₦airaland Forum

Romeo4real:
@Ohsisi-
My first reactions was to reciprocate the insults, but as I have chose not to drag myself down to your level and shall be magnanimous on this occasion.
I could tell you your Husband is a small livered wimp, and certainly not the leader of his home for giving in to your bullcrap – but I won’t. I could also tell you he is NOT man enough to stand up for what HE wants – but again, I won’t.

What is telling however is that you equate my wife to be a slave because she serves me my food. And yes she does clip my toenails whilst I’m swallowing Eba – the same way I give her a foot massage whilst she is watching CSI on TV. As you have already alluded, these behaviour is alien to you and your poor husband, the same way the concepts of treating each other like Kings and Queens are alien to you.

Resisting the urge to turn this into a chest beating contest, it is extremely immature of you to ASSUME that you are the only one here with 15yrs + of marriage experience. The same can also be said of your inclusion of Eph 5:21, where Paul is speaking to the church at Ephesus as a whole, whilst gamely ignoring Eph 5:22-25, where Paul speaks categorically and specifically to Husbands & Wives.

And please explain this fallacy to me. How can you quote Eph 5:21(Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ)regarding this issue, then deny you said you said your Husband should submit to you? Does that even begin to make sense to you? I guess it does.

e be like say the man don drink acid
Romeo abi na Romanus
please carry go
you can pound her head in tonight,which one consain me
Who knows how many times she's "fallen down the stairs" or "bumped into the wall" for serving lumpy amala
I hear you broda

oyinda.:
nothing wrong with enjoying being the "slave"
even girls in niger  who go through genit[size=1pt].[/size]al mutations all love the culture and wish to do the same to their daughters.
same with hijab that some others criticize. many of the women love wearing it n wouldn't have it any other way.
it's all cultural perspective.

for me, hahhaaha i definitely wouldn't enjoy being the "slave" but i understand the perspective of those who do. lol

going back to the OP's question, that's the thing abt marrying someone with a different cultural perspective from urs. you will find out new things you will be shocked by and not necessarily agree with or "enjoy" lol

You couldn't possibly be serious
Please don't send out the message that all things are kosher as long as it's culturally accepted
That is very wrong and damaging,setting women hundred years behind what people have fought for.
There was a time women were listed as property owned by men and could be inherited at the death of their husbands
It was an accepted norm,still is in some societies
Please be careful the things you write down,these pages will still exist long after you and I
Some things are wrong,don't be afraid to label them as such

iice:
[color=#9900ff]looool touchy
A line is supposed to ensure people get to the food.  So i don't see why i or anyone else should rush to get to what one will eventually get to
And i suppose i should have jumped out of line immediately noticing there was a humongous man behind me Sorry i wasn't quick enough to realize that a man would rush for the food irrespective of the person standing in front of him. Like i said 'once'. . .i learnt my lesson

I no go die today [/color]

Where was his wife?
Standing in the peppersoup line while the man rushed to the moi moi line before the thing finishes

oyinda.:
oh wow. this is very crazy!!!
what tribe is this? 

definitely not yoruba.

I am waiting to hear that answer too
Definitely not an Igbo custom
I can understand people keeping away from a lazboy in the living room but a sofa?
In this America?
maybe na her personal family  custom
There's nothing somebody won't read in this place

chaircover:
We are talking about the typical "Nigerian owambe with chaffing dish serve yourself party"  here, and not the end of year office Christmas party etc where the socializing is done round the buffet table and on ones feet which is a different scene altogether.

Are you saying that it is acceptable and in front of an in-law,  for a husband to stand in a queue of 20 women waiting to be served when his wife is in the room?

I totally agree with Romeo on this one. In most cases (I didnt say all) if you treat a man like a king, you get treated like a queen in return.

