of all, you need to be strong, when I mean I strong it means bringing brave, be courageous.
Don't allow yourself to be wallowing in pains life goes on. Go ahead and plan for yourself and your family, you are the only one they have on earth so why do you want them to be stranded because on one person that never valued his family because if he did he won't back his family.
Tell your children the truth before they get to know it from outside.
Give yourself joy and make your self happy with all you can.
Your husband wants to enjoy himself and he needs a breathing space so allow him to do what pleases him.
Concentrate on the development and welfare of the children, don't ever cry because of him he doesn't deserve it. Pamper yourself so that you will be stronger for your children.
Don't feel bad about the whole thing rather use the opportunity a focus in your children.
I don't want to know what happened or what lead to the separation you are not the first person and won't be the last. Get some thing doing and get some to make you feel like a real woman aftrall he has moved on so why won't you move on. Lastly pray for the grace of God to see you through.

I'm so sorry you are going through this @OP.
Yes it's not always going to be easy but you can take some solace that you are not alone, others have been through it and some are facing the same thing as we speak.

Since your union is dead, it's okay to mourn the loss of what could have been. But never ever think that's it, your best years for you and your little ones are yet to come.

I know it is heartbreaking to hear them ask for their dad, do not shatter their little hearts with the truth whilst they are too young. Tell them, daddy is busy finding himself but loves them. Take the time to reassure them that you will always be there for them.

Don't worry too much about being mum and dad, love them to the best of your ability and surely that will be enough.

Now is the time to decide the sort of future you want for yourself, refuse to be a victim of life. Reaffirm that you will never let another dictate the outcome of your life. This mindset will give you the strength to overcome challenges as they come.

I am a single parent too (ish as in divorced) with a son. Since the time it happened, I have cried, been frightened for the future but I have still forged ahead. In the middle of divorce proceedings, my child was diagnosed with autism, but I somehow managed to keep going, returned back to get a degree, graduated with a first class, bought my own home, found love again.

Maintaining a civil relationship with ex is tricky but I always tell my child his dad loves him and still make sacrifices daily so they can have a relationship.
I do not know what the future holds but each day, try to find a reason to be thankful. Give yourself credit for the littlest things you do for yourself and your kids. From keeping them safe for another day to making sure they do not go to bed hungry.

We often take these things for granted but they are enough reason to hope for better things. Stay strong mama bear.

shaybebaby:
I'm so sorry you are going through this @OP.
Yes it's not always going to be easy but you can take some solace that you are not alone, others have been through it and some are facing the same thing as we speak.

Since your union is dead, it's okay to mourn the loss of what could have been. But never ever think that's it, your best years for you and your little ones are yet to come.

I know it is heartbreaking to hear them ask for their dad, do not shatter their little hearts with the truth whilst they are too young. Tell them, daddy is busy finding himself but loves them. Take the time to reassure them that you will always be there for them.

Don't worry too much about being mum and dad, love them to the best of your ability and surely that will be enough.

Now is the time to decide the sort of future you want for yourself, refuse to be a victim of life. Reaffirm that you will never let another dictate the outcome of your life. This mindset will give you the strength to overcome challenges as they come.

I am a single parent too (ish as in divorced) with a son. Since the time it happened, I have cried, been frightened for the future but I have still forged ahead. In the middle of divorce proceedings, my child was diagnosed with autism, but I somehow managed to keep going, returned back to get a degree, graduated with a first class, bought my own home, found love again.

Maintaining a civil relationship with ex is tricky but I always tell my child his dad loves him and still make sacrifices daily so they can have a relationship.
I do not know what the future holds but each day, try to find a reason to be thankful. Give yourself credit for the littlest things you do for yourself and your kids. From keeping them safe for another day to making sure they do not go to bed hungry.

We often take these things for granted but they are enough reason to hope for better things. Stay strong mama bear.

Thanks dear.your story is an inspiration to me.you are right when you say I shouldn't worry too much about being a mum and dad.I never seem to be satisfied that I am doing enough for my two angels.

I want to look back at the end and say" yes, I pulled through despite all odds".

Thanks once more.I appreciate. Hugs to you.

frozen70:

First of all, you need to be strong, when I mean I strong it means bringing brave, be courageous.
Don't allow yourself to be wallowing in pains life goes on. Go ahead and plan for yourself and your family, you are the only one they have on earth so why do you want them to be stranded because on one person that never valued his family because if he did he won't back his family.
Tell your children the truth before they get to know it from outside.
Give yourself joy and make your self happy with all you can.
Your husband wants to enjoy himself and he needs a breathing space so allow him to do what pleases him.
Concentrate on the development and welfare of the children, don't ever cry because of him he doesn't deserve it. Pamper yourself so that you will be stronger for your children.
Don't feel bad about the whole thing rather use the opportunity a focus in your children.
I don't want to know what happened or what lead to the separation you are not the first person and won't be the last. Get some thing doing and get some to make you feel like a real woman aftrall he has moved on so why won't you move on. Lastly pray for the grace of God to see you through.

Thanks frozen70.sure, I really need the grace of God.

Tell us what happened,its easy to play the victim,from ur story he left u and hes nt willing to com back.
Perhaps u hurt his ego.
Men are like elephants never try to dominate them,and even if u do they never forget.
M nt judgin u,but u write wit arrogance.A million and one things I guess u did to him.

Tinamoore:


Thanks dear.your story is an inspiration to me.you are right when you say I shouldn't worry too much about being a mum and dad.I never seem to be satisfied that I am doing enough for my two angels.

I want to look back at the end and say" yes, I pulled through despite all odds".

Thanks once more.I appreciate. Hugs to you.

And you will. We women are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. You and the babies will be fine.