freecocoa: Nwanne no need for plenty talk.

Its not about knowing who you married or not, if there's something i've learnt in my 20 something years on earth, it is that you never get to know anybody completely, you learn them everyday and mr people do change.

If an OUTSIDER knows more about the person you marry than you do, please make sure to bow your head in shame . . .seriously . . . I have watched way too many of those cases to conclude that those kind of relationships are not worth calling marriages.

Since your partner owns your phone, why do you keep seperate bank account?

freecocoa: Nwanne no need for plenty talk.

Its not about knowing who you married or not, if there's something i've learnt in my 20 something years on earth, it is that you never get to know anybody completely, you learn them everyday and mr people do change.

In my twenty something years on earth and after watching numerous Nollywood and Telenovelas, i've discovered that the best way to stay married and happy at that is by telling your spouse everything including how a maan tried to toast you on your way back. Failure to do this will be grave in the future. Onye were nti ya nuo. E kwugom nkem.

Ujujoan:

Go rid yourself of your shadiness! Wetin concern agbero with overload?
I'll read and keep reading . . . nothing dey happen!

it simply means you would eavesdrop on your husband having a private talk with his mum or his best friend, won't you?

freecocoa: If only it were easy as you it looks.

An example was cited saying someone could play pranks, what if an incriminating sms in form of a prank comes in and your partner reads it before you? You think its everybody that will actually believe it was a prank? Its best your partner doesn't see such instead of trying to explain whatever.

if there was trust and honesty in that r/ship then your partner would fully understand when you tell them that it was a prank........ and a quick glance at the past conversations (or your reply) would confirm that. if that partner is insecure like that, then the joke is on THEM, and definitely not you.

the important question IS: why would anyone want to stay with such a weak and insecure person who doesnt even trust you?!

coogar: it is disrespectful either way for her to want to glance through my phone once in a while or everyday!

so let me get this straight: you sleep with her, eat with her, shiit around her (at least she can smell it), walk around her nekkid, mount her, probably put your mouth in all her intimate areaS, fart around her, burp around her....but then, if she ever takes a peep at your phone, you will call that action disrespectful?! pls care to tell me when/how this action could be considered disrespectful?

i think you are secretive and you'd rather your stuff be private, and that is understandable, but to say that the act is direspectful is way out of line. now, if you tell her to NEVER TOUCH YOUR PHONE even if she has to call for an emergency, then its ok but you do know that it makes you kinda weird, not her.

If both of u are just bF/gf, each can keep to his/her space sharing little or nothing.when d relationship grows to becom dt of fiance/fiancee both share more.@ dis point u are looking forward to getting married,buying things to put in your home to be.d final stage is getting married,in marriage both pple become 1.u share a bed,u eat in d same plate etc thus sharing a nos of things.so what stops one from reading or going through ur mn/wmn's phone.especially if he /she isn't there.if u go thro it nd there are issues, in a healthy relatnshp u two shld be able to call each other,sit down and discuss.sometimes it is not even lover relationship issues alone, it may b offic issues,debt issues, larger family(mother, sister etc)issues.As such it isn't disrespctful.

Ujujoan:

Before nko, you guys came up with the trust!

You see I disagree. This a marriage, there's no pretence . . . Even if I blow the roof over a message, he's still my husband and we've still got to trash issues out. Hiding the message is only going to make things worse.

Honestly, I dont accept that there's anything to hide in my husband's messages, except of course there's something to hide!

Well i don't see it as hiding the message, now let's assume an incriminating prank sms was gotten by your partner, leaving it in his inbox and then hiding the phone from you means he's got something to hide, i am of the opinion that such message should be deleted, you shouldn't even see it at all and not that it should be hidden from you while still in the phone.

afam4eva: But why should people care that their spouse is reading their text message except they're hiding something.

thank you jare, sure guy. I delete 'implicating' messages on my phone whenever she'll be coming. Some messages can plant ideas. And i expect her to do the same. Hell yeah, we read messages.

