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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? (41368 Views)
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Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by vickydevoka(m): 3:55pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
pocohantas:For the fact someone doesn't have money doesn't make him efulefu. Wen the table turns around u will be de one to call him my in law |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Ogegod87: 3:55pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Built2last: You married a wise woman. I was going to suggest the same advice for the OP. The best thing OP, is to settle them once and for all. Just like Built2last did, call them and ask them what business they can do. Set it up for them and wash your hands off their business/lives/family completely. You cannot continue like this, mba, i mean for how long? I'm not sure you are married madam for don do her job if she is smart and wise. But seriously your cousin and her husband get mind o! Such irresponsible people. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Ogegod87: 4:03pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
uniqueogo: No! He can't continue like that. He shouldn't continue like that. He should settle them for life because he has his own life in front of him. He didn't mention anywhere in his post that they have disabilities of any kind hence, they can work and earn. This in all honesty is not healthy for him. @ bolded, he is already displeasing himself and that is the reason for the post in the first place. 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by kid7soccer(m): 4:21pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
my dear you are a good person, it not easy carrying people weight. For you to give 10m to their business and they have nothing to show for it and yet they are having a football team is enough evidence to shows you the type of people they are. Don't allow anybody to take you for a fool. You owe them nothing, am sure you have kids of your own. For you to come here shows they are not just stressing you but eating you up. if anything goes wrong today and you are no longer financially capable "God for Bid" and they are in the position you are now, i promise you 1000% they won't remember you. this i say from experience of my beloved late father who wasted his time helping people were no sabi whether i dey alive today. Based on my own experience, if you have a substantial amount give them lets say 500k to 1m, if you can afford a car get them one and tell them to that you can't continue to carry their cross as you have some important commitment, so they should use it to equip themselves. if they have sense let them use it well. the husband can even make money on bolt. for their kid in the university if you can carry the cross, carry it. if you can't send him money occasionally. advice him to learn a skill, barbing or driving, even an ICT skill can support him. dont all sentiments to let anybody carry you do father Christmas, if you dont know what to do with you money, open an account for you kids and pile up the money there for them. cheers J111333: 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by blank(f): 4:26pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
I won't be surprised to hear them invite you for their house warming since they are not spending any money training their kids. If I realise that the family member is a spendthrift or not pulling their weight on their business, I can only help the kids directly and the only help I will render is to pay the kids fees. The rest is up to them. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by abbey621(m): 4:27pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
I DON'T KNOW WHY FULL GROWN ADULTS WILL COME ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND ASK STRANGERS FOR HELP IN SITUATIONS THEY PUT THEMSELVES IN? No stranger can give you the proper advice because only you know the detailed analysis of your situation. Look this case is simple, you have the money that's why you're still feeling guilty, if you didn't NO ONE will tell you what to do!I'm sure you ain't gonna steal or borrow money just to take care of extended family. I suggest you bone your cousin and the husband completely, find out the child's school fees and pay if you can, if you can't then just move on. Make yourself inaccessible, make yourself precious like gold otherwise you'll remain the cash cow you've portrayed yourself to be! 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by pocohantas(f): 4:32pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
vickydevoka: And who told you I called him that because he doesn't have money? I said their situation is exactly like OP's own, no money, no zeal to work, pride and mismanagement. Yes, he is an efulefu. 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by claseek(f): 4:35pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
you must learn to say NO. It may be difficult in this sort of situation. but you have to learn to say NO. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by nlPoster: 4:41pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333: Now, this is a very serious statement, why exactly did you say it? 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Nobody: 4:41pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333: You be father Christmas oooo, may God bless you real good but the truth remains that you won't continue like that. what happens to when you get married and all that. it will be better you open a shop for her and hands off in the family exploitation, i bet you when you get married, your wife will not be comfortable with this present arrangement. 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by ChiefSweetus: 4:43pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
LadySarah:LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Tellemall: 4:47pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: The bold part has said it all. The people who you help with your utmost sacrifice will always have things like that to say, and then begin to hate you. If you die helping them, at worst they will shed a tear then move on. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by franchasng: 4:50pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333:Hmmmmm, speechless cos I love family a lot and I cherish families that help one another...this is family matter and honestly, I am wordless on this matter I got mentioned by Ccc: healthserve lol From your story, you have tried your best to help her hubby build a business to no avail and you have also tried to help her secure a job Nigerianly to no avail....have you tried helping her migrate out of Nigeria cos I am pretty sure you live outside Nigeria I think that should be your last shot on helping them stand. But don't abandon the kids please cos I love kids to pieces and I hate paying them back with the evil or foolishness of their parents cos they are innocent. Its so sad that poor and broke people struggling financially in Nigeria are the ones overpopulating Nigeria with their uncontrolled birth, this situation always get me so depressed and I wished I was a military dictator so I that I could enact a harsh law into the national constitution to stop this madness of giving birth to innocent kids anyhow without plan because its a ticking time bomb for the society This is more rampant in the North and among Yorubas; you will see a hungry, jobless Yoruba boy getting married at 24yrs and producing babies and abandoning them with his mother to cater for, and to them it is good because they don't want to marry late like they mock Igbo guys of marrying late, which to me remains the best - marry when you are financially stable enough to cater for a family...and if things refuse to turn out good for you financially, you stay single for life and enjoy your bachelorhood because it is not a crime to die single 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Tellemall: 4:52pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