Like I said earlier,we obviously run in different circles.
In the parties I attend,the men stand in line when their tables are called,to get their food so it's not a case of 50 women and one man.
I have no problem with how I'm treated.
This is no issue at all
You are the one making it look like serving a man his food at a party=love
it is not.
it's obvious from your latest response that you do it for the sake of what people might say or to avert the punishment you may receive when you return home.
That is not my reality
At this moment for instance,I  boiled some yam and some corn.
If Oga returns home ,he would gladly take a plate,put some yam on it,scoop some stew in a bowl,grab a fork and start eating even before I know he's home.
I could still be upstairs and he finishes his dinner
and If I come down to see his eating,I sit and we chat while he eats
He will not come to alert me of his return.
That is the type of man I have.
And his ego as a man is still fully intact.
He has better ways of exhibiting his manliness

mutter:
you can`t compare a Nigerian party with an office Buffet. I think we have to differentiate there as Chaircover pointed out. I just could not allow my husband stand in the line and get pushed about. No way
At home he does a lot too but I always thank him because I see it as him helping me. I even go so far that I don`t even let anyone sit on my husbands chair or on the Sofa where he sits not even the kids.  When I visit any Nigerian I always ask where the man sits so I don`t sit on that chair. I was just brought up that way.

So at "oyibo" parties,he is all human and can get his own food but at Nigerian Owanbes he develops paralysis?
What kind of party do you attend where people get pushed around at dinner time?
In Naija or outside Naija?
The parties I've attended here ,people don't fight for food,they go orderly,table by table to get their foods and other men get up and get their foods too.
We obviously socialize in different circles so I'm unable to appreciate your situation.
Your man stands in line at the bank
he stands at the line at McDonalds (a food line o)
He stands at the line at Dunkin do nuts (another food line)
He stands at the line at Kroger grocery store

but God forbid that he should stand in line at an owanbe to get his food because he is a man?

Romeo4real:
Ohsisi, this is pure tosh, and it gets on my last nerves when people start misquoting the Bible to serve their own selfish ends. Please show me where in the Bible its says a Husband and Wife should submit to one another? O[b]r show me the Bible you have read that says your Husband should submit to you?[/b] You dont gotta do it if you dont want, but pls, dont bring the Bible into this!

Did I say that?
You are so full of lies, read me again
I said submit ye one to another and in case your slave at home doesn't know that scripture,let me quote it,she may stumble on this thread

Eph 5:21[b]Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.[/b]
Now read more clearly so you can assimilate
and if your last nerve is that irritated,put a gun to your skull

Well, you initially asserted that he should get his food himself. So which one is it? Point is, he does NOT have to request it for you to do it. Can you see the difference?

Read me again
I am not expected to get his food
If he asks,I oblige him but it is not a requirement unlike your wife and chaircover and I said that in my first 2 posts

Of course its not - because you have made it clear to him that he should not expect it

No,but rather he is a man that doesn't sit around and expect maidservice.
He is a husband not a slavemaster

Err, wrong! "whatever" has never worked for anybody. You may think its working, but are both parties as happy as they can be? Do you want your marriage to "work", or do you want it to work well? Im quite sure your Husband would not be unhappy if you chose to serve him his food from today onwards - whether he requests it or not.

When you have put in 15+ years,come let's talk
Until then go let your madam clip your toe nails and kneel while you swallow your eba

Apologies, but equating your husband with a "long term guest" is just pure ignorance on your part. He makes his own food simply because you dont. If the food was already made, i doubt he would be making it again!

read me again
not all wives are housewives or
some of them work hard as hard as their men and have husbands who understand that they deserve some rest.
You wouldn't know this.Your case is different obviously.

Any reasonable Father/Husband does those things. The things he does are not what we are discussing here. We are discussing why it is such an issue for you to serve your husband food.

Again I am not expected to serve him at parties
That is the topic here
a real man does not sit around and exp[ect to be waited on.He sees his wife as an equal partner

Romeo4real:
@ohsisi -

I guess it all really depend of what kind of marriage you have, how how selfless you both are toward each other. Of course, he can serve himself, irrespective of whether he is at a buffet outside or at home. That is not the point. Serving your Husband is not about whether he is an invalid, having own hands, or him getting off his bum. It is about Love, Respect, and how you express it.

LOVE: Love is simply a cheap abstract feeling - without a valid expression of that feeling to give it life and energy. This expression ALWAYS takes effort. The effort WILL require a degree of selflessness, and the selflessness MAY sometimes inconvenience you. The effort could be mental, material, emotional or even physical. Sometimes, its a combination of all things. It is selfless to serve your husband his meal; irrespective of whether its a buffet, barbecue, at home, with friends, have 10 kids etc. It is all simply, a labour of love.

