feature11: We've dated for 9 months now, and we've agreed to get married next year. Now, he wants to go back to school to study a full time course that will last for 2 years (this was not part of our initial plan). This means that we will have to delay the wedding plans for two years or more.
I'm 27years old now, should I wait for him, or move on with my life? I don't have any one else I'm dating apart from him.

Ps: we've introduced each other to our parents, friends and pastors.

My girl, that guy get plans.

Maria-G:
My girl, that guy get plans.

my girl, how take know?

its very clear u dont love this guy, u just with him cuz u getting old n all u wanted is just to get married before its too late. if u wanna leave thats ur problem but do u think in that 2yrs u suppose to wait u gonna find another good guy ,date him for a while then wait for him to propose before planing marriage if ur answer is yes then go right ahead n leave him.

Acidosis:
my girl, how take know?

Read inbetween the lines and ye shall know *winks*

feature11: @all, thanks for ur candid responses.
One thing I want you all to understand is that I love my guy, with all my heart, hence I'm scared of being heartbroken. The issu is nt in waiting, the issue is the likelihood of him finding me desirable to marry.

I'm not desperate to get married, I'm not in a haste at all. I'm tender hearted, and I try as much as possible to protect myself from being hurt emotionally.

For all you've said, I've heard. Some pple understood my fears, some pple didn't. I only wanted you to advice me, not to point accusing fingers at me. fyi, if I don't love him, I won't even accept his proposal. I love him, and I want the best for him.

For those who said we shuld get married, while he's stl in sch, how would u feel if u get married, and u can't cater for ur household, as a man? The whole thing ll be too complicated.

Please whenever anyone asks for youropinion on issues whatsoever, don't point accusing fingers, just give ur candid advice and move on. I love my boyfriend, and I av been very supportive even up to this point.

These words of urs only prove your selfishness and egocentric mindview to the relationship. Believe me, if your so-called guy reads these words, he'll dump you straight off. The truth is better! z

feature11: We've dated for 9 months now, and we've agreed to get married next year.

here is the first clue why you guys have issues........ 9months only?!

Now, he wants to go back to school to study a full time course that will last for 2 years (this was not part of our initial plan).

may we know what the initial plan WAS? and if this makes sense to his future then why was it not thought of beforementionned in that said plan?

This means that we will have to delay the wedding plans for two years or more.

can you give us a GOOD reason why waiting 2 years is considered an issue to you?

I'm 27years old now, should I wait for him, or move on with my life?

the fact that you are not willing to wait for this guy shows us all that you guys are clearly not meant for one another. what would you have done if you guys were married already?

I don't have any one else I'm dating apart from him.

AND YOU SHOULDNT BE DATING ANYONE ELSE, duh! why would you even mention that?!

Ps: we've introduced each other to our parents, friends and pastors.

so does that mean (in your mind) that a marriage shouldnt be postponed?

feature11:
One thing I want you all to understand is that I love my guy, with all my heart, hence I'm scared of being heartbroken.

you love him with all your heart and yet scared of being heartbroken...... so your problem has nothing to do with the 2yr plan then.....or is it?

The issu is nt in waiting, the issue is the likelihood of him finding me desirable to marry.

if he doesnt find you desirable to marry in 2 yrs then it is the exact same thing as "him not finding you desirable 2 yrs into this marriage".

I'm not desperate to get married, I'm not in a haste at all. I'm tender hearted, and I try as much as possible to protect myself from being hurt emotionally.

and yet you claim to love him with all your heart.......... pls rephrase that to PART of your heart then.

fyi, if I don't love him, I won't even accept his proposal. I love him, and I want the best for him.

accepting someone's proposal is pointless if you dont really stand by (or believe) in that said union.

feature11: @ obowunmi, yeah.

I don't want to drag my parents into this yet, so it won't look as if I'm reporting him or trying to convince him.

You didn't answer the question "how do you take care of yourself?"

@obowunmi, sorry for the late response. I don't understand your question. Can you rephrase it please?

How do you support yourself? Your parents?

Nope. I cater for myself.

@poster, pls stop wasting your time, look for someone else and allow the guy to plan and face his future.
You obviously don't love the guy.
Why would you marry someone you don't love :--erm because he is the one available, hence becomes your desirable

if you feel that supporting your "husband to be" will make you the husband, what happens if he loses his job for 5 yrs when you guys are married.

You still don't understand the concept of marriage , which is all about sharing

I still think the OP is just being selfish. What's wrong in the wife supporting the husband? The Bible did call her an "helper" nah

peclint: @poster, pls stop wasting your time, look for someone else and allow the guy to plan and face his future.
You obviously don't love the guy.
Why would you marry someone you don't love :--erm because he is the one available, hence becomes your desirable

if you feel that supporting your "husband to be" will make you the husband, what happens if he loses his job for 5 yrs when you guys are married.