lovingyouhun: Truth in gold. I regret any steps I took to help people. Just say no and you will know that your haters aren't out there, but have comfortably been traveling all over the world on your expense, educated on your tab and yet! Yet they are the ones who have the most to say that you never did 3 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by cocolacec(m): 4:53pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
healthserve:I think your cousin sank the N10 million into paying to bribe God for Prosperity. Find out from her how much she pays in tithes and offerings etc |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Slimsly100(f): 4:59pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
nlPoster: My dear, some people are like that o. Dem go carry church for head sotey lazy join. Dem nor go wan work |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by damoobaba: 5:02pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333: Guy,listen to me, tell them you have a new project that is taken funds off you and start limiting what you give to them. Am not saying you should not give anything to them O. Do that and they'll start thinking of how to build their lives without depending too much on U. Do this and thank me later, Shalom. 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by paix(m): 5:08pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
The op did not mention whether he's married or not. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by jaymichael(m): 5:19pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
pocohantas:Remember this mantra, 'in this life we come alone and we will go alone' If the "irresponsible" people who bring the innocent children to suffer don't give a care, why should I? All those "na God dey train pikin" crew will make deliberately wrong decisions and choices and expect someone else to pay for it? 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Tellemall: 5:19pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333: Initially I did not wish to comment, but this thread has opened a sore wound. From personal experience, you aren't doing them any good. The day you say no, you will become that hated cousin, that evil uncle, you will get to hear how you never did anything for them. They will even go to any extent to wish you harm. You may have enough, but these people will leech you until you won't have a sound retirement plan, and they won't let you think of your own dynasty. You will love them so much you won't see how much they've been a drag. If you have given them so much but they refuse to work with it, then further aiding them will be poison. You will be destroying them and making them and their children dependant on you. I am telling you this from experience: the day you refuse to give in to another one of their poorly thought out schemes, they will teach all their children, even that son you love so much to despise you. There will be no guilt on their part. They will justify themselves even when they are users. How did they have a son and not think of how he will go to university? Then they had four more without a care in the world. Why? You enabled them. Cut off subtly. Don't give in to their every whim. It's the trials that made you stronger, why don't you let them get stronger? Give them some tough love. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by midnighter(f): 5:19pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Tellemall: You should have seen what unfolded when one of my uncles died. It was stranger than fiction. This man who helped everybody with school fees, food, work, everything! To the point that he even neglected his own projects. The people who stayed in his house rent-free for years, how much did they contribute for the burial N0.00 Everybody was just dodging his house like he was a leper so that they wouldn't have to do anything. Just a few people plus the children had to pull together and prevent the whole thing from being a total disgrace In short OP should just forget that thing. Feeling guilty my cousin sister blah blah. Nobody cares. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Tellemall: 5:22pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: That's life for you. Don't take other people more seriously than you take your self, your wife and your children. Because when it gets dark, they will run far away and they will not help. I promise you, if something happens to the OP, those people won't drop a cent and they will move on without a care in the world. They will only feel bad that their money bag is gone. This is why I never take people who are after monetary gains serious. I hope you didn't run from the uncle's family? 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by nlPoster: 5:22pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Slimsly100: Sounds like the op has issues with the cousin's husband in particular, he clearly mentioned he gave N10 million towards the business but avoided telling how much he gave the cousin to look for a job. |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by EasternPrince: 5:24pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: Your family get K-leg in a big way. First none of the women in your family wear wedding rings or pant, now this? Lol
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Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by midnighter(f): 5:34pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
Tellemall: Exactly...they will just start avoiding you and gossiping about you somewhere. Yeah! The most they will do is come for a condolence visit, drop some useless platitudes and go. Or just avoid altogether and show up when everywhere is full so that they can start pretending. No, we were some of the main people helping, that's why I know how bad it was. Sibling and cousin doesn't mean anything to some people oh, except freebies. It's a pity 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by webngnews: 5:34pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
hmmmm |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by webngnews: 5:35pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
ohhh |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Tellemall: 5:37pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: 10 lepers were healed. Only one returned to say "thank you". |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Slimsly100(f): 5:42pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
nlPoster: Probably because the chunk of the money.went directly to the in law. People already told him my mind Sha. He should take the eldest boy and help train him till he gets his degree(it's not easy to train a child). That one alone is a huge assistance to them. If he can bear to set up a business for his cousin he should, then hands off. Abeg. I have a sis in law with similar attitude. The day I stopped stressing myself about her and hers she started showing anger o, person we nor know wether I dey eat or how. I bone am anyhow o. Cause person gats face her life 1 Like |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by EasternPrince: 5:42pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
midnighter: You were one of the good people? You?
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Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by ProtectMyMoney: 5:42pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
J111333: If its within your power, get your cousin and her husband a job. That way you have solved the problem 2 Likes |
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by healthserve(m): 5:44pm On Nov 26, 2019 |
franchasng: You're welcome |
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