RESPECT: Your Husband is supposed to be your King, and you his Queen. This means you SHOULD treat him like a King! This is the respect his status, as your husband, and as your King, demands and deserves. He should also treat you the way a Queen should be treated - A King looks after his Queen, no matter what. He protects her, he assumes TOTAL responsibility for her, her welfare, and her needs. He simply puts her needs before his.  A King would die for his Queen, and for his people.

Whilst some may scorn at this premise, it always works, and always will. Love is selfless and sacrificial. Simple.

I remember sometime ago when we were travelling, my wife had a business class ticket and i didn't. I informed her i would be buying a standard ticket, and we couldn't seat together. In addition, Just to see, i asked her to swap her seat with me, on account of my height (i need a lot more leg room than standard). Though not happy with my request (as it was going to be her first time in business class), and the fact that we would be seating separately, she agreed, and off we went to the airport.
On getting to the airport, it was discovered that her business class ticket was no longer valid, and she given a standard economy ticket instead. The airline then upgraded my seat to business class on account of my Gold Airline Card membership status. Subsequently, the roles were now reversed.

When we boarded i OFFERED to swap my upgraded seat, with her downgraded seat, much to her surprise, so she could enjoy the experience.
She refused, as she knew i needed it more, and didn't want me sitting cramped for 8hrs, whilst she was living the life in Club Class.
To cut the story short, as she refused to take my seat, i gave the seat up and joined her in economy so we could seat together for the duration of the flight - much to the surprise of the cabin crew!

Like I pointed out earlier.I would gladly get my husband a plate of food if he requests and I have at several parties asked him to grab me a piece of cake or a drink when he was going up to the table and he would do so.
It is not expected of me to serve him.
Marriage has no formula they say,whatever works for you.
90% of the time my husband makes his own pounded yam and warms the soup with a microwave oven when he returns from work.
He takes his own rice and stew from the pot,same with every long term guest in my home after it is cooked unless we are having the table set for a proper dinner.
I can call him up if he's at home and ask him to boil me some rice or yam and he'll gladly do it.
He is not a man that sits around waiting to be served by his wife.
He works full time and so do I and he recognizes the fact that taking care of a family with children,,cooking and working full time is a lot of work and getting his own meals is nothing especially if the meals were physically bought,prepared and cooked by me,his wife.
We have no maids
When the kids were younger he bathed and fed them
He did midnight bottle feeds
He vacuumed the floors
he babysat
The house and children are ours so he has no problem doing those things
I have at several occasions here (when I was more active) defended being submissive as a recipe for a happy marriage and said unequivocally that the man is the head of the home.
BTW I have many years of blissful marriage under my belt and counting so I am no novice at this institution
I have also added that it is very easy to submit to a man who loves you,and with that love comes an understanding that his wife is an equally intelligent partner in the union not a slave.

The Bible says we submit one to another.

chaircover:
There is a difference between a man automatically expecting you to do something and a man who accepts your offer of doing something for him.

I don't beleive that most of the husbands of the women saying they will serve their men automatically expect that we jump up and serve them and many will happily get up to serve themselves if given the opportunity to.

No matter how Westernized we like to behave or think, It is a respect & cultural thing. My husband will happily get up and even serve me sef but I will NOT allow it. How can my husband stand in a queue of 20 women holding a plastic plate and pointing at moin moin or fish?

If I have the kids in tow, I don't mind making several trips before taking my food. These people are my family, my dearest and closest. I do more for strangers, so how much more them. Besides as Nigerians don't we all eat very well before leaving home cos we never know what to expect at parties. its not like I am going to die of starvation while I am making 2 trips to the buffet. 

My dear,if you serve him at every party,you are of course expected to serve him at parties so I don't get your point.
Why don't you serve yourself at the next party and sit to eat and see if he wouldn't motion that you bring his plate.
You talk as though you were not married to a man
I have a husband that I love dearly and I make no pretense of it on this forum
But he also understands the correct etiquette at a buffet
We attend official workplace dinners from time to time
It would look extremely odd for him to sit while I bring his food.
It has nothing to do with hunger.
Just simple common sense.

