Use your brother for money rituals.

CanadianNaija:


He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

He should even be grateful to God that he's working somewhere. So many people graduated with good grades but were not lucky to get a job. Some even prayed to get "anyhow" jobs but those "anyhow" jobs never came their way.

Same thing with my siblings. This days I live my life like I am the only one in the world.

aameyah:
All I’d say is to give him space. May God bless you all so one does not have to look at the other for sustenance. Your reasons for hating the wife though. You said her mother lost her husband and went back home with her daughter. What was she supposed to do? Stay back and get inherited by one of her in-laws like a piece of furniture? Una get am for hand

Why start with a good advise and inject some condemnation later?

Well, you're female I guess, so I understand.

You just said total rubbish and I guess u must be a lady

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

johnmba:


He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

Just fasshy DAT your Bro. Him go find una one day.

CanadianNaija:


He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

I have one
He doesn't show support or care about anyone in the family...
The type that can never call you if you don't call then you guys would never talk.
The type that won't support you even it it cost #0 naira..
He doesn't take advice from anyone or listen to anyone...
The most annoying one is that he doesn't even show concern if anybody dies he doesn't care if anybody is sick he doesn't care.
Now e
X-mas is approaching everybody with their families would touch down in Lagos to spend x-mas in the family house this same brother won't show up and he stays in lekki but doesn't even come home to check on mum.
He is not married.

CanadianNaija:


He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

Calm down my brother. Are you the brother in question? I think we should not jump into conclusions, because we don't know 70% of whatever is happening in the family. Although from what he said on here, his brother has been fairly generous. He sponsored them in school and gave the first born a car and some cash. Some people I know won't find you a job and won't still give you the cash.
Its their money, they can do as they wish. I don't care. I hustle and I'm good.

CanadianNaija:


Hopefully you don’t have a reading disability, else you would have seen where I wrote that if it’s contract work then that another thing.

Read slower next time.

No I don't! But I am sure you lack the capacity to comprehend and so I ask you again where in the passage did he say he never applied for the shell job? How did you arrive at that conclusion because you asked him why he didn't apply. You self righteous nuisances are everywhere on nairaland trying to blame people for everything like you are better.

CanadianNaija:


He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If you finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

Why are you not working there since shell is one of those companies where one can get into without connection.

You just an embodiment of selfishness, greed, self-centeredness, evil and all sort of acrimony you can think of.

Some of you talk trash out of your myopic mind all because you earn chicken change that is not even enough to pay for car fueling a month and you think you have arrived and as such you look at others that are yet to make it as if they are not smart or lazy.

Do you really think you are where you are today because of your smartness and hardwork?

According to the principle of fatalism; it states that “what will be will be irrespective of the precautions taken ”
That principle simply means that every thing in life has been predetermined to occur at a certain point in time whether you put in effort or not.

We all have our time of victory and it will certainly come at the right time.

So if you are in money today, don’t think others that are yet to make it will not make it or don’t ever think they are not hustling or smart.

Before you where born people have been making money; so you are not the first and you will not be the last.

I will continue to show the act of benevolence to others in need starting with my very biological family and no woman born of a woman can ever make me turn my back against my family.

If you like keep your dirty money to yourself and don’t help your family or people close by. Whether you help or you don’t help you will still die and leave your dirty chicken change behind.

please, if you are done with school, go look for what to do and work out your own money as to take care of your own family too.
your elder brother has his own responsibilities and challenges too. so leave hime in peace, he is working hard to make his money.

How you treat a man when he wants to settle down stays in their memory for ages. My elder brother wanted to marry a lady, the lady's mum was so much against it (because she is a Jehovah witness and my brother isn't). Eventually they have settled...I hear my brother say that he won't have anything to do with the woman. For now you people have little to do to change anything because the wife knows all that you people said and did against her. She will ensure that you people are kept at a distance to secure her marriage. So let the guy be and focus on excelling in whatever you do.

yeyeosoronga:


Hasn't he been picking your calls?
Then send him text messages to check up on him.
Its not that serious. perhaps he just needs some time to himself.
Continue living your own life and look for ways to keep improving.

Alot of people have been saying Blah blah ooo...
Las las when the chips are down and the family decides to mine their business...Una go still come hear and lament where people no de fit forgive...

lollybizzu:


God bless you for this

Don't mind that guy I noticed him too.

You said you're in op's shoes too, I pray God restores love back into your family too.

God bless you once again.

Amen bro. Thanks

100%
@OP,

Take this advice and move on.