You still don't understand the concept of marriage , which is all about sharing

I don't know why I came back to this thread again-it's really annoying to read the stuffs the OP said, no thanks to the thread response reminder.
She claims it wasn't part of the agreement, what agreement if I may ask? Even UN agreements/resolutions have addendum not to mention the so-called abstract agreement you had.
The only constant thing in life is change. This young man has seen what will benefit his future and you are making it an issue. He may well have you in mind in this latest decision, perhaps he wants to get a better, higher-paid job so that he can take very good care of you in the future.
From your submission, I think the guy is not complaining or resisting marrying you even before his masters but your worry is " You will become the husband", the man you came here to profess you love??
Let's even look at it in this way, how will you even be the Husband and he the wife? If he is going for his masters abroad, he will take care of himself over there and you take care of yourself here as you have been doing since you've got a good job, so what's the fuss about being the Husband??

If he decides to do it here, chances are that he will be doing it part-time and still retain his job. I still see no qualms.

The only issue here is you are being selfish, as simple as ABC and I beat my chest to say YOU DON'T LOVE THIS DUDE so please politely walk away from this gentleman so that he can find someone that loves him and won't call him a WIFE cos he wants to add value to his life.

I sound angry and really am.

^^

Highlighting from your post, it's clear that you don't love him... Even though he loves you, it's futile to still hold down someone you don't love. it's been 9 months, you can still break it off and seek someone else cos I've seen women in Mid 30's who are still getting married and not to mention HOT. The age issue is an African Mentality thing.. It doesn't affect anything cos people also get divorced at age 40.

Just take your time and keep building your career, hopefully your Mr Right is on his way to you.. Don't succumb to Pressure

feature11: Full time study means he will not be in any employment...how will I get married to a guy that does not have a job?

Though, I'm gainfully employed, I can't afford to be the "husband" while he becomes the "wife".

Lol.

Is`nt marriage about supporting each other, in sickness and healt, rich and poor?

Try to think more than 2years ahead..

@ all...thanks for your responses which were full of assumptions and criticsms. We discussed this issue again yesterday, and I told him I will support him all the way (which I have been doing before now), and I will WAIT for him to finish his course (just discovered that it will take up to 3years).
Most of you feel that I am selfish, I know I am not. I might sound harsh and unloving, maybe due to past experiences, I have come to trust no man. However, I have put into consideration all that you have said, I will wait for him, and if after three years, he says we cannot continue, I will marry one of you guys...lol
Thanks.

But why not get married even though he is in school?

@Jallowbah, marriage comes with lots of responsibilities. I can't risk it. I understand what I am saying, if you guys don't umderstand me. I will rather wait.

feature11: @Jallowbah, marriage comes with lots of responsibilities. I can't risk it. I understand what I am saying, if you guys don't umderstand me. I will rather wait.

Then we probably see it different. For meg, marriage is about taking care of each other, in every, single way. Sometimes financial, sometimes just by cooking or cleaning, other times just by agreeing do disagree.

deniyor: Drop him and drop him now.Why? Cos he deserves much better than you.
Your posts don't sound like you really love the dude. Even though I think its nuts for a guy at his age not to have a decent job and easily afford a wife but reality is life hands us different paths in life.
If you as a lady can't support your guy for couple of years (in the name of not wanting to be a husband), then you shouldn't be with him. He shouldn't be with you either as you can't help support his dreams and future.
If I was him, I'd drop you like its hot.

I don't know why piple luv to turn around to critize a person dat needs help just because dey r not in dia shoes.
because she is not ur sister, D gal is 27 and dat shuld hav her worried naturaly,( did I hear smbody say her eggs wld be dried up at 29) diz r d kind of pressures dat make gals inpatient in relationships dis days and u cannot blame her, and not sayin he dosent luv her, do u think its easy to just wait for a guy like dat.

Pls babe let him do court marriage before leavin for sch,in two years time you will be 29,by then you will be a bit desperate.are you sure he loves you like you do?are you sure he will remain faithful to you while he's schoolin?when loving we shldnt be blind oo.pls let him do court weddin,make sure hes commited to you oo,if not you are on your own.don't want yoU to be heartbroken at age 29.

pweeryambre:

I don't know why piple luv to turn around to critize a person dat needs help just because dey r not in dia shoes.
because she is not ur sister, D gal is 27 and dat shuld hav her worried naturaly,( did I hear smbody say her eggs wld be dried up at 29) diz r d kind of pressures dat make gals inpatient in relationships dis days and u cannot blame her, and not sayin he dosent luv her, do u think its easy to just wait for a guy like dat.

If they were married and he chooses to go to school afterwards, would you suggest she divorce him? There are many things to consider in a relationship and if you are having fears over such little things then......

sexyshe: Pls babe let him do court marriage before leavin for sch,in two years time you will be 29,by then you will be a bit desperate.are you sure he loves you like you do?are you sure he will remain faithful to you while he's schoolin?when loving we shldnt be blind oo.pls let him do court weddin,make sure hes commited to you oo,if not you are on your own.don't want yoU to be heartbroken at age 29.

What about if he gets into school and opts for a divorce afterwards? There is no need tying him down and the best she can do is if she loves him like she claims, then she should trust him enough and if he eventually fails her trust, life surely continues.

^^
Nice and if she knows that she can't wait until he gets back she should end the relationship