Jackal I'm just kidding.
Everyone here knows you are a good catch for a good girl
Fine boy no pimples

chamotex:
^^^Are you saying Sauron is short and not so handsome?

you didn't read that from me

Jarus:
Hmmmnnnnn, oro.

1, Almighty Allah.
2, My big brother, Keem, now CEO StanbicIBTC Stockbroking Ltd, for guiding me through, motivating and advising. Thruout all the stages of my education and till now. He is teh standard in the family and always looking forward to be like him
3, Dad, for providing the finance
4, Mum, for the prayers
5, Michael Taiwo, childhood friend, for building can-do spirit in me. Same primary school, secondary school and university. Could have settled for less in secondary school, and in Varsity in particular.
6, My bosses in places I have worked so far. My current boss is wonderful, so were my bosses in Vetiva. I have always been lucky to have good bosses everywhere I work.
7, My siblings, and extended family, for believing in me
8, My good friends, Busayo in particular, for staying by me all times.

9. To the beautiful Sikirat for helping you chop the moni

Intelligence
Definitely my number one priority above all else.A smart man is a keeper always and that includes book smarts. e.g Pataki

Power /influence
With intelligence ,usually comes power and influence.An Intelligent man who applies himself will definitely command respect amongst his peers e.g Jakumo

self confidence
A man who is comfortable in who he is will not be threatened by a strong woman.That is a great quality. e.g davidylan


wealth/affluence
I will also add "potential".A woman should be able to see beyond what a man has today and visualize,where he is likely to be tomorrow.If he has the drive,ability and motivation  but legging it to the bus stop now,he is definitely a  wealthy man in the making.Wealth is relative.Being able to provide me with my needs effortlessly is wealth IMHO. e.g Olabowole

Height
Not too big an issue,a good and sexy man can be tall or short,handsome or not so handsome.Always preferred they were taller than my height though
e.g Sauron

Fashion/dress sense
Important but on my list it ranks last.
An intelligent man with moni that is 5' 5 with a load of self confidence and color riots will definitely be preferred to an often broke, 6'4" airhead with a chiseled body that wears designer clothing,the former can be taught and helped,the latter is almost hopeless.


most of my examples are younger men though except Olabs, but they posses the qualities I talked about

hackney:
First of all thank you God almighty for your sustenance and gift of good health while i toiled in school.
it would have been impossible without you. FOR REAL!!

Also[size=16pt] thanks to my Dad who kept promising term after term that he would kill a goat if i came 1st in class[/size]
the moral support worked wonders!!
Also for demanding that i read engineering " because i already have a doctor" .
Also for the discipline\canes if i came 3rd ( " the people in front, do they have 2 heads??".

Thanks to my mum for making me believe\understand that fantastic grade = fantastic job (that a good market sells itself)

Thanks to my elder siblings for keeping up the standard worthy of emulation.

Finally , a big thanks to my current Boss for believing in me though i told him i didnt have the core apps experience
he wanted ; now im training others.

i want to thank God again. . . . because i can  

I like that!

To mom and dad who supported me all the way.
To my sweetheart who encouraged me through adult education for post grad.
To my Lord and saviour Jesus for being my rock and strength

what's with these rotten old men?
Can't they find women
why must they defile these little girls?

Leilah:
T least I know now, this culture is very differnt no one tells me I'm left to figure it all out.  Thanks for your opinions and honesty.

No dear
You are not expected to get his food at a party,he is expected to get up like everyone else,approach the buffet table and fix his plate.
That is the proper thing to do at a buffet
You are expected to serve yourself.
All these women screaming about serving your man,try doing that when you have 3 little kids at that party that also require to be served.
That man would be insensitive not to get off his bum and grab something to eat because certainly,I will not be serving him.
When exactly do these women who habitually serve their husbands at parties do it
before or after they fix their own plates?
before or after they feed the kids?
If he asks that I get him something certainly I will oblige him but does he expect me to serve him at gatherings
absolutely not!
I want to enjoy that party as much as he does.
If he wants to eat,he joins the food line.
Thank God I don't have a man that sits around drinking beer at gatherings waiting to be served
what happens when he needs second helpings?
I get up again and start running around?
do they help him pick out the strands  goat meat lodged in between his teeth too