PuZZyNegro:


Sadly, a lot of people here failed to see your story from the perspective you want them to.

He's avoiding you all because he feels he has more money than anyone else in your family.

Sadly, the more you force him to relate with you, the more he withdraws himself. His thought is that relating with you will give you the access to ask him for money. People like your brother only ends up in regrets in later years.

The solution is to pretend like he never existed. I have a brother like that. It got to a point, I will go to the same gathering with him and pretend like I have never met someone like him in my entire life.

He was the one that later started calling my other siblings to report how I snubbed him.

If you have what it takes to take care of yourself, tell your parents and siblings to delete his number from their phone. That's the only solution.

He will come back when he regains his senses. No man is an island. He will need you people when the time comes and that's when you will make him understand his mistakes

Creamcustard:
@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

Finally someone has hit the nail on the head.......
You guys obviously hurt his feelings as regards his wife and he is avoiding you guys so that he can have peace of mind with his wife and children.

What you need to understand is that...his wife and children are his main family now....you guys are just an extension.

How will you feel if your fathers brother or sister begins to have issues with your mother.....how will you see it, how will your father react....

And if your uncle or aunt says they want their brother back...how will you reason it........

There is nothing like we want our brother back......if you want to relate with him then you need to relate with his entire family (his wife and children) accept them unconditionally and show them love/respect.

If his wife was your sister and she does not cook when you go to her house, will it be an issue, will you love her any less, would your advertise her flaws with the world...................so same way you should see your bothers wife has your sister and accept/love her irrespective of any flaw, cos she is now your sister too......

Then he will reciprocate, anything outside of this is a waste of time.

mgh2:

Why are you not working there since shell is one of those companies where one can get into without connection.

You just an embodiment of selfishness, greed, self-centeredness, evil and all sort of acrimony you can think of.

If you like keep your dirty money to yourself and don’t help your family or people close by. Whether you help or you don’t help you will still die and leave your dirty chicken change behind.

Wow, so angry. I'm not the cause of your misfortune, biko go and look for who is doing you.

Nobody cares the world has changed this is new generation and human brain are now wired different their is no much love like before

You have to struggle hard on your own to make a difference. Only few will realize the damage they’ve caused for neglecting those love ones whom they refuse to lift up when they had the chance to .even the wealth and the riches doesn’t last long these days their kids will grow up too one day and requires help from you in one way or the other and that’s how table turns.

As for the young folks out their who look so much upto your elder ones who are doing okay it’s time for you to face reality and get up get out and get something for yourself by yourself

hello guy, go fine work do. leave your brother alone.

davillian:

I have one
He doesn't show support or care about anyone in the family...
The type that can never call you if you don't call then you guys would never talk.
The type that won't support you even it it cost #0 naira..
He doesn't take advice from anyone or listen to anyone...
The most annoying one is that he doesn't even show concern if anybody dies he doesn't care if anybody is sick he doesn't care.
Now e
X-mas is approaching everybody with their families would touch down in Lagos to spend x-mas in the family house this same brother won't show up and he stays in lekki but doesn't even come home to check on mum.
He is not married.

Sorry about that, at least when he marries tomorrow no one will say it's his wife that changed him.

goodo20:
please, if you are done with school, go look for what to do and work out your own money as to take care of your own family too.
your elder brother has his own responsibilities and challenges too. so leave hime in peace, he is working hard to make his money.

Working hard my foot! Do you know the number of hardworking people who will never make it in life cos no one cared?

juwoonn:

Calm down my brother. Are you the brother in question? I think we should not jump into conclusions, because we don't know 70% of whatever is happening in the family. Although from what he said on here, his brother has been fairly generous. He sponsored them in school and gave the first born a car and some cash. Some people I know won't find you a job and won't still give you the cash.
Its their money, they can do as they wish. I don't care. I hustle and I'm good.

My brother, based on the info that he provided in his post I'm responding within scope.

jaxxy:


Here’s the truth, that fact I are brothers or siblings doesn’t mean u automatically have a wonderful relationship, relationships are built and worked on even siblings relationship tho there the family bond. Ideally yes it shud be a great relationship.

Now u and ur 2nd bro never spoke or related dat much growing up except for the 1st son, why? Age difference with u the junior ones? How many are u? If it’s a large family of 8 above I can understand it cud happen bt a small family of 4/5 siblings it shudnt.

Also despite this initially cared for u all until u guys went against him because of his choice of wife. Ur reason for this will be crucial and important to why he changed and also the type of lady his wife is. Probably not the forgiving type and u brother loves her AO wants to please her because she was a victim of the family attack initially.