Dem no born her well 2 near my imbox...

afam4eva:
In twenty something years on earth and after watching numerous Nollywood and Telenovelas, i've discovered that the best way to stay married and happy at that is by telling your spouse everything including how a maan tried to toast you on your way back. Failure to do this will be grave in the future. Onye were nti ya nuo. E kwugom nkem.

Well whatever floats your boat brother

Kobojunkie:
Dude, even my mother "SNOOPS" through my phone . . . That gadget is public property for all I care. I don't understand why people who don't have business secrets or are using em to run multi-billion dollar empires attach so much importance to em.

obviously they have something to hide from their partner, why else would they be so secretive about their phone?

freecocoa: Well whatever floats your boat brother

I want it to float your boat too. Abi you no wan share boat with me?

Bunchers stab: Dem no born her well 2 near my imbox...

Or else what? You'll Buncher or stab her?

freecocoa: Well i don't see it as hiding the message, now let's assume an incriminating prank sms was gotten by your partner, leaving it in his inbox and then hiding the phone from you means he's got something to hide, i am of the opinion that such message should be deleted, you shouldn't even see it at all and not that it should be hidden from you while still in the phone.

The prank is not the issue . . . the issue is the lack of trust and communication in your relationship. Get it? Stop pretending the PHONE is the problem . . it is a mere gadget that does not give a damn about you.

Kobojunkie:

If an OUTSIDER knows more about the person you marry than you do, please make sure to bow your head in shame . . .seriously . . . I have watched way too many of those cases to conclude that those kind of relationships are not worth calling marriages.

What are you talking about? I just said you never get to know anybody completely, how does that amount to an outsider knowing your spouse more than you do?

afam4eva:
I want it to float your boat too. Abi you no wan share boat with me?

I'm already sharing a boat with someone honey.

Kobojunkie:

All you have been doing so far is project your own delusions. . .

I mean INSECURE === INQUISITIVE? Really??

Sure if you say so...it still doesn't change anything....fact. This is Facebook worthy!

Don't have a heart attack boo boo.

MRbrownJAY:
so let me get this straight: you sleep with her, eat with her, shiit around her (at least she can smell it), walk around her nekkid, mount her, probably put your mouth in all her intimate areaS, fart around her, burp around her....but then, if she ever takes a peep at your phone, you will call that action disrespectful?! pls care to tell me when/how this action could be considered disrespectful?

because i must have told her before we marry that my phone is my private ish....i don't touch hers, why should she touch mine? the issue of sleeping with her has no stand in this matter cos i am not interested in checking her phone....

so if i come to your house to have a very confidential discussion with you and i ask your wife to excuse us - she would find it disrespectful? of course not - she would leave us with it. if i then send a text or an email containing the same information to you, would you ke your wife read it?

i think you are secretive and you'd rather your stuff be private, and that is understandable, but to say that the act is direspectful is way out of line. now, if you tell her to NEVER TOUCH YOUR PHONE even if she has to call for an emergency, then its ok but you do know that it makes you kinda weird, not her.

it's nothing to do with weirdness - its about taking each other for what they are........ why should my wife know everything i do? hell, i don't even tell God everything.....

freecocoa: I'm already sharing a boat with someone honey.

I hope that boat capsizes so that you'll enter my own...#justjoking

freecocoa: What are you talking about? I just said you never get to know anybody completely, how does that amount to an outsider knowing your spouse more than you do?

You are not required to know anyone COMPLETELY. Even mothers do not know their children completely. But many mothers know more about their own than anyone else. Your only requirement in a marriage is to KNOW THE PERSON you married more. If however, after so many years with this person, an OUTSIDER still knows more, then you consider YOUR PLACE to learn a bit more and more, and more, and more.

coogar:

it simply means you would eavesdrop on your husband having a private talk with his mum or his best friend, won't you?

NO!

You see that's my point. A phone is not supposed to be private. Anyone trying to make it so has something to hide!