Ur brother will not change his attitude to u guys until u have genuine made peace with his wife and this will be extremely hard because there is a break in trust for not supporting her to mary ur brother beside the regular trust issues for in-laws generally.


Whether ur brothers wife is a good or bad person is another discussion all together.

You said everything there is to say

ahiboilandgas:
yes 80 percent ...

Pls can we talk in the email:classiq87@gmail.com

Thanks

U guys should let him be.
An incident in his life will reset his brain.
The more u look for his face, the more he recoil.


If u all are in good terms with the wife, that's good.
U can speak with the children anytime u are speaking with the wife so they will know they have uncle's and cousins.
A time will come when the children will start asking him questions.

My brother you didn't give him any money to hold for you.
Go and hustle and make ur own money, if not u will keep on wallowing in pain of rejection.
He who someone rejects shouldn't reject himself.
It's a normal thing in most families problems do enter families when the children are due for marriage.
Marrying the wrong woman can make u reject even ur own mother let alone ur siblings.
Go and hustle and stop complaining, if u really love ur mother u better buckle up and look for something tangible to start doing if not, if there should be any problem he won't come for rescue period.

OP, if your objective is really to bring your brother and family back together, y'all need to start showing love and care for the things he cares about. First, you said he sends money to your parents. Is he the only one sending money to them? Do all of you send money to them? Imagine how proud and happy your brother would feel if your parents should tell him that he should only send half of what he normally sends because his younger brothers are now sending them something regularly. Or when something comes up that needs to be taken care of and you are up to the task and do it before he even hears of it. There are 7 of you, you need to share the burden. In addition, if he has kids, remember their birthdays, send cards, call. Remember his family on Christmas and other holidays. You said you visit him. Have you ever invited his family to visit you? You do not need to be rich to show that you care.

Life? My siblings did same and more, but my wife who they felt was spending my money was the one defending them, she kept reminding me that there is nothing like family. Today I am wiser and happier I can tolerate my siblings . My wife's family are more in number but if you see the love and respect they have for each other despite their not so money money,I feel lonely and use the wisdom she reminds me of to relate with my siblings. Everything is not about money,there is a generation of their kids. It is not by force, yes but there is nothing in this life. Forgive but keep the lessons,u can be nice and still maintain distance but hmmmm... this life? Old age is lonely, sickness is lonely. When I see my wife's family of 7 and many other outside children coming together in love,I humble myself. That people expect a lot from you don't mean you should be a pariah. The brother I bet you is worried too but pride,then your elder brother....pride and money. Very dangerous. OP I feel your pain, family is not compulsory but Kai family love is so sweet I tell u. Poverty and tough times have affected our values , the future generation might be growing with less love and saying me me my my like white people. Even white people eg Americans during Halloween and Xmas and Thanksgiving don't joke with family. We have different orientations, siblings behave differently but forgiveness and less baggage will make you happy. There is nothing in this life, nothing. Lost our mum over two decades ago and life now 'started'. My pops? Smh. But most times my siblings disrespected and used money to frustrate me, asides my wife consistently singing it in my eyes after being real that my siblings were wrong but please remember that you can choose your friends and not your family. She will tell me that they will hate her that since I really love her and that everyone knows I am principled but nice at heart,I should apply wisdom. It is not perfect but it is working. I always ask myself, how my mom who suffered for us even in death, will feel disappointed in me...I will feel bad but recover...my late mum's thoughts and my wife and ultimately because our kids need to unite and be better achievers than us in future,i will just swallow my pride and my siblings know I just swallowed my pride but I am at peace with my decision. I am still doing very well in life. Family is sweet I tell u again. Retirement and loneliness, memories, friends, neighbors. I don't pity you so much as I pity that your brother, because if it's not money that is motivating you like you said,then you are wiser. I pray you guys can work things out.. your kids all deserve better when they grow.. your mum who is alive can really do something. Forgive but don't forget, nothing dey this life, my brother, nothing.

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

I judge your comment as the best but we should not neglect helping family. The issue is that some siblings are bent on wasting whatever is given them and come back because they have a RICH brother.

CanadianNaija:


My brother, based on the info that he provided in his post I'm responding within scope.

[s]

CanadianNaija:


Wow, so angry. I'm not the cause of your misfortune, biko go and look for who is doing you.

[/s]

You are a loser

Enculer:


Are you disabled?

When you find the smile emoji in my comment, can I call you a questioneer??