Kobojunkie:

The prank is not the issue . . . the issue is the lack of trust and communication in your relationship. Get it? Stop pretending the PHONE is the problem . . it is a mere gadget that does not give a damn about you.

Well communicating or communication to me doesn't mean i should create room to talk about something that can totally be avoided, the time wasted in talking about nothing can be used to do something productive, like say, make passionate love

Mrs..Chima:


Sure if you say so...it still doesn't change anything....fact. This is Facebook worthy!

Don't have a heart attack boo boo.

um . . of course that post of yours equating the two is facebook worthy( Just that I don't do facebook or any of the lot), but it does speak a lot of what you are dealing with, not me.

here is a clue that all you IPHONE users probably already know: when you receive a text, the phone will beep (or whatever), and any "normal" person would AUTOMATICALLY take a glance towards where that beeping came from....its a normal instinct.........and guess what? part of that damn message would be clearly visible on your phone. so even if one person doesnt give a damn about your messages, they could still unknowingly read part of it.
how could you therefore blame them for that?!

freecocoa: Well communicating or communication to me doesn't mean i should create room to talk about something that can totally be avoided, the time wasted in talking about nothing can be used to do something productive, like say, make passionate love

The above response . . . tells me either of two things . . you are not married or you are just married.

Ujujoan:

What has that even got to do with trust

I pick up any phone and automatically go through it without thinking, yes even the SMSs.

I read my mum's, sister's. friend's SMS and I doubt that makes me insecure!

If there's any text message I dont want people to see, I delete from my phone. I dont care if people go through my inbox, not at all!

Why deleting?..............story.

Ujujoan:

NO!

You see that's my point. A phone is not supposed to be private. Anyone trying to make it so has something to hide!

says who?
so if i need to discuss something private with your husband but i can't make the distance and i then send the info via sms, you are saying that info is no longer private because i couldn't come in person to deliver it to your husband? really?

MRbrownJAY: here is a clue that all you IPHONE users probably already know: when you receive a text, the phone will beep (or whatever), and any "normal" person would AUTOMATICALLY take a glance towards where that beeping came from....its a normal instinct.........and guess what? part of that damn message would be clearly visible on your phone. so even if one person doesnt give a damn about your messages, they could still unknowingly read part of it.
how could you therefore blame them for that?!

i use an iPhone and that feature is optional! when i receive a message, i only get the notification, the message is hidden from prying eyes!

Kobojunkie:

You are not required to know anyone COMPLETELY. Even mothers do not know their children completely. But many mothers know more about their own than anyone else. Your only requirement in a marriage is to KNOW THE PERSON you married more. If however, after so many years with this person, an OUTSIDER still knows more, then you consider YOUR PLACE to learn a bit more and more, and more, and more.

I still don't get why we are talking about this, thinking you know someone or actually knowing someone doesn't guarantee that you can tell what they will do the next minute.

Its that simple, change is inevitable.

Kobojunkie:

um . . of course that post of yours equating the two is facebook worthy( Just that I don't do facebook or any of the lot), but it does speak a lot of what you are dealing with, not me.

I don't have a spouse that is snooping through my phone like YOU. You are the mad cos you are inquisitive through someone's phone.

But I am dealing with something because I don't snoop through people's phones?!!!! Vapid!

Yes...your comments are Facebook worthy!

picture a scenaro where ur spouce siblings(male or female) sends ur spouce "pls call me i love u" with anoda numba u are nt conversant with wont u go gaga with such sms....b4 realizin is ur spouce siblins.......i dnt tink checking ur spouce inbox is proper it can ruin ur relationship

Kobojunkie:

The above response . . . tells me either of two things . . you are not married or you are just married.

Well its okay to believe anything dear.

ferdiii:

Why deleting?..............story.

Exactly! If she has nothing to hide...why delete the messages?? Show it to her spouse since she doesn't have shit to hide

People tell on themselves all the time on Nairaland!